Healing a Cowboy's Heart (Cowboy Dreamin' 2)

by Sullivan, Sandy

  “Easy, baby.”

  “Feels weird.”

  “Weird good or weird bad?”

  “Good.”

  He pushed two fingers inside her ass as she hissed at the burn.

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah. Burns a little.”

  The slow crawl of his fingers soothed the ache, but also brought it higher at the same time. A different need took its place.

  “Do you happen to have some lube around?”

  “Yeah, in my nightstand. I needed it sometimes before. I kind of get dry.”

  “You ain’t dry with me, sweetheart.” He spread more of her juices around her clit. “You’re soaking wet.”

  “Because you wind me up so much, I can’t wait to get you inside me.”

  He removed his fingers and turned so he was positioned between her legs. She tensed up. “Easy, darlin’. We won’t do anything without lube.” He grabbed the tube from her drawer and placed it on the bed beside them. “I’m gonna fuck your pussy a little before we move on. I love to feel you squeeze me.”

  “Oh yeah.” Her words came out in a soft purr as he pushed his length inside her. No condom. “Uh, Jeff?”

  “Yeah, babe?”

  “Did you forget a condom?”

  “Do we need one?”

  “I’m not on birth control. I haven’t been active with anyone in a long time so I didn’t need it. What if we get pregnant?”

  “Do you want to?”

  She smoothed his hair back from his forehead. “I’ve love to have a baby with you, but we haven’t really talked about the future of this relationship yet.”

  “I want you with me.”

  “I know you do. I love you and I really believe you love me too, but what happens next?”

  He shifted his hips. “Can we talk about this after we’re done?”

  “No.” She moved so his cock wasn’t penetrating her anymore. “We need to talk about this now.”

  “Fuck.”

  “Do you love me?”

  “Yes.”

  “Say it.”

  “I love you, Terri. I told you that before.”

  “So what are your plans for our future?”

  “I don’t know. I thought you’d move back to the ranch with me. We can be a family.”

  “Do you ever plan to marry me?”

  “Marriage? Wait a minute.”

  “That’s what I thought.” She pushed against his chest until she could slide out from under him. “I think you need to leave.”

  “Leave? I’m not leaving.”

  “Yes, you are. Go back to the ranch or whatever. I don’t care.”

  “I thought you said you loved me?”

  “I do, Jeff. I love you with all my heart, but I’m not shacking up with you until hell freezes over because you’re scared to get married again or live in a long term relationship with the intention of marriage at some point.”

  He jumped to his feet, grabbed his pants and then shoved his legs into them. “So this is all to get a marriage proposal out of me?”

  “Fuck off!”

  His chest rose and fell with his rapid breaths. A sheen of sweat coated his upper lip. The man was in full panic attack mode at just the thought of getting married. “I ain’t leavin’ until we talk about this.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Come on, Terri. I love you. Isn’t that enough?”

  “No, it’s not, Jeff. I’m sorry, but it’s not. I want to get married someday. Have a family. Raise my kids with the man who helped me produce them. I’m not going anywhere. You don’t trust me.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “No, not really. You say you love me, but the trust isn’t there.”

  “What can I do to change your mind about this?”

  “Ask me to marry you.”

  “I can’t.” He threw up his hands and let them fall. Dejection clouded his eyes.

  “I know,” she whispered in a tearful voice. Am I doing the right thing? What if he walks away and never comes back? What if I never see him again? A twenty pound lump clogged her throat. She slipped on her bathrobe, uncomfortable now with her nakedness in front of him.

  He raked his fingers through his hair. “This isn’t over.”

  She glanced at the ceiling as she pressed her lips together to keep from telling him it didn’t matter, when in truth it mattered a great deal.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Jeff pulled his parent’s truck into the driveway of the ranch, hit the gate button on the visor and sighed. What the hell went wrong? He loved Terri, but here he was returning to the ranch without her. This whole thing seemed totally fucked up.

  “Daddy!” Ben raced from the door of the main house toward the truck as Jeff put it into park.

  Nina followed closely on his heels, but her lips turned down in a frown when she saw the passenger side of the truck was empty. “Is Terri following you in her car?” she asked as he stepped out and shut the door.

  “No, Mom.”

  “What happened?”

  “I can’t talk about it right now.”

  “Yes, you can and you will.” She hollered toward the barn for his father who poked his head out of the double doors. “Can you take Ben please? I need to have a chat with our son.”

  “Uh-oh. You in trouble, Daddy?”

  “I guess so, buddy. Go on with Granddad.”

  Ben raced across the yard as fast as his little legs would carry him.

  “Come with me.”

  Apparently he was in for the talking to of his life with his mom and he couldn’t bring up the feelings to care. He’d left his heart in Houston, but he wasn’t sure what the hell to do about it. Marry Terri? His stomach rolled at the thought. Not that he didn’t want to be with her. He did. More than anything, but marriage? Tied down to her for the rest of his life? What if she turned out to be like Misha? What if she cheated on him?

  “Now,” his mother said, pointing to the chair in her office for him to sit. “What is this all about?”

  “Terri told me to leave.”

  “Well you spent the night with her last night, right?”

  “Yeah.” He raked his fingers through his hair, knocking off his hat in the process. “I don’t get her, Ma.”

  “You love her, right?”

  “Yeah and she said she loves me.”

  “Then what is the problem here?”

  “She wants a marriage proposal.”

  “And?” His mother had a look of are you stupid or what on her face.

  “I can’t do it, Ma. I won’t. What if somethin’ happens again?”

  “So what. Jeffery,” she clasped his hands between hers, “honey, you’re in love with her. She’s in love with you. Marriage is the next logical step. You can’t live your life worrying about if it’s going to fall apart, sweetheart. You’ll be miserable for the rest of your life if you do. Do you seriously want to let the hell Misha put you through ruin your future?”

  “No.”

  “You have to move on. Terri is your future. The future for you and Ben.” She ran one hand down his cheek and came away with wet fingers. “You’ll be miserable without her. Don’t you trust her?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Why are you crying?”

  “Because I miss her. I need her with me.”

  “You’ll have to get over this fear you have then. I don’t think she’s going to settle for anything besides a marriage proposal from you.” She patted his hand. “Take a few days to think about it, son. I think you’ll come to the same conclusion I have.”

  She walked out leaving him with his thoughts. Everything seemed jumbled and out of focus. His life was up in the air all of the sudden. Yes, he still had his job on the ranch. The future of the ranch appeared secure thanks to Terri. His heart would never be the same without her in his life.

  He sighed and let his head fall back against the wall behind him. What to do? What did he want from Terri? A friends with ben
efits situation? No. That didn’t seem right either. He loved her. He knew he did, but could he get past his fear of marriage and a committed relationship to secure the future with her she wanted?

  “Daddy?” Ben put his hand on his leg. “Did you ask Ms. Terri to be my new momma?”

  “No, Ben, I didn’t.”

  “Why not? I want her to come live with us.”

  “I want her to live with us too, buddy.”

  “Then why isn’t she here?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “You love her?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then it’s not comli…whatever you said. You just bring her back here.”

  Jeff laughed. Oh to have the simplicity of life of a three-year-old. Just bring her back here. Could he? Would it be as easy as that?

  A plan began to form in his head. He needed some help from one of his brothers, but he needed to think about what his future held without her before he planned a future with her in it. The bleakness without her choked the life from his heart.

  “Let’s go home, buddy.”

  “Okay.” Ben rushed out toward the front room but stopped short.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “The ghost man is sitting in the chair over there, Daddy.”

  Sure enough, Jeff could see the figure of an older gentleman in cowboy clothes sitting on the leather couch near the fireplace. He tipped his hat and faded away. Shivers raced down his back. He’d never get used to seeing the ghosts around the house no matter how many times he ran into them.

  Jeff took Ben’s hand as they walked through the dining room headed back outside. He had some thinking to do and some plans to make. Within minutes they were pulling up to the front of his small cabin. He knew no one waited for him to come home. The house needed a woman’s touch. Even when he’d been married to Misha, she’d never done anything to make it a home. The small things counted like flowers in window boxes, fluffy white curtains blowing in the breeze at the kitchen window, and a pretty comforter on the bed, even pillow shams would make it more homey. What would Terri do to the place should he get her to come home with him? Would she want to make it hers like he hoped or would she turn into a shrew like Misha who didn’t want his home, his child or his family?

  Terri wasn’t like that.

  He opened the door to help Ben out of his car seat and get him down. His son ran for the front door, pushing it open in a rush. Since they didn’t have anyone to come home to, the house looked forlorn.

  “Bath time, Ben,” Jeff called to his retreating son.

  “No.”

  “Yes.”

  “No.”

  Jeff sighed. Times like this, he wanted someone in his life more than anything, someone to take over mommy duties so he didn’t have to fight with the kid every night.

  Ben ran past him, but Jeff grabbed him up in a bear hug and headed for the bathroom with the wiggling, giggling child in his arms. He got Ben into the bathroom and stripped off his clothes before he turned on the water. The bathroom looked like a typical kid’s bathroom with thousands of toys in the tub. The naked kid tried to dash out the door, but Jeff got it shut with his boot before Ben escaped in a naked streak down the hall.

  As he plopped the kid in the water, a knock sounded on the door. Who the hell could that be?

  “I’ll be right there!” He looked at Ben. What the hell to do? He only had two hands and a wet, wiggling child took precedence over whoever was at the door. No way would he leave Ben alone in the bathtub.

  He shut the water off, wrapped Ben in a towel and propped him on his hip. This is just what he needed.

  Opening the door with a sharp snap, he asked, “Yeah?”

  The last person he thought he’d see standing on his doorstep spun around on her heels.

  “Terri?”

  “Hi.” She pressed her lips together. “Can I come in?”

  “Uh, sure.” He stepped back.

  “Hi, Ms. Terri!”

  “Hiya, Ben. Bath time?”

  “No.”

  “Yes,” Jeff said with a laugh. “I was just getting him into the tub.”

  “I can wait until you’re done.” She laid her purse on the end table next to the couch.

  His gaze slide down her frame, taking in the tank top curving around her breasts as it clung to every inch of her delicious body.

  “Go take care of your son. I’ll be right here.”

  Jeff disappeared down the hall with the squirming Ben in his arms. Tonight would be the fastest bath in history of bathing a child, he vowed. He put Ben in the tub, quickly washed his hair and body before he took the handheld showerhead down off the wall and rinsed him off. “Okay, Ben, out we go.”

  “I wanna play.”

  “Nope. Not tonight, buddy. Bedtime for you.”

  “But I wanna play.”

  Jeff sighed. The kid was going to drive him nuts before he reached his fifth birthday. He had other things to do tonight. Terri was here and he’d be damned if he let her go again.

  * * * *

  Terri smiled at the splashing sounds coming from the bathroom as she waited for Jeff to finish bathing Ben. She hadn’t really thought this trip through when she’d gotten into her car to drive back out to the ranch to confront Jeff. She’d come to some conclusions after he’d given up and walked out of her life earlier in the day. It hadn’t taken her more than an hour of soul searching to realize giving him the ultimatum of a marriage proposal or nothing wasn’t right on her part. The gun-shy guy she loved didn’t do well with choices like that.

  What the hell am I gonna do if he doesn’t want me here? “Surely if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have let me in the door.”

  She glanced around the living room realizing she hadn’t had time to check out the home she hoped to share with the amazing man in the other room. The dark décor and lack of feminine touches didn’t surprise her. His ex-wife didn’t come across as a very family oriented woman from what she knew of her, although granted that wasn’t much. Terri started picturing the little things she’d do to the house to make it more of a home. Some flowers outside. Curtains on the windows. A nice comforter on the bed. Toy Story curtains on Ben’s window. It was obvious Jeff didn’t bother with anything except the bare necessities.

  Realizing the sounds coming from the bathroom had quieted, her stomach knotted in anticipation. She stood and moved toward the fireplace. She put one elbow up on the mantle, and took it down. Then twisted her fingers into a ball of knotted flesh. Damn, I’m nervous. Her stomach rolled, making her nauseous. It wouldn’t bode well if she puked up her dinner before she even had a chance to talk to him.

  She exhaled on a sigh to try to calm her stomach. It didn’t work very well. Her heart thumped against her ribs like a terrified bird in a cage.

  The sound of his boot steps coming down the hall didn’t help her nervousness, but the time had come to answer some questions.

  He stopped in the doorway and took in her entire body as a small smile played on those oh-so-kissable lips. God, is it bad I want to curl myself around him and stay there forever?

  A nervous wipe of his hands down his thighs gave away his true feelings about her being there too as he walked into the living room. “Why don’t you have a seat?”

  “I would, but I’m nervous.”

  “Why?” he asked, taking a seat on the couch.

  “Because I didn’t know whether you’d hear me out. I rehearsed this whole long speech on the way here, but seeing you made every bit of it slip straight out of my head.”

  “Is that a good thing?”

  She smiled and shrugged, taking a seat on the other side of the couch. “Maybe.”

  The silence stretched between them for several minutes while she tried to think of what to say since her speech didn’t mean anything now. “I’m sorry. I guess I should start with that.”

  “Sorry for what?”

  “Pressuring you. That wasn’t fair to you. I know how hard it is for you to trust and w
e really haven’t known each other very long.” She twisted the ring on her right hand. It was one her mother gave her on her sixteenth birthday and she never took it off.

  “No, we haven’t.” He seemed relaxed now as he stretched his arm across the back of the sofa.

  “Are you sure you love me?” she asked, hoping he hadn’t changed his mind.

  “Yeah, but it’s gonna take some time for me to get to the marriage part. I ain’t sayin’ I’ll never get there, Terri.”

  “I guess it’s all I’ll get for now, huh?”

  “No. I want you to be part of my life. I want you to move in here with me and Ben.”

  “Are you sure? I mean, isn’t it kind of a big move?”

  “Not as big as marriage.”

  “True.”

  “We’ll keep everythin’ separate. You can come and go like you want. I won’t expect you to take over the house like you’re my wife or anythin’ if you don’t want to.”

  “What if I want to?”

  “Then you can. I want us to be more than just roommates with benefits.” He smiled. “I like the benefits parts though.”

  “Can I do some decorating here? Nothing major. Curtains, flowers…things like that.”

  “Sure you can, darlin’.”

  Her heart tripped over itself when she heard his endearment. He hadn’t given up on her completely, but she’d earn his trust and his long term love. If he never asked her to marry him, it was really okay. She’d have him in her life and that was the most important part of the whole thing.

  “Come ‘ere.”

  She launched herself into his arms, kissing all over his face in a rush to reach his lips. The softness of his mouth against hers brought tears to her eyes. “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Terri. Don’t ever forget that no matter what, okay? I want you in my life.”

  “I want to be there too.”

  “Good. When can you move your stuff in?”

  “I’ll have to pack up my apartment, but I brought enough with me to stay for a while.”

  “Awful confident weren’t you?” he asked, pushing his fingers into her hair.