Fearless

by Fern Michaels

  “Ryan, that’s so sad, but I understand Patrick’s frustration, how horrible this must’ve been.” Anna took a moment before she spoke, needing to absorb all he’d told her. “He has no idea where Rosalee is? Do they talk? Text?”

  “No. Her parents forbade her to have any contact with him.”

  “They’re legal adults now—can’t they make that decision themselves?” Anna’s heart broke for Patrick and Rosalee.

  “I suppose they could, but as far as I know, Rosalee has moved on. I asked Patrick about it once, and he left me with the impression he was over her, but I don’t think he is. And maybe he never will be. That’s why he spent all of his free time holed up in his room these past two years.”

  She remembered his story from the ship, and she could have sworn he had said Patrick spent his entire four years of high school hiding away, but it was easy enough to allude to two years as four, especially in a situation like Patrick’s, worried about his son’s future and knowing that his entire life might’ve been different had he not fallen in love at such an early age.

  “That explains why you sent him to so many therapists,” she said. “I’m guessing he’s depressed?”

  “Yeah, he’s been on a few medications, though none really helped him. Now, I’m duty-bound to see that he gets to college. After that, he can do whatever the hell he wants. I’m sure it will be something to spite me,” Ryan said, disgust in his tone.

  “I can’t imagine he’s too enthused about much, when he was left in limbo, not having any say in a very crucial decision that obviously has deeply affected him. Though look at him. He’s like a shark.” They turned their attention to Patrick, doing lap after lap in the pool.

  “They called him ‘Sean the Shark’ in school. Sean is his middle name. Funny you picked up on that.”

  “Well, it’s true. Watch him.” Anna had never seen such precision, speed, and grace. He was meant to do this, she thought. Later, if things progressed, she planned to give serious thought to Patrick’s future as a swimmer, and if she could help him, she would. Such wasted talent.

  “I’m glad you invited us. This is a major milestone,” Ryan said. “I knew he missed this,” he added.

  “He’s welcome to come over anytime and swim,” Anna said. “He’s like one with the water. I could watch him all day, but I’ve been rude.” She stood up, holding her hand out to indicate he should stay. “Ginger ale?” she asked.

  “You read my mind.” He smiled as he watched her.

  “Be right back,” Anna said, going to the small refrigerator and taking two bottles of ginger ale and two glasses. She filled both glasses from the ice maker. Her mini outdoor kitchen was great at times like this, and even more so, you couldn’t see it as it was hidden behind a fancy wall away from the pool. She’d set up the grills early this morning, and the smoky mesquite scent was putting her in perfect party mode. She would film this one day, when her life was calm and settled. She adored playing hostess.

  She’d sent Jeb and Mona for booze, for even though she wasn’t much of a drinker, she did like to have it on hand. Lubbock County was partially dry, but there was a strip of liquor stores located on a stretch of Tahoka Highway, just outside the city limits. They should be here any minute, unless Mona had to make a pit stop at Walmart, which was highly probable given her love for the supermarket giant. She would spend hours roaming the aisles if you’d let her. Lucky for all of them, she usually went alone, but this was a holiday weekend, and more than likely, she’d find something on sale that she just had to have or something Christina needed. A crazy T-shirt or a pair of shorts that barely covered the cheeks of her butt, as she would say. Dear Mona, Anna thought, as she returned to the table. What would I do without her?

  “Here you go.” Anna handed him the glass, along with a napkin.

  “All fancy, I see,” Ryan said, taking the glass from her.

  “It’s habit, what I do,” she commented, sitting down beside him. She pushed her chair closer to the table in order to get beneath the giant umbrella. The hot Texas sun was shining as brightly as a ball of fire. She used her napkin to wipe the perspiration from her forehead. She’d twisted her long hair into a topknot and wore a yellow tank top with white shorts. The coolest outfit she had that was barbecue-appropriate and comfortable. Maybe she and Ryan would go for a swim later, when the sun wasn’t so hot. She’d always enjoyed an evening swim, then a relaxing bath right before bed. It was better than an Ambien, which she used on occasion when she was overworked, overtired, and sleep was nothing but a dream. She would take a pill, sleep like the dead for hours, then roar back to life, to start the cycle all over again. But it’s who she was, how she worked. Another secret she kept from Mandy. The Xanax and the Ambien. This was too personal to share with anyone except Mona, who knew everything there was to know about her and Christina, as she was like a second mother to her, and she knew that Mona felt that Anna was the daughter she could never have. Their relationship was as close to perfect as one could get, and she’d been so blessed when Mona and Jeb accepted her offer all those years ago. She paid them a very hefty salary, which they said they didn’t need, but that was the way it had to be. Anna would not allow them to work without a salary. End of story.

  “It’s apparent you do very well,” he said, motioning to the house and pool. “I’d like to see your studio sometime, if you wouldn’t mind. That way, when I watch The Simple Life, I’ll have the inside scoop.”

  “Come on, I can show you now, if you want. Mandy won’t be here for at least another hour. Looks like Patrick is making up for lost time, so maybe he’d like a little privacy,” she suggested, standing and nodding toward the pool. He was doing the backstroke with such perfection, it was easy to understand why his coach had thought Patrick had a chance at making the Olympics.

  “Great.” Ryan downed the last of his drink and left his glass on the table.

  Ryan followed Anna inside. She didn’t usually allow outsiders in the studio, but at this point, he was much more than that, and besides, she wanted to show him exactly what the process was. Mandy and the crew made it look easy, but it wasn’t. It was a good thing that she adored doing this, adored her job. “Over here,” she indicated. The door leading downstairs was unremarkable. Off to the far side of the kitchen, with a small rolling cart to one side, and a shelf full of cookbooks lining the other side, the door was easily missed if one weren’t paying attention as it had been built to match the walls in the kitchen. Her reason for doing this was part structural and part personal choice. While she loved her work, when she was upstairs in her personal kitchen, she didn’t want anything to remind her of her filming kitchen. Strange, she knew, as the decor was quite similar, but it worked for the crew. They would come and go through an outside entrance, while she and Mandy used the stairs that led to the studio kitchen. She flipped on lights as they made their way down the stairs.

  It was dark inside since she wasn’t filming right at the moment, so she hit the studio lights, filling the kitchen area with the bright light needed for filming.

  She watched Ryan. “What do you think?” She smiled.

  “It’s nothing like I imagined,” he said. “Wow is the first word that comes to mind.”

  “Obviously, this half is what you see when I’m doing food videos.” She had a long rolling worktable, which on camera looked like an ordinary kitchen countertop. Behind that were two ovens, a microwave, and a giant refrigerator and freezer. All could be moved, as they were also on rollers. The appliances could be tricky, what with all the cords, but they didn’t have to move them often. The sink area was the only part of her studio that couldn’t be moved, so they always worked around that if they needed to. Another rolling counter, complete with a ceramic backsplash and drawers below, where she kept her utensils, faced the large lights that hung above the set. “This is the biggest area and most used. We can rearrange the space if we need to, but I like to keep it like this. I’m comfortable, know where I can step. I do change the deco
r according to seasons and holidays, but it works for me and the crew.”

  “It’s hard to imagine this from your videos. They make it look like you’re in the kitchen upstairs.”

  “I designed it that way. Though upstairs it’s permanent.” She laughed. “Come on, I’ll show you the living area.”

  She stepped into a much smaller space that housed a small sofa, tables with matching lamps, and a movable wall, which she used to hang pictures on, which were changed according to what she was filming. “I film some of my decorating videos here. Mostly floral designs, sewing.” She pointed to another rolling worktable. “This”—she reached down and maneuvered a lever that allowed her sewing machine to appear from an ordinary cabinet—“is for when I sew. It’s all designed for convenience when we film. I hired a super crew, and they’re the reason why we’ve been so successful. I’m just the face and the laborer.” She laughed again.

  “I think you’re much more than that. Without your vision, I don’t think your crew could’ve created this.”

  “Maybe, but it’s a team effort when we work. A lot of things I can do without them, like prep and that sort of thing. Unless it’s something the viewers need to see. We have a good routine, long hours, but none of us complain. We’re doing what we love.”

  She showed him her small office, which was simply a desk with two laptop computers and a shelf filled with books she used, then the bathroom, where she sometimes filmed beauty videos, but that wasn’t her specialty, so filming in there wasn’t easy. “This is the bathroom.” Basic design, with a shower, sink, and toilet; there was nothing fancy about this part of her studio.

  He peered in, shaking his head. “You’re a genius, Anna Campbell. I’m impressed beyond words.”

  “Thanks,” she said, and wondered if now was the right time to tell him of her suspicions. They were alone, and it was quiet. “Ryan.” She said his name softly. “There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you. I just, well, the timing is always off. Not sure it’s right even now.” She stopped, suddenly unsure. She was not one hundred percent sure if she was pregnant. She hadn’t tested herself, hadn’t gone to the doctor; all that had happened is that she’d missed her cycle last month. No, she would wait until the pregnancy was confirmed by a medical professional. So now, what to tell him?

  “What is it?” he asked, concern in his voice. “You can tell me anything, Anna. I’m that kind of guy.”

  Anna laughed. “Good to know.” She chewed on her lower lip, something she did when she was worried. She needed to tell him anything but the truth. “I thought maybe Renée might like to go to school with Christina. At Bishop Coerver. I haven’t discussed it with her yet because I wanted to speak with you first. She seemed unhappy about going to Lubbock High.” The words tumbled from her mouth as though it were exactly what she had intended to say. She was becoming such an accomplished liar.

  He didn’t say a word, just stood there.

  “Look, maybe it’s not my place.”

  Ryan continued to stare at her. “You’re goddamn right it’s not your place!”

  Stunned, she stood rooted to the floor. Words escaped her. She watched him watch her. His gaze darkened, and she could see the veins pulsing in his neck. Frightened, she stepped away from him. “I’m going upstairs,” she said, and went through each room, making sure the lights were off. When she reached the stairs that led to her kitchen, she stopped, turning to see if he was following her. She didn’t see him. “Ryan,” she called out. “Let’s talk about this later.”

  What else could she say? Glad she hadn’t told him the truth, she still should have said anything but what she did say. Probably hurt his ego, but again, he’d become angry so quickly, it scared her. She took another step, waiting for him to respond.

  “I’m here,” he said.

  “Oh.” He’d startled her. “Ryan, look, I overstepped. I’m sorry. Don’t let it ruin our day.”

  As she was standing eye to eye with him, she saw someone else. A man who was quick to anger, quick to judge. Not the man she thought she knew. Ryan had a temper, she realized. He’d shown it on multiple occasions, so why she was just now realizing it was beyond her comprehension, but now that she had, she didn’t want to stay down here any longer.

  She was afraid of what he might do.

  He reached for her hand, and instinctually, she pulled it away. “No, let’s go upstairs,” she told him.

  “Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out the way it sounded.”

  “It’s fine. Really. Let’s just forget I said anything.” Anna stood on the next step, his nearness intimidating. “I’m sure that if Mona and Jeb are back, they’re wondering where we are,” she said, and walked to the top of the staircase. Opening the door that led to her kitchen, she breathed a sigh of relief when he followed her.

  “Anna, wait,” he said, taking her arm. She stood face-to-face with him, unwilling to do anything that might cause him to react.

  “I’m here,” she said, offering up a half-warm smile.

  “You are right to be concerned about Renée and her schooling. She’s not happy about Lubbock High. I should listen to you. Again, it’s been a while since a woman’s had any influence over me.”

  Did he think he could explain away his temper by agreeing with her, after the fact? “You’re right, Ryan. It wasn’t my place. Let’s just forget it and enjoy the rest of the day. I’ve got enough ribs and a brisket to feed fifty people,” she said, her way of changing the subject.

  “Sounds great.”

  Anna went out to the pool area through the mudroom. Ryan followed her, but she didn’t speak to him.

  Patrick sat on the end of the diving board, swinging his feet back and forth. He was a cute kid who’d had a giant dose of reality much too young.

  “I bet you’re starving after that swim,” she called out to him. She’d heard somewhere that swimmers needed to eat thousands of high-calorie foods a day in order to perform. No doubt her red devil’s food cake would fill that need, but not in the healthiest way.

  He dropped off the diving board into the water and swam across to the side of the pool. “I am kinda hungry now,” he said.

  “Tell me what you want.” She’d feed this poor guy, give him the calories he needed in order to regain the energy he’d just burned in the pool.

  “Whatever you’re cooking smells good.” He gave a half smile.

  “Ribs and brisket,” Anna said. “Let me get you a towel.” She kept a large supply of pool towels in a cabinet in her outdoor kitchen. She grabbed a handful and gave him one as he stepped out of the pool.

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem. Why don’t you dry off while I get you something to drink? Coke, right?” She remembered he’d ordered this, or rather, Ryan had ordered that drink for him the other night at dinner. “Or not,” she added.

  “Do you have Dr. Pepper?” he asked.

  “Now what kind of Texan would I be if I didn’t have the soda we’re most famous for? I’ll be right back.” She had a case of Dr. Pepper in the kitchen pantry.

  Inside, she located the soda, grabbed six cans, using a small basket she kept in the pantry for the times she needed an extra set of hands. She found the largest cup she had, a metal one that supposedly kept drinks cold for twenty-four hours. She filled it with ice and returned to the pool. “Here you go.” She placed the six sodas next to the giant cup of ice.

  “Awesome,” he said. Anna thought this was the first time he’d actually sounded like a normal eighteen-year-old young man. “Thanks.”

  “I’m sure some of those ribs are ready. I’ll get you a plate. Be right back.” She knew that Jeb would be irritated with her for messing with his setup, but there was a hungry young man waiting to be fed, and she knew he’d understand, since he’d spent the better part of his life feeding hungry people of all ages.

  Anna had prepared tons of side dishes and kept them inside, as the small refrigerator wouldn’t hold all of them.

&
nbsp; “I thought we weren’t eating until this evening,” Mandy said as she entered the kitchen.

  Anna jumped. “You scared the crap out of me,” she said.

  “And a happy Labor Day to you, too,” Mandy tossed back. “I take it the gang’s all here?”

  “They are. Patrick is hungry, so I’m fixing him a plate,” she said, explaining why she was taking all the food out of the refrigerator.

  “I smelled the barbecue as soon as I opened my car door. I’m starving myself. Mind if have a bit?” she asked, noting the large plastic bowl of potato salad.

  “Help yourself. I’m going to get a couple slabs of those ribs for Ryan. Stay here until I come back. I want to personally introduce you to Ryan and his kids.”

  Mandy nodded. “Sure.”

  Anna filled two plates with potato salad and a green bean salad she’d featured on the show last week, which had received almost 3 million likes. She guessed that her family and friends would like it as well, given the response from her audience. She microwaved the baked beans she’d prepped and threw in three unheated dinner rolls. He’d have to wait for the corn, as she’d grill it a few minutes before serving.

  Balancing the two plates, Anna used her foot to nudge the door open. Mona hadn’t closed it all the way, which for once, was a good thing.

  Patrick sat next to his dad, though both appeared as though the other didn’t exist. Anna could feel the tension between them. “Start with this. I’ll get the ribs,” she said, placing both plates in front of him. “Be right back.”