by K. Langston
Too late for that. My chest felt like it had a knife in it and the back of my throat burned with emotion. I knew what I was doing when I climbed on his lap.
I swallowed back the emotions threatening to bubble over and stepped away from him. “This was a mistake. We shouldn’t do this.”
I reached for my shorts and underwear, but he stopped me, gathering me into his big, strong arms. His face hovered inches above mine. “Not a mistake. You could never, ever be a mistake. I want you. I’ve never wanted anyone as bad as I want you but…” he hesitated. “But I’m not sure I can be what you need right now. Maybe with time…I don’t know. I just don’t want to lead you on or say things that might give you hope because…I’m still trying to work out my feelings for you.”
“Me too. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to feel. The last thing I want to do right now is jump back into a relationship, but this feels so right. It’s always feels right with you.”
Cannon studied my face, his thumb grazing my lips.
“Your body I will selfishly claim, but I’m not worthy of your heart. Not yet anyway.”
How could he possibly think that? Cannon had more than enough love to share, he was just afraid of sharing the part of himself he didn’t like. Which seemed to be a pretty large part in his eyes. But I didn’t care, I wanted all of him.
And if I had to wait forever, then that’s just what I’d do.
“Well just know, when you’re ready, you can have my heart too.”
I barely had the words out of my mouth before his lips were on mine, effectively doing what he’d just promised.
Staking his claim.
His hands gripped my ass firmly, kneading the sensitive flesh with his strong fingers, telling me with their possessive touch that my body belonged to him. He lifted me to wrap my legs around him and walked to his room.
He laid me down gently on the bed. I watched as he shed his t-shirt, then his jeans, and last but certainly not least, his underwear. His hard cock jutted out, long and thick with that silver ring decorating the tip and not a scrap of hair anywhere. My mouth watered, eager to know the smooth taste of metal and man. Once he was back in front of me, I pulled to my knees, bending forward and taking him in my hand with confidence.
Cannon’s deep groan made me smile and so did the two condoms he tossed on the pillow next to me. “Two? Do you think that’s enough?” I teased, kissing the center of his broad chest.
“It’s enough to get started. Now, let me see what that pretty mouth looks like with my dick in it. Been dyin’ to get you on your knees since the first time we met. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve dreamed about these damn lips on my dick.”
“This is only by default, you know that right.” I continued to stroke, holding his burning gaze.
“You can paint the picture anyway you want, baby. But you’re still the one on your knees.” He hooked my neck, bringing my lips to his. “For me.” He placed a teasing kiss to my bottom lip, nipping at the swollen flesh once, then twice…melting my insides.
“Now stop talkin’ and get to suckin’.”
“Damn, I do love your dirty mouth,” I purred as my lips circled the head with a soft suck. I flicked the silver ring back and forth with my tongue as I took him all the way in, working him up and down with one hand while I brought my other to the center of his chest. I could feel his wild breath beneath my palm. Both of his hands gathered the hair from the base of my neck, but only one stayed to fist the tangled strands.
When I took him all the way to the back of my throat, he released a hungry growl, his control slipping. I could feel him growing tense beneath my hand, his chest heaving as he slowly fucked my mouth. I’d never enjoyed a blowjob this much before. I’d done it. Numerous times. But mind you, I wasn’t on my knees and it wasn’t my fave. The way he manhandled…dominated me with his words, with his body.
One flick of my clit and I would probably come on the spot.
I sucked harder, my own desire increasing my speed. Cannon pulled back with a firm grip. I continued to stroke him as he took my mouth, hot and demanding. Lowering me to the bed, he covered my body with his. He seemed so much larger from this angle. The delicious weight of him on top of me, his biceps straining as he pressed his palms into the mattress, hovering above me. Large thighs moved behind mine, spreading me wider and my body exploded with heat when I looked down to watch his cock slide across the top of my wet slit. I whimpered, my body trembling from the pent up need.
He lifted and reached for the condom, staring down at me with desire dark in his eyes as he rolled it on. Centering himself, he brought his lips to mine. “Now you’re mine, baby.”
Before I could catch my next breath, he was inside of me.
Full.
There was no other way to describe it. I’d never been so full. With one powerful thrust he filled me completely, dragging back out only to do it again.
Harder.
“Cannon.”
He held himself above me, a satisfied grin plastered on his gorgeous face as he moved in and out. “My name on your lips is the sweetest fuckin’ sound,” he confessed against my mouth, before settling into a steady rhythm of pumps and thrusts that had me spiraling into sweet oblivion.
I tried in vain to build a fortress strong enough to protect my heart, but it was no use.
I was his.
He’d just buried himself so deep inside of me, I was certain he’d never find his way out. A kiss to my throat, he slowly pulled out and got up from the bed to go to the bathroom. I lay there, unable to move, unable to think.
When he walked back into the room still naked, it hit me.
“We just had sex,” I said, anxiety bubbling in my gut.
What did this mean for us? How was I supposed to act? Should I get up and go to my room? Will he want me to sleep in here with him? What if this was all a big mistake?
I didn’t have to wait for an answer to my first question because he crawled in bed next to me, rolling me to my side to face him. “That wasn’t just sex, that was fuckin’ at its finest.”
My heart sighed in relief. I brought my shaky hand to his stubbly face. “It was pretty amazing.”
“Yeah it was. This mouth though…” Cannon kissed me hard, jerking my knee to hook his hip. “That’s what’s amazing.”
“Yours isn’t so bad either.”
“Not so bad?” he asked, taking my mouth once more.
“Ok fine…it’s amazing. There, are you happy?”
“It’s ridiculous how happy I am right now.”
I wanted to tell him how happy I was too. I wanted to say so many things, but I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose this moment.
And I damn sure didn’t want to lose him.
* * *
A week later things were the same yet, different. We were still friends. That was one aspect of our relationship that hadn’t changed. We always had fun together, but it was like ever since we tore down the sex barrier between us, we were more comfortable around each other. I didn’t hesitate to cuddle up next to him on the couch when we were watching TV, and it didn’t seem to bother him at all when I would climb up on his lap anytime I wanted just to steal a kiss or make out.
And shit, I loved making out with my man.
We weren’t confessing our deepest, darkest secrets, but we would get there. Fortunately though for me, he did open up more about his family. From some of the stories he told me, they were all pretty close, but I could still tell there were bits and pieces he was leaving out, chunks of his life I knew nothing about.
I was grateful for what little he did offer, because I was a little less nervous about meeting them in a few weeks.
But still pretty damn nervous.
I smiled, looking up through my lashes at the man standing across the room, eyeing me like a hawk. We were busy most of the afternoon so I hadn’t had a chance to even lift my head, but whenever I did, I caught his eyes. They were more intense now. There was a possessiv
eness that hadn’t been there before and it made me tingle all over every time I saw it.
I knew I should be focused on other things. Like finding my own place to stay and getting on my own two feet, but I kept hoping I would find my way with him. Everything seemed so right when we were together. I didn’t want to think about what it would be like if we weren’t.
When I clocked out for lunch, I walked towards the break room in the back, a decent size room with a flat screen, sectional, and kitchen area. All I wanted to do was put my feet up and rest my eyes for a minute before I even thought about eating. I hadn’t slept well the night before. After Cannon effectively gave me three sheet clutching orgasms, I’d quickly fallen asleep in his arms only to be awakened a few hours later to find him fighting a dream, murmuring one name over and over, his voice laced with pure agony.
Landon.
The name bled from his lips, ripping him apart from the inside out, right there before my eyes. I wanted to wake him, but after a few agonizing minutes, he finally settled, never making another sound the rest of the night.
I would know.
I laid there watching him for hours, wondering who Landon was and why Cannon was so distraught about him. What was it that had him so torn up inside? The war maybe? I couldn’t imagine the things he’d seen or the things he had to do in order to survive. Something told me that Cannon would never share any of that with me.
I snagged a bottle of water from the refrigerator Archer kept stocked and stretched out on the couch. I had just closed my eyes when I heard footsteps fall into the room and the door shut with a soft click.
Cannon stalked over, his stride confident and sure. “I think we should talk this shit out.”
“I’m on my break, Cannon. I don’t wanna talk to you right now. I’m tired.”
“I didn’t mean the way it came out.” he said, but his voice was still gruff.
He meant every damn word.
Before we got out of the truck earlier, I leaned over to give him a kiss and he gave me a peck on the cheek. He told me he didn’t like the taste of my lip gloss and that he’d prefer I didn’t wear it at all, or just don’t bother kissing him with it on. And while it was awfully sweet of him to follow that up with how much he loved the taste of me instead, Cannon could be a real asshole sometimes.
“It’s not what you said…it’s how you said it.”
“I know, but I hate that shit. I think your lips are perfect the way they are. There…is that simple enough for you?”
I sighed, standing up, too damn tried to argue with this frustrating man. “You’re such a shit sometimes you know that?”
When I tried to move around him, his hands caught my waist. “I’ve been thinkin’ about this mouth all fuckin’ day. And all the freaky things you did with it last night,” he said, brushing a thumb across my lips to wipe off the gloss. “And these…these have become my compass…they tell me what they want, what they need. I don’t want anything, not even fuckin’ lip gloss to come between that. Ever.” His face hovered above mine, dark eyes shielded by his ball cap but as open as a book. “You know,” he began, cupping my cheeks and brining my lips to his. “If I didn’t know any better I would think you were trying to get me to fall for you.”
My heart took a flying leap off the cliff I’d been teetering on. “Cannon…”
It was the only thing I could say. It was the only thing my mouth would allow me to say because my heart was wide open, and I was scared to death. Cannon would never do anything to deliberately hurt me, but there was an underlying fear that this may be a very big mistake. I think what scared me the most was not having him in my life at all.
It was definitely a thought I could not handle.
My phone vibrated from my back pocket, interrupting our moment. I fished it out, but the second I saw who the message was from, I instantly regretted it.
“Who is it?” Cannon asked, looking down at the screen before snatching it from my hand.
“Cannon, give that back to me,”
“He’s still textin’ you?” He narrowed his eyes, nostrils flaring with anger.
“Give me my damn phone!” I grasped at him, but he held the device out of reach.
“Answer the goddamn question.”
“No. Today’s the first time I’ve heard from him since he left the bar last week. God Cannon, don’t you trust me?”
“I don’t know, can I?”
“Fuckin’ really?” I gritted, snatching my phone back and shoving him out of my way. I stormed out, my lungs fighting for air. How could he not trust me? We were friends before we were lovers…that had to count for something, right? Technically, we’re still friends just on a larger scale. He knew me. He knew the kind of person I was. I understood why he was upset, but hell no.
If we didn’t have trust, we didn’t have anything.
About halfway down the hall, his hands were on me once more, pulling me into the storage room behind a locked door. “We’re not finished yet,” he said, walking me backwards.
“Well, I was. I’ve never given you any reason not to trust me, Cannon, so for you to question whether you should is bullshit.”
“I know, I’m sorry. I do trust you. I just…I don’t want you talkin’ to him at all. Not a friendly text. Not a casual hello. I don’t want you to ever see him again.”
“Cannon,” I pleaded.
“I mean it, Cora. You’re mine and I will not share any part of you. I don’t care what history you have.” My ass bumped into a stack of crates filled with moonshine as Cannon lifted me to sit on top, positioning himself between my legs. I tried to hold onto my anger, fighting for my stance, but I secretly loved it when he invaded my space without permission. When his hand wrapped around my neck possessively, and when he looked into my eyes like I was the most important person in the world.
“What are you doing?” I asked, now breathless and weak.
What the hell were we fighting about?
“I want what’s mine,” he said, savagely taking my lips.
One hand fell between us while the other held me in place, kissing me, owning me. He tucked his seeking fingers between the denim and my skin, and I gasped when they found their way inside me. His grip moved to the front of my throat, a rough thumb stroking the line of my jaw.
“Cannon.”
“Fuck, I love it when you say my name like that.” His hand tightened around my throat. A swift surge of heat pulsed through my veins, and if the desire darkening his eyes was any indication, he could feel it beneath his palm. His mouth covered mine in a devastating kiss.
A kiss that stung.
A kiss that burned.
A kiss that stained the deepest, darkest part of my heart. A kiss inspiring a fire of love, desire and most importantly…trust.
Then my shorts were sliding down my legs. Panties came after. The sound of a zipper shredding metal penetrated the air just before he slammed into me.
Hard.
Fast.
With a burning heat that would last forever. “Mine,” he claimed against my lips.
“Yours,” I confirmed.
The way Cannon fucked me, the raw feral passion behind each and every thrust, his strong dedication to make it so damn good, every single time…destroyed me.
I gripped his neck while his hand held the back of my knee in place. I’d never had a man want me as much as Cannon wanted me or the manner in which he took, so unreserved, so unforgiving.
Like he was fighting something inside.
I focused on the smooth, quick draw of his body leaving mine, the slapping of tight skin slick with desire, the merciless pump of his hips.
His fingers tightened around my throat, but the pressure alleviated when his soft gentle lips brushed mine in the faintest of breath. The contrast between the two ways he attacked my body were devastating.
Shudders of pleasure reduced me to a quivering mess as I dug my teeth into his shoulder to stifle my scream.
With a low growl, Cannon
pulled out, emptying himself all over my lower belly while I sucked back a panicked lungful of air.
Two thoughts entered my mind:
How hot he looked doing that.
And we’d just had sex without a condom.
His sated eyes met mine and he smiled despite my panic. “Glad we worked that out, babe.”
I blinked trying to think less about what had just happened and more about what I could use to clean myself up so I could smack that smirk off his face. Cannon reached for the back of his neck, pulling his t-shirt off and wiping me clean.
Lord have mercy on my ovaries.
“I have a backup in the office,” he informed me as if that were the only question running rampant in my mind.
After wading it up in his hands, he bent to hand me my shorts, stuffing my panties into his pocket. I quickly stepped into my shorts, mentally trying to think of what to say next, and finally remembering that we were at work and…shit…I was going to be late clocking back in from my break. We needed to talk about what just happened. Shit, we needed to talk about a lot of things.
“The fuck’s goin’ on in here?”
Shit.
Shit!
Archer stood in the open doorway, glaring at Cannon. “You have got to be fuckin’ shittin’ me right now.”
His dark eyes met mine before they looked me up and down. Shaking his head, he let go of an irritated sigh. “Get your ass back to work, Cora.”
“Yes sir.” My heart was in my throat as I slid past him, a strong look of disappointment etched across his hard face.
He lifted his clenched jaw, effectively dismissing me before returning his hard gaze to Cannon.
This was not good.
When we are no longer able to change a situation –
we are challenged to change ourselves.
~Viktor E. Frankl
We walked in silence to his office where he tossed me a new staff t-shirt and lifted his small trash can for me to throw my other one away. “This has become a real problem with you,” he said, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt.