by K. Langston
“I’ve been digging for days. I thought it was in his safe,” she’d said. “But when I tried to find it after the funeral, it wasn’t there.”
Well, she finally found it, tucked inside a pair of his old boots. She was overnighting it and had called to let me know. I wasn’t sure when I would read it, or even if I could. But either way, the damn thing was coming.
Cora reached for my hand and I lifted hers to my mouth, seeking comfort in her touch.
No, I could do this.
I kissed her hand again before placing it on my lap, so fucking thankful I would not have to face his final words alone.
In love, women are professionals, men are amateurs.
~Francois Truffaut
I couldn’t remember ever having this much fun. Alcohol played a heavy part at the moment, but most of my inebriated state had to do with the amazing people surrounding me, and the man sitting next to me. How happy he made me. I could not stop smiling.
Katy had made Jello shots out of strawberries. They were so damn cute. She’d taken real strawberries, cut them open, dug them out and used the hulls as edible shot glasses. She also made all of these cute fruit desserts with watermelon and kiwi. That girl and her Pinterest board sure do know how to host a party. They’d gone all out with the food too, hiring a popular Bar-B-Q joint to cater the celebration.
I think…no…I know I ate my weight in fritters. Those things are the damn devil and will probably be making a future appearance on my ass.
What turned out to be a beautiful warm day had given way to a crisp, cool night. We took what was left of the party to the covered patio so we could stay warm by the new fire pit, a housewarming gift from Cannon and I. Vaughn, Katy and Archer’s son, and Ava, Tabitha and Barrett’s sweet baby girl, had finally passed out from all their running around. And their failure to comply with naptime ensured us they were down for the night. The twins had gone home with Maddie’s parents about an hour ago so now we were all sitting around talking and drinking.
Even my girl Lyssa had joined us, and surprisingly had loosened up a bit since Maddie forced that Margarita in her hand. Lyssa didn’t drink. At all. But Maddie can be very persuasive.
“I need a refill. You want anything?” I asked Cannon, raising my cup.
He leaned over to kiss my cheek then brought his mouth to my ear. “Yeah, you ridin’ me. That’s what I want. One more drink and we’re out,” he informed me without delay.
Goosebumps trampled my skin as I kissed him soundly. “One more drink,” I said then tagged Lyssa’s hand on my way inside the house. “C’mon girl, I need your assistance.” Once I had her in the kitchen, I began my interrogation. “So,” I said, twisting the nozzle of the industrial size margarita maker to fill my cup with more strawberry goodness. “What’s the deal with Alex?”
Her face turned about as red as the frozen slush filling my cup. “What do you mean? There’s no deal,” she answered, taking a rather large gulp to conceal her embarrassment.
I raised a brow. “Really?”
Her cheeks flushed again but she still tried so hard to play it cool. “Really.”
“Hmm…well if that’s the case then why can’t you stop staring at him like he holds the key to your virtue?”
She had the gall to gasp. “I have no idea what you’re talkin’ about.”
“What are you bitches talkin’ about?” Maddie asked, making her way into the kitchen. Katy and Tabitha trailing behind her.
“Oh nothin’, I was just thanking Lyssa for puppy sitting while we were gone,” I lied, smiling around my cup.
I would get it out of her ass eventually.
Katy took a seat next to Lyssa. They could be taken for sisters with their dark hair and trusting eyes, but Katy had an edge to her that Lyssa didn’t. Lyssa hadn’t found the thing that set her on fire yet. Katy was a strong, confident, independent woman long before her domineering husband Archer came along. Lyssa was none of those things.
Not yet anyway.
“So y’all had a good time I take it.”
“We had a great time. His family is so amazing. And so very unlike mine.”
“He looks so happy. I didn’t even now the asshole had that many teeth until little you got a hold of him,” Maddie teased, smacking me on the ass. “I always say it takes a strong woman to bring out the best in a man.”
“Yeah well…he brings out the best in me too.”
“I love seeing you two together. Makes my heart smile,” Katy said, taking a sip from her straw before turning her attention back to Lyssa. “And you, what’s gotten into you? I can’t believe you’re actually drinkin’.”
Probably because she’s lusting over your brother!
“Ooooh…let’s do more shots!” Tabitha suggested.
“Fireball!” Katy shouted, raising her cup high in the air.
Lyssa looked terrified. “Fireball?”
Tabitha reached over and patted her small hand. “You’ll love it. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.”
Katy nodded enthusiastically in agreement.
Lyssa chewed on her bottom lip, her eyes focused on her lap. “This is my last drink y’all. Cannon said he would be ready to go soon.”
“No! I’m not ready for you to go. We never get to hang out like this.” Maddie snagged a small bottle of Fireball from the door of the freezer, along with a chilled shot glass.
“I can’t help it, my man can’t get enough of me.”
We all shared a laugh.
“Alright ladies,” Maddie poured a healthy shot of the amber liquid and held it up in the air. “Here’s to good friends, hot sex, and the men that bring us to our knees.” She threw the shot back, her face scrunching before she called, “Whoooweeee!! Burns like hell!”
We each took a shot, passing the bottle and the glass around, first me, then Katy. Tabitha took two shots. Then, Lyssa accepted the frosted bottle hesitantly from a now giggling Tabitha.
“Um…it actually says right here on the bottle…burns like hell, Maddie.” Lyssa muttered, staring at the back of the partially burned label.
Katy leaned over, slipping the bottle from her fingers. “But it tastes like heaven,” she said, filling the shot glass. “And whatever happens is up to you.”
Lyssa stared at the overflowing shot as it were the most offending thing she’d ever seen, before she looked up and gifted us all with a wicked smile. “Fuck it,” she finally said with newborn determination. Then she tossed back the shot, doing her best to keep a straight face as she swallowed it down. Well, looky there…I do believe our girl has found a spark to light her fire.
But I don’t think it had anything to do with the whiskey.
* * *
I couldn’t keep my hands off him and he couldn’t keep his eyes on the road. “Babe, two more fuckin’ minutes, please.”
Rubbing back and forth on the bulge in his jeans, I sucked on the lobe of his ear. “But I need you.”
Less than two minutes later, we were busting through my front door. A wrecking ball of arms and limbs, hands and mouths. Numb from the alcohol, I didn’t feel pain, only pleasure when Cannon slammed me against the wall, knocking several pictures to the ground. He kissed me there, ravaging my mouth as he pressed his body into mine. “Need that sweet pussy, babe,”
“Then take it.”
With a deep growl, he jerked me from the wall and carried me to the bedroom. We fell to the bed, our kisses growing more heated, more desperate as we pulled and tugged at each other’s clothes until we were both naked.
Cannon’s hand reached between my legs to find me wet and ready. “Pussy is hot.” He rolled, pulling me on top to straddle him.
“Hot for you, baby,” I said, kissing him softly on the lips before straightening my back. “You look damn fine under me, Jacobs.” Cannon responded by squeezing my ass as I began to move my hips back and forth. My wet slit glided across his hard cock, pulling a hiss from his lips. “I’m ready to ride, baby,” he fisted his cock, teasing m
y clit with the metal tip before burying himself deep in me.
I cried out, the fullness overriding everything else. My skin tingled with desire as my head fell back, basking in the sensations taking over. “Move that ass,” Cannon urged, lifting me up before bringing me back down. I braced my hands on his chest for leverage.
“Hold up, I think I’m too drunk for this ride.”
Cannon rolled us over with a chuckle, but he didn’t break our connection. “You tellin’ me you’re too drunk to fuck?”
“No, I’m too drunk to drive. I need you to fuck me instead. I’ll catch ya on the flip side.”
Cannon kissed my chin then my mouth. “I’ll do whatever you want, baby. But only if you cook breakfast.”
I rolled my eyes in mock exasperation. “Fine.”
He began to move.
Oh god, when he dipped his hips like that, holy motherfuckin…
“Bacon.”
My eyes flew open. “Wha?”
“For breakfast, I want bacon,” he demanded.
“Shit, are we talkin’ about food right now? For real?”
“Hell yes, and I want pancakes too.”
“Ok, bacon, pancakes, anything else?”
He pondered a moment before he responded. “Yeah…” he rumbled surging forward, pressing all of his incredible weight into me. “This.” His fingers threaded through mine as he drew them above my head, angling his neck to kiss me while he slowly fucked me and my mouth in perfect harmony. His thrusts became more powerful.
Harder.
Faster.
Cannon released my hands, pressing his own hands into the mattress next to my head. Oh, this was my favorite. Stretching my hands out beside me, I gripped the sheets in order to brace myself for the fucking I had coming. I could see the raw, primal surge of heat burning in his eyes. He cocked his left knee forward, opening me wider as he dropped to an elbow and fisted his fingers through my hair. His other hand held my knee in place.
Oh.
My.
God.
My body became a vessel of pleasure. The erotic sound of our intimate connection, the sighs falling from our lips, the sweat rolling off our bodies, it all created the perfect storm. He surged into me over and over again, silently proclaiming his uninhibited need. His eyes held mine as I clenched then tightened around him, crying out his name as he milked me for my orgasm. “Mine,” he whispered. “Forever, you’re mine.”
I could hardly breathe and by the time he came hot inside me, his body trembling with mine, I was completely and utterly spent. “I love you,” I whispered softly.
My chest burned with emotion. The intensity of our connection. How far we’d come. How far we were going.
How deep he was inside me.
“I love you too,” he said.
And with his words my world grew brighter than I’d ever known before.
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
~Carl Jung
Waves lapped the shore, beating the sand softly along the beach. With the sun high in the sky I covered the top of my eyes, searching, hoping to see what my heart told me I would find.
Birds soared across the clear blue sky, brilliant rays of gold beat down on the surface of the water, casting bright light all around me.
This had to be heaven. Or a damn good version of it.
Off in the distance, I saw him.
I ran, my chest pounding with fear and anticipation as I dug my bare feet into the sinking sand. He was walking away. The harder I ran, the faster he walked
“Stop!” I yelled, but he continued, not even offering me a second glance.
I ran faster.
Harder.
But no matter how hard or fast I ran, I couldn’t catch up. My feet became lead and my lungs began to burn with exhaustion. “Landon, please stop!” I pleaded, tears burning my throat.
He stopped.
I slowed my pace, falling to my knees in the sand. Landon turned around and slowly walked towards me as I fought to catch my breath. When he was no more than a few yards away, I found enough strength to get to my feet. “What are you doing here?” he asked, his voice echoing from far away.
“Searchin’ for you,”
“Stop.”
“I can’t,” I said, my voice deflated and weak.
His hand landed on my shoulder, offering me a small amount of comfort. The words tried to hide in my throat but I pushed them out with anger. “It should have been me. If I hadn’t been such a coward, you would be with Nikki and Christopher right now, and my God, they need you so much. I regret it every single day. It should have been me. Not you, Landon. Not you.”
“No. This is the way it’s supposed to be. Everything happens for a reason. Never question that.”
“But,”
“Stop trying to change the past. It’s out of your control. All you can do now is make peace with it and move on.”
I hung my head, hot tears streaming down my face. “How?”
His voice echoed inside my ear, the vibration cutting through the scars around my heart. “Live.”
The early morning sun peeked through the blinds, hinting to the early light of day. I rolled to my back, blinking away the foggy webs of sleep and for the first time in a long time, I didn’t fight back the memories of my dream. They were plain as day, the vivid images chipping away at the dark parts of my soul. It was as if he were real. Everything about my dream seemed real.
I rubbed at the center of my chest where the deep ache had been for so long, easing the pressure with every breath I took.
“Ugh…” Cora groaned as she began to stir next to me. Her hair was a tangled mess as she twisted her head to face me.
I smiled, remembering Landon’s words from my dream.
Live.
“Hungover?” I asked, pushing the mess of hair from her beautiful face.
“I’m never drinkin’ liquor again.”
“Famous last words,” I said, scooting closer.
“I’m dead serious. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and someone taped a cotton ball to the roof of my mouth.”
“I love the way you look in the morning.”
That earned me one of those sweet little morning smiles I missed so much. “Even when I look like ass.”
“Baby, you could never look like ass. Hot as fuck, yes. Ass, never.”
Her smile grew wider, her eyes sparkling with radiant light. “I like you here. Like this. Waking up with you,” she said and my throat clogged with emotion.
“Me too.”
“No bad dreams,” she noted, snuggling up next to me, her warm fingers grazing my back.
“No bad dreams.”
It was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to tell her all about the dream, but I didn’t.
I kept it to myself.
At least until I was able to wrap my own head around it.
“What do you want to do today?”
Tucking her head beneath my chin, she purred against my chest. “I could stay right here all day.”
I could stay right here the rest of my life.
Life is very interesting…in the end,
some of your greatest pains,
become your greatest strengths.
~Drew Barrymore
My father had never been a part of my life. My mother had always said he was a good looking son of a bitch, but I’d never really believed her until I saw him for myself when he told my mother he was going to stop paying child support once I turned 18. She had dragged me to his office in the city and threatened to tell his wife I existed.
He promised to continue payments for the rest of my life.
I was a planned pregnancy. Winston and I both were. But the men my mother chose to be sperm donors had no idea what they were signing up for. She’d trapped them.
Like a black widow.
With elaborate webs of lies and deceit, they never saw her coming. All part of her lifelong plan. Some people have real jobs. My mother kne
w how to fuck the right men to get what she wanted.
I was born premature, courtesy of placenta Previa. My mother was on bed rest for months before she ended up having to have an emergency C-section. I was in NICU for three months after that and my mother made it a point to remind me every chance she could, how much pain and suffering she went through to have me. How much of a burden I was. And if it hadn’t been for the money, she would have aborted me.
Yep, mother of the year right there folks.
When Denton came along and showed me what it was like to be loved, it changed me. I soaked it all up. Fed off every promising word and touch like the neglected little girl I was. Then I realized I didn’t just want to take and not give.
My mother was that person.
That would never be me.
Even now, standing on her doorstep, with her face twisted in disgust, I still hoped she would someday love me. Her only daughter. Her child. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I came to check on you.”
She shifted on her feet. Emotions were difficult for my mother. I never understood why. I figured whatever it was that kept her from letting love in her heart must have been pretty bad, but like a fool, I kept trying.
With a smoke filled cough, she took another drag of her cigarette. “If you’re here for your shit, I got rid of it. You’re a day late,” she said, lifting her chin to the street where a pile of black trash bags sat on the curb.
Tears stinging my eyes, I swung them back to hers. They were a dark shade of brown, nearly black.
No shame.
No regret.
Absolutely no love reflected back at me. “I’m sorry, mama.”
“Pffft, for what?”
“For whatever happened to you. Whatever it is that made you this way. I wish things were different.”
“So what, you move out for like a month and now you think you know something about life?” She fixed a hand to her hip, pushing off the door frame, wielding her lit cigarette between two fingers as she stuck it right in my face. “Well, you don’t know shit little girl. In case you forgot, you grew up in a goddamn trailer park and you got me as a mother, so life for you will always suck sweetheart, get used to it.” Anger swelled deep inside my chest, but I stomped it down. That’s what she wanted. She wanted to get me worked up so I would fight back. It made her feel good to tear me down. Because then she wouldn’t have to look inside of herself.