Shattered

by Nicole Banks

  I didn't sense her panic or fear fast enough. I was too busy getting lost in the sensations of her on top of me, watching her get lost in the things I was telling her. So when she pushed me back, I didn't think it was to connect her fist with my jaw. She swung hard and fast.

  "Get the fuck off of me. Never again, never fucking again do you get to touch me, asshole. I don’t belong to any one but me!"

  She started punching, aiming straight for my chest and face. "Jasmine, calm down." She was gone, lost to whatever terror was holding her hostage. She was fighting me wildly; there was no finesse like before. "Pow!" Fuck man, she had a killer right hook; my jaw was in so much damn pain. I was impressed; surprised I wasn’t seeing stars or blacked out. It was taking every goddamn ounce of control I had not to fling her ass across this gym. There is only so much a person can take.

  "Angel, I fucking told your ass to leave her alone." Of course captain obvious, Tony would still be here. He went to grab her.

  "Don't you dare fucking touch her." Finally I was able to pin her arms to her sides.

  "Let me help Angel."

  "I've got her; just back the fuck up." I held her in a bear hug. She was still thrashing about. "Jasmine, baby, today is June 10th. It is four o'clock on a Tuesday, you are in Uncle Luke's gym, you were sparing with me. Do you remember that?" She was still thrashing, but not as violently as before.

  She kept whispering, "Just let me go"

  "Jasmine I need you to tell me where you are? Are you here in Uncle Luke's gym?" She stopped thrashing, her head fell on my shoulders and nodded. "Jasmine I'm going to lift you up and walk you into the locker rooms, is that okay?" She nodded again. I awkwardly made my way to my feet and switched my hold on her to cradle her in my arms. She burrowed into my chest and just cried. My heart was shattered for her. I knew what set her off and I felt like an even bigger dickhead because of it. Tony was right. I had to stay away from being intimate with her. It was going to kill me; being near her and not being able to touch her. But that’s what she needed right now. "Yo Tony, soon as I'm done here, me and you are going to have a nice chat." He just nodded; he knew exactly what I wanted to talk about. He knew what happened to her and if he didn't know, he sure as shit was going to find out who the fuck did this to her. I’ll be damn if that motherfucker will go about his business after hurting Jasmine like this.

  ***

  She was such a sight, my Jasmine. The way she fought him off, the way she screamed at him to never touch her again. She belonged to me and she knew it. God, she fucking knew it! My heart swelled with pride. She knew no one could touch her but me. She didn’t want no one but me. She was waiting for me, but this fucking prick was always in the way, always trying to touch and taste her.

  Why couldn’t Angel get it through his fucking head she wasn’t his nor was she up for grabs. Not this one, Angel, she is mine and will always be mine. Don’t worry Jasmine; soon, soon I will come for you and you shall forever be mine.

  Tony

  Chase came with Kris to pick up Jasmine and take her home. Uncle Luke however, called her mom beforehand and she came to pick her up also. Now everyone was just sitting around the gym, all hush, hush; not speaking. Angel looked too pissed off to sit still. He was pacing until Kris laughed at something Chase said. Oh boy, this wasn’t going to end well. Angel stopped pacing and headed straight for Chase and Kris. “What the fuck is this shit?”

  Kristal spoke up, “Excuse me?”

  “You deaf now? Fuck is this shit between you too?”

  “None of your goddamn business, asshole.”

  Angel was too revved up after what happened. I told his ass to leave her alone but no why would he listen to me. No one ever listened to the tall man. A fight was bound to break out between Chase and Angel real soon. Shit, more like Angel and Kris, the way she was stepping up to her brother. I made my way towards him trying to grab him. “Tony, don’t fucking touch me right now.”

  “Angel, come on, let it go man.”

  “Na, fuck this bullshit, I came home to find Jasmine fucked up. I asked my sister, since they’re supposed to be best friends, what the deal was and she didn’t tell me. Before I thought it was because she was loyal; now I can see she can’t possibly fucking know. Have you even made an attempt to help her through her shit or have you been too busy fucking yet another one of my friends.”

  That was it. Kristal swung, clocking Angel in his jaw. Damn dude’s jaw had to be broken now. Chase went to grab Kris but the look she gave him stopped him dead in his tracks. Kris got right in Angel’s face. “Fuck you Angel! Are you serious right now? You came back for Jasmine and I’m wrong? What kind of hypocritical shit is that?”

  “First, I didn’t come back for Jasmine. If you haven’t noticed, I still live at home. Second, she’s an adult she can make her own damn decisions.”

  “I’m an adult too now, you asshole.”

  “Yea, well you weren’t when you were fucking Jay; you were barely fifteen. Thanks to you, I ended a lifetime friendship.”

  “Thanks to me? Man, fuck you. You ended that shit all by yourself, which is stupid when you’re over here chasing Jasmine like a lovesick puppy. All you’re looking for is ass. At least I knew Jay’s feelings for me were real and lead beyond the sex. Can the same be said about you?”

  “That’s enough you two!” Everyone’s head whipped around Uncle Luke was standing at the door. “Everyone go home now. What’s done is done and it can’t be changed. There is no need for it.”

  Saved by Uncle Luke. I’m sure Kris had more ammo to throw at Angel, but now wasn’t the time. I grabbed Angel again; this time he let me pull him away. Man, the clusterfuck of shit that I put myself into all the time. We were all adults now and yet here we were still behaving like we hadn’t aged or changed at all. Should have just stayed home.

  CHAPTER 7

  Angel

  I was in Chase’s kitchen wearing a hole in his floor. Chase and me were able to patch shit up. I haven’t seen or spoken to my sister yet. She was still mad, but she was allowed to be. I was wrong, wrong for a lot of shit. But right now, I needed to get stuff done. I needed to find the fucker who hurt Jasmine. It had been a fucking week. A whole fucking week and Tony nor Chase could find fucking anything on this motherfucker, and these bastards could find water in a dessert. I knew the bastard was out there, probably sitting fucking pretty while Jasmine was tormented day in and day out with this shit.

  I haven't even seen Jasmine since she T-offed on me in the gym; I couldn’t. I wanted to throttle the shit out of her for not opening her mouth sooner. How could she not come to me with this? We wrote every day and not once did she say anything. Not once was I able to see it. Man I wanted to beat her ass and all in the same goddamn breath, I wanted to lock her away and bury myself in her.

  I stopped pacing, grabbing the chair trying to calm myself down. Little good that did, all I could do was think about Jasmine in her tight shorts, sports bra and the sweat just dripping off her skin. She was perfection; she was my wet dream come to life. The things I wanted to do to her body and to her; the possession and the claiming. I wanted to mark every sweet inch of her so everyone knew she was mine.

  My cock was throbbing just picturing all the ways I wanted to make her come and scream with pleasure. I remembered how she felt and looked being on top of me. Damn, she must be a sight to see riding dick. That mental picture was almost enough to be my undoing. Jasmine’s long hair cascading over her body, her brown eyes heavy lidded from her desire and her mouth parted, swollen from my kisses. Man, I needed to get laid a.s.a.p.; this shit was critical.

  “Angel?”

  Shit, I cursed under my breath as my dick twitched at the sound of her voice. Of course, of fucking course, I didn’t see her for a week; now that I had a ragging hard-on because of her and all the dirty little things I wanted to do to her running through my head, she finally decides to grace me with her presence.

  “Angel? Um, hi." I looked up and she was standing ne
xt to the door in sweats and a t-shirt. Middle of the damn summer and she put on sweats and damn if she didn’t look sexy as fuck. The sweats looked huge on her, I looked closer and they were one of my old ones. She and Kris used to wear me and Jay's clothes all the time. It didn't mean anything then; it actually used to piss me off. But now? Seeing her in my stuff did funny things to my insides. She was staring at my face, looking no doubt at her handy work on my jaw. The bruising went down, but now it was just an ugly mass of yellow and green.

  She went to speak but shook her head and looked down. My heart ached for her. All I wanted to do was go to her and hold her, and tell her everything was going to be okay. But every time I got close to her, I touched her and I craved her. I also ended up on the receiving end of her fists. That carefree girl she once was, was so broken now. How can I even begin to fix this? Fix her? Fix everything? One thing was sure, I was finding the dickhead who hurt her and put him six feet under. The other thing? I had to leave her alone.

  “Jasmine why are you here?”

  * * *

  I looked up at him; his beautiful face looked like he’d been through a nice round or two with a boxer. The bruises were healing, but I still couldn’t believe I hurt him like that. I came here to apologize; I needed him to understand how sorry I was. I needed to clear a lot of shit up with him as well. No doubt he had people looking into things. Too bad they weren’t going to find anything, unless they could speak to the dead.

  He hadn’t budged from the table, he was watching me like you would a wounded, rabid animal. I guess in some ways, shit who was I kidding? In all ways, that’s exactly what I was. I couldn’t get close to anyone except Angel and even then, I attacked him. Why for the millionth time . . . why couldn’t I just let go of what happened? I was throwing away my damn my life because I was so damn scared the past was going to creep up and attack me again.

  All the girls in the world at his disposal and he wanted me. As much as it thrilled me, I couldn’t let myself go long enough to enjoy it. I wanted it though; man did I want it. The way he kissed, his lips felt amazing. My lips began to tingle remembering the kiss at the gym. That moment before I hit him, I wanted to savor that feeling and those sensations. It felt so good to be in his arms.

  “Come here Jasmine.” I blinked. Huh? Oh yea Angel was still in the room standing there watching me. He all but growled my name, “Jasmine!”

  I jumped, and spitting out everything I came to say. “Look Angel, I just came here to say I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to hit you. I don’t . . .well look I’m just sorry okay?” He came towards me, his long legs eating up the space between us in a matter of a few steps.

  He placed his hands on either side of my head, “What were you thinking about before that haphazard apology?” I blushed I damn sure wasn’t telling him anything. “Jasmine, your skin is turning a pretty shade of pink. Are you going to tell me, or should I just guess at it.”

  “You really want to know?”

  “I can guess. It was the kiss wasn’t it? You liked it when I kissed you, huh?”

  I was not even going to dignify that with a damn answer. He chuckled, “You don’t have to be such a brat. I love the way your lips feel too Jasmine. I don’t even know if I will ever be able to give you up. I haven’t even had a real taste of you yet and already I‘m consumed by you.” He moved his hands to cup my face, “In a perfect world Jasmine. . .” He didn’t finish his sentence; he just closed his eyes and rested his head on mine. I lifted my hands to his chest hoping it would get him to look at me. He brought one hand away from my face to place it over my hands. I wanted to close my eyes and just feel in this moment, but I was too scared. I didn’t want to attack him again, so I kept my eyes open and on him.

  Angel

  Let her go, just let her go man, you have to. I wanted to stay like this just for a little while longer, just take her in for a little bit more. I wanted to kiss her one last time, savor her lips one last time. Just to have something to hold on too. I kissed her forehead, “I’m so sorry baby. Everything you had to go through, for not being here when you needed me most.”

  She looked up at me with those gorgeous brown eyes of hers, “You’re here now.”

  “And I will continue to be here for you but…” But I want you Jasmine. Man did I want her, and not just for the sex; I wanted all of her. I was a dick back then for keeping Jay and Kris apart. If Jay felt anything like how I’m feeling now, he wouldn’t have been able to stay away from Kris. I owed Kris a huge apology.

  Right now though, I needed to let go of Jasmine and just be her friend. I was her friend first, her protector, and that’s what I had to be for her right now. I had to kiss her though, I knew I shouldn’t but I had too one last time. I pressed my lips against hers. It was supposed to be a quick good-bye kiss, nothing more. But with Jasmine, I was learning, it would always be something more. Her hands that were on my chest gripped my shirt pulling me closer. She couldn’t deny her need for me either. Her eyes were locked on mine; I prayed they stayed that way and that she would stay with me in this moment. I wanted to savor this moment. I didn’t want it overshadowed by the douche who hurt her.

  She sighed and I felt her relax against me. She was finally letting herself feel and I had to pull away. In a perfect world, this kiss would have been the start of probably the best thing in my life. But instead, I had to end this part of our relationship, before it barely even started. I finally found something I truly wanted. But it was wrong on so many levels to be with her like this.

  I groaned trying to drink in as much of her as possible before I pulled away. She was looking at me, a small smile spread across her face. I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at her and still walk away. That was it. I placed a kiss on her forehead. “I’m sorry baby but I can’t do this with you anymore. I’m always going to be there for you, but we can’t be more than just friends.”

  I moved to walk away and walk out the door. But she grabbed my arm, “Angel?”

  “I’m sorry Jasmine. I have to let you go.”

  CHAPTER 8

  For the millionth time in my life, I cursed what the past had done to me. I cursed the asshole who was long gone that ruined me. I couldn’t even entertain the idea of being with Angel or anyone else because of that asshole. He was gone and he wasn’t coming back, so why couldn’t I fucking move on already? I wanted Angel and I couldn’t be with him because of what happened. I guess him walking away from me now meant he didn’t want to put up with all of my fucked up emotions.

  I should just give up already. Everyone else clearly has given up on me, maybe it’s time I did too. What’s the point of fighting? Or trying? My past has clearly won. That dickhead was right; no one would want or love me the way he does. I should have just died instead of my brother. It wasn’t as if I was really living anyway. I was a waste of space and breath. My brother would’ve enjoyed life and everything in it, no matter what; it was just who he was. I shouldn’t have gotten him killed. Not only did I cause his death, but he died in vain because I was too scared to live and enjoy the life I still had.

  “Whatever you‘re thinking about, you‘re wrong; you know that right?” I jumped. Shit, I forgot I wasn’t home. I wondered how long Chase was standing there, listening and watching the exchange between Angel and me.

  “I’m sorry Chase I didn’t mean to still be here. I’ll just leave.”

  “No Jasmine you won’t. You don’t need to. Maybe we should sit down and talk.”

  “Um, we were never really buddy, buddy back then. What could we possibly have to talk about?”

  “Humor me. How about you just sit down? If I say please would that help?”

  “Nope, not at all. What is it that you want?”

  He laughed and moved towards the table. He pulled out two chairs and sat in one. “It’s good to see you’re still in there. Now come sit down before you go out and do something stupid.”

  Chase

  The look of grief and exhaustion on her face was e
nough for me to know she was ready to give up. Her brother must be rolling over in his grave to know how defeated Jasmine had become. She still hadn’t budged from the door. She was probably trying to figure out if she left, would I run after her and stop her. In truth, I would have. I owed Kristal that, and Jay that much too, not to just stand by and allow her to do something really stupid. “You know Jas I don’t bite.”

  “Even if you did, it’s not me you’re looking to sink your teeth into.” Ahh, it was good to see the brat was really still in there underneath all the bullshit. She made her way towards the table and sat down with a huff. “So Chase, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

  “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

  “Chase, I don’t have time for this. What do you want? You know what; I actually don’t care. I’ll just go.” She got up quickly and all but bolted to the door. I tried to come up with something quick to stop her from running. The first thing that came to mind was the truth. “He’s in love with you.”

  The door was open, she slammed it shut, putting her hands and forehead on the windowpane. She let out an audible sigh, “It’s not nice to lie like that, Chase.”

  “Who says it’s a lie?” She spun around and there was hope gleaming in her eyes. Well what do you know?

  She closed her eyes and shook her head, “You don’t know what you’re talking about Chase. He isn’t in love with me. He may love me, we did grow up together, but it’s no more than the love a brother would have for his sister.”

  I had to laugh; surely, she couldn’t believe that. “Sweetheart if that was the case, he wouldn’t have kissed you the way he did.”

  She shrugged, “I am a female he’s a male. Being physical with someone doesn’t mean you are in love with them. Angel was physical with a lot of girls, you know that better than I do. He didn’t proclaim his love to any of them.”

  “You’re right. But he’s different with you and you know it. He doesn’t look at other girls the way he looks at you.”