I shook my head. “You loved me back then?”
“Yeah, Cass. It’s why Shelly was the last one… well, until…”
I blinked back tears again. “God! I am so sick of crying!”
“Sorry, babe.”
“Still not your babe,” I snapped. “Is that why you came over that night? You said Shelly had gotten sick and you drove her home.”
“Kind of true… I broke up with her.”
I gasped. “You dumped her on prom night?”
“Yeah.” He had the good sense to look contrite.
“Wow, that’s a dick move, Carter, especially for you.”
“I thought you’d be happy!”
“You thought I’d be happy that you dumped a girl for me on prom night?” I asked. “A night that’s supposed to be special, but not only did you break her heart, you then didn’t feel the need to tell me you’d dumped a girl for me? Think about what you just said, buddy, and let me know if you still think I’d be happy.”
“Fuck!”
“Shelly was nice!”
“But she wasn’t you!” he snapped. “God damn it, Cassidy, why the fuck can’t I win with you?”
“I didn’t know this was a contest!”
He settled his hands on his head and scowled. “I think we need to take a minute.”
“Why?” I challenged. “What is any of this supposed to accomplish?”
“I love you, you fuckin’ nut!”
“But you left and I didn’t know where you were! If you loved me, you would have at least made sure I knew you were okay.”
“And if you loved me, you wouldn’t have fucked some French asshole and had his baby.”
I hissed through my teeth, his barb a direct hit. “Well, you’re right about that, I suppose.”
“Oh, fuck, Cass,” he rushed to say, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”
He headed toward me again, but I shook my head. “I think… I think I need to go.”
“No, don’t. God, Cass, just hash it out with me. I can’t lose you again.”
“And I can’t have my past sins constantly shoved in my face!” I swallowed. “Not by you. I won’t survive it.”
Carter nodded, his face stricken with sadness. “You made a mistake, Cass. God knows I’ve made a shit ton myself… you just got stuck with—”
“If you say I got stuck with a consequence, I will end you. Maverick is not a consequence. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me and if I had the chance to go back and change what I did, I wouldn’t,” I sobbed. “Because I got him and he’s worth it.” Again with the fucking crying. Damn it! I needed to get hold of myself.
Carter wrapped his arms around me again. “I’m sorry, Cass. Seriously. I will never bring it up again.”
“You can’t make me choose between you and him, Carter. You’ll lose.”
He lifted my chin and cupped my face. “Does that mean I have a shot here?”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“Answer the question.”
“Do you want a shot?” I challenged.
“Yeah, baby, I want a shot.” He kissed me gently and then stroked my cheek. “I love you, Cassidy. That never stopped. I ran because I’m an asshole, but I figured out, kind of recently, that some… no, a lot… of this is on me.”
I took a deep, shaky breath. I wasn’t quite ready to let myself believe he was standing in front of me.
“Please, Cassidy,” he whispered.
“I… I don’t know.”
“You take all the time you need, babe. I’m not going anywhere.”
I pushed away from him and wiped my face again. “I don’t know where we go from here, Carter. Our lives are so different now. I don’t know how to make them mesh.”
“We can figure it out as we go. There’s no pressure.”
I snorted. “There is pressure, Carter. I have a child to think about now.”
“And I will get to know him.”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“What the fuck, Cass?”
“I need to know if this is going to work before you ‘get to know him.’”
“It’s going to work, babe, because I’m not losing you again.”
I let out a groan of irritation. “So, that hasn’t changed.”
“What’s that?”
“Your need to make every situation your bitch.”
He chuckled. “There’s nothing we can’t accomplish together.”
“Well, thank you, Maya Angelou.” I flopped back onto the chair.
“Hey.” He followed, sitting across from me again. “You still love me?”
“No.”
Carter smiled. “Liar.”
I studied him for several seconds and then rolled my eyes. “Yes, I still love you, you dipshit bolt.”
“Love you too, nut.” He grinned as he reached into his shirt and pulled out a chain that was around his neck. Attached to it was the matching nut and bolt to mine and his dog tags. “I still haven’t taken it off.”
I bit my lip and pulled out mine. “Me neither.”
He lifted my hands to his lips and kissed my palms. “I will do anything, Cassidy. Whatever you need me to do, but I won’t lose you again.”
“I don’t know how to get past the hurt… the hurt I’ve caused you more than anything.”
“I know. We’ll have to figure it out, but if you promise to dig in with me, I’ll do the same. I forgive you, baby. Do you forgive me?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you going to figure this out with me?”
“Do I have a choice?”
He chuckled. “No.”
I leaned forward and laid my head on his lap. “Can we wait to tell our families anything for a little while?”
“Yeah, baby, we can.” He stroked my hair. “But I want to meet Maverick.”
I nodded. “Fine.”
“Why’d you call him Maverick?”
I sat up and smiled. “Why do you think?”
“Fuck me, Cassidy. I love you.” He rose to his feet and pulled me with him, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m thinking now wouldn’t be a good time to tell you what his middle name is.”
“Carter? Seriously?”
I blinked up at him. “I just said now would not be a good time to tell you that.”
He chuckled. “You didn’t say I couldn’t guess.”
“Not really the point, Carter.”
“Kind of is the point, Cassidy.” He cocked his head. “Backtracking a bit, what did you mean by you didn’t know I was okay? I sent you letters.”
“No you didn’t.”
“Babe, I did. We almost never had reliable internet, so I sent two handwritten letters in the packages I sent home with a note for my mom to forward to you. I had one or two opportunities to send stuff home, so I packaged stuff up together. I know my brothers got the stuff I sent, so I’m sure she would have forwarded.”
“Well, I didn’t get anything from you, Carter, so I don’t know what to tell you.”
“I’ll talk to my mom and figure it out, honey, but I swear to Christ I sent you letters.”
I bit my lip and nodded. “Okay.”
“How do you want to handle the Maverick thing?” He stroked my hair. “Me establishing myself in your lives?”
“I don’t know. I guess we’ll take it slow. He knows who you are… sort of.”
“He does?”
I slipped out of his arms and nodded. “I have a couple of pictures of you that he’s looked at more than a few times. I have the one of you in your flight suit and the one in your uniform, remember? You gave them to me after BMT? Plus all the ones from when we were kids.”
Carter nodded. “I didn’t think you’d keep ’em.”
“I have everything you ever gave me, Carter,” I said. “Maverick obviously didn’t see you walking toward the kitchen earlier or he probably would have called you by name. You have always been Uncle Carter in my home.”
“Shit, Cass! Uncle Carter? I’m not your fuckin’ brother!”
“Well, I’m sorry, Carter, what would you have rather me told him? ‘Honey, this is Carter. He was my best friend a long time ago, and I still love him more than anyone in the world outside of you, but I decided to screw your biological father and now the love of my life won’t speak to me. Please bear with me while I never date another man as long as I live, and a part of my heart never truly heals, probably because I named you after him, all the while we’ll stare at his pictures together and wish for what could never be’?” I sighed. “I think that would make me a pretty crappy mom, buddy. It was easier to just say you were Uncle Carter, and you were off flying planes and saving the world.” I looked up at him and rolled my eyes. He was staring at me as though I had lost my mind. And then he let out a roar of laughter that had me scanning the room for something to throw at him. “Bite me, Carter Quinn!”
He continued to laugh, but picked me up and threw me gently on the bed where he covered my body with his and kissed me, his laughter and my irritation drying up pretty quickly. I had never been kissed like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’d been kissed before, but even Pierre, who I considered to be a boyfriend regardless of how long it lasted, never kissed me like this. I knew Carter would be good at this… he was good at everything… but I hadn’t banked on just how good. He slid his tongue into my mouth and I met it with mine, arching into him when he slid his hand under my shirt and cupped my breast. He tugged one of my bra cups down and ran a fingernail over my nipple, making it pebble instantly.
His mouth moved to my neck, his warm breath against my skin sending shivers down my spine. “Baby,” he whispered. “God, Cass, you’re amazing.”
“Wait, Carter.” I pushed at his shoulders.
“Huh-uh,” he whispered against my skin. “Not waiting anymore.”
“No, Carter. Stop.” I pushed at him again.
He rolled off me. “What the hell?”
“I’m not doing this with you.”
“Ever?”
I blushed. “Well, no, but certainly not today.”
“Why?”
I slid off the bed. “Oh, I don’t know… maybe because you had your hand up another woman’s shirt less than three hours ago.”
“Fuck!” he hissed.
“And you offered to do that to her later.”
“Cass—”
“And you have a reputation of being a total man whore.”
He sat up and scowled. “Who the fuck have you been talkin’ to?”
“That’s not important.”
“Yeah, it fuckin’ is, Cass. Those bitches—”
“Please don’t call them bitches.”
“Fuck me, Cassidy,” he ground out. “If those women can’t keep their mouths shut, don’t matter that they’re old ladies, we’re gonna have a problem.”
“Well, you better get over that really quickly, buddy, because I like them, and I honestly don’t get the impression they’re going around saying anything to anyone else. They were simply filling me in on what they’d heard from their husbands, mind you, so if you have an issue, talk to them.” I crossed my arms. “Just don’t start a fight.”
“Holy shit, woman, what the fuck does that mean?”
“I just heard you like to fight, which surprised me a little, because you were always so good at keeping your anger in check.”
“Yeah, well it’s been a shitty few years, Cassidy, but that’s not really the point—” Before he could finish whatever he thought would change my mind, his phone buzzed on the nightstand. He groaned and grabbed for it, letting out a frustrated sigh. “Maverick’s looking for you.”
I nodded, setting my clothes right. “I’m the worst mom ever.”
“Baby, calm down. He’s safe. We’ll go down and check on him.”
“I shouldn’t have to get a text from another person telling me he’s looking for me! I should be down there with him—” I ranted as I fixed my hair, “—not up here letting you paw at me.”
“Paw at you?” Carter laughed. “I haven’t even begun to paw at you.”
“Carter, shush.” I closed my eyes, my body thrumming with desire. I couldn’t wait for him to paw at me for real.
“Cassidy Eleanor Dennis.” I felt Carter’s hand on my waist and looked up at him.
“What?” I whispered.
“You’re a great mom. There isn’t a person in the world who would argue that point. And I know Payton and Dani enough to know that they would make sure Maverick’s safe and happy, regardless of if it’s for a minute or a year, so that text was a courtesy text. Not a ‘get down here right now’ text. Hawk would have said something different if it was.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. They may be loose with their opinion of me, but you, they love.”
“I think they like you just fine, but yeah, they like me better, which is why I was warned.”
“Figured.” He smiled and leaned down to kiss me quickly. “Now, let’s go find Maverick.”
I nodded and followed him downstairs.
WE ARRIVED IN the common room to find Maverick playing pool with Hawk, Booker, and Lily. “Mom!” he called. “I’m winning.”
“Wow, kiddo, that’s awesome.” I grinned and made my way to him. I cocked my head and asked Hawk and Booker, “You’re not turning my kid into a shark are you?”
Hawk chuckled and Booker shrugged.
“I can’t be a shark, Mom,” Maverick said. “I’m a human, but did you know that sharks have to keep swimming or they die?”
“I think I heard that somewhere.”
His eyes went to Carter, as though just noticing him, and they widened before tugging on my hand. I leaned down and he whispered in my ear (loudly), “That looks like Uncle Carter.”
“That’s because it is.” I smiled and straightened. “Maverick, meet Carter.”
Carter hunkered down beside him, which was good, since he was four times the size of Mav. “Hey, buddy. Your mom’s told me so much about you.”
Maverick stuck his hand out and shook Carter’s hand, just the way I’d taught him, and I had an immediate moment of pride in my son.
“I’ve seen your pictures and my middle name is Carter,” Maverick said. “Are you really a pilot?”
“I was. I don’t get to do it as much as I’d like to anymore, but yes, I still fly.”
“That’s okay,” Maverick said. “Mom doesn’t dance as much as she’d like to anymore, except when she’s dancing with Kevin, but sometimes she dances in our living room. Maybe you could do that too.”
I bit back a giggle at my son, the encourager, trying to help Carter find a way to do what he loved.
“It’s your turn, Maverick,” Lily said. Her little voice incredibly sweet and adorable. I wondered if I should talk to Payton about a marriage contract.
“Thanks, Lily,” he said, and chalked his cue like a professional.
Carter stood close to me, his front touching my back as we watched Maverick try to maneuver a stick taller than him on a table he could barely reach.
“Who’s Kevin?” he whispered.
“A friend.”
“A dancer.”
I smiled as Maverick set up his shot. “Yeah. We take a ballet class together a couple of times a month.”
I felt Carter relax. “So, he’s gay.”
I snorted. “Not even close.”
Carter’s body locked again, but before he could say anything further we heard a femine voice call, “Ace?”
He and I turned as one to see the woman he’d been making out with earlier standing next to one of the sofas.
“Yeah, Lis?” he said, his voice somewhat irritated.
“Can we talk?” she asked.
“Be nice,” I whispered, and turned back to the pool game.
“Yeah,” he said, and walked away.
* * *
Ace didn’t want to talk to Lisa. He wanted to stay and watch the game wi
th Cassidy, but he supposed he owed Lisa some kind of explanation.
Following her down the hall and into one of the meeting rooms, he closed the door behind them and leaned against it. “What’s up?”
“What do you mean, ‘what’s up’?” she snapped. “You fucked me last night and we had plans today and you fuckin’ blew me off.”
Ace frowned. “We’re not exclusive, Lisa.”
“I know we’re not exclusive, Ace, but I changed my plans to be here today, and you know it. You better fuckin’ explain why you took off and left me without a word, and I swear to God, if it’s about that tiny little bitch out there, you and I are gonna have a problem.”
Ace saw red as he shoved Lisa gently but firmly up against the wall, his hand on her chest. “You ever fuckin’ call her a bitch again, Lisa, you are gonna have a fuckin’ bigger problem than me blowin’ you off.”
She scowled up at him. “Fuck you, Ace.”
“No. Never again, Lis. Why don’t you go ahead and fuck off.” He lowered his hand and walked out the door.
“This isn’t over, asshole,” Lisa yelled as Ace made his way back to Cassidy.
It was for him, but he refused to waste anymore time… or breath on the whore down the hall. He arrived in the common room to find Cassidy leaning over the pool table, her perfect little ass on display for everyone, and he felt irritation rear its head.
He noticed Train, one of the young recruits eyeing her and headed to him immediately. “Look away, Train, or I will fuckin’ remove your eyes from their sockets.”
“Sorry, Ace,” he grumbled, and walked out of the room.
The recruit taken care of, Ace turned back to Cassidy, only to find Mack, one of his brothers, leaning over her showing her how to make a shot. Mack typically ran with Booker, but when he wasn’t, he was usually somewhere with a woman… or two. Man whore would have been a far softer description of the young attorney, and Ace didn’t want him anywhere near his woman.
“Mack,” Ace ground out.
“Ace.” Mack grinned, but didn’t look at him or remove himself from Cassidy. Instead, he ran his hand over her arm and repositioned it. “Like this, babe. It’ll put less spin on the ball and you’ll be able to get it in the pocket.”
Road to Absolution Page 5