by Kyra Lennon
“Better?” she asked.
“I think so.” At least my voice worked now.
“Is there anything we can do to help?” Constable Matthews asked.
I shook my head. “Nothing more than you’re already doing. I just need to get this over with.”
As I looked at Evie again, she said, “Do you want me to come with you?”
She’d asked me before, but I’d said I would be okay with just the police, and she’d looked a little relieved, I guess because she wasn’t keen to meet Natalie. Even though I thought in a way it would be good to have Evie there too, I wasn’t willing to put her out any more than I already had. She’d already done so much for me.
“What if I come with you, but wait outside?” she offered. “I’ll stay outside the building, but I’ll be there when you come out.”
“I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. “I don’t think anything will make this easier.”
“You know,” Sergeant Wright said, “if you’d like Miss West to be there too, that’s okay, but we would definitely advise that she stays outside, based on Miss King’s… volatile nature.”
“That’s an interesting way to say ‘nutjob’,” Evie said, then quickly bit her lip as if she hadn’t meant to say it out loud, and Constable Matthews snorted out a laugh before quickly straightening her expression when her sergeant glared at her.
I turned my attention to Evie again. “Are you sure you want to come?”
She nodded. “I’m sure.”
After giving Evie the address, we all left the hospital. I wished I’d got a jacket because it was freezing outside, and I felt it even more since I’d been in a warm room for the last few days, but I was soon inside the police car and we headed towards the flat.
It wasn’t a long way, only about a ten minute drive, but with each passing minute, I could feel my chest start to hurt again.
I was going back. To the place where Natalie had almost killed me. A place that used to be my home. Not that it had ever really felt like mine. More like hers, and I was allowed to stay over. It wasn’t going to take me long to pack what was mine. She’d chosen everything from the way the rooms were decorated to the colour of the plates and cutlery. Anything I’d had that was personal to me had mostly gone, thrown out over time because I ‘didn’t need it’, except for a few photo albums tucked away in the back of the cupboard in our room.
The bruises on my body, the pain in my ribs, all seemed to erupt at the knowledge I was going to see Natalie soon. I’d been assured that she would be kept out of whatever room I needed to be in, but she would still be there. It would still be a reminder of the worst Christmas ever.
You fucking pussy. Scared of a woman. Scared of a flat. Having a panic attack like some loser because you have to face up to your issues. Issues you caused.
I put my hand up to my chest and tried to breathe the way Evie said to in the hospital, trying to force my thoughts away. It never really worked, and when it did, it wasn’t for long. Words that had been thrown at me over and over wouldn’t go away so easily.
“Are you okay, Ash?” Sergeant Wright asked, catching my eye in the rear view mirror.
I nodded, trying to catch my breath. “Yeah. Just want this to be over.”
“It will be soon,” Constable Matthews said. “Then you won’t ever have to see her again.”
At least not until I bump into her in town or something. Because I knew I would. Manchester was big, but it wasn’t big enough for both of us. I’d have to go back to work eventually. What if she showed up there?
The car pulled up outside the flat, stopping my mind from going off on one again, and I looked through the window at the building. A couple of minutes later, Evie pulled up behind us, and knowing she was there made me feel a bit better.
“Okay, are you ready?” Sergeant Wright asked.
“I am,” I answered, adrenaline trickling through me. It was readying me to go and get whatever I needed in the fastest possible time so I could leave.
All three of us got out of the car, and I heard Evie’s car door shut too as she walked towards us.
She studied my face closely, and after a moment, she said, “What do you say we go get some coffee when this is over? I’ll drive you to the B&B later.”
She was one step ahead of me again. I’d been so busy thinking about seeing Natalie, I hadn’t thought about what I was doing afterwards. That I was going to be really alone for the first time in years. If I could delay that for a bit longer, I would.
“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “That sounds good.”
She gave my arm a supportive squeeze, then the police officers led me towards the doors of the block of flats. Sergeant Wright pressed the buzzer for my old apartment, and after a moment, Natalie answered. The sound of her voice caused me to start shaking.
Half an hour, max. Then it will be over forever.
I told myself that over and over as the door opened and we walked up the stairs to the flat. When we reached the top, the door was open and Natalie stood in the doorway. She was in full make-up, hair straightened, and she wore skinny jeans and a black hoodie that hugged the top half of her body.
A lot of effort to go to.
Her eyes looked sad; the look she gave me when she occasionally felt bad about what she did to me. And it was very occasional. She rarely apologized, just got up the next day and acted like nothing had happened, being a bit nicer to me than usual. The times she did apologize, her eyes went big, like a puppy. She’d cry, hug me, tell me she was wrong and that she loved me, yet somehow still managing to throw in some kind of dig at me. And every time, I’d accepted it.
Not this time though. Even though the way she was looking at me made me feel the way it always did. Like I should back down. Go back to her and do as I was told. At least then I’d have a place to live.
The police greeted Natalie with forced politeness, asking her to step aside, which she did, allowing them to go inside first. Sergeant Wright gestured for her to go into the living area, while Constable Matthews beckoned for me to go inside. Slowly, I walked in, careful not to look at her.
“Okay, Ash,” Constable Matthews said. “If you go ahead and get your things, we’ll be out here. And don’t worry. We’ll keep Natalie out of your way.”
I gave her a small smile of thanks and headed for the bedroom. The door was already open, and just the sight of the last room I remembered being in made my breath come short.
She had almost killed me.
I’d had a lot of recurring thoughts over the last few days, but that was the one that came back the most. And it wasn’t only that. One misplaced blow with those fucking heels, she could have crippled me. Damaged my internal organs.
And I would have let it happen because I’d had enough.
Instead of the usual feelings of failure, something new started to form inside me. Anger. I wasn’t sure whether it was with myself or her, but I let it power me forward, taking me into the bedroom.
As soon as I got around to my side of the bed, headed for the wardrobe where my suitcase was, I almost tripped.
On the floor, broken in half, was my laptop. I looked down at it to see that the screen was smashed and the hinges had been snapped, like she’d stood on both halves until it had come apart. Some of the keys were dented and missing too.
So, she was making those eyes at me a few minutes ago, like she regretted everything, and yet she left my laptop lying on the floor for me to see.
I walked around it; she could clean it up.
I opened my wardrobe and pulled out my suitcase, unzipping it and laying it on the bed. With as much speed as I could manage, I emptied my drawers and the wardrobe, wondering if this was really it. If this was all I had. Nothing of value, nothing that couldn’t be replaced. Once I had my photos and my toothbrush, I was done.
I was about to head back to the wardrobe when I heard shouts, and the bedroom door flew open. Natalie was being held back by Sergeant Wright, and the rage on her face was unm
istakable.
“You brought another woman here?” she screamed, eyes wild.
I took a few steps farther back from her. Even though she was being restrained, I suspected the sergeant might have underestimated her strength, and the extra bit of distance would give him time to catch her if she got away from him.
“What?” was all I could say. I’d never brought another woman into the flat. Fuck. I’d done some stupid stuff now and again, but until Evie, I hadn’t spoken to another woman who wasn’t one of Natalie’s friends or someone I worked with in forever.
“Evangeline West,” she sneered. “That’s her, isn’t it? That bitch waiting outside for you?”
Eyes narrowing further, I said, “How do you know who she is?”
“I Googled her after I found her stupid card!”
You raging fucking psychopath.
“You ripped up her card!” I snapped.
“How long have you been seeing her, Ash?” she yelled, ignoring my question.
There was a dangerous glimmer in her eyes, one I recognised as the warning sign she was about to snap.
The last thing I saw before everything around me started to fade out.
Trying to ignore the strengthening of the ache in my chest, I focused on Sergeant Wright. “Please take her out of here.”
I didn’t need to say any more. Both Evie and I had been clear about the fact we were just friends, and with the police having spent time with both of us, they could see we were telling the truth. Natalie didn’t deserve an explanation.
Sergeant Wright wrestled Natalie out of the room, closing the door behind him. She was still screaming insults at me, and I was somewhere between pissed off with her and afraid she was going to suddenly fly through the door and attack me again.
I glanced around the room, picking up a few more things I could still fit into my suitcase; aftershave, deodorant… my wallet. I picked it up from its place on the chest of drawers and flipped it open. I was surprised to find the twenty-pound note was still there, as were all my cards. I knew she would have drained whatever was left in our joint account, but she was unaware of the other account I’d always had. She’d watched me close an account so my wages went straight into our joint account, but I’d always had a spare savings account. There wasn’t a lot in it, but enough to help me put down a deposit on a new flat when I was back at work and could afford rent again.
When I was sure I had almost everything packed, I let out a long, slow sigh before walking back to the wardrobe to get my photo albums. Truth be told, I didn’t have a lot of photos, but the ones I had were of me when I was a kid, on holidays with my mum or photos of me and her at Christmas, opening presents. A few of school trips I’d gone on, and sports days, and me hanging out with my friends. It wasn’t a lot, but they were memories I loved to look back on.
I reached into the back of the wardrobe, and when my hands found the three photo albums, I breathed a sigh of relief. They were still there. I pulled them out carefully and held them to me for a second. Balancing them all on one hand, I opened the top one.
And there it was.
A photo of my mum holding me when I was born had been ripped in half and pressed back between the pages. I flipped another page, and saw that the next was the same, each photo torn in half, sometimes into more pieces, and put back together like a fucking jigsaw. My childhood memories frayed and crudely re-stitched.
Everything I’d kept inside rushed to the forefront and I dropped the photo albums to the floor, alongside my laptop. There was no point keeping either of them now; both were beyond repair.
Everything was beyond repair. Me. My stuff.
And it was all because of Natalie.
I wanted to shout out. To run into the living room and yell at her for every fucked up thing she’d done, but I didn’t. Instead, with tears threatening to fall, I zipped up my suitcase and picked it up. I lifted it from the bed, and without looking back, I walked out of the room.
Natalie was standing by the window, looking out. She was tense, and I could tell her jaw was clenched. Sergeant Wright and Constable Matthews were standing behind the sofa, as if acting as a barrier, in case she flew at me again.
She turned to look at me, angry tears in her eyes, as if I was the one who had ruined everything we used to have.
Maybe I was. Maybe I made her miserable. Maybe I was never good enough for her.
But throughout everything she’d done to me, I hadn’t once done anything to hurt her. Not physically or emotionally.
She’d broken my belongings, my memories.
And me.
There was so much I could have said to her, but none of it mattered. Not really. What mattered was that I would have done anything for her. Given her everything. And it still wouldn’t have been enough.
“I’m ready to go,” I said, even though my eyes were on Natalie.
Part of me hoped she’d say something. Apologise or just… something. It wouldn’t have made a difference, but I could have used a sign that she had cared. Once.
She said nothing.
“Do you have everything you need?” Constable Matthews asked.
“Yup. I have everything.”
I walked towards the door, carrying my suitcase, and the officers followed me. Just as I opened the door, Natalie said, “Ash.”
I stopped but didn’t turn around. Her voice had turned softer, and at her tone, I could feel her manipulation beginning to wrap around me.
“Please,” she said. “Can I have one minute with you?”
“For what?” I asked, looking over my shoulder at her. The tears in her eyes had started to fall and the part of me that always forgave her started to emerge.
As if as a warning sign, the pain in my ribs started to nag at me; also a reminder I needed more painkillers soon.
“To tell you I… I’m sorry.”
Slowly, I turned around to look at her. “For what, Nat? What are you sorry for? For putting me in hospital? For all of the other times you’ve hurt me? For breaking my laptop and ripping up all of my fucking photos? What exactly are you sorry for?”
“All of it,” she said quietly.
In that moment, she was back. The girl I first met. The sweet one I used to have fun with. Her eyes were wide, and she looked so innocent.
But I was standing there, with police having to escort me from the home I shared with her because she couldn’t be trusted not to attack me again.
She wasn’t that girl anymore. She wasn’t the girl I fell in love with.
“Well… maybe you’ll treat the next one better.”
With those words, I walked out of the flat, hearing her crying behind me.
I paced around on the path outside Ash’s flat, hoping that he would hurry up. Waiting was making me anxious. I knew he was stressed about going inside, and I also knew his feelings were a lot more mixed up than he’d told me. How could they not be? He was in a really vulnerable position, but as much as I’d wanted to go in there with him for some moral support, I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to see the woman who had destroyed him. Having spent days with Ash, watching him go from smiling to crying to overthinking, I couldn’t trust myself to be in a room with her. I wasn’t violent by any means, but I was pretty sure I’d be tempted to be if I had to see her face to face.
I still couldn’t comprehend how anyone could treat another person the way she had treated him. But not only that. Ash was thoughtful, and he was fun, and he was loyal, and anyone would be lucky to have him. She had him and she broke him.
What a freaking idiot she was.
I looked up as I heard the door opening, and Ash walked out first, followed by the police officers. Sergeant Wright was carrying Ash’s suitcase.
As Ash approached me, his eyes were heavy, like he was trying hard not to break down, and I reached out for him, gently taking his hand.
“It’s okay,” I said. “It’s over now.”
He nodded, unable to speak. Instead of trying to for
ce him to talk, I took my car keys from my pocket.
“Go wait for me in the car. I’ll get your bag,” I said, handing him the keys.
He didn’t acknowledge my words, he just took the keys and unlocked the passenger door, getting inside.
I turned my attention to the police officers. “How did it go?” I asked.
Constable Matthews raised her eyebrows. “Not great, but, as you said, it’s over now.”
“What happened?”
“She saw you from the window. She knew who you were and she ran at Ash, accusing him of cheating on her with you.”
Jesus.
“Did she hurt him?” I asked, hoping they’d stopped her in time.
“No,” Sergeant Wright said. “We kept her away. But, I think you should be careful. She told Ash that she’d Googled you, so there is a chance she might have your number, and maybe even your address. We can keep her away from you if you feel the need for extra protection.”
“A restraining order?” I asked. I knew they had offered Ash that option, but it never occurred to me that I might need it too.
What kind of crazy was she? I might not have known him long, but Ash was not the kind of guy who would cheat, and she’d made extra sure of that by keeping him beat down and telling him how insignificant he was.
“Yes,” Sergeant Wright continued. “The chances of her doing anything to you are minimal since she knows she has a court case pending, and she is unlikely to want to risk making her case worse, but if you want that extra bit of peace of mind then…”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not worried. If I see her anywhere around where I live, then I’ll reconsider, but for now, I’m happy to wait it out.”
Natalie might have been a horrible human being, but I didn’t think she’d want to risk jail time. As things stood, with what she’d already done, she’d probably get away with a warning or something equally as pointless. I doubted she would want to push her luck any further.
At least, I hoped not.
“Okay,” Sergeant Wright said. “We have everything we need for now. If either of you need anything, please give us a call.”