Whatever's On Tap
Page 12
The panic slightly receded as she took in the options I gave to her. She could take all the time she needed, but I preferred an answer sooner rather than later.
The point was she was scared, and I wanted to be her safe place. Having a home and a steady life did not erase my skills from all of the different residences I stayed in. Once a person learned to survive out there on his own, those lessons never left.
It seemed like I had waited forever to be with Evyn, and it was my duty to make sure she was cherished and protected. I would convince her to stay with me. It may not be today or tomorrow, but it would happen.
Smiling softly, I told her, “Eat your breakfast before it’s cold.”
Automatically, she started to eat with her mind miles away. Her eyes were not focused, and a frown of concentration pinched her mouth. Letting her stew and get her thoughts in order, I ate and cleaned up the kitchen.
Once I laid the towel down after drying my hands, I turned around to find her standing there with an intense look in her eyes and her dishes in her hands. Taking them, I placed the dishes in the sink and met her gaze.
“Maybe,” she finally muttered.
Nodding slowly, I replied, “Okay.”
It was not the answer I was looking for, but it would do for the time being. That didn’t mean I would not do everything in my power to convince her to live with me because I would. The more the idea festered in my brain, the more I craved it.
“I’ll take it,” I said seriously.
Winding my arm around her waist, I brought her body against mine and kissed her. It was not a soft, loving kiss. It was possessive, demanding, and claiming. Her fists wrapped in my shirt, pulling me in closer.
Wrapping her leg around mine, her moans were erotic and hot in the middle of the kitchen. She may have been a virgin before we got together, but she was an extremely sexual being, and I was the lucky bastard to have her explore with me.
Pulling back, I was satisfied when we were both breathing heavily. Her nipples poked me as they beaded up with her desire. Gripping her thighs, I slowly slid my hands under the shirt to satisfy my need to know what she had on under it.
Nothing.
She had no panties on, and I could feel her wet, puffy lips against my fingertips. Her nails dug into my shoulders, no doubt leaving marks I would get shit for at the gym later. I would take it, though, because it meant I affected her with a simple touch.
Gasping, she wiggled against me, testing all of my control. Soon, I would be buried to the hilt inside her sweet heaven, shattering my restraint. Not having the time to prepare her, I would not let her entice me further.
Holding her tightly, I lifted my head enough to make eye contact. “As much as I want to fuck you right here, right now, I can’t. I have to get to the gym soon, or Ryder will have my ass for sure.”
Ryder’s dad owned the gym, Heavy Bags, and I loved going there. It has an old-school vibe, and the clientele was serious about their workouts. Ryder taught boxing and even coached a few boxers on the circuit.
Working out with him kept me in control, and I craved that. I learned discipline and precision from him. Not to mention, my muscle tone was on point.
With an adorable pout, she mumbled, “Bummer.”
With a light chuckle, I placed my lips against her forehead. “I want to take you out tonight.”
From the glassy look in her eyes, I figured her mind was still in dirty land when she muttered, “What?”
With a smirk, I repeated, “I want to take you out tonight.”
We were both off work, I wanted to take her out and do something fun. Since it was a spur-of-the-moment idea, I had the entire day to figure out exactly what we could do. Not wanting to do the traditional dinner and movie, I would research some cool places to go to the first available opportunity.
“Okay,” she finally whispered, her cheeks flushed adorably.
Looking into her beautiful eyes, I knew no matter what research I did to find a perfect date, it did not matter at all. As long as I was with her, it would be the best date I ever had. Each time I was with her, I knew in my soul it was the most amazing experience.
She completed me in a way I knew she didn’t comprehend. She figured her past, her baggage, her problems were too big for me. I felt her put space between us after she explained what was going on, but I did not let her get far.
I couldn’t. She was it for me, and nobody would fuck with her. I would find this prick and put an end to the harassment. I did not give a single fuck who he thought he was. I would show him who the fuck I was.
Chapter Nineteen
Evyn
The days and weeks flew by as I enjoyed all my available time with Jaxson. I was able to put Jaxson off on the whole move in together thing. I should have taken into account what this would do to him and how it would affect him. I should have known better. He was a natural-born protector. There was no other outcome other than my safety for him.
But move in together? For real?
I thought that might have been going overboard. I mean, I had been taking care of myself for a long damn time and did just fine, thank you very much. It was not always easy, but I made it work.
I could not deny the desire to take him up on the offer, though. Sleeping next to him was the most rest I’d had in forever. Sharing breakfast with each other meant something more than a night of hot sex did.
That did not discount the hot sex, not in the least. It was off the charts hot, and I could not get enough. Hell, an hour after Jaxson left, I wanted more of him. My hooha yelled at me that it needed a break, but I did not care.
Never knowing sex would be this wonderful, I craved it, craved Jaxson constantly. My body was in a constant state of arousal, seeing Jaxson, hearing him speak, and simply by being in the same area he was.
Honestly, I didn’t know sex could be like this. Floating on a cloud, I was happy, like really happy, for maybe the first time in my life. I didn’t think it was just the sex, though. Obviously, that part was hella good, but it wasn’t everything between us.
Jaxson was kind, considerate, loving, demanding, and everything I never thought I needed nor wanted, but I did. My girlish childhood dreams of meeting a man, having a big, lavish wedding, and giving birth to many babies were long forgotten until Jaxson stepped in.
I resisted him for as long as I could before I succumbed, but I could not find it in me to regret any choice I made where he was concerned. He truly believed me about Paul, and that was huge.
I spent so much time having people blow off my concerns, and I did not trust anyone to listen to me. Keeping records of my history with Paul helped me feel as though I was doing something while at the same time, not really doing anything.
Showing the police was useless. Unless Paul physically did something to harm me, there was nothing they could do, which was assbackwards if you asked me. The whole point was for him to get shut down before something horrible happened.
Learning to live frightened that he could jump out at me at any time was complete and utter bullshit. I wanted to be free. I wished to live a healthy, happy life. It would be nice to settle down in one place because I liked it, not because I picked randomly off the map.
Picturing living with Jaxson brought a big, goofy smile to my face. It would be blissful to share life’s challenges with another human being. I had no illusions of it being marital bliss or anything. We were both so used to relying only on ourselves, and we were sure to butt heads.
But it could also be beautiful. Not entertaining the idea of staying in a spare room, I could easily picture having my own drawer amongst his, sharing closet space, mixing my things with his, and having a side of the bed on the one we shared.
Perhaps this was the honeymoon phase I heard people at the bar talk about- the part of the relationship where everything was sunshine and roses. Maybe reality would suck,
and living together could end in disaster.
I did not think so, though. We had known each other longer than I knew most people. In each new place I landed in, I adapted. Wanting to blend in with everyone, I did not draw unnecessary attention to myself. Talking with people was always a risk. Everyone had questions, and that was what I avoided.
But Jaxson changed everything, and we were going on an actual date. I had a reason to dress up and be all girly-like. I had the will to have some self-love again and find a semblance of who I used to be.
It had been forever since I had a reason to put effort into my appearance. I loved dresses and heels and accessories and doing my hair and fixing my make-up. Since I left home, I didn’t have a reason to indulge in everything I loved about being a woman.
Now, I did. I was not sure if Jaxson realized it, but no matter what happened moving forward, he gave me a big part of myself back. Being with him for the last month showed me there was more to my life than what I was living. I would never go back to the free-spirited girl I once was, but I would be the woman I was meant to be.
Wanting to be with Jaxson was the best gift I’d ever given myself. It made me feel free and light in a way I hadn’t been before. He took on the responsibility of worrying about Paul. The weight that lifted off my shoulders when I spilled all the details about my dumbass step brother was monumental.
Each day spent with Jaxson had me falling more and more. Having someone listen and talk to about my day was comforting and exciting. Just knowing another human being was there for me to lean on was huge for me. I did not think that would happen for me, and yet, here he was.
I’d slept like crap the last few nights. Tossing and turning all night, I got out of bed in a foul-ass mood. I needed coffee, stat, maybe an IV would be better, but since that was more than likely frowned upon, it wasn’t a viable option.
Coffee. I needed caffeine as soon as flipping possible. I was a hot freaking mess, and the train wreck that was me would not fucking quit.
Paul had amped up his effort to freak me out, and he was succeeding. I felt weak and unsure, and I hated it. That wasn’t me, or at least it wasn’t who I wanted to be. He did this to me, and I hated him more for that than all the bullshit he’d pulled since I met him.
He turned me into someone I wasn’t. I was confident and care-free before, enjoying my life despite having a bitch of a mother.
A loud crunching, screeching sound brought me back to the self-checkout aisle I was in, scanning my groceries.
What was that?
Staring at the conveyor belt in confused horror, my mind refused to understand what happened, but I knew. Oh, I fucking knew. The damn thing ate my debit card. That was just great, flipping great.
I didn’t have any cash on me, so it didn’t look like I was getting coffee from here. I should have just gone to the coffee shop, but I wanted to drink coffee in my pajamas on my own gosh darn balcony.
What the fuck was I supposed to do now?
I already scanned all the things I threw in my buggy, and now I was stuck staring at where I last saw my debit card like an idiot. I undeniably needed that damn coffee, maybe not the donuts or snack cakes, but definitely the coffee.
Shit!
“Evyn,” I froze as that sexy, rough voice slid over me.
Well aware of what I looked like, I didn’t lift my eyes. I was still in my flannel pajamas with a way too big T-shirt thrown on top. My hair was thrown up in a messy bun with strands escaping everywhere.
“What’s wrong?” Jaxson asked.
Dropping my head down in defeat, I hoped I could disappear from this moment, but that was impossible. Of course, he would see me at my lowest. I didn’t even feel this humiliated when he saw me first thing in the morning.
That was different. Waking up after spending hours next to a person compared to seeing that person look the way I did in public was not the same. In fact, it was the complete opposite. This was beyond humiliating.
Too embarrassed to face him, I kept my eyes downcast and mumbled, “The belt ate my debit card.”
Silence greeted my confession, but I refused to glance up. Shifting from foot to foot, fingers fiddling with the hem of the shirt I was wearing, I froze in place. Out of all of the shirts I could have slept in, it had to be his shirt, the one he left the last time he spent the night in my bed.
Shame complete, my face felt as though it was on fire, ensuring it was bright red. Desperately trying to figure out a way to extract myself from the uncomfortable situation I was in, I jumped when I saw a forearm pass by my face.
Dumbfounded, I watched as he paid for my purchases, grabbed my bags, and took my hand in his, leading us out of the store. He did not say a word, but the warm pressure of his hand on mine let me know he was there.
I felt taken care of in a way. I was in a weird situation that my brain wasn’t functioning enough to figure a way out of it, and Jaxson came in and took over. I should have felt offended and demanded I could take care of myself, but I could not utter a word of protest.
I did need someone to control the situation. I was tired, PMSing, and in desperate need of a good big cup of coffee. That trumped everything else.
Following him like blind sheep did not even bother me because I knew I was safe with him. The feelings coursing through my body as I matched his steps across the grocery store parking lot had me confused and slightly disoriented.
Maybe at some point, I could stop and analyze the feelings Jaxson evoked in me, but it would have to be at a different time. I put my care in his hands that morning because I did not have another solution. I not only needed someone to take care of me for once in my life, but I wanted it. I craved to hand over all control to someone else for a brief moment in time.
Knowing myself well enough, I understood I would not be this docile every day, but it was okay to let go every now and then. Jaxson was my safe place. I trusted him to do right by me. He showed me nothing but care and comfort since we began.
Holding onto that thought, I climbed into his truck with no complaint and waiting for him to buckle me in. Once it was latched, he laid his palm on my abdomen and rested his forehead against my eyes.
Closing my eyes, I soaked in his strength surrounding me and the most amazing scent I had ever smelled that was all Jaxson. I would never smell the ocean breeze with a slight musk the same again. I would always think of Jaxson.
Following his movements around the truck, I studied him as he climbed in the driver’s seat and set off out of the lot. I didn’t care where we were going, what we were doing, only that I was okay with whatever he chose. Putting this much trust in a person was scary as fuck; I hoped he did not break me in the process.
Chapter Twenty
Jaxson
Walking up to the check-out line, I did not expect to see Evyn, and she looked rough. Do not get me wrong, she was beautiful no matter what she was wearing or if her hair resembled a rat’s nest, but it concerned me to see her that way in public.
The only time I had ever seen her this disheveled was when I woke up next to her after a night of hot, sweaty sex. Except this time, instead of looking sated and completely satisfied, she seemed vulnerable and uncertain.
At her muttered admittance of what happened, I barely held onto my laughter. Having the conveyor belt eat a debit card was not even listed on things that could cause Evyn distress. I had never, not once, heard of that happening.
Without much thought, I scanned the few things I had, bagged them with her purchases, paid for them, and gathered the bags in one hand while taking hold of her hand in my other, leading her to my vehicle.
After securing her in her seat, I got behind the wheel and guided us home, my home, wanting nothing more than to get her settled and comfortable. It had been too long since she was last in my space. However, during that time, I did some rearranging at my house along with doing some furnitu
re shopping.
I now had room for when she decided to move in with me. It wasn’t much of a difference, but I had room for her clothes, made space in my bathroom for all her womanly things, and threw some throw blankets on my sofa because she always had something to cover up with and snuggle at her place.
Her silence didn’t bother me at all because she never pulled away from me. She came with me of her own free will. She did not protest or put up a fight at all. Perhaps that should have worried me, but I was not concerned. It seemed she was having a rough morning and needed some help. I would provide that help without making her ask for it.
Besides, the quietness of the ride to my house left me with my thoughts and allowed me time to figure out my next move. Our relationship did not follow any standard guidelines in the dating world. One minute, I was a single bartender flirting with the masses, accepting short-term offers without digging for a deeper connection with anyone, and the next, I was ready to live with Evyn.
Sharing a home with her, seeing her every single day, waking up next to her each morning, going to sleep beside her every night, had me acting out of the ordinary. Usually, I was a patient man, gauging each decision, and determining the outcome. In this instance, all I could see was the present.
One of the main reasons I wanted her to move in with me was the threat Paul represented, but that was not the motivating factor. I knew without a shadow of a doubt she was planning her next step, picking the next town she would spend time in.
It did not take a genius to figure out she was hurting and scared. All I had to do was gaze into her eyes and see the truth beyond the façade she attempted to hold onto. She told me Paul left her some notes stuffed under her windshield wipers on her car, taped to her apartment door, and once slipped into her mailbox located in the lobby of her building.