Forever You're Mine

by K. Langston

  ~Robin Williams

  We were smack dab in the middle of our busiest hour. The crowd was thick, filling every square inch of this place with an obscene amount of people. Tonight had been a good night. No fights. No bullshit. Just a bunch of folks having a real good time. I should have known it wouldn’t last. To be honest, I should have seen it coming. I just never could have predicted my reaction. I was setting out to make my rounds when I saw them in the hall leading to the bathrooms. I couldn’t see her face, but I would know those tan legs anywhere. Plus, her boots were a dead ass giveaway. Black with red flames licking the sides and tips.

  With a silent approach, I folded my arms across my chest. “Cora,” I twisted my wrist to study my watch even though I knew what time it was. Time for her to be finished with this asshole once and for all. “Break’s been over ten minutes now. Back to work.”

  “I’ll be there in a sec,” she replied without looking at me.

  “Now, Cora.”

  That’s when he turned around to face me. Khaki shorts, pressed Polo shirt, flip flops, and shaggy hair. He was a mega douche of the epic kind. But that’s not why I couldn’t stand him. I hated him because he kept Cora a secret, scared of what his rich family and friends would think.

  I did not like Denton Prescott.

  Not one fucking bit.

  I especially did not like his hands on her hips. “I’ll call you when I get off,” Cora told him. “Can you come pick me up then?”

  His eyes trained on me, the son of a bitch smiled. “Yeah, I can do that.”

  “Today, Cora,” I urged, my patience unbearably thin. Sweat dotted my forehead and my arms fell to my sides, fingers itching to be wrapped around his skinny little neck.

  Cora reached up on her tip toes and planted a kiss on the corner of his mouth. He dropped his eyes, wrapping his arms around her and stealing her mouth in a deep kiss.

  That kiss did something to me.

  My blood heated with anger, and jealousy roared through me like an angry lion. Which was odd because I’d never cared about a woman enough to be that guy.

  You know, the kind of guy who gave a shit.

  But right now, I wanted to crush this asshole, and claim Cora’s luscious mouth for my own.

  “What the hell, Cannon?” she said once he was out of sight.

  “What the hell, Cora?”

  With a hand to her hip she let go of an irritated huff. “You’re an asshole.”

  I spun away from her, reminding my dick that we did not like the way she called me asshole. “This is news to you?” I asked.

  She cut me off at the pass, her eyes narrowed and hot. Damn, she always looked good angry. Tonight was no different. But it was.

  So fucking confusing.

  “No, but you could at least have some respect. You know, as my friend, to not be a complete dick.”

  I folded my arms across my chest and without fail, her cheeks flushed a faint shade of pink. I could probably set my watch to it. It was the sweetest fucking thing. I swallowed hard, fighting against the urge to feel that incredible heat beneath my palm.

  “So you want special treatment?” I asked.

  Her cheeks flushed with anger. “No!”

  “Then keep those lips to yourself and do your job.”

  She crossed her arms beneath her perfect tits, the swells teasing me from the scoop of her tank top. When she popped that hip, I almost lost my shit. “You may be my supervisor, but you ain’t my daddy, and I’ll kiss whoever the hell I want.”

  “Not if I have anything to say about it you won’t.”

  Her sweet cheeks held a beautiful shade of pink before she spun on a heel and walked away. “Go to hell, Cannon!”

  Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.

  ~Arthur Miller

  Love makes you crazy.

  It makes you do things without question or reason. It makes you blind and deaf. And sometimes, it makes you downright stupid.

  When I broke up with Dent, I had every intention of getting back together with him. It was our thing. It’s what we did. Break up. Make up. Get back together. Sad I know, but somewhere along the way I’d become dependent on him. I used him to escape even though it was beyond clear that we weren’t meant for each other. So last month I’d put my foot down. Or I thought I did. That was until he walked in here tonight.

  When I met Denton Prescott at Archer’s three years ago, I knew right away I would love him. I didn’t really go for the preppy guys, but Dent was different. He never treated me like I was beneath him and never threw his money in my face. He was charming, sweet, and had a smile that could talk me into just about anything. It didn’t take much for me to fall for him.

  Our relationship had been doomed from the beginning. Not only because he lived forty-five minutes away in a fraternity house, but Dent also came from a wealthy and respected family. Dating someone like me with a junky whore for a mother, and a brother on death row was out of the question. I never cared what other people thought of me so I was cool with it at first. And he’d made me a lot of pretty promises. There was a time I would do anything to preserve what we had. But after almost three years of hiding, my heart had grown weary, and what I thought was love had turned into something ugly. I was twenty-three years old and I needed more than the promise of forever. I needed more than the words. No more fighting for something I could never have. No more waiting for forever to happen.

  But it turns out, I was weaker than I thought.

  I let him tell me how much he missed me. How much he loved me, and after a heated kiss in the hallway at work…I let him back in. Only when Cannon interrupted us did I begin to question why I was back in his arms so easily.

  I wanted to slap Cannon’s scruffy face.

  How dare he tell me who I could and could not kiss?

  After Dent picked me up from work, we went to a hotel across town. The same one we stayed at every single time. This was our safe place. He normally stayed at his parent’s house, so it seemed ideal at first. It was even exciting, being whisked away on a whim, made love to for hours on end, anything was better than being alone. I didn’t care whose secret I was, as long as I belonged to someone.

  But things were different now.

  I didn’t want to be anyone’s secret anymore. I wanted to be someone’s everything.

  We didn’t even make it off the elevator before he was tugging at my clothes. Hot kisses and caresses, I was shamefully swept away by him once more.

  As we lay there, both searching for our breath, his fingers grazed my skin. I reveled in his touch, knowing this could be the last time I was in his arms. The thought made me sad, even though revelation was sobering and clear. The mind may know right from wrong, but the heart is a fool. And mine had been a fool for him for far too long.

  I blinked back the tears as I lifted my head from his chest to find his eyes. I needed to end this once and for all. It would hurt like hell, but over time, I would heal.

  There had to be something more than this.

  I was about to open my mouth when Dent spoke. “I thought you and that asshole were just friends.”

  I tensed. One because I didn’t like anyone calling Cannon an asshole. Even if it was true.

  And two…

  “That’s none of your business. We’re not together, remember?” I reminded him.

  Dent smiled wickedly, rolling me over and kissing me hard. “Looks like we’re together right now.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He was hard against my leg. I fought the urge to take him in my hand and let him make love to me again. But that would only prolong the inevitable. And I’d done that enough times already.

  “You want that guy.”

  “Dent, please,”

  “Please what?”

  “Nothing has changed.”

  The center of his brow furrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Between us, nothing has changed.”

  �
�You’re right. I still fucking love you. That will never change.”

  “Are you ready to introduce me to your family?” The way his face fell, I knew he would never be ready for that. “Exactly. That’s what I thought,” I said, trying to squirm from beneath him.

  He held me in place. “I want to. You know that. But shit is complicated. They wouldn’t understand what we have. Hell, they don’t even love each other.”

  “I just…I can’t keep doing this, Dent. I can’t. It’s not fair to me. I should have let you go a long time ago.”

  “You can’t let me go…you still love me,” Dent said and there was so much truth in that statement, yet so much of it was a lie.

  The knot in my throat grew tighter but I squeezed passed it. Maybe the sooner I accept the fact we weren’t meant to be, the sooner I could get on with what was. “What we have is not love.”

  “Cora, please.”

  A tear slipped from the corner of my eye and I almost caved with his heartfelt plea, angrier at myself more than anything for believing this time would be any different than the last.

  I pushed against his chest and he let me go with no resistance. “I shouldn’t have even come here tonight, but then again, I think I needed this closure. I deserve better than this, Denton.” I said, searching the floor for my clothes and my determination. “I need a man who will fight for me. I want a man who is not afraid to take me home to meet his mama. Who is proud to have me on his arm. Who wants the same things I do.”

  “I want you, isn’t that enough?”

  “Not anymore,”

  “Is it because of him?”

  “Who?”

  “You want him, don’t you?” he smirked.

  “Don’t you dare turn this shit around on me.”

  After I was dressed, I reached for my purse. Dent didn’t move to stop me. A part of me hoped he would. That weak part of me wanted him to chase me down the hall, take me in his arms and never let me go…but that never happened.

  I finally let go of the hope that it ever would.

  I don’t use drugs, my dreams are frightening enough.

  ~M.C. Escher

  Pops of gun fire rape the deafening silence while flashes of light mar my vision.

  I can’t move.

  I can’t breathe.

  I know what will happen if I do. I can feel the imminent doom and the promise it brings. I search for the courage to turn the corner, but I can’t fucking do it. I know what will happen if I do. My gut twists with nausea, but it evaporates when I spot a group of savages less than ten yards away.

  Crouching in place, I line the site of my rifle and pick them off one by one.

  Pop.

  Pop.

  Pop.

  Protect my brothers.

  That’s my only mission. I find a calming breath as eerie silence descends once more, waiting with suppressed terror for the inevitable to happen. But before the demon can defeat me once more, a cloak of darkness envelopes me, taking me away from my tortured hell.

  Then I hear her cry my name as brilliant light invades the darkness. “Cannon.”

  She sounds like an angel.

  I shuffle around in the blinding light, reaching my hands out for purchase of something. Anything that will help guide me to her.

  “Cannon!” Panic knots in my throat. Her voice is farther away than it was before, fainter.

  I begin to run. Where? I have no idea because I can’t see. The light is too bright. Then suddenly, I’m falling.

  Flying.

  Jolted awake, my heart pummeled inside my chest like a goddamn jackhammer. Sweat covered my face as my eyes struggle to adjust to the unforgiving sunlight pouring through my window. Checking the time, I rolled over with a defeated sigh.

  Fuck.

  I’d never had a dream shift directions like that. They were all either dark and terrifying or complete darkness.

  I quickly decided complete darkness was what I preferred. Because reliving the past or losing Cora both hurt like a motherfucker. Even if it was just a dream.

  Something had shifted between us. In the two years we’d been friends I’d come to her rescue many times, but never once had I actually wanted to save her. I didn’t deserve her, but that damn sure didn’t stop me from wanting her.

  And when did that change?

  I knew I was no better for her than him. I certainly wasn’t capable of caring for her the way she should be cared for. The only thing I could offer her was comfort in the way of pleasure, and even I knew something so shallow would ruin what we had. Our friendship was important to me.

  Cora was important to me.

  When I picked her up last night, I could tell she’d been crying. The bastard hurt her again. I wanted to go up to his room and pound his face in, but I didn’t say a word. All I wanted to do was kiss her tears away. The thought scared the shit of me.

  She crashed on my couch while I lay awake for hours, wondering what it would be like to hold her. But something so beautiful and sweet could never be mine. I was lucky enough to be her friend…I wasn’t stupid enough to think I could ever have more.

  When I returned from dropping her off at home, I hit the bench hard. I thought for sure lifting weights would relieve all my pent up frustration and quiet some of these urges, but two hours later and I was still tense all over and my dick wouldn’t let the fuck up. After I rubbed one out, I crashed…my mind and heart overloaded with far too many emotions.

  I climbed in the shower to get ready for work, trying desperately to tame the ridiculous hard-on staring me in the face. Maybe I could hit up Alexis before I went in.

  Yeah…that’s exactly what I need.

  I could hear my phone vibrating in my jeans on the floor when I got out. I fished for my cell, letting go of an exasperating sigh.

  Shit.

  I didn’t want to answer, but I couldn’t put it off any longer.

  “Hey, Dad,”

  “Son, we’ve been worried sick. Where the hell have you been?”

  Pissed and worried, not a good way to start a conversation I’d been avoiding. “I know, I’m sorry. I’ve got a lot going on.”

  “Hm. Too busy for your ol’ man. I see how it is.”

  I rubbed the top of my wet head, pacing my bedroom. “No sir. It’s just been…”

  Hard.

  Tough.

  Exhausting.

  I wanted to share it all with him, but the lump in my throat would never let me. I disguised my fear with a terse cough. “How’s Ma? Put her on.”

  A moment of painful silence passed before my father decided to postpone my ass chewing. “Hold on.”

  Thank fuck.

  They were good parents.

  I was just a shitty son.

  “Cannon?”

  “Hey Ma.”

  I could see her now, standing there in her flannel shirt and Levis staring at the ceiling, thanking the good Lord above I was ok. “Well it’s about time. I’ve been worried sick.”

  “Sorry, Ma.” There was no excuse I could give my mother that would justify ignoring their calls and texts for the last several days, so I didn’t even try. “What’s goin’ on around there?”

  “You mean aside from worrying sick about our son? We’ve been planning your sister’s wedding. Noble is just about to drive me crazy. I swear she’s a certified bridezilla. And Battle is, well…that boy is about as stubborn as you are. He misses his big brother. We all miss you so much, baby. You’re still coming home next month for the wedding right?”

  A sour taste festered in my mouth before I finally muttered, “Yes ma’am, I’ll be there.” The last thing on earth I wanted to do was go home. It was still too painful. But I couldn’t miss my sister’s wedding.

  “We miss you, baby. It’ll be wonderful to have my family together in the same house again.”

  “Listen Ma, I gotta go. My shift starts in an hour.”

  “Ok. You’re father wants to speak to you again. I love you sweet boy.”

 
; “Love you too,”

  My father’s firm voice came back down the line. “Don’t break your mama’s heart, boy. You better be here next month. Don’t make me drive to Mississippi. It won’t be pleasant.”

  He was the only person on the planet who could call me boy and get away with it. But I knew by the tone of his voice, he meant business. “Yes sir.”

  “Take care of yourself. We’ll check in next week. Love you, son.”

  “Love you too, dad.”

  I fell backwards on my bed. I wasn’t ready to face the ghosts haunting me. I wanted to bury them, not confront them.

  Yeah…how’s that workin’ for ya asshole?

  I closed my eyes, trying to think of something less terrifying than going home. I pictured a beach. The beach at home. The ocean. A particular blonde haired beauty laying on a blanket in the sand. Her tan skin was covered in oil, accentuating all her soft curves. A smile crept across my lips, extinguishing the tension in my jaw.

  Yes, this definitely helps.

  We can’t command our love, but we can our actions.

  Arthur Conan Doyle

  The pain in my chest was fierce, but it wasn’t unbearable. It was an empowering sort of pain. Setting fire to the past.

  Letting go.

  It was all significant. I was wounded, not broken. It would take time, but I would heal from this.

  And I would be stronger for it.

  If I weren’t spending every dime I had on Winston’s case, I would have moved out of this hell hole a long time ago. But as it was, this was my only option right now. And it was a small sacrifice compared to the hell my brother lived in.

  My mother knew nothing about sacrifice. I took hand me downs from Maddie, drove around in a hoopty that only ran half the time, and ate ramen noodles more than any human being should; all so I could put every dime I earned towards the appeal.

  And all the while our mother spent hundreds of dollars on pills. Whatever she could get her hands on. Paid for by the men she fucked. She didn’t care if they were married. She didn’t care about discretion. If they didn’t give her what she wanted, she told their wives…called their jobs. She was ruthless and made no apologies about her lifestyle. My mother was proud of who she was. She embraced her trashiness.