Ink by Numbers

by Carrie Ann Ryan

  “I’m fine. But we’re running a little late, so I should get started.”

  Kaylee quickly went up to the front of the room before anybody could question her further. She didn’t like being on that end. She liked to stand in front of her friends and make sure they were fine. She enjoyed being the one dissecting things and ensuring that they were emotionally ready for the next step, that they weren’t hiding from themselves. She didn’t think of herself as a therapist or psychiatrist, but she did know that art helped heal. She knew that it helped bring out emotions you thought were hidden, ones that maybe didn’t need to be behind so many layers.

  Kaylee put herself into everything she did, including her work. And tonight would be no different.

  But that didn’t mean she liked being on the other side of that lens.

  “Okay, ladies and gentlemen,” she said as the women in the room laughed. The lone male just shook his head and raised his glass of pinot noir.

  “Okay, I guess gentleman, welcome to Brushes With Lushes. Tonight, we’re going to have a little fun, and maybe a whole lot more. I do hope that you put whatever you want into your paintings tonight. You don’t have to do what I do. Just use my steps as a basis for what you’d like to do. Indulge in what you like. Know that no one here is going to judge. Because if they do, I know exactly how to kick them on their rear and get them out of here.” She paused as the class laughed, just as she intended them to.

  “Okay, then, let’s start with a blank canvas. Some say it’s the scariest part of all, but I think of it as a beginning. It’s just begging for paint, just as a blank page begs for words. And, so, we shall indulge.”

  The evening went off without a hitch, and the paintings that came out of it made her grin. Everybody had started with what she had given them and made it his or her own. That was what she loved. She wanted to see who they were through what they put on the canvas. Some of them were a little darker, some a little more comical. Some were romantic and light, others a little more nightmarish.

  It was exactly what she needed.

  * * *

  The class filtered out, and Kaylee hugged and kissed her friends as they walked away, all of them having their own lives to go back to. She let her assistants leave as soon as the place was cleaned up. Soon, she was alone—exactly what she was used to.

  Maybe that helped her art, but she didn’t know.

  She let out a breath and closed her eyes, knowing she had a long night of art ahead of her. Her fingertips had been burning with the idea of what came to mind while she was helping others. She didn’t have a project in the works at the moment. Everything was in one stage or another, but she hadn’t started anything new in about a month. Maybe that should’ve worried her, but that was how she worked. She threw herself into multiple things at once and took breaks.

  But, tonight…tonight, she would start something new.

  As she opened her eyes, she knew she wasn’t alone anymore. He was there.

  He wasn’t just on her mind, he was right behind her.

  So she rolled her shoulders back and turned, making sure to keep her gaze cool.

  “You’re late,” she said, her voice low. “The evening’s already over.”

  The man shook his head and brushed his knuckle across her jaw. She didn’t flinch, didn’t back away, but she didn’t lean in to him either. Because she couldn’t. She couldn’t do anything but look at him. “I’m not late. I can’t be. Not when it comes to you.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense.”

  He let out a chuckle. “I was trying to be romantic.”

  “There’s no need to be romantic, Landon. You’re not mine. Remember? We tried that once, and it didn’t work out.”

  That had been the last time she was with any man. Kaylee tried not to wince at the idea of her dry spell, but she and Landon were not a couple. They had tried, and it hadn’t worked. All of their friends wanted to know more, but that just meant she wasn’t going to tell them. She didn’t know why it hurt that it hadn’t worked out between them. She wasn’t sure what she wanted, and he didn’t want a relationship. It just didn’t work.

  And if she kept telling herself that, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.

  “I just missed you.”

  She closed her eyes, letting out a breath. “You can’t say things like that, Landon. And I need to go to work. Was there something you wanted?”

  He just looked in her eyes and then slowly shook his head. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I was driving by and saw the lights on but no cars in the parking lot. You know it worries me when you’re here all alone.”

  “I’m alone a lot of the time, Landon. I’m used to it.”

  “You should have someone taking care of you, Kaylee.”

  “I can take care of myself. You’re not the one who’s going to be taking care of me. Remember?”

  “Will you be in your studio all night?”

  She let out a breath. “Yes, and your desk is all set for you if you’d like to sit and do your work and watch me.”

  He just smiled. The two of them walked back to her studio, closing up the rest of the front of the shop. They went to work—him doing paperwork and working with spreadsheets that made her eyes cross, and her ignoring him to the best of her ability as she threw everything she had at the canvas.

  He didn’t like her to be alone, knew that she really didn’t like it even though she told herself she was fine with it.

  Because he liked to take care of her, even if she wasn’t his to take care of.

  Their relationship was complicated, but so many other things were, as well. They were friends, had been lovers, but they were never anything more than that.

  And just because some part of her wanted that, didn’t mean it would ever happen.

  Because it couldn’t.

  And it wouldn’t.

  Chapter 2

  Landon had been at this one spreadsheet for what felt like a week. As he looked down at the calendar on his computer, he frowned. It actually had been a week. Seven days since he’d gotten this account, and it was getting a little ridiculous that he was still working on it and trying to make the numbers work. Well, maybe not work but at least make sense. He loved his job. He enjoyed making sure others made money, and he really loved the fact that he could make money. What he didn’t like was when his clients wanted to make money and not have to spend it. They just wanted it to happen overnight, and apparently, it was Landon’s job to make that happen.

  Even in his line of work, he was not a risk-taker. He couldn’t be. He couldn’t afford it. Yes, others could be doing his job—he was a broker, after all. He was also a financial planner for some. That used to be his main job, and he was thinking about going back to it. He wasn’t sure he liked what he was doing any longer, but maybe that was because he was restless about so many other things.

  No, he wasn’t going to think about that. He really wasn’t going to think about what he was restless about. He wasn’t going to think about anything like that. He was just going to focus on finishing up this spreadsheet and then have a beer.

  A very good brew. Maybe two. Maybe even five. Okay, he wasn’t in his twenties anymore, so not five.

  God, when had he gotten old? Not that he actually was old, but sometimes, he sure felt like it. Sitting hunched over his desk, staring at numbers until his eyes crossed, was one of those times.

  So, he shut down his computer after saving everything, and knew it was time for his weekend to start. He would just have to get back to it on Monday. He was good at what he did, fast at it, but sometimes, the numbers just didn’t work. When they didn’t, he knew it was time to back away.

  Perhaps it was time to find a new job. One that didn’t stress him out to the point where he was afraid that his hair would start falling out.

  He ran a hand through his chestnut brown hair and winced.

  Was it thinning? Was he getting a bald spot? His boss had a bald spot, one that seemed to grow
with every passing financial cycle. Maybe that was his next stage. Balding. And a little more beer so he’d get a little rounder in the stomach. Not that he’d judge anyone for that, but he really wasn’t ready for that yet.

  The idea he was balding could just be related to age. Or it could be that he was doing his best not to think about the fact that one of his best friends had started to push him away.

  Maybe it was because she needed to push him away.

  He let out a groan and let his head fall back so he could close his eyes. He was losing his damn mind, and he was pretty sure it was all Kaylee’s fault.

  And if it was her fault, then it was really his fault. Because he was the asshole. He was always the asshole.

  He might have let his friend stay at his house when Carter and his wife were dealing with marital problems and trying to actually communicate with each other. He might have also helped Ryan figure out what he needed to say and do when it came to the love of his life, Abby. And he was there when Dimitri and Mace needed him, when they were figuring out their love lives.

  But all of that did not make him not an asshole. If he added enough double negatives, maybe he could actually come up with something positive.

  Or maybe, once again, he was letting numbers and words get into his head, and it was making him lose his freaking mind.

  So, he closed up and got into his car. His nice, fancy, fully-loaded Audi with its leather interior and its new car smell. He swore he’d have to just get a new car when that smell faded.

  This purchase wasn’t very good with the whole financial planning thing, but it was his baby. He did not have a lot of vices. He drank light beer when he felt like it, and cheap brands most of the time when he was out with his friends. He had nice suits, but he didn’t own a thousand of them. He owned a few and switched out the shirts and ties that went with them. He was good, financially responsible. And as he ran his hands over the leather of the steering wheel, he realized that he was when it came to this baby, too.

  He loved this car. Loved it more than anything else in his life.

  That thought made him wince.

  Really? Really, Landon? Your car is your baby? The one thing you love?

  No wonder Kaylee was getting tired of him. No wonder he was the lone male of his friends without a woman.

  Yes, everybody thought that he and Kaylee were actually together, but they didn’t realize that he and Kaylee had tried that once and were now just friends.

  Just. Friends.

  He didn’t know why that hurt. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t tried before. It just didn’t work out. She hadn’t wanted a serious relationship at the time, and he didn’t know if that had really changed. He loved women. He loved the way they felt, the way they laughed. He loved the way he made them feel, and the way they made him feel. He loved their curves, loved when they didn’t have curves. He loved every part of them, and not just the way they looked.

  He was not ready to settle down—or at least he hadn’t been. He and Kaylee had both known the score when they fell into bed together and realized that they weren’t the ones for each other. So, they had fallen right back out of bed but not out of each other’s lives. They’d remained friends, and he didn’t know why, but he had assumed a sort of protective role when it came to her. Protective when he knew that she didn’t want it. It wasn’t that she actually needed someone in that position. She was damn strong all on her own, she didn’t need a man in her life. Now that he thought about it, she told him that frequently.

  He didn’t like her alone in her studio, and he knew that she didn’t enjoy eating out alone—he wasn’t really a fan of it either. So, when he didn’t have a date, which was more often than not these days now that he thought about it, they went out together.

  They liked trying out new restaurants, enjoyed a lot of the same food. They liked getting dressed up and feeling fancy. Not that he actually said that, but Kaylee had once, and now it stuck in his head.

  They just liked doing a lot of the same things. So, they did. Together. It made things a little awkward sometimes because they had seen each other naked. He had licked every inch of her. They had fallen into bed way too fast, way too hard, but it had been damn good. The sex had been amazing. And everything after had been pretty amazing, as well. It was just that neither of them wanted to ruin what they had by trying for something more serious. Because they hadn’t wanted anything serious.

  He let out a breath and told himself that everything was fine. This weird feeling in his stomach was just because he was worried about his job and the fact that he was considering changing careers slightly. It was just because everyone around him was getting married and having babies or more babies. That’s all it was. He wasn’t thinking about the fact that he sort of missed his best friend in a way that wasn’t so…friendly.

  The Bluetooth on his car rang, and the screen popped up with Kaylee’s name.

  “Speak of the devil,” he whispered and then winced. Kaylee was no devil. A siren, sure. A minx, perhaps. But there was a reason the sailors went to those sirens. There was a reason their calls wooed the men and lured them closer.

  If Kaylee was a siren, then he was the easily and willingly lured pirate.

  Great, now he was thinking about himself in the Dread Pirate Roberts getup and she as Princess Buttercup—but in a more daring outfit.

  He was officially losing his damn mind. He quickly pressed the button on his steering wheel and answered. “So, you just can’t take any time without me. Can you? You miss me desperately.” He over-exaggerated the words, and he could practically hear her rolling her eyes.

  “You’re an idiot, Landon.”

  “Yes, yes, I am. But only an idiot for you.” He really needed to stop teasing her, but they both did that. It was just how they worked. Though he didn’t know why it was starting to hurt. With every tease, every flirtation, it started to needle just a little bit. Maybe he needed to stop. Perhaps he needed to back away.

  But he didn’t know if he could do that.

  “It’s a Friday night, Landon. And I’m hungry.”

  He swallowed hard and used his free hand to adjust himself in his pants. As soon as she’d said those words, his mind hadn’t gone to food. It went to her on her knees in front of him, hungry for something more than just a taste.

  He really needed to get laid. And Kaylee was not the answer to his problem.

  “Oh?”

  “Stop thinking about sex, Landon.”

  She snapped the words, and he let out a laugh. “You’re starting to freak me out with this whole mind-reading thing.”

  “Well, I am amazing like that. But I really want to go to that sushi place we both like. I can call in a reservation since I know it’s a Friday night, but they can usually slide us in.”

  He was not going to think about sliding anything in.

  Oh, God, he was losing his mind. Losing his fucking mind.

  “I could do sushi.”

  “That’s what I thought. Pick me up? I’ll make the reservation for forty-five minutes from now. That’ll give us enough time.”

  “Enough time for what?” he asked, his voice as low and seductive as he could possibly make it.”

  “Enough time to make sure you don’t look as ragged as you normally do after a long day of numbers. Don’t tempt me, Landon. You’re not going to like the outcome.”

  He laughed and then hung up as she said her goodbyes.

  They were both playing with fire, and he knew it. One day soon, they would land in bed together again, and he was afraid once they rolled out of it, they wouldn’t be the same people anymore. He’d changed after sleeping with her the first time, and he damn well knew it would be worse this time.

  Things were already messy, and it was just getting worse. He was standing in quicksand, trying to run, but there was no escape.

  There never was.

  * * *

  “I don’t understand why you like the spicy, crunchy stuff,” Kaylee said, wrinkling
her nose as he ate an entire spicy salmon crunchy roll. He just grinned, knowing that he was showing some of the food in his mouth.

  They were at a decently upscale restaurant, and this was not how you were supposed to act, but he loved making her wince, liked making her laugh.

  “You’re disgusting. But I kind of knew that going in. It’s sort of who you are.” He swallowed after chewing and drank a gulp of water until he didn’t have any more of that spiciness on his tongue.

  “Oh, shush. You chew with your mouth open, too, sometimes.”

  “I did once, and I had a cold. A very bad one where I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I don’t know why you keep bringing that up.”

  “Because you keep bringing up the spicy, crunchy thing.” He took another bite, this one a little bit smaller so he didn’t have to shove it all into his mouth. “I just like the way it tastes.”

  “It does taste good, but I don’t like the texture of it. And I love sushi, you know that, but even some fish eggs kind of freak me out. It’s the texture in your mouth. I just can’t do it.”

  He just shook his head, took the roe that she had scraped off the top of one of the rolls, and put it on his plate.

  “I can’t believe you would waste this precious, precious roe.”

  “I’m not wasting it. I wouldn’t have ordered it if you didn’t like it. Because I know none of it will go to waste since you will eat it. If I were by myself—which I rarely am these days for some reason because I think everybody likes to take me out to eat—I wouldn’t have ordered it at all. I would have just had Sushi Me or something. No eggs or crunchiness or anything that would feel weird in my mouth.”

  “Okay, back up, why did you sound sad when you said people were going out to dinner with you? Is this like a pity thing tonight?”

  She shook her head. “I’m not talking about you. It’s the damn Montgomerys.” She sounded so exasperated that he snorted.

  “They’re after you to make sure you’re happy and in love just like they are, aren’t they?”