The Woman Next Door: An unputdownable psychological thriller with a stunning twist
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‘I’m concerned she might harm herself… or Mia.’ I mentioned Mia in an attempt to engage him. It worked, kind of.
‘No way,’ he said, shutting me down quite firmly. ‘Why would she do something like that? Only the other day she said she’s never been happier.’
‘Good,’ I said. ‘I’m glad about that, because she hasn’t said anything like that to me. In fact she can’t speak to me these days without snapping.’
I was surprised they’d even had a conversation about her happiness, but in truth I don’t believe she is happy; I think, as usual, Matt is so obsessed with the school’s production of Annie that he’s missing what’s right under his nose. I can see she’s lost her spark. She seems listless, like she doesn’t care about anything – even Mia.
‘What she says and what she feels might be quite different, Matt,’ I added, refusing to let the conversation die.
‘I think you’re worrying about nothing,’ he said dismissively.
‘So why did she have the knife hidden in the car?’
‘Maybe she was using it for protection?’
‘Perhaps. But hiding it under carpet in the back of the car is hardly easy access,’ I said, but he wasn’t really listening. Again. But I offered him more evidence. ‘I told Amber the knife was missing from the block and she said she hadn’t noticed… so why wouldn’t she tell me it was in her car for protection?’
He looked at me and laughed.
‘Are you laughing at me, Matt?’
‘Yes. I think you’re getting carried away. She probably just forgot about it. Life isn’t like your TV crime dramas, Lucy – everything you find isn’t a clue, things happen randomly and there isn’t always a reason.’
He was really annoying me and I didn’t want a row because I could hear Mia crying and Amber was having a nap. ‘Well, I’ve put it safely away,’ I said. ‘We don’t want any accidents…’ And I went to fetch Mia, who was crying and needed feeding.
Holding Mia in my arms softened everything, and my mood regarding Matt dissipated instantly. Over the months, I’d meant to talk to Amber about the knife, but always held back. I didn’t want to upset or embarrass her.
It was months ago. She has Mia now and life has changed – it probably isn’t even relevant any more. So I’ve decided to take Matt’s advice: stop trying to work out why a knife was hidden in the boot of her car, and forget about it.
Chapter Eighteen
Lucy
When Mia is only a few weeks old Amber says she has to go back to work part-time and she arranges to work three evenings a week on the late bulletin. As I’ll be looking after Mia and Amber is still a bit shaky about dark places late at night, I ask Matt if he’ll collect her from work and he doesn’t hesitate. He’s so good about it, and never complains when she leaves him waiting for her outside the studio for ages while she hangs out with her colleagues after the show finishes. Sometimes they don’t get back until way after midnight, and I know for a fact she’s finished work by ten thirty. Poor Matt has to be up for work the next day and he comes home exhausted. It doesn’t help that he can’t relax when she’s sitting around at home either, which is most of the time. Three’s a crowd, but what can we do?
Matt and I aren’t even alone in the bedroom – well, of course we are, but the walls are thin in these new houses and we might as well all be in the same room. Matt says we have to have sex quietly because it puts him off, knowing she’s in the next room, but sometimes I can’t help it. I try really hard not to push mine and Matt’s relationship in Amber’s face though. She’s always saying how alone she feels and I don’t want to make that worse, but she has Mia so I don’t know how she can feel alone.
I know she loves her, you can see that, but I sometimes think Mia is a bit of an afterthought for Amber. I honestly don’t think she’d actually thought much about who was going to look after the baby. Though she does know I love looking after Mia – she’s the only thing that makes any sense in my world at the moment. Amber keeps saying she’ll just put Mia in nursery when she goes back full-time, but selfishly I don’t want this. I’d miss her too much. I’m seriously thinking about going part-time, so I can help out with Mia and she doesn’t have to go to a nursery. There’s nothing wrong with a nursery, but she’s only a few months old and it’s such a precious time, I think she should be with people who love her. She’s the only one in the house who has a smile for me these days – Matt as usual is busy with work and the new play, and Amber’s just, well, Amber.
We used to have such fun, but the longer she stays, the more I feel like I’m walking on eggshells with her. I never quite know what kind of mood she’s going to be in. Sometimes she’s affectionate though, like yesterday evening. She wasn’t working, Matt was busy and it was just the two of us.
‘I’ve made us a salad,’ she said, when I arrived home from work. For Amber to do anything in the kitchen is a rare treat, and I opened the fridge, not expecting very much, but there it was, a huge bowl with exotic leaves and fruits and nuts. It looked delicious. ‘I popped out to the shops with Mia,’ she explained, and I was delighted that she’d actually done something rather than lie on the sofa in her dressing gown. ‘I got you those.’ She was pointing to a bunch of lovely pink roses which she’d arranged in a jug.
I was really touched. ‘I’ve had a long day with Year 2 and this is just what I needed.’
‘Well, you’re always doing stuff for me, so I wanted to treat you,’ she said. And later we ate our salad and watched TV together and had a few laughs.
Matt came home and joined us in the sitting room in front of the TV. I was feeding Mia with a bottle while Amber painted her nails and when Matt came in he made a huge fuss of Mia, whose little baby face lit up as soon as she saw him.
‘Lucy, you’re amazing with Mia. Isn’t she, Matt?’
He nodded, looking at Mia with an indulgent smile.
‘Ahh thanks, Amber, I love taking care of her,’ I said. I sometimes felt Amber might be taking me and Matt for granted, but it was lovely of her to acknowledge what I’d achieved, working full-time and taking over with Mia every evening while Amber worked.
‘Yeah, you really are embracing motherhood,’ she said, prodding my stomach. ‘You’ve even gained the baby weight! Hasn’t she, Matt?’
Matt knows me well enough to know my weight is, like for many women, a difficult issue, especially as I’ve recently put on a few pounds. ‘No comment,’ he said, a smile playing on his lips.
I laughed along with Amber, but inside I felt so wounded. If it had just been me and her, I’d have taken it better, but Matt was there too, which made it worse. It felt like she was laughing at me and asking him to join in.
Tonight Amber’s not working but has gone out for the evening. It’s the second time this week and when I asked her where she was going, she just said, ‘The Italian restaurant in town.’ Her response seemed vague, rude even, because as the person who’s looking after her baby tonight, surely she owes me a few more details?
Mia’s asleep in my arms when Matt comes into the living room and sits next to me. He’s touching her tiny hands and we both watch as her fingers furl around his, making his look like a giant’s, and for a blissful few seconds I imagine how it might have been – how it could still be.
‘Funny isn’t it?’ I sigh. ‘This is the picture I’d imagined – you and me with a little one. I never expected it to be like this though.’
He’s smiling at Mia. ‘Yeah, funny the way things turn out.’
‘I don’t know what I’d do… if Amber left and took her,’ I say. ‘It would be like losing my own child.’
He turns away from Mia and looks at me, his face filled with concern. ‘Lucy, don’t get too close. One day Amber will leave and I’d hate to see you upset.’
‘Don’t worry, I’m a big girl. I’ll cope. My heart will only break for a little while,’ I lie.
He puts his arm around me and the look on his face is so tender. ‘I’m sorry, Lucy.’
>
‘Please don’t apologise, Matt. It’s no one’s fault, just the way things are.’
‘I just feel bad, especially now… with Mia,’ he sighs.
‘Do you think I should trust her?’ I suddenly say into the silence.
‘Who… Mia?’
‘No.’ I laugh. ‘Amber.’
‘Can you trust Amber? I don’t know… Why do you ask?’
‘Just the other day Kirsty said she doesn’t trust her.’
‘Oh, surprise, surprise. Kirsty’s just jealous, you’ve said it yourself.’
‘Yeah, I know. I just sometimes feel Amber isn’t telling me everything. She’s cagey about her love life, where she goes, who she’s with. I don’t know where she is tonight for example.’
‘What love life? As far as I was aware, she doesn’t have one,’ he says, becoming all fatherly. He can be quite old-fashioned. He’s always said Amber’s promiscuous and he wouldn’t approve of her going out on dates with a young baby at home.
‘She’s gone to the Italian with a girlfriend, hasn’t she?’ he says, picking up his iPad from the coffee table.
‘A girlfriend? I thought it was a boyfriend?’ I feel a sting of jealousy at the thought of Amber dining out with a girlfriend. Irrational I know, but surely she’d rather go out with me? ‘No, it’s a boyfriend. Judging by that tight, low-cut top she’s wearing, I’m absolutely sure she’s gone on a date,’ I add bitchily. Perhaps Matt isn’t the only old-fashioned one.
Matt doesn’t answer, he’s now abandoned our conversation for a script as usual, but it’s still nice to have him here, next to me. I love having Mia here, but three adults makes it quite a full house, especially as I feel that one of those adults isn’t really pulling her weight. Or perhaps I’m just feeling a bit prickly.
Matt and I are rarely alone these days, and even in bed we don’t talk much, just fall asleep exhausted after work and caring for Mia. I wonder if we should have a holiday next half-term, just the two of us? I know he finds Amber irritating, and it would be good to get away, be a couple again.
I look down at Mia in my arms and wonder who Amber’s with tonight. I assumed she was on a date because when I asked who she was going with, she tapped the side of her nose, indicating it was none of my business. This stung a little, but that’s Amber – she’s either love-bombing you with kisses or cutting you with her cruelty. I’d understand if she’d gone on a date, but to go out with a female friend has, irrationally, made me feel a little hurt, because I asked her if she’d like to go out the other evening. I said Matt would mind Mia, and perhaps we could go to the cinema and then try the new Italian on the corner. She said she didn’t fancy the Italian, and besides, she was too busy.
‘Have you noticed she hasn’t got any of the weird texts since she came here?’ I say to Matt. ‘Just the flowers when Mia was born – and then the perfume. But I reckon she thinks that’s her ex, not the stalker.’
‘The stalker’s probably given up because he knows she’s living with us and doesn’t want to get into a fight with me,’ Matt says. He’s puffing his chest out and flexing his arms pretending it’s fun, but he really fancies himself since he started going to the gym.
‘Yeah right, your big butch presence is exactly why Amber’s psycho stalker stopped texting.’ I roll my eyes and he laughs. At least he doesn’t take himself too seriously.
Later that evening, Matt and I are alone together, Mia is sleeping upstairs and Amber’s still out. I hate to say it, but I’m not missing her. I haven’t suggested that Matt collect her, and I don’t care what time she comes home, because it feels good just being here with Matt. I’d almost forgotten what this was like, just the two of us. There’s no drama, and I don’t have to avoid sitting next to my husband in my own home just so Amber doesn’t feel left out. She’s constantly telling me how she wishes she could be married like me, and seeing us together reminds her of what she doesn’t have. She even asked me recently if I’d mind not kissing Matt in front of her because it makes her feel lonely. I should have been angry with her, but what I actually felt was embarrassed, and since then I’ve felt like I’m being mean if I’m sitting near him, or touching him if she’s around. But tonight, with her out of the house, I feel so much more relaxed – it’s such a shame it can’t be like this all the time. Just me, Matt and Mia.
‘I think I’m going to ask Amber when she’s moving back to her house,’ I say.
‘Why? What about the stalker?’
‘I told you, she hasn’t had any texts for ages. I don’t think it’s relevant any more.’
‘What about Mia? You said you didn’t trust Amber to look after her if you weren’t around.’
‘I think that might be the problem,’ I say. ‘I do too much for Amber, and it isn’t helping her. I think it’s time she took responsibility. I’ll miss Mia, but as you said, she isn’t mine and it’s going to hurt me when she goes. But she has to go. Amber has to live her own life now. I could still have Mia for her when she’s at work, two or three nights a week, but we need to get back to me and you. Three isn’t a good number in a marriage – look what happened to Princess Diana,’ I say, only half joking.
‘That’s silly,’ he says. ‘Until recently she was your best friend; you were always telling me how great she was.’
‘I think we’re still best friends, we just don’t seem to be getting on like we used to. She’s been so moody recently, and I feel like this isn’t my home any more. She relies on us for everything – you and I do all the housework and a lot of the childcare and so she doesn’t bother. The other day I asked her if she could help out by stacking the breakfast things in the dishwasher instead of leaving them on the side. She looked absolutely shocked and said she’s too busy in the day with Mia and suggested we get a cleaner!’
I wait for his outrage, but there isn’t any, so I keep talking.
‘I mean… it’s okay for her with all her money, but she didn’t offer to pay for a cleaner,’ I add. ‘And she hasn’t paid us anything to stay here – if you remember she told us she’d contribute to bills, but when I asked her she just said she’ll pay us when she leaves.’
He gives a big sigh. ‘And she will, Lucy. She probably doesn’t see it as a big deal. Amber’s rolling in it, so it means nothing to her.’
‘It’s not just the money. I don’t know what she does all day, but I came home this afternoon and I don’t think she’d changed Mia’s nappy for hours.’ I feel like such a bitch. I wasn’t going to say anything but I’d been really angry when I saw how uncomfortable Mia was.
‘Maybe Amber’s way of doing things is different from yours. You’re a bit of a perfectionist, Lucy…’
‘Maybe, but not changing your baby’s nappy, never putting a wash on, not clearing your own breakfast things, that’s just lazy.’
He’s probably just putting my grumbling down to pettiness, and trying to concentrate on his work, but I think he sometimes feels he’s above trivial domestic problems, especially as he’s working on a book, his latest thing. I offered to proofread it for him, but he said he didn’t want anyone to read it. ‘You can read the book when it’s published and watch the film at the premier in Hollywood,’ he joked. I feel a bit sad for him really. Matt sets very high goals for himself and, despite making a joke of it, really believes that one day he’ll write that book, direct that film, star in that play. He has these huge expectations of himself and his life, and I can’t help but worry that he’ll crash and burn and life will disappoint him. At least I’ll be around to hold his hand, mop his brow and help him back up when he falls.
‘Anyway, another way of looking at the situation is – does Amber leaving mean Mia leaving?’ I say, looking at him for a reaction.
‘What do you mean, Lucy?’ He’s looking at me, puzzled.
‘Well, Amber loves Mia but hates the responsibility, and she’s never looked after her for twenty-four hours on her own. I reckon she might not want to take her with her anyway if she leaves here.’
‘Of course she’ll want to take her, Mia’s her baby,’ he says, horrified.
‘Yes, but she’s not exactly Mother Earth, is she? She’ll still want to go out, still live her life. I doubt she’ll look after Mia like we do. And if Amber does take her, she’ll only be a few doors away. I’ll keep an eye on things and if I see a sign of any neglect, I could go straight to social services.’
‘You’re scaring me, Lucy,’ he says in all seriousness.
‘I know. It is scary.’
‘No, I mean you’re scary. It’s as if you’re planning for this to happen… And what next? What would you do… try and get guardianship of Mia?’
‘I wouldn’t do that if Mia was well looked after, but yes, if needs be. I’m only thinking of what’s best for Mia, and if that means being safe with us instead of being unsafe with a flaky mother, then for me it’s a no-brainer.’ I know I’m being hypercritical and disapproving of my friend, but I’m also being brutally honest. Amber has never shown that much interest in being a mother and wouldn’t this be the best for both of us? I get the baby I love, who I’ve bonded with, who I always wanted, and Amber gets to live her life how she chooses.
Matt looks concerned, like he doesn’t know me. I try to take his hand, but he pulls it away, which feels like a slap to me.
‘Matt, I want Amber to go. It’s time – but I don’t want her to take this little one,’ I say, looking down at the beautiful little bundle sleeping in my arms, finally feeling like a member of the mother’s club.
Amber arrives home a little later, banging the front door noisily, which puts me on edge as Mia’s now sleeping upstairs. And reinforcing my concerns earlier, judging by the state of Amber, she’s in no condition to deal with a crying Mia if she wakes up. I’ll be the one having to calm her down, due to the racket her selfish mother’s making. She drops her keys on the phone table in the hall, creating a crashing sound, this is followed by the sound of her taking off her shoes and apparently hurling them against the wall.