Neutral

by Darci Darson

  “It smells nice,” she said.

  “Do you like it? I will buy more for you,” he said with a warm softness as his fingers massaged her hair.

  “I’d like to clean my teeth at last,” she admitted with a consuming blush on her cheeks.

  Ettrian reached out for another bottle placed neatly with towels and sponges on a low marble table.

  Alyssa grabbed the bottle from his hand and took a big sip. The sensation that invaded her mouth was potent, refreshing and very pinching as the quantity seemed to be more than enough. She bent forward with a sudden cough attack and emitted the content of her mouth into the water.

  “Don’t spit out into our bath, Alyssa. It’s disgusting.” He looked at her, shaking his head but it was pure amusement permeating his eyes.

  “I am disgusting all the time,” she said with embarrassment.

  Ettrian chuckled as he took the bottle from her hand and put it back, at the same time, the distance between them lessened and she gazed into his dangerous eyes as he caught water into his palm and washed away the foam from her hair. The tension building between them at the moment felt like a forbidden yet irresistible temptation for her.

  “You are a beautiful woman, Alyssa,” Ettrian said with admiration.

  “Do you bring all your women here?” Alyssa asked with unexpected boldness and tilted her head.

  “Don’t ask me about it,” Ettrian said sharply. “It’s not important.” He leaned forward and closed her mouth with his. She could sense with her whole being the delicious moistness of the kiss when the abrupt disappointment stabbed her as his lips separated from hers. “This is important,” he added. “Your lips are stinging me.”

  “But at least my teeth are very clean now,” Alyssa muttered and sighed as he pulled her closer to him and gifted with another kiss whilst his hands captured her back and head. He moved her backwards and clutching her waist, lifted her and set her on the edge of the pool. As he jumped to go out from the water as well, she spread two large towels on the floor of green quartz and lay down with her back against the softness of chunky towels, pushed by her need to feel him again. Her desire for him centred in her tummy that ached in anticipation. She trusted him entirely and felt connected to him in the deepest possible way, not ashamed at all.

  Ettrian leant over her and gazed at her with amazement, parted her thighs, then moved on top of her to claim her body once more. Every slow thrust of his hardness into her, filled her body with a wave of trembling pleasure that built and bubbled until she could not bear it any longer and parted her folded legs even more with her hands pulling him even closer to her. He tightened his embrace and pushed into her harder and deeper as she moaned in need for release.

  As the pulsating intense eruption surged through her body, her back arched and her voice halted. Her mind twirled and she lost control entirely.

  She felt his body trembling against hers as his growl of satisfaction filled the air. His muscles relaxed and he embraced her, still lying on her as they both gasped.

  Alyssa closed her eyes and swam away into the lazy weakness that possessed her muscles. She wanted to float in this weightless state but Ettrian’s soft kisses disturbed it connecting her with reality.

  “I have to go home,” she said quietly.

  “I will cook something for dinner. Stay until tomorrow,” Ettrian said.

  “My parents will kill me.”

  “I will deal with your parents and you go to my bedroom and get some sleep. You are exhausted.”

  She pushed him with a slight force and moved away from him, covering herself with a towel as the dread flew through her veins like a chill of the frosty winter.

  “Alyssa, calm down. Your parents will understand. I will deal with it.”

  She shook her head in desperation.

  “I don’t want them to know anything,” she squeaked as her repressed emotions started to flood her mind again with the boiling heat consuming her insides again. Her cloudy head was useless at the moment and she had a sudden urge to escape. “I understand that sometimes people want to have fun together and it doesn’t lead to marriage,” she said with impatience.”You don’t have to worry about me and don’t, please don’t tell anything to my parents. I don’t want to ruin your friendship with them.”

  Ettrian knelt in front of her as her chest oscillated in rapid effort.

  “Is this what you think about me, Alyssa, that I wanted to have fun with you?” he asked with a pain in his voice. “I would never disrespect you in any way. There has been only you since the moment you danced in this white dress in front of me.” He gripped her shoulders and gazed into her eyes but in the next moment his eyes rolled like his head went hazy as well. “Alyssa, your Varuh is going crazy. Calm down, I can feel it too.”

  She felt a strong force as though embracing her heart, this blow of eternity and stability forming a chain.

  “Why is my Varuh doing this?” she whispered.

  Ettrian captured the back of her head and kissed her lips. His expression showed pure happiness as he stroked the side of her neck and closed her frame in the cage of his chest, arms and legs.

  “Your Varuh is bonding because we both want it, Alyssa.”

  “I don’t want it,” she said sharply. “And you don’t want it either. It’s making both of us insane. We are not rational now.” She was catching her rapid breaths as Ettrian rested his forehead on hers and immobilising her head and back with the clutch of his hands. “Maybe Sheedra used her magic on us,” she added with panic coating her voice and constricting her throat. “We were both drunk.”

  “We are not drunk today and we were not drunk yesterday,” Ettrian said with sarcasm. “You threw up yesterday because of the bonding. I remember now Rav telling me about your grandmother, Cherry. You are a bit human. This is why you are unwell. Calm down, Alyssa, and stop fighting with this,” he said in a firm voice, stroking her head, comforting her. “ Everything will be fine. I’ve made my choice and you make yours at last,” he added with a hoarse impatience. “I know that you are young but it has happened now. Don’t fight this and let the bond seal. Glow for me, Alyssa.” He tightened the embrace and kissed her forehead.

  “No,” she said coldly. “It’s not right.” She inhaled with a wheezing sound and vanished... to appear in her own bedroom. Her back bent forward as if it had been pushed by a gust of wind and she bumped her head against the column of her bed. Crawling onto her bed she cringed and cried as her hand pressed against her injured forehead. As time passed, her insanity seemed to subside and she was more than certain that her Varuh had made a ridiculous mistake and took the intimacy between Ettrian and her for eternal love. She suspected that Ettrian would have agreed with her now. Surely, he would forget about her like he had forgotten about the rest of the women in his life. She fell asleep too exhausted to contemplate her complicated situation any further.

  As she learnt later on, her parents had not awakened until late afternoon and were very grateful that she had prepared a meal for the whole family. They avoided her as much as possible which was very convenient for her.

  Unfortunately, Ettrian decided to pay an unexpected visit. Alyssa spurted upstairs as soon as she saw him entering into the hallway and passing Yasmeen who had opened the door for him. She hid under the silky red bed sheet.

  Yasmeen came to her bedroom and glanced at her with suspicion.

  “Ettrian wants to ask you about the books,” Yasmeen said with her exhausted voice. She looked pale and unhealthy. “Come downstairs, it’s rude... Etrrian insisted on seeing you and saying his goodbye. They both set off tomorrow. He is weird... even more weird than usual. He really wants to see you. He is... very nervous and to be honest I’ve never seen him nervous, for the whole twenty years that I have spent in Iioliv. He is asking if you are safe and healthy. I don’t know he is... weird.” Yasmeen clearly looked like she wanted to get rid of Ettrian as quickly as possible. Her whole aura emanated a need for regeneration.

  “
I’m not well, Mum. I banged my head and it still hurts.”

  “I saw this bruise on your forehead. Is it healing? Your dad can come and do something about it.”

  “I will be fine, my powers are enough to heal it. Tell Ettrian that I want books about religion.”

  Yasmeen’s suspicious glance met hers again.

  “And tell him that I’ll speak to him after Dad and he have come back,” Alyssa continued.

  “Ok,” Yasmeen said. “Have a rest then. I will get rid of him. I want to go to bed as well.”

  “Thanks Mum,” Alyssa said and started from her bed, pacing then around her room. Correcting the navy curtain, she glanced at Yasmeen and added, “Or maybe tell him to come upstairs. I will tell him what books I want and he can return home to pack his stuff.” She smoothed the wrinkles on her violet long dress and resumed her nervous walk around the bed.

  Yasmeen looked at her with a strange curiosity and for a moment Alyssa feared that her mum would learn everything from just glancing at her. Shaking her head as if her suspicions had seemed to her impossible, Yasmeen left.

  As she heard his footsteps, Alyssa tensed and repeated the outline of her speech to Ettrian. She sensed his presence behind the door with her Varuh as it started to boil her skin again. Opening the door for him, she saw him jerk back in surprise but he composed himself in an instant and she could not read from his expression whether he was nervous or excited.

  “What did you do to your forehead?” he asked with a slight tremble in his voice as she waved her hand to invite him in.

  He walked in and she closed the door. Getting closer to him, she balled up her fists and her nostrils filled with his unique scent. It intoxicated her at once as her mind went hazy and she lost control. She threw her arms around his neck and captured his lips with hers as her whole greed for him centred on this kiss. She tugged on his arms and felt the strength of his embrace around her frame as he kissed her back with passion. There was the hardness and warmth of his muscles and her heat clouding her mind. There was kissing and kissing... Nothing else existed in that moment apart from the tingly and claiming feel of his lips on hers. Immersing herself into the crushing strength of his touch, she led his hand to her breast. His fingers stroked her breasts with impatience and travelled down, lifting her skirt. Smoothing her inner thigh, he thrust his two fingers into her as her quiet moan filled the air along with the sounds of her sharp breaths. Ettrian grabbed her wrists and liberated his neck from the grip of her hands.

  “Alyssa,” he said firmly yet his face radiated the insanity of desire. “Pack your books. I’m taking you to my house now. We both need privacy and a proper sleep in a comfortable bed.” He smiled at her happily, stroking her hair.

  She stiffened, shaking her head in confusion. Either Ettrian talked nonsense or she was not able to comprehend him.

  “Come with me downstairs,” he continued, “ and I will speak to your parents. I respect them and want to make things right straight away. Why waste more time? I will make arrangements with Rav in order not to delay things.”

  Alyssa stepped back and froze. A hundred thoughts flashed through her mind as she imagined herself Rav’s devastation and Yasmeen’s fury as well as the end of their friendship with Ettrian.

  “No,” she said. “And if you dare tell them anything I will jump to another dimension like my mum did. My parents and you will never see me again then.” She saw his expression tensed as his eyes filled with anger.

  “You need more time, Alyssa,” he said with helplessness. “Rest now and I will speak to you after Rav and I have come back from the human town.”

  A sound of scratching on the door diverted Alyssa’s attention and she rushed to open it. Kate’s massive body sneaked into her bedroom and Alyssa knelt to hug her beloved big cat.

  “Where have you been so long again?” Alyssa said with excitement, burying her face in the cat’s back and her hands glided over the black satin body. Kate purred and moved towards the bed, jumping on the mattress and curling at the foot of it. Alyssa lifted her head to realise that Ettrian was not in her room anymore. An icy grip crushed her heart and she crawled towards her bed. Seeking the cat’s closeness, she cried. She knew that she had crossed all the borders that should have never been crossed. Her only desire was to forget, to wipe the incident with Ettrian away from her memory. She hoped that it would fade with time and everything would return to norm. She could not cope with the realisation that she desired Ettrian in a most basic and ravenous way and it contradicted all her warm feelings towards him. It was impure and inappropriate and would ruin her whole family. She did not understand why he wanted to inform her parents so desperately. And for the first time in her life, she tasted how unreasonable and uncontrollable her Varuh was. It could have made her insane or could have even sealed the bond which would be a real disaster. Maybe she somehow had damaged it with repeated use of the elven magic.

  As Alyssa returned to the reality in Westafd Manor, she placed her hand on her cheek and shook her head, burying these warm yet somehow shameful and impure emotions connected with Ettrian in her subconscious. She used the incantation given her by an elf woman who had also assured her that her affair with Ettrain had had no consequences. Alyssa wanted to forget and as she hummed the incantation, Calla watched her with fear.

  “Mum, you love this strange man with white hair more than my dad,” Calla said but there was no trace of resentment in her voice. “Dad knows it and he wants you to be happy.”

  “You are wrong,” Alyssa growled and Calla spurted to hide herself in Kitty’s arms. And Alyssa continued her song. She was so much in love with Philip that she would have done anything to get him back. She just needed more time and decided to fight for her true happiness at all cost. When the song ceased there was no memory of Ettrian and her together left in her head. In her heart, there was only yearning for Philip.

  Chapter 13

  Kitty died the next year after a sudden and complicated pneumonia. Alyssa was helpless as her friend’s body had been too strained and exhausted by the hardship of her life. She buried her dear Kitty with Horatia, not contemplating whether the two women would like the idea. With Kitty everything inside Alyssa died as well only to be resurrected when she looked at her daughter, Calla. Struggling to renovate the estate, she tested her elf skills to the limits and her Varuh suffered damage as a consequence. She was cold inside, numb and bitter. Only with Calla she could be herself again. But this was only for an instant every day.

  The house was in a reasonable condition and all the men from the village came eagerly to help with the required repairs. They were both scared of Alyssa and bedazzled by her, treating her with a fearful respect. The garden abandoned by Imre never returned to its previous glory and she had not enough strength to plant anything or clean outgrown weeds. She hated digging her fingers in soil with her whole being and none of her glances travelled towards the neglected land surrounding the house. Her main concern was to survive and this required a lot of money. She started selling precious items from Westfad Manor, also adopting a firm attitude towards all the people involved in preserving the estate.

  Visiting the churchyard every evening and focusing on her survival, she tried to raise her daughter and surround her with love. One day, when she looked straight into Calla’s wise eyes, her heart leapt with fear and sadness as it occurred to her that both of them floated through the corridors of Westfad Manor like two forgotten ghosts. On that day, Calla had smiled at her and she had nodded with an understanding on her tiny wise face.

  Two months passed, when suddenly Alyssa heard somebody shouting in front of the house. The frivolous voice of that man, carried in the evening air, filled her heart with timid sparks of pale warmth.

  “I’m inviting you in!” she shouted back, standing in the dark hallway with a few candles burning on the side tables. She felt a ripple of air brushing her cheeks as a tall figure shadowed her whole personal space. Her nostrils inhaled the spicy and fruity allure of t
his man who now captured her in his loving arms. She was not scared, just relieved; her muscles weakened in a sudden flood of her emotions as she recognised the face from Yasmeen’s memories.

  “Girl, you look horrible,” Drasa said with his husky voice.

  “Nice to meet you, Grandpa,” Alyssa whispered and burst into tears.

  “Your mother has almost lost her sanity,” Drasa continued, stroking her back in a caring gesture. “You are a trouble maker,” he added. “Like your grandmother and mother.”

  “You shouldn’t have come,” she said with gloom on the realisation of possible implications of his presence in this time point.

  “I know, I know... The paradox. I will avoid my younger version as much as possible.”

  “They took Imre from me,” she said and felt the familiar pain of her twisting insides as she attempted to break the rules once again. Blood dripped from her nostrils, dense and dark like a warning.

  “Don’t do this,” Drasa reprimanded her, his face sharpening as he stepped back to enable Yasmeen and Rav to hug her at last.

  Alyssa stared at her parents, immobilised and they gazed back, all of them frozen in the thickening silence. Yasmeen sobbed and stepped forward, outstretching her arms but Alyssa jerked back. Her mum had a devastated expression as their glances met.

  “Grandpa, can you cook something?” Yasmeen asked with a dry voice, lowering her limp arms like she had lost all her energy.

  Alyssa felt tears trickling down her face. She was certain that her eyes became red and puffy. Wiping the blood from underneath her nose with the piece of her sleeve, she sighed.