Through Your Eyes

by Shannyn Schroeder

Tommy put an arm around her shoulders, and they walked down the block toward church. Deirdre felt light and comfortable. Mostly, she was happy she had a job.

  “When do you start your new job?”

  “Monday morning.”

  Tommy groaned. “Back to five A.M. start?”

  “Not Monday since I’m training, but as I gain more responsibility, probably. I like the early shift. No one else is around and I can just focus on baking.”

  “But it’s so fucking early, and it interferes with the rest of your life.”

  “Get the language out of your system now. No swearing in church.” She poked him. “What exactly does the early morning interfere with?”

  “Staying up late with me. Going to my games. It’ll totally fuck with my sense of comfort because you’ll want to take the bus.”

  She hadn’t considered any of that. She’d simply jumped at the chance to have a job again. “You’re right. We’ll figure something out. During the summer months, it’ll be light out when I go, so you won’t have to worry. I’ll work on getting my license and a car for the fall. Will that set your mind at ease?”

  “A little.”

  He held the door to the church for her to enter. Everyone always said that the compromise of a marriage was hard work, but she’d yet to see it. She and Tommy had been able to compromise. Nothing was perfect, but it wasn’t quite as difficult as she’d thought.

  Mass was soothing. She had much to be grateful for. In addition to her job, her aunt was once again on speaking terms with her. Her father had actually had a conversation with her the other day. And Eileen and Seamus were getting along famously.

  On the walk back home, Deirdre wondered why they hadn’t been better friends over the years. They seemed to be about the same age, from the same general background. “Why don’t Eileen and your father get along?”

  “I don’t have any idea. It never crossed my mind until you came into the family. The O’Learys were on the fringes of my life. They’re neighbors, and Jimmy and Liam were best friends. Kevin and Moira were in school together, but the rest of us were staggered in age, so I didn’t hang out with any of the O’Learys.”

  “Doesn’t Jimmy talk about them?”

  Tommy laughed. “Jimmy doesn’t talk about much. Unless it’s to yell at someone.”

  She definitely was aware of that side of Jimmy. She’d yet to have a normal conversation with the man. He needed a wider berth and more time than Eileen had. He was angry because he cared about his brother. She understood that, but she also knew it ate away at Tommy. He didn’t like to be on the outs with any of his brothers.

  The evening air was cool against her skin and the smell of spring rain was in the air. At moments like these, she missed home.

  “What’re you thinking about?” Tommy asked.

  “The smell of rain makes me think of home—Ireland.”

  “I know Ireland is home.”

  “I just . . . I think of this as home too. Or at least I’m getting there. I don’t want you to think that I want to go back.”

  He pulled her to a stop. “Ireland will always be home for you. Just like this neighborhood will always be home for me. It doesn’t mean we don’t go on to other things. I’m glad this is your home now.”

  “Me too.”

  He kissed her sweetly and she felt the heavy stare of her aunt on her. She pulled away and looked at Eileen. “Don’t you remember being young and wanting to kiss your man, Aunt Eileen? I remember you and Uncle Patrick.”

  Her aunt kept walking, but Deirdre saw the small smile on her lips.

  As they neared the house, Tommy said, “Mrs. O’Leary, do you want to come in? Deirdre has desserts all over the kitchen.”

  “That’d be nice,” she said, surprising the heck out of Deirdre.

  Tommy led the way up the stairs, and when he gave Deirdre a little push into the living room, a mass of people all jumped out and yelled at her. What was going on?

  Suddenly, she was surrounded by O’Learys and O’Malleys and hockey players. Then she noticed the HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner hanging on the wall. Her eyes filled and she turned to find Tommy.

  She hugged him close. “How did you do this?”

  “I had a lot of help. I know you miss your family and this isn’t quite the same, but I want you to be happy here.”

  The first tear dropped and Maggie was pulling her from Tommy’s arms. “Come on. You have plenty of time to smooch later. It’s party time.”

  She looped an arm through Maggie’s and gave her a nudge. “Thank you. I know this was your doing.”

  Maggie shook her head. “Tommy’s idea. I just helped bring it to life.”

  “And Aunt Eileen. She was in on this?”

  “Yep.”

  Deirdre’s heart was so filled with love in the moment that she thought it might burst. A small cake with her new family would’ve been plenty for a celebration, but this was overwhelming in the best way. Moira was pushing a beer in her hand, and her cousins all took turns hugging her and wishing her a happy birthday.

  Deirdre was sure she’d never had a happier one.

  Chapter Twenty

  Tommy couldn’t believe they pulled it off. For a while, he’d been worried that Deirdre was suspicious, but her expression when she walked in told him she hadn’t had a clue. But she looked happy. He thanked Maggie for her help and went to the kitchen to grab a beer. Knowing the O’Learys definitely came in handy for throwing a party. Alcohol at cost. He couldn’t beat that. Eileen and his dad followed him into the kitchen and sat.

  “Grab me a beer,” Seamus said to Tommy.

  Tommy turned with a bottle and Jimmy took it. He opened it and set it in front of their father. “Only one.”

  Their dad waved him off and opened a plastic container on the table. He grabbed a brownie and bit into it, making sure Jimmy watched.

  “Why are you trying to kill yourself?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”

  With his own beer in hand and an extra for Deirdre, Tommy pulled Jimmy from the room. “Beer’s beer, but the brownies Deirdre made.”

  “So? She should know better than to leave all those sweets all over.”

  “She makes gluten-free, sugar-free desserts. He doesn’t even know he’s eating stuff that’s safe for him.”

  Jimmy’s eyes narrowed, but he nodded. Tommy shrugged. There wasn’t much else he could do to make Jimmy accept Deirdre. It would just take time. No one had asked Deirdre to make stuff for his dad. She just had. He didn’t know why Jimmy couldn’t see that. He sought out Deirdre in the crowd. She was talking to an older guy who had to belong to the O’Learys.

  As he walked away, he felt Jimmy staring at him. Too bad. He didn’t want to fight with Jimmy. This was Deirdre’s day.

  When he reached her, he handed her a beer, “Happy birthday, Cupcake.”

  She took the bottle with a smile. He put his free arm around her and held her hip.

  “Tommy, this is my uncle Liam, my mom and Aunt Eileen’s brother. I haven’t seen him in ages, but Eileen told him to come to the party.”

  “Nice to meet you, Liam. Can I get you anything?” Tommy guessed Liam was probably one of Eileen’s favorite brothers since she’d named a son after him.

  The man held up a bottle. “Moira already took care of that. I hear you went and married our girl on the sly.”

  “I did.”

  “Not a good thing to do to the family.”

  Tommy inhaled. “We’ll have a proper reception when things settle. We want to celebrate with everyone, but we didn’t want to wait.”

  “Well, she looks happy, so I guess we can’t fault you there.”

  “She is standing right in front of the both of you, so you shouldn’t talk about me as if I’m not. I am happy, Uncle Liam.”

  Tommy squeezed the flesh on her hip, earning him a glare. “Do you live in the States, Liam?”

  “I came over at the same time as Eileen. She and Patrick
kept me out of trouble and gave me a home early on.” His gaze wandered the room.

  “Eileen is in the kitchen with my dad.”

  Liam nodded and Deirdre’s eyes got wide. Tommy shrugged. “Confuses me too.”

  “I’ll let you too lovebirds enjoy your party.” Liam leaned forward and kissed Deirdre’s cheek. “Happy birthday, girl.”

  “Thank you, Uncle Liam.” As the man left, she took a healthy swig of her beer.

  Tommy released her hip, but took her hand instead. “Having fun?”

  “I am. I still can’t believe you did all this.”

  Tommy looked around at the full house. It was everything he’d hoped for. “I had a lot of help.”

  “I appreciate it.” She rose up and kissed his cheek.

  He stepped back. “Go talk to people. I’m going to check on food. I’ll be back in a minute.”

  He turned to leave, but she grabbed his hand and spun him around. When he faced her, she fisted a hand in his shirt and pulled him close. She kissed him full on the mouth then, her tongue darting in, giving him a taste of the beer she’d drunk.

  “What was that for?”

  “For this.” She swung her arm out. “And because you try more than most men would even consider.”

  His cheeks heated. “Are you sure that’s your first beer? Am I going to need an Irish dictionary to start understanding you soon?”

  She playfully smacked his shoulder. “I’m not that bad when I’m drinking.”

  “Watch it. Or I’ll record you next time and play it back.”

  “No being cruel to me. It’s my birthday.”

  “Have fun. People want to talk to you.”

  She gave him a wink and he turned back toward the kitchen. Two steps and he almost crashed into Jimmy again. “You do see me walking, right? I know I’m not invisible, yet every time I turn around, you’re in my path.”

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “Then talk and walk. I have to get food from the kitchen.”

  “I want to talk alone.” Jimmy stood his ground and waved Moira over. “Babe, can you get food from the kitchen? I need to speak with my little brother.”

  Moira looked back and forth between them and said, “Sure.”

  “Problem solved.” He held out an arm to point Tommy toward their dad’s room.

  Tommy sighed and turned down the short hallway. Without entering the bedroom, Tommy said, “What do you want, Jimmy? I’m tired of arguing with you.”

  “I want to apologize.”

  That perked Tommy up. “For?”

  “Everything with Deirdre.”

  Moira must’ve laid into him. Tommy could kiss her.

  “I’ve watched the two of you since you walked in the door. You’re not acting.”

  “Huh?” Tommy couldn’t believe Moira wasn’t behind this change of heart. “I’m not following you.”

  “When you got married, I thought it was all about her getting a green card. Some impulsive shit you did because you thought you loved her, that you wanted to save her. But tonight, I see the effortless way you are with each other. The way you interact with each other, touch each other. Fuck. The way you look at her. You are in love.”

  Tommy took a deep breath. He had nothing to say. Jimmy had said nothing he didn’t already know.

  “My question is, is she?”

  This he honestly couldn’t answer. And the lack of knowledge and understanding gnawed at him. “I keep telling you that you don’t need to worry about us.”

  “I can’t help but worry about you.”

  “I’m not your responsibility anymore.”

  “You’ll always be my responsibility. We’re family.”

  As much as Tommy wanted to fight him, he was right. He swallowed hard and gave Jimmy the truth he’d been afraid to voice. “I don’t know. She cares about me, but I haven’t pushed. I think everyone has always pushed her around and she lets them. I need to be different in order for this to work. She’s coming around.”

  At least he hoped so. Things were going well between them.

  “What if she doesn’t?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “What if she doesn’t come around? What if she never falls in love with you?”

  The question was a stab to his heart. He’d never considered that a possibility. “Not everyone can have the perfect fucking life where everything works like you want it to.”

  “I don’t think anyone’s life is perfect. What I’m asking is if it’ll be enough for you if she never falls in love with you.”

  Tommy leaned heavily against the wall. The thing about Jimmy was that even though Sean and Tommy always yelled and railed against Jimmy’s controlling nature, they knew he had their best interest at heart. He asked the tough questions because he knew them so well.

  And damn if he hadn’t just pulled the rug out from under Tommy again with his questions.

  “I’m not telling you what to do. You love her. I get what that means. Just . . . fuck, man, I don’t really have advice for this. I can’t tell you to keep your eyes open. They are. I can’t tell you to protect yourself. You’re already gone.” He blew out a breath that only Jimmy could—one that signified frustration and resignation all at once. “I have a guy who can help with immigration. He’ll walk you through the process. At least you won’t have legal issues to deal with.”

  He squeezed Tommy’s shoulder. “I’m here for you.”

  Jimmy walked away, leaving Tommy barely standing in the hall as if he hadn’t just pissed all over a damn near perfect day.

  Tommy took a few minutes to focus and breathe. Then he straightened from his spot and put on a smile. As he turned the corner to get back to the living room, Deirdre was there, smiling and beautiful.

  “There you are,” she said. She took his hand like it was the most natural movement in the world. “Something wrong?”

  “No.” He spoke with honesty because as soon as she touched him, he was good. Jimmy was right to ask the questions, but even without the answers, Tommy knew Deirdre was right for him. She might not know it yet, but she felt it too.

  * * *

  Hours later, Deirdre dragged her sorry bum up the stairs with Tommy following close behind. Just inside the door to their room, she stripped out of her dress and kicked her shoes into the corner.

  “Best damn sight all night,” Tommy murmured.

  When his arms came around her, she held him, but said, “Let me shower first.”

  “Even better, I’ll join you.”

  She smiled as she twisted out of his arms to remove her panties and bra. Strolling around naked made her feel naughty and decadent. Which about summed up her relationship with Tommy.

  In the bathroom, she turned on the water and waited for him. He pulled his shirt off, and for the first time, she was able to see his new tattoo. The stark black against his pale skin, and surrounded by the kaleidoscope of colors everywhere else, was a shock. Although still healing, the tattoo was beautiful. It was a rose.

  “A black rose?” she asked, stepping closer and raising her hand to touch. She waited for his permission because she didn’t know if it was sensitive to touch.

  “Go ahead,” he said.

  Her finger traced one line and froze. She stared, sure she was seeing things. But there, in the design of the petals was her name. She wasn’t much for symbolism and interpretation, but a black rose bearing her name? She didn’t know what to think. “Why?”

  “It’s you. Over my heart. I wanted something that would stand out. Something different, because that’s you, Cupcake. And a rose . . . that’s kind of obvious.”

  She smiled and her finger continued to gently trace the design. “What would you have done if my middle name had been Gretchen?”

  “I’d still have gone with a rose because it suits you. And you taught me how to make a rose out of frosting. That day I knew.”

  “Knew what?” she whispered.

  “Knew you were it for me.”

&
nbsp; She wanted to laugh and pretend he was joking, but she knew he wasn’t. She’d never been so sure about anything or anyone. Having that kind of faith in yourself and your instincts would be a blessing.

  She needed to respond, to tell him something, but she faltered. As committed as she was to their marriage, she couldn’t simply blurt out that she loved him. Even though her heart begged her to. The nagging doubt in her mind and heart ruined her. How many times had Rory told her that he loved her? What did that mean?

  Tommy’s hands cradled her face. “Don’t do this to yourself.”

  “What?”

  “I can see it in your eyes. I don’t need you to say anything you’re not ready to.”

  She saw that he meant it.

  “Just tell me—are you really happy? No regrets that we rushed things?”

  She smiled, her cheeks pressing against his palms. “I am truly happy. Of all the regrets I have in my life, being with you is not one.”

  His lips touched her and caused a surge of emotion. Her nerves tingled with anticipation. His hands hadn’t yet left her face, but she felt his touch everywhere. She stood before him completely bare, and he still wore his jeans, the denim rough against her thighs.

  “I’ve never had sex in the shower. I’ve heard it’s good,” she murmured against his lips.

  “You’re killing me, Cupcake.”

  She popped his jeans open and shoved them down his legs. He groaned as she lowered herself to remove his pants.

  When she stood again, he grabbed her arms and pushed her back toward the shower. “Let’s see how good we can make this.”

  * * *

  Deirdre was exhausted, plain and simple. She’d started her new job four days ago, and while she genuinely liked it, the hours had been erratic. She’d received two days of training, and since then, she’d been mostly on her own. The management didn’t seem to have much of a grasp on who was in charge of what. She’d been hired as a baker, but in the few days she’d worked, she’d baked for a grand total of five hours.

  She walked into her bedroom and kicked off her shoes. Tommy was pulling a fresh T-shirt over his head. The man was thin enough that she could almost count his ribs, but the muscles barely concealing those bones were flexing and she found them quite desirable.