Return of the Dwarf King

by Charley Case

  Penny swooped past her and landed on Finn's bulging shoulder. She pressed her head to his and began to hum lightly. Immediately, the rage in Finn began to diminish. A light blue glow surrounded Penny, and the effect was even greater. Within seconds, Finn let go of the intruder, who was out cold, and reached a gentle hand up to pat Penny on the back.

  “Thanks, friend,” he said hoarsely. “That was a hell of a way to wake up.”

  “Oh, my God,” Danica said, sliding to a halt beside Mila. Her eyes were wide, and she was clutching at the hem of her overly large t-shirt. “You’re a berserker? What the fuck, dude”

  “What the hell does that mean?” Mila asked. “And how the hell do you know what a berserker is? And who the fuck are these guys?”

  Mila’s head was spinning.

  “It’s okay,” Finn said, standing up and going to the kitchen, opening drawers at random. “It just means I can get a little carried away if I’m not careful. Waking from a full sleep and jumping directly into battle can get my blood pumping a little too fast is all. Do you have any rope?”

  “There’s some duct tape in the second drawer,” Danica said helpfully. Then she turned to Mila. “I know Finn took you to the market last night. So there’s something I need to show you.”

  Finn pulled the drawer open and pulled out the roll. “Perfect.” He proceeded to tape the intruders’ legs and arms together, then taped them all together, their backs touching. “Go on, Danica. She’s a big girl. You should have seen how she handled seeing the troll who sold us Skak.”

  “Duncan?” Danica grinned and looked into the distance longingly. “His gran’s recipe is the best.”

  Mila held up her hand, trying to slow things down. “Wait, you know about the market?” She stared at Danica for a long second. “Oh. My. God. You’re a Magical?”

  Danica nodded.

  “Wait, don’t tell me.”

  Mila wanted to guess. Her best friend and roommate wasn’t even human, and she’d never noticed. But now that she had seen the other races without the concealment spells, she kind of understood how they worked. Thinking back to the times she and Jeff had worked together, and then meeting Duncan, she could see how it didn’t really change the person, but the way others perceived them.

  Danica was tall, blonde, and one of the kindest people she had ever met. She was a doctor at the children’s hospital and had a knack for saving the unsavable. She could be a little slow on the uptake sometimes, but it was endearing rather than a flaw. The fact that she was a high-cheekboned model type was really only the fourth or fifth most remarkable thing about her.

  Mila shook her head in bewilderment. “The more I think about it, the more I wonder how I didn’t figure this out sooner. You have got to be an elf, right?”

  Danica smiled so brilliantly Mila thought she might start dancing. “Yup. Oh, man, I hated not telling you, but most Peabrains lose their shit when they hear about Magicals.”

  “Can I see you without your spell?” Mila asked, a little embarrassed, not knowing what the proper etiquette was.

  “I already dropped it.”

  Mila frowned, not seeing any difference. Then she saw the tips of her friend’s ears sticking out from her hair and smiled.

  “That’s so fucking cool.”

  Danica struck a power pose that was only slightly affected by her t-shirt and socks. “Thanks.”

  “We have a lot of talking to do, but first, who the fuck are these guys?” Mila asked.

  “Kashgar, but that doesn’t really mean anything. We need to know who they work for,” Danica said, giving Mila a guilty smile.

  “Okay, I feel like I woke up in an opposite world. Usually, I’m the one telling you what’s going on.” She turned to Finn, who was lightly smacking one of the guys, trying to wake him up. “What are we going to do with them?” she asked him.

  “Call the cops, they can handle it from here. The wait for them will give me just enough time to ask our friends here a few questions.” Finn smiled when the guy he had been smacking snapped awake. “Oh, hello there, Mr. Kashgar. I have some questions for you.”

  “Fuck off. I ain’t talking,” he spat.

  Finn ripped the guy’s mask off and tore it in half in one quick motion, making the guy’s eyes go wide.

  Satisfied with the response, Finn leaned in. “Did the Dark Star send you?”

  The guy stiffened but said nothing.

  “Are they after my ship? Or is it something else?”

  Again, the guy said nothing, but panic was beginning to build in his eyes.

  “Where can I find this Dark Star?” Finn growled, showing teeth.

  The guy opened his mouth, but his entire head was suddenly engulfed in a large bubble, along with his three friends. He began to scream, then the bubble popped, and he just blinked dumbly, looking around as if he didn’t know where he was.

  Finn sighed and stood up. “Okay, pretty sure it’s this Dark Star person. Probably after my ship. We should go check to make sure it’s still cloaked. Those old rune sticks weren’t the best.”

  Penny scoffed but agreed with a toot of smoke.

  Mila felt like the world had gone crazy. She looked at Danica, who was on the phone with the cops, then at Finn standing in her kitchen over four seemingly clueless people who had just broken into her house.

  “Okay, I’m going to put on some coffee. Anyone want any?” Mila said, not knowing what else to do.

  “Coffee sounds great.” Finn nodded, scratching his six-pack abs, and watching over the intruders.

  “Uh, Finn? Would you mind at least putting on some pants? Not that I don’t like the show, but the cops might feel a little better if you’re not naked when they get here.” Mila smiled politely, trying not to look at every inch of him.

  “I have underwear on,” he protested, snapping the band of the skin-tight shorts.

  Mila swallowed. “I’m not sure that it counts when your, uh, outline is still visible.”

  Finn smiled and turned a little red before going and pulling his jeans on.

  Mila made coffee, but she didn’t remember doing it. Her mind was full of images of fighting and nearly naked men.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Finn gave his statement, and Mila filed the police report, while Danica handed out cups of coffee to everyone. The four bewildered Kashgar intruders were carted off in a paddy wagon, and an hour and a half later, the condo was finally quiet once again.

  By that time, the sun was coming up, and it seemed that sleep was just not going to be happening for anyone. Danica made her apologies, explaining she had to get to the hospital. Her first patients were scheduled at eight, and she would be useless until she had a proper breakfast at her regular diner. She promised that she would have a sit-down and talk things over with Mila when she got off her shift.

  “Can we switch cars for the day?” Mila asked when Danica came out of her room dressed in black slacks and a conservative white blouse.

  Finn noted she still wore black high heels, and he wondered how she could spend the whole day in them.

  “Sure, I love driving the beast,” she said, dropping her keys on the counter and taking Mila’s from the hook by the door. “You planning on going into the hills?”

  “Yeah, we need to check on something for Finn.” Mila walked over to her tall, blonde friend and gave her a hug. “Thanks for helping with the cops.”

  Danica smiled and hugged her friend back with one arm, the other holding her big, black, leather purse. “It was nothing. I just got everyone coffee.”

  “You also kept everyone calm and happy.” Mila pulled back. “Thanks.”

  Danica patted her on the arm. “No problem. We’ll chat tonight. I have patients to see and pancakes to eat! Have fun, you two. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t.” She winked and walked out the door.

  “I like her,” Finn stated, taking the last sip of his coffee. “You ready to go?”

  “Sure, let me just put on my hiking boots and grab a jac
ket.”

  Twenty minutes later, they were cruising down the highway in Danica’s Subaru Forester. The car was filled with various camping and climbing gear from her and Mila’s frequent trips into the mountains. Mila passed the Kum & Go where she and Finn had first met and continued driving.

  Finn pointed out the fire road he had traveled down, and Mila turned onto it, slowing the car so they wouldn’t kick up too many rocks. After another twenty minutes of climbing the hills, Finn motioned for her to stop.

  “It’s down there. Is there an easy way to drive down?” he asked.

  Mila bit her lip, looking as far up the road as she could see. “I’m not sure. Not many people use this road. I’m not even sure where it goes. It looks like there might be a pullout up ahead, though. We can park there and walk the rest of the way.”

  “Cher squee?” Penny said, puffing a short flame and a smoke ring.

  “Good idea.”

  Finn found the button to roll down the window, and Penny gave them both a salute before flapping her wings and shooting out of the car and into the air.

  “She’s going to go ahead and do some scouting. She set the spell markers, so she should have an easier time finding them.”

  Mila put the car in drive and continued the slow climb. “You really trust her for everything, don’t you?”

  “She’s my partner. Fifty-fifty. I wasn’t kidding when I said she was the smartest person I know. That little dragon has gotten me out of more trouble than I care to imagine.” He chuckled. “That’s not to say she doesn’t have a hot head of her own. It’s just that her buttons are different than mine. Makes us a good team. We can watch out for one another.”

  Mila nodded and navigated a tight turn. “Must be nice having someone there for you like that.”

  “It is,” he agreed. “Speaking of being my partner, she found something last night on this internet thing. There was a big discovery in Norway a few months ago, and she saw a picture with the helm in it. But she couldn’t find out where it was taken. Do you think you could call around to some of your people in the business and see where it is?”

  “Sure. I think I know what site she’s talking about. Jeff was going on about it before he disappeared. I’ll make the call when we get to your ship thing.”

  She came around a corner, and there was a pullout for two or three cars. She maneuvered the Forester around so it was facing the way they had come, then shut it off.

  “Okay, big guy. Lead the way.” She zipped up her fleece vest and slipped her phone in the pocket of her black workout leggings.

  Finn cut the trail, using his large size to push branches or ground cover out of the way for Mila’s small frame. It took them nearly half an hour to clear the trees to the valley below, where the ship rested inside its cloaking spell.

  “So, there’s a spell hiding the whole ship? It must be pretty small, then.” Mila huffed, jumping across the gap in two boulders.

  “It’s an asteroid. Probably five hundred feet across,” Finn said, offering her his hand to jump down onto the grass below.

  “That’s crazy big! And you just happened to have a spell to cover the whole thing?”

  “Well, Penny had it made special for us a few years ago after we almost got killed by a group of cannibals. The ship had been overrun with locals trying to get inside. It was a whole mess. This way, we can come in and out, and no one knows any better.”

  Mila frowned, and they walked another few hundred yards down the valley. “I feel like your life is a little too exciting sometimes.”

  “Me too. That’s why we wanted to find the Earth and retire off her riches. We’re here, by the way.” He stopped at what appeared to be an open meadow.

  “I don’t see anything.” She looked left and right, her brow rising.

  Finn laughed. “Well, it would be a pretty crap cloaking spell if you could. Come on.” He took her hand and walked forward.

  Her eyes widened when he started to disappear, as if walking into an invisible wall. She resisted, but he pulled her through in one tug.

  She let out a gasp when the Anthem suddenly appeared in all her burnt and rocky glory. The amazement faded rather quickly.

  “It looks like a big rock.”

  “It is a big rock. She’s an asteroid, like I said.”

  Penny zipped over, landed on his shoulder, and began a rather complicated series of squeaks and toots, which Finn followed perfectly. He saw Mila looking out of sorts, so he began translating for her.

  “She says the area is still untouched, and the cloak is holding up just fine. The reactor has refilled the power cells, but other than the life support and simple systems, the rest of the ship is still dead.” He turned to Penny. “Well, yeah, it’s still dead. We haven't gotten the parts yet. Did you think the spaceship fairy was going to come along and wave a magic wand at her?” Finn rolled his eyes and chuckled.

  Penny didn’t seem to find it funny and hopped off his shoulder and onto Mila’s. Mila jumped at first but laughed when she saw the look of betrayal in Finn’s eyes.

  “Don’t push us women too hard. We outnumber you now.”

  “Fine, I’m going to get some supplies from the ship. And a change or two of clothes.” He walked to the edge of the ship and began to climb down the hole that led to the airlock.

  “I don’t suppose you have anything of value on that ship? Something you can sell to make a little Earth money? It would make things a lot easier,” Mila called after him.

  He thought about that and came up with nothing. “Not really. We sold pretty much everything already just to keep her in the sky.”

  “No precious metals or gems or something? I thought you were treasure hunters.”

  “Not really. Just a bunch of gold, but that stuff is worthless. I’ve been using it for soldering and to patch up small leaks,” Finn said, at a loss.

  “You have gold?” she asked incredulously. “How much?”

  Finn shrugged. “I basically have an unlimited supply. I accidentally picked up an artifact a few years back called Draupnir. It was an armband made for a practical joke my ancestor Fafnir played on his brother, a king at the time. Out in space, gold is everywhere and thus pretty worthless, so it was a real middle finger of a gift. Draupnir bonds with whoever puts it on. Every nine days, it creates nine copies of itself. It’s a real bitch to own. In a year, it’ll fill up a hold with the stupid armbands. We need to just space the stuff, but I can't get rid of it. Every time we throw it out, it shows back up in the hold, shitting gold out all over the place. It’s kind of cursed. Why is it worth a lot here?”

  Mila blinked stupidly for a few minutes, trying to process what he was saying. “Yeah, here on Earth, gold is very valuable. You should grab that thing. It’s going to come in handy.”

  Finn nodded. “Okay, that’s that problem solved. Make your calls. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  He climbed in and pressed his hand to the airlock controls. The door swished open, and he started the pressurization procedure.

  “Gold is valuable here?” he said to himself. “Man, this place is weird.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Finn filled a leather backpack with some clothes, a few of Penny’s more prized hoard items, and the last bottle of his favorite whiskey. It took nearly twenty minutes to traverse the tilted ship from his and Penny’s quarters to the main hold.

  The large area was empty, as usual, and he had to do some pretty tricky climbing to get to the far end where they kept Draupnir in its own smaller hold. He pressed his hand to the control panel, and the door swished open, spilling an avalanche of identical golden armbands down the slanted floor of the main hold and against the large double doors he had entered through.

  “Great,” he groaned to himself. “Now I have to dig my way out of this crap, as well.”

  He pulled himself into the second hold and had to wade through waist-high piles of the stupid armband. He hated the thing, but it seemed like lugging it across the galaxy was fin
ally going to pay off.

  He made his way to the center of the large room, where the original Draupnir hung from a hook on a chain dangling from the ceiling. They found that if they left it on the floor, it would fling the copies of itself all over the place when nine more would appear at the bottom of the pile and displace the entire mess violently. Plus, Penny had the idea that if they made it look important, maybe they would get lucky, and some asshole who got on board to rob them might think it was valuable and take it, passing the curse on to them.

  So far, no such luck.

  After a few swipes at the just-out-of-reach artifact, one of which sent the thing swinging on its long chain, Finn was finally able to leap up and get his hand on it during a backswing. With a little more effort, he pulled himself up, unhooked the gold band, and stuffed it into his backpack with one hand while he held onto the chain with the other.

  Sighing, Finn knew the next part was going to suck, but he didn’t want to take the long way down. He began to swing on the chain until he felt he had the angle right, and once he was out in the open, let go. He had to twist a bit in the air, but he was able to fall through the door, and hit the floor of the main hold at a pretty good angle, sliding down and plowing into the pile of replica Draupnirs, sending most of the pile blasting away, as if he were a comet and the golden armbands a bunch of dinosaurs.

  Smiling at his good end to a bad situation, Finn stomped a few of the soft metal bands into flattened pancakes and stuffed them in the bag as well, then began the difficult journey outside.

  Mila hung up the phone and smiled at Penny, who was sitting next to her on the large boulder a few dozen feet outside the cloaking spell. They had an uninterrupted view of the valley and the city beyond, though, during the day, it was just a mishmash of browns and grays with the occasional line of freeway running through it.

  “You were right,” Mila confirmed, shaking the phone for emphasis. “There was a shipment of Viking artifacts sent to the Royal Ontario Museum, and the helm was part of it. At least, I think it was. My colleague sent a picture. What do you think?”