Sinister Cinnamon Buns

by J Lee Mitchell

  Evie slowed to a stop and placed a hand on Liddy Lou’s forearm. “Do you want to go somewhere else?” she asked.

  “Certainly not. Hilde Sanders and her brood of gossip hens can talk all they want but they cannot talk another hole in my ass.”

  Evie gasped then started giggling uncontrollably.

  “Liddy Lou Cormier, you are incorrigible, and I would be more than glad to get back in the side-by-side and open a path to that front door if this is where you want to eat.”

  The hen party broke up as they reached the door. Carol and Molly darted away with a muttered hello, but Hilde bounded up to them like she had tiny trampolines in her Birkenstocks.

  “Howdy, ladies. Stopping in for some lunch?” Hilde didn't even give them time to answer before she laid into Liddy Lou. “So, Liddy Lou, you know I’m not one to spread rumors…”

  Liddy Lou flinched and stifled a yelp as Evie dug her bony fingers into her arm. She wondered to herself why people with terrible habits always felt it necessary to start sentences by telling you they aren’t one to do whatever it was they were about to do.

  Liddy Lou plastered on a smile hoping it didn’t look too forced. She swatted at Evie’s hand, and Evie unlocked her fingers from Liddy Lou’s forearm. Liddy Lou stepped forward, planted herself squarely in front of Hilde, and locked eyes with her.

  “Save your bile for someone else, Hilde. I’m already aware Spenser Penn had the poor taste to make my publishing issues the topic of the day. No, I do not wish to discuss it, and I would really appreciate it if you could just this once restrain yourself from stirring it up with everyone in the county.”

  Hilde looked wounded, as if Liddy Lou had just accused her of skimming cash from the collection plate. She placed a hand over her heart and feigned innocence.

  “Liddy Lou, I certainly wouldn’t do anything so hurtful as to spread malicious gossip about a friend—which by the way, I’ve always considered us to be. I was just hoping to hear your side, is all. Everyone knows you cannot trust half of what you read in Spenser’s column. He takes the tiniest bit of hearsay and sensationalizes it to sell more papers.”

  Evie had remained quiet throughout this whole exchange but sensed that Liddy Lou was near her breaking point and intervened.

  “Hilde, dear, it’s been lovely chatting with you, but we’re famished, and we’re going to head in now. I’m sure we’ll chat again soon.”

  Evie placed her hand on Liddy Lou’s back and gave her a gentle shove towards the door.

  Hilde was about to start yammering away again when the door opened, and Sheriff Andy Hansen emerged. He removed his hat and took turns kissing Evie and Liddy Lou’s hands.

  “Ladies, always lovely to see the two of you. Have yourselves a wonderful lunch.”

  Liddy Lou leaned forward and whispered, “I hope you saved room for dessert, because I happen to know there’s a lemon cream tart and a delightful young lady at the Red Herring Inn who’d love you to stop by this afternoon for coffee.” Andy released her and smiled shyly.

  “Well, thank you for the tip. I’ll be sure to follow up on that promptly.”

  He stepped back and pulled open the door, giving Liddy Lou and Evie a much-needed window of opportunity to escape Hilde Sanders.

  Chapter 9

  When Liddy Lou and Evie entered the diner, it was hard to ignore the stares and whispers, yet there were still a few people in Castle Creek on Liddy Lou’s side. One of them happened to be the Junior League president, Tess Nichols. Tess was sitting near the window with Maggie Lorson and Ann Marie White.

  “Yoo-hoo, ladies, over here,” she called, waving a polka dotted handkerchief around like she was attempting to surrender to a conquering army.

  Evie looked at Liddy Lou and shrugged her shoulders.

  “Hope your plan wasn’t to slip in unannounced and have a quiet, casual brunch. Anyone who didn’t notice us when we first walked in is now aware we’re here.”

  “Good, let ‘em get it all out of their systems at once, and then we can all just put this whole mess behind us.”

  Evie cast a sideways glance at Liddy Lou. “Do you really mean that or are you just trying to be civil?”

  Liddy Lou laughed and patted her best friend on the shoulder.

  “Hell, no, I don’t mean that, and these petty scandalmongers had better keep their distance, or I just might have to tell the whole bunch of ‘em what I really think.”

  As they made their way to the table, Dot Hendricks swooshed by with a fully loaded tray of food in one hand and a pot of coffee in the other.

  “Hey, gals. Grab a seat. I’ll be over to take your order in three flicks of a coon’s tail.”

  “Good Lord, where does she come up with some of her sayings?” Evie asked with a chuckle as they reached the table to join their friends.

  As promised, Dot reappeared quickly to take their orders. “Ladies, how y’all doing today? Today’s special is the…” Dot paused for effect, “same damn special we’ve been offering for the last twenty years. Okay, now that we’ve covered the formalities, who’s coming to book club this week? It’s Laura Gibson’s turn to bring the main snack, and I’m gonna need at least a few of you ladies to cover me while I probe it for stray cat hairs.”

  The table erupted in giggles and at least one snort from Maggie Lorson.

  “Oh, come on, now, Dot, Laura only has a handful of cats. How bad can it be?” Maggie teased.

  “A handful? Last I knew she had six, which is five too many if you ask me.”

  Dot wriggled her whole body like a dog shaking off the rain.

  “Now, let’s get back to business. Everyone having their usual?”

  The ladies ate their food at a leisurely pace and savored their mimosas. Maggie asked Liddy Lou how things were progressing with her nephew Andy and Liddy Lou’s granddaughter Q’Bita, and they all enjoyed Evie’s retelling of Putt’s run-in with a rather aggressive nest of hornets. They were just about to finish up their main course when the front door opened, and Macie Dixon and her entourage flocked into the diner.

  Macie looked in their direction and then scanned the diner before returning her attention to their table. She flagged Dot over with her best pageant wave, and they appeared to be having a conversation that wasn’t pleasing either of them. Dot was shaking her head side to side in obvious disagreement, but Macie didn’t seem to be relenting.

  Dot slapped the coffee pot down on the counter and marched towards their table.

  “Ladies, Ms. Dixon has requested that I ask you to relocate to another table. It seems this table has the best sun light and it stimulates her creative mojo. I, of course, told her no, but she’s insisting that I at least ask.”

  Dot lowered her voice and leaned in across the table, “So help me Jesus, if one of you even considers getting up from this table I’ll spit in your coffee every day for a week.” Dot straightened herself upright. “Okay, then. I asked but I certainly understand why you’re not willing to move to another table. I’ll just let Ms. Dixon know that she can either take what we have available or wait until this one becomes open.”

  Dot turned and practically skipped back to where Macie stood waiting for a reply.

  The whole table was glued to the conversation taking place near the front of the diner. Dot had just delivered the bad news, and Macie was turning purple and having a tantrum. One of Macie’s entourage, a petite girl with oversized round glasses and long, brown hair, kept putting a hand on Macie’s shoulder to calm her down but Macie kept swatting at her hand and finally pushed her away. By this time Macie had made such a scene the whole diner was watching to see what would happen next. Dot finally shrugged her shoulders in frustration and turned to walk away.

  “Come back here this instant!” Macie snapped as Dot retreated to the kitchen. When Dot failed to even acknowledge her, Macie rounded on the petite girl who’d tried to defuse the situation.

  “This is unacceptable! This is just one more example of your incompetence, Hadleigh. Y
ou know I always sit at that table for these meetings. You knew we were coming here today, so why would you not call ahead and have them reserve MY table?”

  “Dear God, Macie, please lower your voice. This is not the Castle Creek Country Club. They do not take reservations here.”

  Macie’s eyes were now just two small dark slits in her face. Her nostrils were flaring, and she was taking shallow, rapid breaths. Macie’s words came out like venom.

  “I do not want to hear your pathetic excuses, Hadleigh. I want that table, and I want it now, so go redeem yourself and explain to them why they will be moving to another table.”

  Liddy Lou was surprised the tiny girl could look even smaller, but she seemed to melt a little as Macie snapped at her.

  “Go. Now.”

  Macie pointed in the direction of their table.

  As Hadleigh made her way towards their table, Liddy Lou could see the tears welling in her big, brown eyes. She stopped a foot or two back from their table and barely made eye contact, her voice but a whisper.

  “Hello, ladies. I’m sorry to disturb you. I’m Hadleigh Banks, Macie Dixon’s assistant.”

  The group murmured in simultaneous greeting. Hadleigh was shaking like a frightened dog. Liddy Lou felt sorry for her, but no matter how sweet or mistreated this poor girl was, she had no intention of leaving her chair, even at the risk of becoming incontinent.

  “I know the waitress has already asked nicely but I was hoping if I made a personal plea you might reconsider switching tables.”

  The last few words came out came out like the squeak of a mouse.

  Liddy Lou removed the napkin from her lap and dabbed at the corners of her mouth, then folded the napkin and laid it down on the table. The rest of the table was holding their breath, afraid to be the first to speak.

  Liddy Lou glanced around the table and then spoke in a low but stern voice.

  “Young lady, you seem quite sweet despite your poor choice in employer. I’m not sure if you know who I am but I can assure you that I am the last person on earth who would vacate my seat for the likes of Macie Dixon.”

  The rest of the table was a choir of agreement, and Hadleigh acquired the pained look of someone who knows they’re defeated but is being compelled by some unseen force to keep trying.

  “Ma’am, you’re right, I don’t know who you are, and for that I apologize, but if you’d just hear me out,” Hadleigh pleaded.

  Much to Liddy Lou’s relief, Tess finally found her voice. “Miss… um… Banks, was it?”

  Hadleigh nodded and gave Tess a hopeful half-smile.

  “I don’t want to make things any worse for you, because it’s obvious that even the dead could have heard the dressing-down Macie gave you before you came over here, but even she can’t be so thick as to think anyone at this table would show her the least bit of courtesy after what she’s done to Liddy Lou.”

  Tess extended her hand in Liddy Lou’s direction as she spoke, and a sudden look of understanding washed across Hadleigh’s face.

  “Oh, Dear God, you’re Liddy Lou Cormier?” Hadleigh said as all the color drained from her face.

  Before Liddy Lou could answer, Macie appeared at Hadleigh’s side. She didn’t even bother acknowledging the ladies at the table.

  “Hadleigh, what the hell is taking so long? This is unacceptable. Get that waitress back over here to clear this table and tell her to bring me sparkling water, room temperature, not cold, and the glass’d better be clean.”

  Evie looked at her lunch companions and muttered, “Guess she really don’t know much about food otherwise she’d know honey gets you further than vinegar.”

  Macie’s head snapped around like she was being exorcised. “I heard that, Evie! You need to shut your pie hole and mind your own business, you crazy old shrew.”

  Before Macie’s words could even fully register with the rest of the table, Liddy Lou shot out of her chair and shoved a finger in Macie’s face.

  “Now you look here, you spoiled, ungrateful, miserable child. You may have gotten away with stealing my recipes and ruining the launch of my book, but you will not disrespect my best friend.”

  Liddy Lou’s voice was loud enough it carried throughout the whole restaurant.

  Macie’s mouth was hanging open so wide she could have swallowed a chicken whole. Her voice was as shrill and grating as nails on a chalkboard.

  “You have no proof that I’ve done anything wrong. If you did, your publisher would have put up a fight. You also cannot attack me in public. My father has a battalion of lawyers, and they’re going to have a field day with this.” Macie crossed her arms, tapped her foot, and stared at Liddy Lou with a petulant smirk on her face.

  Liddy Lou felt something inside her snap, and she couldn’t control herself as she reached out with both hands and gave Macie Dixon a shove, sending her to the floor, rump first.

  Maggie Lorson let out another snort, and Tess Nichols almost overturned the table trying to get out of her seat. She quickly put herself between Liddy Lou and Macie.

  “Okay, ladies, let’s just calm down.”

  Macie got back to her feet and was looking wildly around the diner.

  “Please tell me someone got that on video. Hadleigh, call the sheriff and then call my father and tell him to have his lawyers here ASAP. I’m pressing charges and I don’t want those idiots at the Castle Creek Sheriff’s Department to mess up the investigation.”

  Liddy Lou chortled like a horse and stepped around Tess Nichols.

  “Pressing charges? For what, performing a long overdue public service?”

  “You just assaulted me, you ridiculous cow.”

  This time Evie got to her feet to give Tess some back-up. “Listen to me, Liddy Lou Cormier, you need to cool down and ignore this wretched child. Everything you’ve said is true, and your real friends know that, but she also has a rich daddy who has more pull than common decency. I don’t want to have to bail you out of jail.”

  Normally Evie could talk Liddy Lou off the highest ledge, but Macie Dixon had hit a nerve and Liddy Lou wasn’t going to let her have the last word.

  “Thank you for your concern, Evie, but if I were you I’d keep that bail money handy because one of these days soon Miss Macie’s mouth is going to push me a duck’s feather too far and I’m going to shut it for her permanently.”

  Macie’s face turned so red it looked like she’d been slapped.

  “Are you threatening me with physical harm now, Liddy Lou?”

  “You can take my comments any way you want, just like you took my recipes.”

  Liddy Lou grabbed her purse and headed for the register as every eye in the restaurant turned to watch her. Dot stood next to the register. She held up both her hands as Liddy Lou approached.

  “Oh, don’t you worry about the check, darling. Today’s meal is on the house. Yours too, Evie.”

  When they reached the side-by-side Evie felt it might finally be safe to speak.

  “Okay, now this is coming from a place of love because you are my oldest and dearest friend.”

  Liddy Lou held up a hand to stop her.

  “If you’re going to tell me that I shouldn’t have lost my temper, you’re wrong. She had that coming. If you’re going to tell me that I took things a little too far and I’ve probably just made things way worse, well I know that. Am I upset with myself? I should be, but honestly, I’m not. It felt damn good to knock that little fraud on her backside, and my only regret is that it was a shove and not a sucker punch.”

  The side-by-side growled to life as Evie turned the key and punched the gas.

  “Okay then, good talk.”

  Chapter 10

  Q’Bita stood in the middle of the kitchen herb garden watching a pair of iridescent dragonflies chase each other in a dizzying mating dance. The sun felt warm on her skin but not so warm as to make it unpleasant to be in the garden. She bent down and plucked a few sprigs of Cuban mojito mint to steep in simple syrup that would later bec
ome a glaze for coconut lime muffins, the main attraction of this afternoon’s tea service. She gently tousled the top of the large chocolate mint plant and inhaled deeply, savoring the smell that reminded her of mint chocolate chip ice cream. While she was there, she decided to grab a few sprigs of pineapple mint that she could chiffonade and pair with fresh berries and cream.

  The entire grounds of the Red Herring Inn were beautiful, but the kitchen herb garden held a special place in Q’Bita’s heart. When she and her husband Alain had moved from Paris to the countryside of Spain, Alain surprised her by having a landscape architect design and plant a kitchen herb garden a few steps out the back door of Q’Bita’s bistro. After Alain’s death, Q’Bita had sold her restaurant and returned to the States to be at the Red Herring with her family. The kitchen herb garden here, a gift from her brother Beecher and his husband Rene, reminded her of her garden in Spain. It gave her such peace to spend time here.

  Q’Bita heard a rustling sound coming from the tall patch of lavender at the far end of the garden and realized she wasn’t alone. Always wary of critters like skunks and snakes, she exited to the side of the garden, made a wide semi-circle around the outside edge, and approach the lavender patch from behind.

  As she inched closer with slow, quiet steps, the rustling grew louder, and she could see the lavender stalks swaying, their floral sweetness perfuming the air at this end of the garden. She couldn’t tell what had taken up residence among the thick patch, but it seemed big and, so far, unaware she was approaching.

  Q’Bita reached the edge of the garden and paused for a few seconds before leaning in for a closer look. A sudden movement caught her off guard as a small bird shot out of the lavender followed by something huge that leapt at Q’Bita, hitting her right smack in the chest and knocking her backwards to the ground. She panicked for a few seconds as the breath returned to her body, but soon realized her attacker was rubbing its over-sized, furry head against her chin and purring like an earthquake on her chest.