Fearless

by Fern Michaels

  “You never told me that.”

  “Mandy, I don’t always tell you everything, and I know you sure as hell don’t tell me everything you do. As is your right. We’re adults; we don’t have to explain or justify what we do in our personal lives. I just remembered that he said this, and he may not even remember telling me. When I met Patrick tonight, he was definitely aloof, quiet. He didn’t speak until Ryan forced him to. Then, later, when he learned I had a pool, he perked up for all of four or five seconds. What’s odd is that Ryan had told me on the ship that Patrick spent most of his high school years holed up in his room. At dinner, he told me Patrick was on the swim team in his freshman and sophomore years.”

  “Why is that odd?”

  “Why would you tell a total stranger your kid spent four years holed up in his room when he was on the swim team for two of those four years? I don’t think it’s a big deal, but it does conflict with what he said on the cruise.”

  “Did you ask Ryan about it? You know how we adults can exaggerate things. So what if he was or wasn’t on the swim team? Why does that even matter?”

  “It doesn’t. It just makes me wonder about Ryan. Either he’s confused or his years are off. I’m leaning toward confusion. He’s been nothing but a perfect gentlemen to me. We enjoy one another. In and out of bed. Don’t look surprised. You know I’m sleeping with him.” The world might know, sooner rather than later.

  “I don’t care. As you said, that’s your personal life. As long as you two aren’t into any kinky shit that leaves marks on your body, you can do whatever you want. Just make sure you look good on film.”

  “You’re crazy!” Anna said, then burst out laughing. “You’re a slave driver.”

  “I can be. Look at all of this.” She tossed her hands in the air. “You earned this, without me—well, most of it. I’m looking out for you. I don’t want to have to call a damned makeup artist in if you two are into kinky shit.” Mandy grinned.

  “Be quiet—I don’t want Christina to hear us. Trust that I’m not into anything weird.”

  “But something about tonight bothered you. I know you too well. It’s up to you if you want to talk about it. And while I’m thinking about it, you haven’t been yourself lately. Is there something I need to know?”

  Anna wasn’t sure if she wanted to voice what Ryan had told her in the parking lot to herself, let alone share it with Mandy, not to mention tell her what she suspected. Part of her was thrilled, yet another part of her was alarmed. She felt it was a bit too soon in their relationship to say the L word and definitely not the M word. But hadn’t she admitted to herself that her feelings for him were more than those of simple friendship with benefits?

  “I don’t want to yet. I need to think things through. We care about one another, and yes, we sleep together, but I’m not so sure about taking our relationship to the next level.”

  “What’s your idea of next level?”

  She didn’t know. It was different now. She was forty-one years old. She had a teenager. He wasn’t Wade, and that bothered her more than she cared to admit. She’d shared a child with him, and now, this. It might be nothing, but she hadn’t decided anything at this point.

  “I’m not sure. I haven’t been in a serious relationship since forever. It’s just different.”

  Mandy stood and started clearing away the boxes. “You can tell me when you’re ready.”

  What to tell?

  Ryan was in love with her. That was it, yet Anna couldn’t say this aloud and wouldn’t discuss it at all. She needed time to absorb his words, how she felt about her situation, the horrible timing. When she felt the need to unload, she’d talk to Mandy.

  “Thanks. I need to think,” she said.

  “I understand. Eric asked me to move in with him,” Mandy said.

  “You’re kidding?” Anna was surprised—and glad the conversation’s focus was off her. Mandy and Eric were exclusive, but she hadn’t known they had reached this stage in their relationship.

  “I’m not, but I thought it was sweet of him to ask me.”

  “So, you two are really serious?” Anna inquired, hoping to take the spotlight away from her evening with Ryan and his kids.

  “Not really. And I can’t see living with him. He’s a slob for one, and you know how I am.”

  Mandy was the epitome of a neat freak.

  “Ten strikes against him. That’s the only reason?”

  “No.”

  “And the other, or should I say others?” Anna coaxed.

  “As if being a slob isn’t enough? He’s funny and kind, but he’s a bit immature for me. He’s thirty-five and still likes Disney movies.”

  “I like Disney movies.”

  “I don’t see you wearing T-shirts or hanging posters on your walls.”

  “Hmm, well, to each his own. I can’t see how that’s a deal breaker.”

  Mandy sprayed the island counter with Lysol, then wiped it off with paper towels. “It’s not just that. He has an ex-girlfriend who won’t leave him alone. Personally, I think he still has feelings for her and won’t admit it.”

  “Have you asked him about it?”

  Mandy sprayed the counters a second time, then wiped them down with fresh paper towels. Three times was usually her limit. Anna didn’t mind her obsessiveness. Her counters sparkled after one of their gab sessions.

  “Not yet, but I am planning to. He always takes her phone calls, responds to her text messages, and, from what I can see, monitors her Facebook and Instagram accounts like a mother hen. Seems weird to me.”

  Anna raked a hand through her hair. “I don’t know, Mandy. In today’s world of social media, I don’t think it’s especially weird to give a like or view an old friend’s social media pages.”

  “You would if your boyfriend did so while you were out on a date with him.”

  “What? That’s rude, no matter who it is he’s following. Did you tell him that it bothered you?”

  “As I said, I haven’t, but I plan to. We’re going to watch Toy Story tomorrow.” Mandy rolled her eyes. “I can’t wait. I plan to tell him after the movie. If he doesn’t like what I have to say, then so be it, it’s his loss. To be honest, I’m getting bored with him. His Disney habit doesn’t sit well with me, either.”

  “You know what’s best, what makes you happy,” Anna said, and then thought of Ryan. Was he what was best for her? Was she happy when she was with him? She’d always believed a relationship, a lasting one, enhanced your life. She was unsure if enhanced was the word she’d use to describe how the relationship with Ryan affected her life. Other than the sex, which was spectacular, Anna wasn’t sure exactly what Ryan brought into her life. Certainly nothing like what Wade had. Still, it’d only been a couple of months. They’d had a strange start. Time would tell.

  “I do, and I’m pretty sure Eric isn’t my true love.” Mandy laughed. “Heck, I know he isn’t. This is good. I’m sure he’s going to get the boot after the movie. Or maybe I should tell him before. Big, life-altering decision-making here.”

  “If you’re joking about it, it’s probably best to move on. You’re in charge of your emotions.” Anna felt stuck, her words a salve to a wound that wasn’t real. Mandy would have to decide to heal herself in whatever way worked for her. Anna was the last person to be offering advice in the romance department.

  After round three of spritzing and wiping, Mandy put the cleaner away, washed her hands, three times, then sat down. “I know, I hate starting all over again. Think I’ll stay single for a while. I’ve decided to tell him before the movie. I don’t think I can sit through another Disney movie. Maybe someday, when I have kids of my own, I’ll have a different opinion.”

  “Then that settles that.” Enough kid talk, she thought.

  “We’ve got a hectic schedule this week. We’re doing Halloween treats, decor, and costumes. I’ve ordered most of the supplies you asked for. I think three videos will cover us for Halloween since we’re only a weekly vlog. T
hat covers all of October, early enough for your viewers to create their versions of your trick-or-treating month. In November, we’ll focus on Thanksgiving. Mona said she’d assist with the grocery shopping for that, which is great, because Rebecca is headed up north to visit family for three weeks.” Rebecca was Mandy’s right-hand gal. “I’ve been contacted by Kraft. They want to sponsor a segment on holiday desserts. I think it’s a cream cheese thing, so I need to know if you’re up for that.”

  “Absolutely. Did they specify exactly what they’d like to see, or do I have free rein?” Sponsorships were a huge part of her income, but some wanted control over her presentation. Others allowed her to use her own creativity. As her YouTube channel had grown, she’d been flooded with offers of sponsorships by some of the biggest companies in the food business. If it was a product she liked, she would endorse it on her channel, and more often than not, she was asked to continue working with a brand. However, if she didn’t agree with a company’s ethics, or simply didn’t like their product, she would decline a sponsorship.

  “They said you had complete control.”

  “I like that,” Anna said. “It makes it so much easier. I’m glad we’ve got our Labor Day filming behind us so we can enjoy the day here. I really want to make a splash when Ryan brings his kids over this weekend. I think I’ll do a good old Texas brisket and ribs. Any special requests?”

  “Your spicy barbecue rub, and the Mexican corn on the cob. The one with the lime juice.”

  “You think I should ask Ryan if his kids have any food allergies? What they like, dislike?” Anna wanted to make them feel comfortable, and knowing what kind of foods they liked would help, maybe let them know she’d thought of them beforehand.

  “I would; these days, you can’t be too careful. Peanut allergies, shellfish. The last thing we need is a lawsuit on our hands.”

  Anna shook her head. “Why would you even say that?”

  “Because it’s the truth. You’re well-known, financially stable. People have been known to take advantage of people like you.”

  This was unlike Mandy. She’d always had Anna’s best interests at heart, both professionally and personally. Anna felt like her concern was directed toward Ryan. Did Mandy know something she wasn’t telling her? “I’m not worried about being taken advantage of.” She paused, thinking before she continued. “This is about Ryan, isn’t it?”

  Mandy shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t know the guy since I’ve never met him. I’m assuming you trust him?”

  Not one hundred percent after Renée’s reference to her dad’s inability to afford a private school, and Patrick’s tuition, since she was aware that a professor’s family members received reduced tuition. Maybe Ryan was having financial problems. If he was financially strapped, then why all those dinners at The Shallows, the pricey Lone Star Inn? It didn’t add up. “If you’re talking money, Mandy, I don’t have a reason not to trust him. He’s always taken care of dinner and whatever else we do.” She wasn’t going to discuss the Lone Star Inn, though Ryan had paid for that, too.

  “I’m probably overreacting. Forget I said that, though I would check to see if his kids have any food allergies.”

  “I will. I’ll e-mail him later. Speaking of later, I’m bushed. I’m going to call it a night. You staying over?” Mandy had her own bedroom at the house, but she also owned her own home across town. When they worked crazy hours, it was easier for her to stay over.

  “Yeah, too tired to drive home. Get some rest. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “’Night,” Anna said. She took her Chanel bag and high heels upstairs. Mona would croak if she saw them where they shouldn’t be. She was almost as bad as Mandy, minus the obsessive cleaning part. A place for everything, and everything in its place, Mona’s mantra when Christina tossed her backpack, shoes, anything where it didn’t belong.

  When she entered her room, Mr. Waffles lay curled on her pillow, his fuzzy orange tail flipping side to side. “Hey, fella.” She scratched him between the ears and received a slow, contented purr as her thanks. “Good kitty.”

  Tonight hadn’t gone as she’d hoped. The kids were fine, possibly in need of extra attention, which wasn’t abnormal. What bothered her most was Ryan and how he had spoken to them. He had been impatient and curt, and she didn’t want Christina around him if that was how he was with kids. She knew that parents sometimes lost their cool—she had more than once—but she didn’t call her daughter names. Wouldn’t you want to be on your best behavior when you introduced your children to the woman you were dating? Agitated, Anna opened her laptop to send Ryan an e-mail. It was harmless to ask if the kids had food allergies, but how would he react if she asked him to control his cursing when he was with her daughter? And his kids, too. Simply put, she didn’t like it, had felt extremely uncomfortable at dinner, and he hadn’t really seemed to care that she witnessed his anger.

  Tapping out a quick e-mail, she asked about the allergies and also that he watch his language around Christina. Her Labor Day barbecue was this weekend. If he had an issue with her request, she would handle whatever came up.

  Chapter 12

  “You would think you’re havin’ the Queen of England over,” Mona observed. “I ain’t seen you act like this since The Today Show was here.” Last year, the popular morning show filmed a segment with her in her studio kitchen. She’d been a nervous wreck for weeks prior to filming.

  “True,” Mandy piped in. “She doesn’t put this much effort into filming for her channel.”

  “I want tomorrow to be fun for everyone, that’s all,” Anna said. “This is my jam.” She laughed, using Christina’s favorite word.

  “There’s enough ribs here to serve the Dallas Cowboys. They big people?” Mona asked in her usual Texas twang.

  “You mean tall?” Anna asked in a teasing tone.

  “No, I mean big. As in heavy,” Mona shot back. “Are they?”

  “Not at all. I want to make sure there’s plenty of food for everyone. You know men and boys, they eat like they’re starving,” Anna said, as she gathered spices from the pantry for her dry rub mixture for the ribs.

  “Did you find out if the kids have food allergies?” Mandy asked.

  “Yes. Ryan said as far as he knew, they’d never had a reaction to any foods. I’m sure they’re fine. Aren’t food allergies something kids have when they’re young, and grow out of?”

  Mona, busy at the sink unwrapping the ribs, spoke. “Not all the time. Some young’uns develop allergies in their twenties and thirties.”

  “Geez, then I guess I’m still at risk, being a ‘young’un’ at thirty-five,” Mandy added. “Right, Mona?”

  “Yep, you’re just a smart-ass. Maybe some extra hot sauce in your mouth might cure ya,” Mona prodded, giving Mandy a hard time. “Little shit ass.”

  “Don’t start, you two, and knock off the cussing. I don’t want Christina hearing it.” A bit ridiculous, she knew, because she’d accidentally dropped a few foul words in front of her more than once. The e-mail she’d sent Ryan asking him about his kids’ allergies, and cussing had been noted, and he had apologized several times, promising he would be on his best behavior.

  “She’s outside with Jeb, doing work on your pool that your pool guys should be doing,” Mandy told her. “Unless Christina has supersonic hearing, she didn’t hear a word. You’re too protective. If teenagers are like they were when I was in school, Christina’s probably heard far worse.”

  “True; I just don’t want to encourage it at home.” Anna took a bowl from the cupboard, and said, “I’m sure the days of my being overprotective are numbered. I realize kids aren’t perfect.” She just wanted to keep her daughter safe as long as she could.

  Soon enough, she’d be in college, on her own. Anna had wished her parents had been there for her during her college years. She planned to be there for Christina as much as she could without suffocating her. Her daughter would need her independence, but knowing someone had her back, a loving
mother and friends to stand alongside her, was important.

  “No, ain’t none of ’em perfect. Just some has troubles. Bad upbringin’ and all,” Mona offered.

  Anna measured the spices into the bowl. “I don’t know if that’s always the case. Some kids are”—she almost said “evil,” but stopped herself—“easily influenced.”

  Mandy sat at the bar, shucking corn. “Whose kids? Ryan’s maybe?” She ripped off a pale green husk, tossing it into a large brown bag for composting.

  Sighing, Anna drew in a deep breath. “You really have it in for his kids, don’t you? You’ve never even met them, Mandy. Why don’t you just back off?”

  “Bullshit. You’ve got issues with them; I know you too well. Since dinner the other night. Every time Christina mentions their names, you’ve done nothing except remind her that they’re good kids. If they are, okay, but you’re on the defensive, Anna, and you know you are.” Mandy continued to pull the husks off the corn. “And you’ve met them only once,” she added.

  “Just back off. They’ll be here tomorrow. You can form your own opinion. They’re just kids. Nothing to worry over. I just want them to feel welcome while they’re here. I don’t think that’s asking too much.” She looked away from her spice mixing and directed her gaze at Mandy.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insinuate that Ryan’s two are anything other than two kids without a mom. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Maybe I’m a little jealous? I’ve had you and Christina as my family all these years, and now you’ve got Ryan, his kids. Don’t pay any attention to my big mouth, okay?” Mandy got off the stool she was sitting on, walked across the kitchen where Anna was standing, and wrapped her arms around her. “I guess I’m afraid of losing my best friend, and my boss.”

  “Oh, Mandy, that’s ridiculous! No one will ever replace you. You’re the little sister I never had, plus I wouldn’t be able to work without your smarts. I am on the defensive; you’re spot-on. They’re just pissed at their dad, I think. Tomorrow, you’ll get to see them for yourself. You are family, okay? ’Nuff said,” Anna quoted Mona.