by E. L. Todd
Her eyes softened. “That’s so sweet.”
“I knew I wasn’t making a mistake. And even if he does hurt me at some point, I wouldn’t change a thing.”
“Really? Even if he cheats on you and leaves you for someone else?”
The possibility made me sick to my stomach. But I knew Sean would never do that. He was obsessed with me to the point of insanity. “Even if this relationship ends in divorce, I would do it all over again.” And I meant it.
She nodded then played with a strand of her hair.
“Mike loves you so much, Cassandra. You can’t make an argument that he doesn’t. Because I promise you’ll lose.”
“I know he does,” she said gently.
“You knew what he wanted when you met him. Mike made it crystal clear. He wanted a wife and kids, someone he could grow old with and raise a family. He wants what Sean and I have, and frankly, he deserves it. If you didn’t want the same thing and you knew you wouldn’t change your mind, you shouldn’t have let it get this far.” I knew I was being rude by saying this, but this was my brother we were talking about. And I would defend him until the end of time.
“I know,” she whispered. “I know.” The sadness escaped her voice. It was heartbreaking. “But somehow, I fell in love with him during our first conversation. It just happened. I can’t explain it.”
“You don’t need to explain it.”
“And…I just didn’t want to lose him.”
“Then marry him.”
She was quiet for over a minute. “Scarlet, I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“You’d rather lose him than take another chance? Mike isn’t Zander. He’s not a cheater and he’s not a liar. He’s never been in a relationship before because he knew he couldn’t be faithful. You’re the first one because he knows without a doubt you’re the one. That’s the most assurance you’re ever going to need.”
“I won’t lose him,” she said quickly. “Mike said he accepts my decision.”
I was starting to get angry. “You’re going to let him sacrifice his dream because you’re scared? That’s not love, Cassandra.” My voice was cold.
She leaned back in her chair, moving away from me. I clearly intimidated her. I didn’t raise my voice and I didn’t change my facial expression, but the threat was clear as crystal. She swallowed the lump in her throat and averted her gaze.
“Why don’t you want to have kids?”
She shrugged. “I don’t think I’d be a good mother.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been around kids. I don’t know the first thing about raising a child.”
“You think Sean and I do? Believe me, it’s going to be a madhouse when we finally have our first baby. There will be sleepless nights and infinite arguments. We’re going to make mistakes and we’re going to screw up. We aren’t perfect. No one is. If Mike isn’t scared, you shouldn’t be. You’ll figure it out when you get there.”
“I don’t know…”
“Stop being scared,” I snapped. “I don’t understand you. You’re such a strong and independent woman, but when security and love come into the mix, you put your tail between your legs and cower away. That’s not the Cassandra I know. Not the girl Mike fell in love with.”
She started to get frustrated. “You don’t understand…”
“I don’t understand?” I said incredulously. “I know we’ve known each other for a short time, so here’s what you need to know about me. My dad died before I started high school. Without him there, my mom turned on us because she never wanted kids. He made her do it. Lit cigarettes were shoved deep into my skin anytime I said the wrong thing.” I pulled the strap of my dress down to show her the mark. “Ryan had an ashtray thrown at his head—more than once. I was scared every single day. There was no getting out.
“Ryan worked his own job but he stayed at the house to protect me, even when he was a legal adult. He helped me get into college and got me the hell out of there. My dad left me and Ryan money to go to college, but my mom never gave it to me. She was a bitch and a terror. And to top it off, she came to my wedding to ruin the happiest day of my life.
“When I worked as an editor for R and R, my boss sexually harassed me and assaulted me. Sean slept with my best friend because his fiancé dumped him, and then he left me for her when we were together. So don’t sit there and say you’re scared to marry Mike because everything you’ve been through. Because if we are going to throw our cards on the table, I’ll beat you every time. Now buck up and stop acting like a child.”
She flinched at my words and her eyes were wide, but she didn’t react in any specific way. We stared at each other for a long time, trying to determine what the other person would do.
Cassandra spoke first. Her voice was restrained like she was trying not to snap. “I’m sorry to hear about all those things happening to you. I am. And I admire you for becoming the strong woman you are now. But that’s your story. Not mine. All I know is what I’ve been through. If I don’t want to get married, that’s my decision. I know Mike told me he wanted something serious when he met, but I also told him I never wanted to get married. We were both aware of each other’s intentions when we met, but we both put that aside so we could be together. So why should I sacrifice what I believe in to make him happy? This is a two-way street.”
We were just going in circles. I said everything I could possibly say to talk some sense into her. Mike deserved what he really wanted, not someone who would only give a part of herself. “This is how it is, Cassandra; make the sacrifice or lose him. It’s your call.”
Her eyes narrowed. “Mike said that?”
“No. But I know he’s thinking it.”
“He said he wouldn’t leave me.”
“And I’m sure he meant that—at the time. But he can’t stay like this forever. He wants something more, and honestly, he deserves a lot more than what you’re offering him. If he wasn’t a trustworthy guy, I’d understand your point of view. But he is. He’s been Mr. Perfect since the moment you met. He dated you for months without even kissing you. Everything he does, he does it for you. I’ve never seen him bust his ass for a single girl before. He’d give you the damn moon if that’s what you wanted. So, if you want to be stupid, fine. You’re going to lose the greatest thing that ever happened to you, the second chance you deserve. I warned you. I sincerely hope you take my words to heart and think about it.”
Her lips were pressed close and her eyes shined bright like the moss on trees. They were deep and green, buzzing with life and strength. But she didn’t speak.
I rose from the booth. “Goodbye, Cassandra.”
“You’re saying that like it’s the last time we’ll see each other.”
“Because I have a feeling it is.”
I texted Ryan when I was on the road. Leaving.
K.
I gripped the steering wheel while I drove, feeling the anger shoot through me like a sprinkler. I loved Cassandra and thought she was a wonderful girl, but I didn’t like her simple dismissal of Mike. I’d do anything to make Sean happy, and he would do the same for me. That’s how real love worked.
Sean called me when I was almost to the house.
“Hello?” I said.
“Where the hell are you?”
I didn’t need this right now. “I’m almost home. I’ll see you then.”
“I said, where the hell are you?”
“I’m driving.”
“Where?” he snapped.
“I’ll be at the house in forty-five seconds.” I hung up and tossed the phone in the passenger seat. Sometimes Sean was so protective it drove me insane.
When I pulled into the driveway, Sean was standing there, his arms by his sides. The anger shined bright in his eyes. I smelled a fight in the air.
I got out of the car and slammed the door.
He didn’t reach for me when I stopped in front of him. “Where were you?”
“In the city.”
“Why?”
“Why the fuck are you interrogating me? It’s none of your business why I was in the city.”
His eyes flashed with anger. “I’d appreciate it if you just told me you were leaving the house. I don’t like not knowing where you are.”
“I don’t know where you are every second of the damn day.”
“Actually, you do. I tell you everything. And I expect the same courtesy. How do you think I felt when I came home at eleven and my wife wasn’t here?”
“All you had to do was call and ask.”
“Or you could just tell me so I wouldn’t stress about it.”
I rubbed my temples because I wasn’t in the mood for this. “We’re on hold.”
He raised an eyebrow. “What?”
“I had a really shitty night and I don’t need this right now. So this fight is on hold until I feel better.”
“That goes two ways.”
“Fine.”
He shut his mouth and stared at me.
“I’m going inside.” I stepped around him and headed to the door.
He grabbed me and pulled me to his chest. His arms wrapped around me and held me close. Warm lips pressed to my forehead and his hand moved through my hair. The solid chest against me made me feel a little better. Sean always made me feel better. “You okay, baby?” he whispered.
“No.”
“What’s wrong?”
“I spoke to Cassandra.”
He sighed. “Didn’t go well I take it?”
“Not at all.”
“Man, I wish this wasn’t happening.”
“Me too.”
He held me in the driveway then kissed me on the forehead again.
“Have fun tonight?”
“We had a good time.”
“Your dad get hit on?”
He chuckled. “Like you wouldn’t believe. Mike was shocked.”
“Is he still here?”
“Yeah.”
I sighed. “I don’t know if I should ruin his night.”
“It’s going to be ruined when he gets back to his apartment, right? At least he’ll be prepared.”
“Yeah…”
He grabbed my hand and walked with me to the door. When we were inside, Mike and Andrew were sitting on the couch.
“How many phone numbers did you get tonight?” Mike asked.
Andrew pulled out the napkins. “One…two…five.”
His mouth dropped. “Five? Five women came up to you and just gave you their phone number?”
He shrugged. “What can I say? I’m cute.”
Mike shook his head. “I don’t get it. They were all hot.”
Andrew tossed the napkins aside. “Too bad all the guys aren’t single. They could have them.”
“You aren’t going to call any of them?” Mike asked incredulously.
“Nah.” Andrew leaned back and watched the TV.
“Dad…are you gay?”
He chuckled. “Definitely not.”
We came into the living room and sat on the other couch.
“Where were you?” Mike asked.
“With Ryan,” I answered.
“Cool.”
We fell into silence while we watched TV. When it got late, Mike looked at his watch then stood up. “I should head home. My baby can’t sleep when I’m away.”
Ugh. I didn’t want to have this conversation. “I’ll walk you out.”
We headed down the driveway to his Jaguar.
“My dad is such a stud,” he said. “He got five numbers but he’s not going to call any of them. Fucking psycho.”
I smirked. “He’s too much a gentleman.”
“No, he’s just crazy.”
He unlocked the car with a press of a button then hugged me. “Night.”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“You want me to beat up Sean for you?”
I laughed. “No. It’s something else.”
“Can Sean not get you pregnant so you want me to step up?” He winked at me.
“I’m not going to tell my husband you just said that.”
He nudged my stomach. “Come on. Our baby would be beautiful. If you have one with Sean, it’ll look like an ogre.”
I smiled at his words. He was such an upbeat guy and I didn’t want to drag him down. I wish I could just brush this under the rug and forget it ever happened. “Mike, this isn’t easy for me to say.”
His eyes darkened as he became serious. “Okay…”
“I had drinks with Cassandra.”
He took a deep breath but didn’t speak.
“She’s never going to change her mind about marriage. I did everything I could to persuade her that the relationship with you was completely different, but no matter what I said or how I said it, she wouldn’t budge. I’m sorry…”
Mike sighed then swallowed the lump in his throat. “Thanks for trying.”
I hated seeing the sadness in his eyes. “What are you going to do?”
He shrugged. “I can’t live without her, Scar…”
“But love is about compromise. Can you really be with someone that’s only willing to give you a fraction of what they are? You deserve more, Mike. You deserve a happily ever after—even if it isn’t with Cassandra.”
“She’s my whole world, you know?” His eyes were slightly red.
“I know.” I rubbed his arm.
“What do I do?”
“I can’t make that decision for you. But, if you really want a wife and kids, it doesn’t look like you’re going to get it with her.”
He looked at the house and studied the lights that shined through the window. It suddenly became very quiet. No cars were on the road, and even the crickets were silent. Mike looked like he lost his whole world, that everything had suddenly come to an end. “I’ll never have what you and Sean have. Maybe I should stop trying.”
“No,” I said firmly. “Don’t ever say that again.”
Wordlessly, he walked to his car and got inside. The engine started and he pulled onto the road, driving faster than he normally did. I watched his car until I could only see his tail lights. And when those were finally gone, I went back inside to my perfect husband and my perfect life.
13
Mike
I took the long way back to New York. I exceeded the speed limit and drove recklessly but I didn’t care. I had a feeling my life was going to be over when I got home anyway.
Just when I thought everything in my life was perfect, it wasn’t. Cassandra was the first woman who actually made my heart beat. She made me nervous without even trying. The beauty of her face always made me forget the words on my lips. But she didn’t want me.
I did everything I could to convince her I was trustworthy. The last thing I would ever do is cheat on her. Even if I didn’t love her anymore, I still wouldn’t. I would end the relationship if I were that unhappy. The future wasn’t set in stone and anything could happen, but I controlled my own destiny. If she was so scared I’d cheat on her, did she really trust me? I think the answer is no.
When I finally walked into the apartment, all the lights were off. I assumed she was already in bed. I checked all the locks then headed to the bedroom, hoping she was there. Maybe Scarlet scared her off.
She was lying on her side when I walked in the room. I kicked of my shoes then undressed myself, concentrating on her deep breathing. I knew she was awake. When I was naked, I lay beside her, not touching her.
“Did you have a good time?” she whispered.
“Yeah. The ladies were all over my dad.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” She didn’t turn over.
I decided to rip the Band-Aid off. “Scarlet told me about your conversation.”
“I figured.” A little resentment was in her voice.
“I think we should talk about this.” Actually, I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to avoid it until the problem went away. It was too hear
tbreaking to face head-on.
She turned over then rested her hand on my arm. The gentle touch made my spine shiver. She was wearing my t-shirt and no bottoms, sexy as always. “Mike, we already talked about it. You said you accepted my decision.”
“I know what I said,” I whispered.
She rubbed my arm. “Have you changed your mind?” The sadness was in her voice.
I looked at the ceiling because I couldn’t meet her gaze. “It’s something I really want, Cassandra.” I never said her name. It was always baby.
She took a deep breath. “Mike, I’m just—”
“I’m not proposing right now. Not even in the next few months for the next year. I’m not asking you to rush into anything. But I would like the possibility. The fact you’re turning me down indefinitely makes me realize this relationship will never grow. We’ll always be the same. You’ll always just be my girlfriend…”
“I promised myself I would never get married again.”
“I thought you trusted me.” I felt the bitterness in my voice.
“I do—”
“No, you don’t. I’ve never done a single thing to make you suspicious of me. I’ll be a damn good husband and a great father. I will always put you first and make sure you’re happy. The fact you don’t believe me just hurts…”
Cassandra gripped my arm but held her silence.
“So, when it comes down to it, you’d rather lose me than commit to me?” Please say no. Please say no.
“It’s not like that.”
“Yes, it is.” The command in my voice even made me flinch. “What’s it going to be, Cassandra?”
“Are you making me choose…?”
“Yes.”
She fell silent, her breathing increasing. “I thought you couldn’t live without me.”
“I can’t. Believe me, I’ll be miserable. But this is something I really want. I want a woman to have my last name. I want the trust between us. It’s not the same if you aren’t married. I want that commitment and trust my brother and sister have. No matter what happens, they always have each other’s backs. They don’t even look at other people because they’re so obsessed with each other. I want a partner for life. I want my wife to stand outside and wait for me to pull in the driveway after work. I want her to kiss me like she hasn’t seen me in years even though it’s only been a few hours. I want her to be fat and pregnant with my kid. I want to make love to her every night knowing I’m the only person she ever wants. I want a wife that only looks at me and doesn’t care about any other man. I want my dad to call her his daughter. I want a house in the country where we can spend every Christmas in the snow. I want everything, Cassandra, not just a part of it. I want more.”