Fearless

by Fern Michaels

  “Wow” was all she could say.

  “Here.” Clara handed her a small cup of water. She hadn’t realized the woman had even moved, she was still so focused on what she’d remembered. She drank the water, then set the cup on the glass table. “I can’t believe this happened.”

  “The mind is a very powerful tool when we know how to use it. How do you feel?”

  Anna struggled for the right words. “Content but incomplete. Does that make sense?”

  “It does.”

  “So where to go from here?” she asked.

  “That’s up to you. We can schedule another session later if you’d like to,” Clara said. “It’s your choice.”

  “No, not yet. I need to think about things; maybe later,” Anna said. She felt so relaxed, as if she’d had a Xanax without the sleepy side effects. “Do you work with clients who have panic attacks?”

  “All the time. Some say it’s helpful, that they no longer need to use anti-anxiety medications; others have said it didn’t help at all. I believe that its success or failure depends on the individual and is impossible to predict in advance. We can try a session or two if you’d like,” Clara said.

  “I might, later,” Anna said.

  “Whenever you’re ready.”

  “I’ll see,” Anna said. “Guess I’d better get Mona out of that shop next door. Who knows what she’ll come home with?”

  Anna paid for her session, then headed to the soap shop. Mona was outside sitting on a bench, a huge pink decorative bag clutched in her hands.

  “Looks like a lot of soap,” Anna said.

  “They got other stuff besides soap. You finished up?” Mona asked.

  “I am.”

  Anna spent the next half hour listening to Mona explain in great detail the process of making the soaps and the candles she’d purchased. She’d agreed to think about doing a segment on the topic in the future as soon as she’d researched the process.

  Back at home, after she had settled in, and Mona had said her good nights, Anna returned to her laptop, this time with a plan. She remembered most of what had taken place in her cabin, and she’d really given Ryan Robertson a raw deal.

  She used his e-mail address from the university, hoping he’d check in sooner rather than later. Before she changed her mind, she wrote a short e-mail. She left him her cellphone number, and the option to reply to her e-mail or call. As soon as she clicked SEND, she had second thoughts. What if he thought she was looking for something he wasn’t? As in a permanent relationship? That was the farthest thing from her mind. She didn’t know Ryan very well, though she knew that if she were given a second opportunity, she would give him another go-around. And it was not because his kiss was so . . . perfect.

  Closing her computer for the night—it was after nine, and the breakfast she’d consumed was long gone—she went downstairs to the kitchen and made herself a turkey sandwich and a glass of sweet tea.

  Satisfied with herself and not so mortified now, she rinsed her glass, placed it in the dishwasher, and returned upstairs. Knowing it was probably too soon to check her e-mail, she did anyway.

  She opened her e-mail account and was amazed when she saw a reply:

  Hi, Anna,

  My wish has been granted! Was hoping you’d look me up. So sorry you were ill. I haven’t heard of any illnesses among the passengers, so you probably had a bad bug! I’m so sorry you left early. I’ll call you as soon as I return.

  XOXO,

  RR

  “That was fast,” she said out loud.

  In her e-mail to him, she’d explained how she’d been sick and had gone to the emergency room. Knowing what she knew now, she felt silly. Ryan was a nice, decent man, and like her, he was a single parent trying to fill the role of not just a father but a mother as well. She knew from her own experience that it was an enormous undertaking, but for her, it was also her greatest accomplishment.

  Before she could change her mind, she replied to his e-mail:

  I’m happy to grant your wish! I’m so relieved to hear the passengers are healthy. I was worried. I’ll look forward to hearing about your trip when you call.

  Anna

  She read the e-mail a couple of times before sending it, hoping she didn’t sound too childish. Too late now. Anna closed out her e-mail, then logged off the Internet. She was not going to be one of those women who sat around waiting for her man.

  It was late, so she sent Mandy a text message.

  Anna: R U up?

  Mandy: Yep, what’s up?

  Anna: I’m pretty sure I don’t have a virus

  Mandy: Results in?

  Anna: No

  Mandy: ???

  Anna: Long story

  Mandy: Call me

  She brought up Mandy’s name and hit SEND.

  “You’re sure you don’t have the norovirus? How?” Mandy said with her usual candor.

  “I didn’t say that, but I sent Ryan an e-mail, and he said he hadn’t heard of any passengers being ill.”

  “I’m not even going to ask how this came about. Spill it,” Mandy said.

  Anna explained her therapeutic hypnotherapy session, giving her the bullet points. “It helped me sort through my thoughts, the panic attacks. You know how I can overreact.” Mandy knew about her panic attacks, but Anna had never told her about the anti-anxiety medication. It made her feel weak. Mandy was such a strong woman, Anna didn’t want her knowing about her weakness, as she saw it. Yes, they were best friends, but even best friends had secrets.

  “Okay, sounds plausible. So what’s next? Want me to arrange a flight so you can meet him at the next port?”

  Anna laughed. “No! I’m not that crazy or desperate. He said he’d call me; that’s enough. I do feel a bit embarrassed, though. That incident in the hall, when I ran into him. I can’t forget those words. But at least I know I’m not carrying around that virus.”

  “No, you won’t know that until it’s confirmed by the doctor. Don’t jump the gun.”

  “Ryan said no one was sick on the ship. Doesn’t that count?”

  “Did he take a survey of all the passengers? Or is he assuming, just as you are?”

  Anna thought she had a point. “I’m sure he didn’t go to such extremes, but wouldn’t you think if there was an outbreak, he would know?” Anna asked.

  “I do.”

  Typical Mandy.

  “Then I think it’s safe for me to assume I’m not contagious. I feel just fine. Mona made breakfast when I returned from the ER this morning. You know how that goes.”

  “I do. So, you’re gonna see this guy when he returns? Or what?”

  “I think so, yes. He’s a nice guy, plus he’s an incredible kisser.” Anna smiled, imagining the look of shock on Mandy’s face because she rarely talked this way.

  “Score two points for kissing. That’s always at the top of my dating list. If they can kiss, they zoom right to the top,” Mandy teased. “I’m glad the cruise wasn’t completely in vain. At least you didn’t come home empty-handed. Exactly how long has it been since you’ve had a real date?”

  “Too long. I haven’t actually been putting myself out there,” Anna reminded her. “I have obligations that are more of a priority. Christina, my work. You,” she added. “How is my daughter and Mr. Waffles? I miss those two.”

  “Fine.”

  “Mandy!”

  “If you want me to say they’re homesick, they’re not. Christina is having the time of her life, and Mr. Waffles is head over heels in love. Me, on the other hand, my feet are ruined, and I can say good-bye to my Jimmy Choos for the rest of the summer. I have blisters on my blisters.”

  Anna chuckled. “If you’re looking for sympathy, you’re not getting any from me.”

  “I didn’t expect to, but still, you know how heels always make my legs look hotter than they are.”

  “Gawd, you’re so conceited.” Anna was laughing so hard, tears filled her eyes. “And that’s just one of the many qualities I lov
e about you.”

  Mandy burst out laughing. “I’m going to bed; this shit is too mushy for me. I’ll have Christina call sometime tomorrow.”

  “’Night,” Anna said, ending the call.

  The call hadn’t accomplished much, but it felt good just to shoot the bull like they did most of the time when they weren’t working. Mandy was like a little sister to her, and Christina had told her more than once that if she could handpick a favorite aunt, it was Mandy. They were a hodgepodge family, if you added Mona and Jeb into the mix, which she did. They were her people, and she knew they felt the same.

  Anna felt as though the love gods were shining down on her now. In a few days, she was going to see Ryan again. And she knew he would play an important role in her life.

  Part Two

  Chapter 10

  Three months later

  “How do I look?” Anna asked Mandy, twirling around like a teenager about to go to her first prom. She wore the black Prada dress she’d brought on the cruise yet hadn’t had a chance to wear since.

  “Spectacular, but I don’t see why you’re making such a fuss of going out to dinner. It’s not like you and Ryan haven’t been glued at the hip the past couple of months.”

  As soon as he’d returned from the cruise, they had started dating. Relieved when he found out she didn’t have the norovirus, Ryan told her no one had been sick on the cruise. She’d felt bad at first, not reporting to the ship’s doctor, but thankfully she’d only had a simple bug.

  Anna smoothed her hair. “I’m meeting his kids tonight. It’s a big deal to me. I want to make a good impression, that’s all.”

  “I feel sure they’ve seen you online and know exactly what you look like,” Mandy shot back. “I’m wondering when you’re going to introduce me to Ryan.”

  “I said I would when the time was right, and as far as the kids, they only see my online persona, Mandy. I’d like for Patrick and Renée to like me for me, not a YouTube sensation.”

  “Aha! So you do think you’re hot stuff! I knew that poor-me-humble attitude was just an act.”

  Anna rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. I want them to like me, for who I am, not what I do professionally.”

  “If I recollect, you didn’t make such a fuss when Ryan met Christina,” Mandy reminded her.

  “This is different,” Anna said.

  Mandy plopped down on the bed. “How so?”

  Though he’d never gone into much detail, Anna gathered Ryan’s son was somewhat of a loner. They hadn’t really discussed his children seriously since they’d started dating; it was all about getting to know one another. He’d hinted they wanted to meet her, and she was honestly excited to meet them. Ryan was taking them to The Shallows, an elite restaurant where it usually took months to get a reservation. They’d been there a few times already. Anna thought it a bit fancy for their age, but Ryan said Renée had chosen this place because she knew it was special to her and Ryan, which Anna thought extremely sweet.

  “I can’t really say. It’s just different, I guess. Christina is an easygoing kid, she likes Ryan, knows we enjoy one another’s company. Ryan hasn’t said a lot about how his kids are reacting to his spending so much time with me. Ryan says Renée really wants to meet Christina, the two being the same age. That’s certainly a great starter for them when they do meet. Teenage girls, they’ll find something in common, I’m sure. Though Ryan did tell me Renée is allergic to cats. That could be a problem, what with Mr. Waffles.”

  Anna looked in the mirror, blotted her lipstick, then turned to face Mandy. “There you go. A Brady Bunch, minus the cat,” Mandy teased.

  “Don’t let Christina hear you say that. Besides, we’re not there yet,” Anna said, but she knew that her feelings for Ryan were more than those of a casual friendship or friend with benefits, and his were as well. He’d told her as much. And his kisses were to die for, and the sex was mind-blowing, but they were talking kids now, his and hers.

  “I’m taking this one day at a time. I don’t want to rush into anything, and neither does Ryan. We have three teenagers between us,” Anna said. “Now, if I don’t get out of here, I’ll be late. I’m meeting them at the restaurant.”

  “I’ll keep a watch over Christina and the cat, so enjoy your time with Ryan and his family,” Mandy told her.

  Anna heard something more in her tone, a sharpness, more so than her usual cynical remarks, which always held a trace of humor. Even though Mandy hadn’t met Ryan, Anna got the feeling her best friend wasn’t too high on her newly budding relationship. She hadn’t actually put that into words, but she knew Mandy. Now wasn’t the time to question her, but later, when it was just the two of them, and they had more time, she would ask her. If her best friend didn’t approve of Ryan, was she missing something? No, Mandy was beyond outspoken. If she had concerns about Ryan, she would have told her. Why look for trouble where none existed?

  Pushing aside her doubts, Anna said, “I won’t be late. Just make sure Christina cleans out Mr. Waffles’ litter box. I’ve asked her to take care of this all day, and she’s always too busy.” Anna had struggled trying not to throw up this morning when she saw it hadn’t been emptied. “I wouldn’t want to either, but it was part of our deal when Mr. Waffles became part of the family.”

  “Ugh. I’ll see what I can do, but don’t hold your breath. I’m with Christina on this one.”

  “I’ll see you later,” Anna said.

  “Yep, I’ll be waiting to hear all the gory details,” Mandy said.

  Anna rolled her eyes. “Right.”

  As soon as she pulled out of the garage, Anna felt a shiver of panic. What if his kids didn’t like her? Would Ryan call it quits? Hoping she would hit it off with both Patrick and Renée, she swallowed the lump of doubt, focusing on the upside of their situation. They were Ryan’s children, and he was a fantastic guy, a great father, she was sure. So what if he’d hinted that Patrick had issues? It certainly wasn’t out of the ordinary for a teenager who had lost his mother at a young age to show some type of rebellion. Teenagers in two-parent homes rebelled. It was part of being a teenager. Christina was already showing a bit of defiance when she’d refused to clean the litter box when Anna had asked her to. It was a normal part of their development. Though if she were being truly honest, she didn’t blame Christina for her lack of enthusiasm. That was the downside of having a cat.

  Anna spied the turn for The Shallows and pulled her Nissan into the first available parking space. She pulled the vanity mirror down, touched up her lipstick, and fluffed her hair. She hoped that she wasn’t overdressed, but it was too late now. She’d added a Chanel bag to complete her evening dress, trying her best to look professional yet approachable. As savvy as she was with most topics, she hadn’t broached what to do when meeting your boyfriend’s children for the first time.

  Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, muttering to herself, “You’re about to find out.”

  The Shallows was one of Lubbock’s most exclusive restaurants. Reservations were booked months in advance, yet Ryan had no trouble booking a table. Anna was greeted by a young waiter wearing a tuxedo. “Ms. Campbell,” he said in a professional voice. “You’re with the Robertson party.” He placed a hand on her elbow, guiding her to a table in the far corner of the restaurant.

  Ryan stood when she arrived at the table. “Anna,” he said, taking her hand.

  “Ryan.”

  The waiter pulled out her chair, and she sat down, placing her bag on her lap. “Thank you,” she said.

  Ryan sat down. He seemed nervous. “So, this is Renée,” he said. “And Patrick.”

  She shot them her best smile, the one she reserved for vlogging. “I’m so excited we’re finally meeting,” she said, expecting a simple return of sentiments. Neither of them said a word.

  The familiar surge of panic churned in her stomach as the two young people stared at her, through her. Patrick had long, dark hair like Ryan, though it was hard to tell his eye color
in the dim lighting. With an elbow on the table, he cupped his chin in his hand, staring at her.

  “Patrick,” Ryan said, his voice stern. “Where are your manners? Renée? You, too.”

  “Hey,” Patrick said, acknowledging her at last. “Glad you could make it.” The words held no sincerity whatsoever.

  She cleared her throat. “I wouldn’t have missed this. Renée, your dad tells me you picked tonight’s venue.” Too rehearsed, Anna thought, realizing that she sounded as though she were on camera. “I mean, I’m . . . it’s good to finally meet you two.”

  Renée hadn’t said a word and still didn’t. She had watched Anna’s response to Patrick, a slight grin on her face. Renée looked nothing like Ryan, or Patrick, so she assumed she took after her mother. She had hot pink hair, which, Anna knew, was a product of their generation. Both eyebrows were pierced, and a small diamond stud in her nose flickered in the light.

  “Renée,” Ryan warned.

  “Oh, sorry,” she added, a slight smile of defiance on her face.

  Ryan’s eyes hardened. When he spoke, his words were blunt and to the point. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

  Poor kid seemed to be surprised at her father’s language. “I’m sorry,” Renée said. “I just, I dunno, kinda felt like speaking my truth.”

  Anna thought her reply made absolutely no sense at all, but remembered that she was only thirteen. Feeling like it was up to her to break the tension between Ryan and his kids, Anna reverted to her best role. Mother. “This is awkward for you both. I understand. If you don’t want to be here, maybe we can do this another time?” She glanced at Ryan. Anger had hardened his handsome face. “Or maybe I can make dinner at my house. Christina has been dying to meet you both.”

  She was saying whatever she could to fill the silence, and if Ryan didn’t pick up on what she was trying to do soon, she did not see how she could sit through their behavior through dinner and dessert. This was not going as she’d imagined.