Say You Love Me

by Dora Okeyo

without her if not drink himself to a stupor? Her tears soaked his shirt as his heart softened. She held onto him as she cried and he let her. Nelson was right, Beryl still cared and if hope was anything to go by he would win her back. She was his wife, and he was going to treat her right this time. She eased herself out of his embrace and said ‘let’s go home Mark.’

  He watched her straighten her hair and stare at him with sore eyes. He sighed one last time and took his seat behind the wheel and sped home. The guard ushered them in smiling. Beryl was one discreet person for she never let her pain show and he wondered how she did that. He had thought of looking at the picture she had of that stripper, but it did not feel right. He could not recall her name or the color of her eyes. He could however recall her voice and the color of her sheets-they were green. She had said something about green-that it was good for business. In fact she had asked him, ‘don’t all hospitals have green sheets?’ Now that he thought of it, she considered what she did some form of service to wounded people. It was true that some men needed some help or medication as she called it, but the thought that he was one of them left him wondering. Was his Father really right? Was he honest or was he trying to set things right through him?

  Beryl headed for their room and he followed her.

  “I will be sleeping in the guest room.” She said as she headed for the room three doors down the hall with the purple duvet and her white sheet trailing behind. He sat on the edge of the bed and looked at the clock. He removed his shoes and got ready for his evening bath as she moved her things. He was being killed, and he now understood that murder wasn’t always physical-but when the person you love detaches themselves you are dead. “I will not be down for supper, I need to rest, I hope that’s okay.”

  “Why won’t you eat Mark? I will make you something to snack on before you sleep at least, okay?”

  “Don’t bother Beryl. I just need to sleep.”

  “Mark…”

  “It’s okay. Just do what you have to do and have a goodnight.”

  He closed the bathroom door and turned the tap before she could utter a word. He knew she would convince him to eat, but he did not want food. He wanted her forgiveness and he could not trade that for a snack either. He stayed in the bathroom till he heard her lock the guest room door then he stepped out and changed into his pyjamas and lay awake in bed.

  Beryl felt cold and exhausted. She could smell his cologne and the scent of it brought back beautiful memories. He was a good man, but good can be corrupted and now he was bad. She wanted that divorce and she had to get it. She could not stand the mixture of emotions; she had to be sure before she left. Sheila had talked to her about this and advised her appropriately. Her words ‘be sure to make a clean break only when you know you ought to.’ It might have been simple but she understood them now. If she went through with the divorce now she would be acting out of anger. If she took time away then she would know exactly her reasons for leaving or staying. She could not deny the fact that she still loved him. She came back because she wanted to sort things out. She wanted her marriage back in order and she wanted to stay beside him no matter what. She walked back to their bedroom and opened the door. Mark was lying facing the balcony, that was her side of the bed, and her heart softened before he turned to face her. “Hey, is anything the matter?”

  “Nothing, I just came to say goodnight and get that suit ready for your court appearance tomorrow.”

  “You can get that done tomorrow, get some rest too because you have work too, don’t you?”

  “I guess I do after all, well good night.”

  “Good night.”

  She shut the door and walked back to her new room. This marked the beginning of her new life and she couldn’t wait to get out of it already.

  Consultation

  Nelson walked into the Kiama building holding his briefcase with his eyes set on the third floor. He greeted a few ladies and flirted with some as he made his way up. His grey suit and shiny black shoes were a reflection of his success at the court. Things were going great for him and all he needed was a recommendation letter or dinner with some senior partners to get in the league.

  He pushed open Mark’s door and removed his blazer before his friend could welcome him. the man asked his secretary to leave them alone. The lady struggled to walk away in what seemed to be mountains of shoes. He stared at her legs for a brief second and smiled. His friend was already facing the window pouring him some water. His eyes were bright but sunken, he had shed a few pounds and though trim he looked like Atlas carried the world on his back.

  “Are they that bad?”

  “What?”

  “Are things that bad with Beryl? You look like a truck rolled over you leaving you lying flat on the road!”

  “Things are great, I am working on a merger on the Khaminwa case with your firm and that’s what is killing me. I need to get Shivashi on board but the guy is being a woman. How many times should we ask him?”

  “Shivashi is stubborn, but he will come around. I came to see you about something else.”

  “Sure what is it about?”

  “Beryl came to see me and well, we just talked and I know I am breaching my client’s confidentiality but hell, you have to know what’s coming your way. You need to be prepared because that woman is in so much pain. I do not know what you did but she doesn’t want to spell it out, so well…she wants a clean break and asked if the meeting could be between your lawyer and her…she doesn’t want witnesses or a huge case hearing or something like that.”

  “I see, she told me about that too.”

  “When?”

  “Three months ago when she came from Mombasa, we were heading home and she just said it ‘I want a divorce,’ and I’ll be honest with you Nelson, I’d rather see her happy with someone else if she wants to than have her beside me and constantly moping.”

  “So does that mean that you will grant her the divorce?”

  “I will, set up the dates and get back to me.”

  “Listen, I might be overstepping my boundary here, but are things that bad that you cannot work them out, because I know you and I know she’s got you all wound up, so do something Mark, get things sorted because once she leaves that house you will never be the same, I can tell that much.”

  “It’s amazing how much faith you have when you know so little of what’s really going on. I should go back in time and give the guy who said that marriage is not a bed of roses a lifetime cheque!”

  “The guy will think you are fooling them, but if marriage was so easy don’t you think everyone would already be married and staying so?”

  “You are still young Nelson, what is this I hear about you vying for senior partner?”

  “Yes, I need something more than what I am dealing with, maybe a few interns under me who can get the feeling of divorce and property settlement, I am also working on some stuff on the side, so that’s why I need this.”

  “You are not ready for that Nelson.”

  “What makes you say so?”

  “It’s hard getting these people to take you in-first of all get yourself sorted, win more cases in court and do more research by joining various societies not only here in Kenya but also in Eastern Africa. Learn from various firms what they are doing and the standards they have for meeting partnership then set out for the role, by then you will have recognition and the money to invest in the firm. If you work hard enough it could be only three months away or maybe two, but if not it could take you six months. Let your actions do the talking and the members will come begging with great deals and an opportunity to learn more from them, that’d be my advice you can take it or leave it.”

  “Did you do the same?”

  “Partly, but we specialize in different areas- divorce is very shaky Nelson you know that much, so get working on what I have suggested and if you need my vote you will get it-I could talk to at least five of the board members in your firm and get them to comply too.”

  �
�Thanks, I will think about that and get started on what I can and I guess I will see you in court.”

  “Sure.”

  “Mark…don’t let her go.”

  “She’s already gone Nelson.”

  “I never took you for a quitter Mark, do something-if it took you two years to get her you can surely keep her!”

  “Thanks for the update Nelson.”

  “Okay, have a good evening.”

  Mark watched his friend leave and he sighed. Their life had become routine-she would eat at the table and he would eat in the study. She would drive to work in the morning and he would take off at times before her. During the weekends she spent time with her sister, while he went out for a drive around the town. He did not tell her that he had fun with the guys and some women. It was just a few drinks and laughs nothing more and he made sure of it. Each time he saw her, he felt as though whatever he did had no consequence because he had lost her already. He had the opportunity of talking to her Mother and everyone kept telling him to sort things out. They always had the same answer “fix it!” She would walk around the house at times with a magazine in hand, or she would scrub a place twice and he’d sit reading articles he’d read. He had only seen her cry once and that was it. At times he felt as though being home was worse than being at work. She did not ask him where he was or wish him well. She had a cheerful smile for her friends and family and acted like all was well around them,