Take a Chance

by D. Jackson Leigh

  Mrs. Ludwell disappeared into the kitchen and returned seconds later with a cloth grocery bag half filled with peaches. “My sister visited last week from South Carolina and brought two bushels of these for me. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I quit putting up peach preserves and peach butter several years back.”

  “Thank you. But I’m still staying at the bed and breakfast. Maybe I can give them to Essie or MJ to cook something. I could never eat all of these.”

  “Oh, well, if you’re staying there, just give them to Grace. That girl makes a peach cobbler that will make you slap your mama.”

  Trip almost burst out in hysterical laughter at Dani’s expression as she stared at Mrs. Ludwell. “I’ll second that,” she said instead. “Grace’s cobbler has actually snatched the blue ribbon from Essie a few times at the three-county fair.”

  Dani took the peaches but frowned. “These are from South Carolina? I thought Georgia was the Peach State.”

  “In name only. South Carolina peaches are the sweetest.” Mrs. Ludwell put her hands on her hips and shook her head. “I don’t know why South Carolina calls itself the Palmetto State. You can’t eat a palmetto, and most folks have never seen a palmetto.”

  Trip nodded to confirm this, but Mrs. Ludwell barely drew a breath before forging onward.

  “Could you come back next week and check to make sure Anabelle’s healing okay? I don’t know what I’d do if she became really ill. Anabelle’s been such a comfort since Sherman passed away. I loved my husband, but he complained every time I asked him to come with me on my evening walk. Anabelle loves to walk. My grandson helped me order a pink harness and leash on the internet, and she gets so excited when I take it out of the closet.” She bent to stroke the stiff hair on Annabelle’s back and looked up at them with a shy smile. “I think it makes her feel pretty.”

  Fifteen minutes later, they’d finally managed to extricate themselves from the talkative old lady and Dani turned to Trip.

  “Why would I want to slap my mama?”

  * * *

  Next up was a beautiful ten-foot albino Burmese python with mouth rot, and then they were headed to a local reptile farm to treat the infected claw of a six-foot alligator when Trip’s truck indicated an incoming call from Jamie. She tapped the screen to accept the call.

  “Hey, Jamie. Petunia okay?”

  “She’s at home, taking a sick day to rest. I didn’t want her out in the heat. MJ’s keeping an eye on her. She’s handling soft scrambled or poached eggs really well, and lapping up the special prescription broth you ordered for her with the antibiotic in it. MJ said to ask you about some lactose-free ice cream, too.”

  “Good. Make sure she’s drinking a lot of water, too. I’d like to look at the ingredients on the label before you give her any of that ice cream though.”

  “Okay. But I’m calling about something else.”

  Trip hesitated. Was this a personal call? “Okay. Dani’s in the truck with me and you’re on speakerphone.”

  “Good. I’m out on the highway at, uh…Big Earl’s Exotic Emporium.” Jamie sounded like she was reading the name from a sign. “We have an animal situation I hope you can help with.”

  Trip slowed the truck and did a three-point turn in the highway. “Is this an emergency?”

  “I think so. Big Earl’s orangutan, Kiki, has escaped her enclosure and managed to lock herself in a tourist’s car. The car is parked in the shade, and the window is open about an inch, but I’m afraid the interior will heat up quick.”

  Trip stomped on the accelerator. “We’re headed your way. ETA less than five minutes.”

  “Jamie, it’s Dani. Get a towel or rag and dip it in cold water, ice water if there’s any around, and pass it through the partially open window. Apes are smart and Kiki will use it to cool herself.”

  “Will do. See you in a few.”

  Trip grabbed the CB radio mic. “Fast Break to Paintball. Got your ears on?”

  “This is Paintball. What’s up?”

  “Where are you?”

  “At my place.”

  “Put your clothes on, grab your locksmith tools, and meet me at Big Earl’s pronto. Kiki has locked herself in some tourist’s car.”

  “Paintball out and on the way.”

  Dani raised an eyebrow and Trip shrugged. “The CB handles are something we dreamed up in high school and they just stuck.”

  Before Dani could comment, Trip whipped into Big Earl’s parking lot. A small crowd was gathered next to a luxury SUV, its alarm horn blaring every other second. Jamie stood off to the side, positioned between a middle-aged Chevy Chase doppelgänger and Big Earl, who’d had a short career as an NFL lineman. The two men were yelling at each other over the racket of the car alarm.

  Trip sauntered over to Jamie while Dani went to examine the situation at the SUV.

  “Trip. Thanks for getting here so quick.” Jamie was an island of calm in the chaos.

  Earl stopped mid-insult and regarded her. “Dr. Beaumont.”

  “Hey, Earl. Great shirt,” she said, shifting her sunglasses to the top of her head.

  Sunlight glinted off his gold tooth as his mouth stretched into a slow, wide smile. He spread his arms like a choir director to properly display the raucous pattern of huge pink flamingos on his Hawaiian shirt. “It’s a gift from Sweet Thang.”

  “How long has Kiki been in the car?”

  He frowned. “Too long. Somebody cut the wire on the outdoor part of her playpen, and I didn’t notice it when we came in this morning. She found it and slipped out.”

  The playpen Earl referred to was an eight-by-eight area sectioned off with heavy glass interior walls in a back corner of his store. An extra-large pet door cut into the back wall led to a half-acre outdoor play area enclosed by fortified two-by-two mesh on the sides and top.

  The SUV owner, his face red and expression angry, stepped around Jamie and shoved Earl to the side to get into Trip’s personal space. “I hope you brought a dart gun. That’s a dangerous animal. It attacked my daughter, and I barely escaped when it jumped into my car, but this deputy refuses to shoot it.”

  Jamie was a blur of motion, positioning herself so that one outstretched arm blocked Earl’s intent to shove the guy back and the other arm imposed a barrier between him and Trip. “Mr. Utley, please step back.”

  Big Earl surged forward, ignoring Jamie’s elbow jabbing in his chest. “Nobody is shooting my Kiki, you stupid city son of a bitch. She just wanted to go for a ride. She likes riding in my truck.”

  “That monkey assaulted my daughter,” Utley yelled at Big Earl.

  “Kiki is not a monkey. She’s an orangutan, which is an ape, and she was just trying to share the seat with your kid.” Big Earl matched and one-upped Utley’s volume.

  “The MONKEY went after me, too.” Utley sprayed spit with his last word.

  Earl wiped spit from his face and roared. “Kiki has never hurt anyone. You just nearly wet your pants to get away, leaving your kid to fend for herself, and she fell down trying to get out of the car because you were yelling like an idiot.”

  His shouted words were punctuated by the continued blaring of the horn.

  “QUIET.” Jamie’s loud order silenced both of them. She continued in her normal volume. “We are trying to remedy this situation so that nobody, not even the ape, is injured. Correct, Dr. Beaumont?”

  Trip smiled. “Absolutely.” She turned to Utley. “If we did shoot Kiki, you’d have one big mess in your vehicle, Mr. Utley. Besides all the blood, most animals and people release their bowels and bladder when they die. Even if you had the car’s interior professionally cleaned—” She shook her head and wrinkled her nose.

  Jamie nodded, reading Trip’s play and backing her up. “You’d probably have to strip out the carpet and seats to get the complete inside reupholstered.”

  Utley glared at Big Earl. “You are going to pay for it if I do.”

  Big Earl snarled, and Jamie had to throw all of her weigh
t against him to stop his advance. “Don’t make me cuff you.”

  “Nobody is going to shoot Kiki.” Trip put a hand on Utley’s arm. “There are many other solutions, but right now I’m primarily concerned about her being in that hot car with the windows up.”

  “Who owns that Toyota over there?” Dani, who had been peering in at Kiki, asked. She waved over the woman who raised her hand. Trip couldn’t hear the rest over the irritating horn, but the woman responded to something Dani said by digging in her purse and handing over her car fob. Dani dangled it next to the window where Kiki sat, wearing a wet bath cloth on her head.

  “That’s my associate,” Trip said. “She has zoo experience, and I’m guessing that includes working with apes. Let’s give her a chance.” She headed to the locked vehicle with Jamie and the men following.

  Kiki pursed her lips and made little squeaking noises, but her eyes locked on the fob Dani dangled outside the window.

  “She’s blowing kisses,” one bystander said.

  “No,” Dani said, still waving the fob as if she was trying to hypnotize Kiki. “Orangutans do that when they’re stressed or agitated.”

  “Aw, baby,” Big Earl crooned. “Daddy’s going to get you out of there.”

  “For God’s sake,” Utley said.

  “Stand back, Earl, and let Dani work,” Trip said. “You’ll just distract Kiki.”

  Cahill’s tow truck turned in, lumbered to a halt in the small, gravel parking lot, and Clay hopped out. “What’s up?”

  “Kiki’s locked herself in that car and we’re trying to get her out,” Trip said. “Can you slip the lock on that door?”

  Clay rubbed her chin and shrugged. “That model is too new to open with a Slim Jim. I’d have to drill out the key mechanism and replace it later. It’s a pretty expensive way to go.”

  Utley growled. “This crappy little place is going to buy me a new car.”

  Big Earl lunged for the man, but Jamie was quicker, slapping a handcuff onto Earl’s hand and using momentum to twist his arm and grab his other hand. His hands were cuffed behind his back before Trip could blink twice.

  “Da-um,” Clay said under her breath. “That’s kind of hot, and she’s kind of a badass.”

  “Back off,” Trip said, equally quiet. She didn’t want to spook Jamie when she was finally getting close again.

  Clay nonchalantly sidled closer without taking her eyes from Jamie and the men, and repeated the phrase Grace often used to tease Trip. “Snagged and tagged?”

  Trip gave her head an almost imperceptible shake. “On the hunt, but claiming rights.”

  “No worries. She’s all yours, pal. I’ve found the one for me.”

  Trip bumped her shoulder against Clay’s. “Good for you, buddy.”

  “Do you have some grapes?” Dani asked Big Earl.

  “She ate the last of them yesterday,” he said. “And I haven’t been to the grocery yet.”

  “Mom, I’ve got grapes in my lunchbox,” a girl among the bystanders said, tugging on her mother’s arm.

  “That’s right. They’re in the car. Go get them,” the woman said.

  Kiki touched the glass next to where Dani held the fob, but Dani immediately concealed the fob in her hand and pointed instead to the fob on the seat next to Kiki.

  Kiki pursed her lips again and pointed to Dani’s hand. Dani pointed to the fob on the seat. Kiki finally followed Dani’s line of vision and looked down at the fob next to her, then picked it up. Dani pressed her fob against the glass and Kiki did the same with her fob. Dani set the fob on top of her head and Kiki did the same, beginning to mimic Dani’s motions. Dani held the fob up and pretended to press the alarm button. Kiki actually pressed the button on her fob and everyone, including Kiki, seemed to relax in the silence that followed.

  “Everybody get back,” Jamie said, directing the growing crowd to step back about fifteen feet.

  The girl returned with the grapes, and Dani beckoned her over. “What’s your name, kiddo?”

  “Amy.” The girl was bold and confident. Trip judged her to be around eleven years old and a bit of a tomboy.

  “Okay, Amy. I want you to stand by me and show the grapes to Kiki, then eat one. Smack your lips like it’s really good, but don’t smile at her. She’ll think you’re being aggressive by baring your teeth.”

  “Okay.” Amy lifted the cluster of white grapes to the window then plucked one and popped it into her mouth. She had Kiki’s full attention.

  “Now eat another and smack your lips. And when I reach to take one, too, don’t let me.”

  Amy did as she was told, pulling the grapes out of reach and shaking her head when Dani attempted to get one for herself.

  “Good girl.” Dani held up the fob in her hand and pointed to it. “In the wild, orangutans have been observed offering trades for items they want from another orangutan.” She pointed to the grapes. “Now I want you to offer the grapes to me in exchange for this fob.”

  Amy did and they swapped grapes for fob while Kiki watched. Dani popped a grape in her mouth and smacked her lips. Then she held the grapes near the two-inch opening at the top of the window and pointed to the fob that Kiki held. The ape didn’t hesitate. She pushed the fob through the opening and Dani squeezed the remaining grapes through into Kiki’s waiting fingers.

  “Jamie, can you uncuff Earl? I’m going to unlock the door and I want him to calmly help her out of the vehicle.”

  “Sure thing.” Jamie released Big Earl, and he rubbed the small indentions in his wrists. “Sorry, Earl, but I had to do something to deescalate things.”

  “It’s okay,” he mumbled. “I get a little worked up sometimes, and I’m a little protective of Kiki. She’s such a sweetheart and won’t eat for days if she gets upset.”

  Trip took the opportunity to sidle up next to Jamie. “She doesn’t look very upset to me.”

  Kiki was turning the steering wheel back and forth with her hind feet while she daintily picked one grape at a time from the cluster to eat them.

  Dani unlocked the SUV with the fob, and Big Earl opened the door.

  “Kiki, come to Daddy. Let’s go inside and get an orange.”

  The orangutan held out her hand for Big Earl to take and climbed out of the car. The crowd cheered and Kiki blew them a raspberry, then waddled inside, still gripping Earl’s hand.

  “I’m going to get my stethoscope and check her out to make sure she didn’t get too overheated,” Dani said. “Unless you want to.”

  Trip waved her on. “All yours.”

  Jamie turned to Mr. Utley. “Your car looks none the worse for wear, sir. But if you want to press charges, I’ll have to check with my sergeant to see what charges could be brought.”

  “Dad, can we go now? You said we’d make it to the beach tonight. I told you that I didn’t want to stop here.” A teen girl emphasized her whine of displeasure with that age group’s signature huff, roll of the eyes, and small stamp of her foot.

  An older teen wearing shorts and a T-shirt that proclaimed “Exotic Emporium” came out of the store and gave Utley a package of sanitizing wipes. “Big Earl said to give this to you to wipe down the inside of your car. He couldn’t come out himself because Kiki won’t let him out of her sight now that all the excitement has died down, but he asks that you accept his sincere apology for Kiki and sent this souvenir for your daughter.” She handed over a taxidermized baby alligator, then returned to the store without waiting for a response.

  Trip whistled. “Man, I’ve been trying to get him to give me one of those for years.”

  Utley looked it over closely with obvious interest, then held it out to his daughter.

  She threw her hands up and backed away. “Eww. I don’t want that dead animal.”

  “Wow. That’s so cool,” Amy, the grape girl, said.

  “Here, young lady. I’d rather someone have it who will appreciate it.” Utley put the stuffed creature in Amy’s hands. “Consider it my thanks for you helping to get t
hat ape out of our car.”

  “Thanks, mister. Thanks a lot.” Amy ran to her mother, holding her prize up. “Look, Mom. Look at what he gave me.”

  Mom waved at Mr. Utley and mouthed a thank you. He sighed, much like his daughter had, and turned back to Jamie. “No harm done, Deputy. And I really don’t want to have to come back to testify in court, so we’ll just be on our way.”

  “Thank you, sir. If it makes you feel better, I’m going to have a chat with Earl about checking that outdoor pen every day before he lets Kiki into it.”

  Trip stood next to Jamie, waiting for her chance, as they watched the Utleys wipe down the seats, then climb in and pull out onto the highway. Trip punched Jamie lightly on the arm. “That was some slick move you pulled to handcuff Earl. I’ll have to call you to help out next time I have to pull one of Jawbone’s teeth.”

  Jamie gave her a sideway glance. “I’m afraid to even ask who Jawbone might be.”

  Trip slung her arm over Jamie’s shoulders. “That’s Earl’s twelve-foot alligator he keeps in the pond out back. Earl rescued him after finding him in a big ditch. He was near dead from starvation because he had a jawbone of some kind stuck in his teeth so he couldn’t close his mouth.”

  Jamie eased out from under Trip’s arm. “Gator wrestling isn’t in my job description.”

  “Before today, you probably didn’t think wrangling orangutans was part of your job either.” Trip attempted to imitate Kiki blowing a raspberry.

  “You’re spitting all over me.” Jamie finally laughed as she pushed Trip away. “Okay. You got me there.”

  Trip loved Jamie’s laugh and, damn, she was beautiful when she smiled. “Have dinner with me tonight?”

  Jamie looked down at her feet. “Trip—”

  But Trip wasn’t going to let her slip away easily. “There is a popular brewery that’s opened up down by the river. They have outdoor seating that catches the breeze coming off the water, and dogs are welcome so you can bring P. They also have really great burgers, fried green tomatoes, sweet potato chips, or all-you-can-peel-and-eat boiled shrimp. You don’t even have to eat if you don’t want to. Just have a beer or a glass of tea so we can talk.” Her words had come out in a rush, but she paused now and softened her voice. “Come on, Jamie. Just give me a chance.” Trip held her breath while Jamie stared down the highway for a long minute, then injected a teasing tone to lighten the serious moment. “If you refuse, I might do something drastic.”