“Well, here’s one of them,” he said in a playful rumble, moving up behind her. “I absolutely love your ass.”
Her head fell forward a little, and she gave a soft, feminine snort of laughter. “You’re insane, Aiden.”
“Well, yeah, that’s probably a given,” he drawled, running his big hands over her round, beautiful backside. “But I know what I’m talking about. And you, Liv, have one seriously gorgeous ass.”
She laughed again, saying, “Chris thought it was fat.”
“Yeah? Well, Chris was a blind jackass.”
“I caught him having sex with one of the other teachers,” she suddenly blurted, her hands tightening against the branch. “They were in her classroom. After school.”
“Huh. Sounds like he was a dumb ass, as well. Wasting time on another woman when he had you.” Reaching around her front, Aiden pushed his hand into her loosened jeans, under the elastic waistband of her panties, seeking out the slick, moist heat of her sex.
“You know what I think?” he said, loving the way her breath caught with a sexy little catch when he pushed two thick fingers up inside her. “I think your perfect ass scared him. Made him feel inferior. He knew he wasn’t man enough to claim something so beautiful. And you are beautiful, Liv. We’re talking white-hot, head-spinningly gorgeous.”
She made a small, hungry sound and he kissed her shoulder, the smooth column of her throat. “I’ll tell you something,” he whispered in her ear. She tried to turn around, but Aiden stopped her, wrapping his free arm around her middle, holding her against him, his fingers still buried deep in her body, while he waited for her to soften around him. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever gone down on since I got away from Mueller.”
“That’s…not possible.” Quiet, shivery words, full of shocked surprise.
Nuzzling through the heavy silk of her hair, Aiden pressed a low, embarrassed laugh against the downy softness of her nape. “It’s true.”
“But you’re a cat. You…you t-told me cats like to lick things.”
“I told you that cats like to lick things that taste good. And that would be you, Liv. They made me do it at Mueller’s when they wanted me aggressive, because it whips the animal into a frenzy. And since I escaped, I’ve never wanted to do that to a woman again. Until I found you.”
With those hoarse, husky words hanging in the air between them, he began thrusting his fingers, rubbing all those tender sweet spots buried deep inside her that made her shiver and moan. Aiden couldn’t get enough of the way she clung to him, hot and moist and snug. He clamped his teeth onto the back of her neck, making her melt around his fingers, and felt himself losing it. Already, and he didn’t even have his dick in her yet. But his beast was rising to the surface, like some primordial creature swimming up from the dark depths of an ancient lagoon. He tried to fight her pull, but the sight of her profile as she leaned forward and rested her face against one of her slender, delicate hands was too much. Dark lashes. Smooth, flawless skin. And that lush pink mouth, parted by her provocative moans. His ears roared. His eyes burned.
And his fangs broke free again, long and heavy in his mouth.
Gritting his teeth, Aiden pulled his hand from between her legs and grabbed hold of the branch on either side of her body. His fingers sank into the wood, creating deep impressions, and he pressed his forehead between her shoulder blades, fighting to get himself under control. His muscles twitched, his dick rock hard and ready, strangling inside his jeans, too stupid to know what it was getting itself into.
“Aiden?”
“Just…just give me a minute,” he rasped, wondering how he’d ever thought he could get his fill of this woman. God, he’d been mad. A blind, effing idiot. One who’d been shown paradise and was going to be left sucking wind when he lost it.
And damn it, he didn’t want to lose it.
Not now, when he finally got what it was all about.
He couldn’t say that sex with other women had ever felt bad. Just that…maybe he hadn’t ever really felt it, like listening to music through thick, soundproof walls. He knew it was happening, but it’d never pierced its way through to him.
Then came Olivia, and she’d smashed his walls to pieces. Pieces he didn’t know how to put back together. And now he was left standing there, with his face buried against her back, trembling like a leaf. Wishing. Wanting. Hungering. Craving with a visceral need that had bled into something so much deeper and devastating than physical desire—which was why he was going to be running, as hard and as fast as he could, the instant he had her safe and secure in England.
No, the animal snarled with a violent, primitive fury that echoed painfully through his skull.
Aiden hated the idea even more than the beast, but it couldn’t be helped. Want had changed to need, and need was something he wasn’t prepared to give in to. Need meant he was in this for the long haul—and that couldn’t be. Hell, he didn’t even recognize himself anymore. Didn’t understand what was going on in his head. He couldn’t think, couldn’t act. All he did was worry about her, feeling as if he needed to be near her to breathe, and it was scaring the shit out of him. He wanted to spend every goddamn waking moment in her presence. Hold her close to his body when they slept. Talk to her about the future, as if it was something they could actually share together. All bad, bad shit that was doomed to crash down on him, splattering him like road kill, if he didn’t get the hell out of there. So he’d already talked it out with Kierland and made the plans.
Knowing the clock was ticking, Aiden pressed his mouth against the back of her neck, flicking his tongue against the salty, delicious taste of her skin. Pleasure rolled through him, as warm and sweet as the first rays of sunshine in spring. Not the hot, blinding flash of orgasm, but just as strong. Just as essential. “You always smell so damn good.” His voice bled into a soft growl, his lips moving against the side of her throat as he nuzzled against her. “It drives me crazy, the way I can’t get enough of you.”
“Does that mean something?” she asked, suddenly looking at him over her shoulder.
Panic flared like a flame. “What do you mean?”
“Does it mean something about us? Am…am I special to you?” He didn’t respond, simply staring back at her with a wary expression, but she wasn’t deterred by his silence. “You wanted me to tell you something, so this is what I’m telling you. You’re special to me, Aiden. And if you wanted to…to b-bite me, I wouldn’t mind.”
“What?” He could feel the color drain from his face. “Why in God’s name would you say that?”
“Because I trust you.”
Oh, Christ. He’d wanted so badly to hear those words from her, but they’d backfired on him. He hadn’t realized the danger. How it would make him feel, all soft and hot in his chest, his face burning like a friggin’ Broadway sign. “Well, don’t, Liv. Not about this. I’m not even going to—”
He cut off the telling words, but it was already too late.
“You’re not going to what?” she asked.
“Nothing,” he muttered, looking away from her.
“I meant what I said, Aiden.”
He closed his eyes, gnashing his teeth. “Get real, Liv. You don’t have any idea what you’re talking about.”
“I do. I—”
“Goddamn it!” Within seconds he had her turned and shoved back against the trunk of the tree, his hands curled around her upper arms, holding her there as he leaned in close to her face. “Do you have any idea how dangerous it is, every time I touch you? How badly I want to bite you? I’ve been fighting it for days! And you know why?” he snarled, giving her a little shake. “Because if I bite you, it’s going to stick!”
“Stick?” she repeated, her voice thick with confusion. “What does that even mean?”
“Your scent calls to me, Liv.” He took a deep breath, struggling to get control of his anger, knowing he needed to make her understand. “It’s called ‘the Eve effect.’”
“Meaning?”
“Meaning you call to my beast. Meaning I should stay the hell away from you,” he growled, “because of all the women in the world, you’re one of the ones it would be a really, really bad idea for me to bite. Sink my fangs into you, and you could end up getting a lot more than you bargained for. Kinda like an instant marriage. Only, one you can’t go and get canceled when you decide you don’t like the husband anymore.”
She blinked, a violent rush of color burning beneath her fair skin. “Are you s-saying that you would mark me as your mate if you bit me?”
He shook his head and let go of her as he took a step back. Then took another. Wishing that he hadn’t smoked his last cigarette, Aiden raked his hair back from his face and said, “There would have to be an emotional connection between us for that to happen.”
“Oh.” She took a deep breath, and slowly let it out. “And…are your emotions involved?”
Instead of answering, he braced his hands on his hips, his gaze focused intently on the grass at his feet. “You should be considering yourself lucky that I haven’t done it,” he rasped. “I’m more animal than man, Liv. Nowhere near that perfect little world of normal that you want.”
Even without looking at her, he could feel the way she flinched. “That’s not fair, Aiden. I never said that was the life I wanted.”
“Just the one you thought you were meant to have.” His mouth twisted with something too tight and bitter to be a smile. “And you were right. Which is why I’m…”
“What?” she asked, refastening her jeans.
“Forget it,” he muttered, not wanting to get into it with her, knowing it was going to be bad.
At least he knew, now, that he’d made the right choice in deciding to leave so soon. It had been hard enough not to bite her before, but now that she’d given him permission, there wasn’t a chance in hell he’d be able to keep control. He could stand there and promise himself that he wouldn’t slip up until he was blue in the face, but it wouldn’t mean anything. Wouldn’t change the truth.
“What were you going to say?” she whispered, unwilling to let it go. “You’re not going to what?”
Pushing his hands deep into his pockets, he lifted his heavy gaze back to her face and said, “Saige is nearly done with the next map.”
She stared back at him, puzzled, not yet connecting the dots.
Aiden cleared his throat. Forced it out. “She said it looks like the next Marker’s buried somewhere in Finland.”
Comprehension dawned like a slow spill of horror, widening her eyes. “And you’re going to go after it? You’re going to leave us?”
“Not yet,” he rasped, hating the way she was looking at him. “Not until you’re safe in England.”
“But when we get there, you’re going to leave?” she pressed, taking a step forward, her violet eyes swimming with tears. With dark, painful understanding. “And when you go, that’s going to be the end, isn’t it? I mean, for us. For you and me.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Tell me the truth.” Her voice shook, trembling with emotion. “Tell me that when you leave it’s going to be over between us.”
He clenched his jaw, curling his hands into hard fists inside his pockets. “Don’t act so surprised, Liv. You knew what you were getting into.”
“Damn it, just tell me!” she shouted, taking another step forward. “I want to hear you say it!”
“Fine!” he growled, his voice so harsh it barely even sounded human. “When I’m gone, that’s it. I won’t come near you again.”
“You bastard!” Olivia cried, slapping him as hard as she could. She hadn’t planned to do it, but she hadn’t been able to quell the primitive impulse, wanting to strike out and hurt him. Make him feel even a fraction of the pain she was feeling.
“This is for the best.” He ground out the words, the left side of his face flushing bright red where she’d hit him.
“Why?” she demanded, feeling as if she was going to be sick. “Because I’m human, like Mueller and your mother? Because you’re going to blame me for what they did to you? God,” she cried, “all this time I’ve been telling myself that eventually, after you got to know me, it wouldn’t matter. But it does. Because you won’t let it not matter. I knew better, damn it. But I let my heart overrule my head and I’m paying for it now.”
He made a low sound in the back of his throat. “I’m doing you a favor, Liv. Instead of being pissed, you should be thanking me. Better to cut our losses now, before things get any more complicated than they already are.”
Squeezing her eyes closed against a hot rush of tears, she turned her head to the side for a moment, then forced herself to look back at him as she took a deep breath and said, “I feel sorry for you, Aiden. You probably don’t care why, but I’m going to tell you anyway. I feel sorry for you because you’re so buried in the past, you can’t see the things that are right in front of you.”
“No matter what you’re feeling right now, the reality is that we don’t have a future. We never did,” he argued in a sharp, gritty voice, the lines in his face deepening, adding a grim edge of bitterness to his hard, masculine beauty. “You’ll realize that sooner or later, because the truth is that I’m not a man, Liv. Not a human one. I might look like you, but I’m not.”
“And you really think that matters to me?” Soft, tear-filled words that she wished could have been stronger.
“Maybe not now,” he grunted, jerking his chin toward her. “But one day you’d wake up and realize what you’d gotten yourself into.”
“That’s such a crock,” she snapped.
“Jesus, you just don’t get it, do you?” he growled, his chest heaving, his golden gaze blazing with fury and frustration. “You think you know me, but you don’t. And I don’t like wanting something that I know I don’t deserve. Sooner or later you’d come to your senses about the kind of man I am, about the differences between us, and then guess where that’d leave me? Getting fucked, that’s where.”
“So then you’re going to screw me over instead?”
“No, damn it. It isn’t like that,” he argued, though he knew damn well that it was. “I think…I think you’re a great person, Liv. One of the best I’ve ever known.” His gaze slid away, his voice thick as he said, “Even after learning about my past, you didn’t…you just…you surprised me. But we’ve got to face the facts.”
“It’s a fact that I care about you, Aiden.”
He wanted to believe her. To believe that she wouldn’t wake up one day and look at him with disgust. That she wouldn’t ever hurt him or betray him. But he couldn’t. Maybe that part of him had been broken. Crushed out of him. Damaged and destroyed. Whatever the reason, he was incapable of trusting anyone now. Of ever truly putting his faith in another person. Even someone as amazing as Liv.
“You’re just…confused right now,” he grunted, barely managing to scrape out the hoarse words as he forced his gaze back onto her face, her shattered expression making him feel like the biggest bastard alive.
“So then that’s it? You won’t even give me a chance to prove myself?”
He wanted to say yes, that he would. Wanted to tell her so many things, but he couldn’t do it. He was trapped behind a wall that he couldn’t batter down. Couldn’t break. “I can’t. It…it doesn’t matter what I want, Liv. The fact is that I don’t have it in me. Why go through the trouble, when I already know how it’s going to end?”
“That’s not true. You don’t know anything of the sort.”
A muscle ticked in his temple as he held her stare. “No matter how you look at it, I know I’d never be able to give you a life that’s anywhere close to a normal one.”
Wrapping her arms around her middle, she said, “I wish you’d stop throwing that back in my face, because I made a mistake. I thought normal was where someone like me belonged. I thought that was all I could handle, but it’s not. I was wrong, and I’m adult enough to admit it. Haven’t you ever been wrong, Aiden? Haven�
�t you ever changed? For the better?”
“People don’t change, Liv.”
“You’re wrong,” she argued, shaking her head. “We grow, Aiden. We live and we learn. And we find love, usually when we least expect it.”
His reaction was instantaneous, his rage blasting against her like the hot, blistering force of an explosion. “This isn’t love!” he snarled, cutting his right hand through the air as if he could swipe her soft words from existence. “Christ, you don’t love me. You can’t love me. You’re just confusing pleasure with some ridiculous emotion because you don’t know any better!”
His words were so sharp she felt bruised. Beaten. She reeled back, her face brittle, like a mask. One made of fragile porcelain that was about to crack, shattering into a million fractured pieces.
Not in front of him. Get away…and then you can break down. Then you can fall apart.
“I think…I think that you should just stay away from me,” she whispered, the look on her face stopping him in his tracks. His hands shook. A muscle twitched in his hard jaw. And his eyes…no, she couldn’t look at them, hating what she saw there. Distrust. Anger. Fear. “I won’t run. I won’t risk Jamie like that. But…just give me some space. I don’t want to be around you, Aiden. Not anymore.”
Choking on her tears, Olivia turned her back on him and started to walk away.
His rough voice reached out to her, painfully stark, as if it had been stripped down to the rawest, bleakest of emotions. “You don’t trust me either, Liv. You might think you do, but it’s not real.”
Wiping the tears from her face, she kept walking as she said, “Open your eyes, Aiden. I’ve been putting my trust in you from the beginning.”
Then she made her way toward the others…and not once did she look back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
The Lake District, England
Friday afternoon
IT HAD BEEN THE STRANGEST DAY. A beginning, since they would soon be arriving at their new home. And an end, because Olivia knew that Aiden would be leaving not long after they reached their destination.
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