by Amanda Kay
He looked down, and I braved myself to erase his doubts. “Why are you still with me?”
“Caiden, look at me.” I waited until he did. “Caiden, I love you.”
“You know, you never actually answer that question when I ask it.”
I smirked. “On the contrary, I answer it every time.”
“Exactly how?” he pressed.
I laughed, he was cute when he was all clueless and vulnerable. “Telling you I love you is my answer to that question. There’s no other answer for that question. I’m with you because I love you. Because, without you, my life would be empty. Simple as that.” His arms wrapped around my neck and he trembled in my arms. “I’ve got you. You don’t ever have to fear that I’ll leave you.”
“But I’m a mess,” he laughed, and I laughed with him, remembering one of the first conversations we’d ever had.
“Yeah, you are, but you’re a beautiful mess.” He squeezed me to him again and I just hung on tight.
“Mr. Trevino, we will be landing in five minutes.”
Caiden looked up and adjusted himself back properly in his seat. I did the same, before taking his hand. Whatever life threw at us, I knew we’d come out on top, even if Caiden needed a little more convincing.
Chapter 35
CAIDEN
I smiled all the way to the car. With him by my side, I always felt like I could conquer the world. However, the closer we got to our place, the more dread I felt. I was flat broke. Ms. Trevino had taken me to get the last thousand dollars two days ago. Between paying for the first two semesters of college, so far, and giving my mom money, I had blown through my entire trust fund and all the money I had worked for.
I knew he said he loved me, but I wouldn’t freeload off him. I hoped he didn’t think I couldn’t handle my finances. Honestly, I could, but Mom needed the money. Mark still hadn’t given her a divorce, and the lawyer and court fees were adding up. She had bills to pay on the house. I didn’t want her to lose everything, so I did all I could for her.
I closed my eyes and thought back to the conversation I had on the way to the bank with Bryson’s mom.
“I’m not sure why you are giving her money, but it’s okay to say no.” I knew she was right, but Mom counted on me.
“It’s okay, I was going to be closing this account anyway. I’ll find a job in Florida.”
She frowned. “Have you told Bryson what’s going on?”
I shook my head, “Not yet. I will. I just haven’t found the right moment.”
She pulled into the parking lot. “Caiden, there might never be a right moment.”
“I know, I’ll tell him. I just want to be able to reassure him that he won’t need to take care of me financially.”
Her hand came to my shoulder. “He would, though.”
“I know he would.” She wasn’t wrong; Bryson would sacrifice everything for me if I asked, but I wasn’t going to do that to him.
“Home sweet home,” he said, pulling me from my thoughts as the car came to a stop in front of our condo.
I opened my eyes and smiled at the building in front of me. I was so glad I was back here. So glad I was officially moving in. I needed to get away, start fresh.
“Well, I see a smile, so that’s good,” he chuckled.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“When we get inside, do I get to know what I’m being thanked for?”
I shook my head, and he pouted. “For being you.”
He remained quiet for a moment before saying, “I don’t know how to be anyone else.”
I laughed, “I know, and that’s what I love about you.”
He laughed harder and grabbed our bags from the back seat. “Hope it’s not the only thing.” I shook my head as I tried to take my bag from him. “I got it.”
“Oh no you don’t,” I laughed as I swiped his bag instead.
He winked. “That was my plan all along.” I shook my head and took his hand. When he got to the door, he froze.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, you have a key.” I smiled and dug in my pocket for my keys. I still had the spare key to his car, and he had given me a key to the condo when I drove with him here after the holidays.
“Home,” I whispered right as I stepped inside. His arms circled around me and he kissed my neck.
“Home,” he whispered back to me.
He moved around so he was in front of me and silently led me to the bedroom. It was exactly as I had remembered it. Exactly how we decorated it. “You didn’t change anything.” I sighed, as relief washed over me.
He eyed me for a long moment as if processing my words. “Why would I have changed anything? This is our room. Our home.”
I closed my eyes and nodded. “I know, I’m sorry. I’m a little wound up.”
“So I’ve noticed. What’s going on, Caiden? Talk to me,” he pleaded softly, leading me to the end of the bed so we could sit.
“I’m broke.”
BRYSON
His words stunned me. I knew something was weighing on him, but I wasn’t expecting that. He had gotten his trust fund from his grandfather and along with money from working with Mom, he had nearly thirty-five thousand dollars in his account. I knew he had paid for the first two semesters of college, at least what his scholarship hadn’t covered, but for the life of me, I couldn’t wrap my head around how he had blown through that much money.
“You’re upset?” he questioned, pulling me from my thought process.
“No, I’m confused,” I argued. I wasn’t mad at him, but I was worried.
“I’ll get a job as soon as I can. I’ve started looking. I promise, you won’t have to take care of everything. I’ll help with the bills and the groceries as soon as I get a job. Don’t hate me,” he begged.
I squeezed his hands in mine and willed him to calm down. “Caiden, what happened?”
“Mom needed the money. Mark was fighting the divorce. The lawyer fees and court costs were becoming too much. Plus, she had bills to pay.”
I sat quietly, processing what he had said, but it didn’t add up. I didn’t think he was lying to me, but something wasn’t right. I decided to start with the bills for the house. “Didn’t Coach move in?”
He nodded. “Yeah, so what?”
“Don’t you think he’d help with bills?”
He shrugged, “I never asked.”
“Caiden, what really happened to the money?” I pressed. Their divorce had been final since our senior year of high school. What did he think he was doing?
“I already told you.” I frowned. “You think I’m lying to you?”
“Are you?” I asked.
“No, of course not. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
I sighed, “Caiden...”
“Stop. Don’t say another word.” He stood up and stormed off into the living room. I hurried after him and found him on the couch, crying.
“Caiden...” I whispered.
“Just leave me alone, Bry,” he ordered, wiping the tears from his eyes.
I walked quietly to him and knelt on the floor in front of him. “No, I won’t leave you alone. Not like this.”
“Why not, I’m a liar.”
I sighed as he directed his hostile words at me. “I didn’t call you a liar.”
“I asked you if you thought I was lying and your answer was, are you. So, yeah, you did call me a liar.”
I closed my eyes because he wasn’t wrong. “Look, I’m sorry, but something doesn’t make sense. I trust you; I don’t trust your mom.”
“What?”
“Caiden, your mom got divorced before graduation.”
“What, how do you know that?”
“She was talking to Mom about it. I came downstairs and overheard it.”
“Why didn’t you mention it?”
I shrugged, “I thought you knew. I was surprised when you didn’t bring it up on our date, that night, but assumed you didn’t want to talk about it. M
ark was gone and that was enough.”
“Why would she lie to me, Bryson?”
I shook my head. “I can’t answer that. Look, I’m sorry it seemed like I was doubting you, but I was honestly just really confused. I figured you had to have known your mom got divorced, and it hurt that you weren’t being honest with me.”
“But I was.”
“I believe you.”
“What am I going to do, Bryson?”
“Right now, you are coming to bed, and when I get home tomorrow, we will call her together. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I stood and pulled him off the couch, and we walked back into the bedroom. I felt so bad for not trusting him, but why would his mom lie to him? I didn’t like this at all.
CAIDEN
Once we were back in the bedroom, I began to relax a little. I knew he didn’t mean what he was asking. He was just trying to figure things out, and I couldn’t fault him for that.
“I’m...” I turned to face him and offer an apology, but every thought left my head. His shirt was off. His jeans were off, and he was sliding on a pair of pajama pants. I swallowed hard. We had shared the same bed before, but we always were fully clothed, and taking in the scene before me, I knew he had no plans to put on a shirt.
“Problem?” His eyes twinkled with amusement.
“Are...are you...going to put a shirt on?” I fumbled over my words, but damn, he was handsome.
“I wasn’t planning on it.”
I swallowed hard and backed up, nearly falling over from hitting the end of the bed.
“Easy there,” he said, taking hold of me and pulling me flat against his chest. Which only increased the rate my heart was now beating. He laughed, “Do you want me to?”
I nodded, then shook my head, then nodded again. He released me and walked over to his chest of drawers, opening it, and that was when I found my voice again. “No! Don’t.”
He looked over his shoulder. “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure.” I didn’t know how to explain what seeing him without a shirt on did to me. I wasn’t one for the pool or the beach. Too afraid of my bruises being on display. Bryson always got that, and he never made me feel bad about my hang-ups.
BRYSON
The way he was looking at me right now was not helping my libido. Damn, I wanted him, but considering he tensed up on the plane, I knew we were still far from that place in our relationship, and I was okay with that.
“Ummm ... Bryson.” He licked his lips and swallowed, nodding in the direction of my crotch.
I laughed, “Well, you have that effect on me, and the way you are looking at me, right now, isn’t helping.”
He swallowed again, “Have you ummm ... have you ever had sex?”
I blinked at his question. What exactly was he asking? “Are you asking if I’ve cheated on you?”
“No! Of course not. I know you wouldn’t.”
“Then what are you asking, because when we discussed the idea of sex for prom, I told you I’d never been with anyone else.”
“It was a silly question. Sorry. My nerves are shot.”
I sighed at his response and walked toward him. “Caiden, we are just going to sleep. Like we’ve done in the past, okay?” He nodded, so I continued, “Go get ready for bed. I’ll be here waiting.”
He disappeared into the bathroom, and I crawled up the bed and under the covers. He was all over the place tonight, and I truly understood why.
When he emerged from the bathroom, he too had gone shirtless. “Looking good,” I smiled.
“I wanted to show you something.”
“Okay, what?”
He walked toward the bed and flipped on the lamp that was on his nightstand, before sitting down with his back to me. I sat up and crawled toward him. Then I saw it.
“Oh, Caiden,” I whispered. His tattoo was a rope knotted into the shape of a heart. In the center of it were the letters T and K separated by an ampersand, also somewhat heart shaped. “This is beautiful,” I whispered, leaning down, and pressing a kiss to the tattoo.
“If I was getting a tattoo, I was going to make sure it meant something.”
I turned his face toward mine and whispered against his lips. “Makes sense to me. Thank you.”
“What for?”
“For loving me enough to do that even when we weren’t together.”
I kissed him and he grabbed the back of my head, holding me to him. For the second time tonight, we made out. I waited for his signals, but they didn’t come; instead, he moved us so that we were now lying on the bed. Him on top. Me underneath. I repositioned my hands around his middle and continued to kiss him.
I wanted him to feel everything I was feeling. I wanted him to feel how much I wanted him. How much I needed him. He was my air, and I knew he didn’t believe that. I knew he felt like I was the only one picking up the pieces, but that wasn’t true. As I ran my hands down his back to cup his ass, I felt it. I felt the tension, so I took control. I rolled us to our sides and broke our kiss, and then I scooted up to my pillow and patted the empty space I had left for him.
He blinked a few times and then moved. “You stopped us again.”
I nodded. “You tensed up.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s been a few years, I shouldn’t still be this way.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Caiden.” I caressed his cheek. “It’s been a long day.”
“Will I ever get over it enough to take that leap with you?”
I sighed, “Only you can answer that. I really hope so, though, because otherwise, I’m going to die a very uncomfortable and grumpy old man.” He laughed and I kissed his cheek. “Goodnight, Caiden.” I pulled him against me and began rubbing his back.
His one hand settled along my lower back and his eyes closed. “Goodnight, Bryson. Love you.” He yawned.
“Love you too,” I whispered, closing my eyes as well. I needed to sleep so I could be sharp for drills tomorrow.
Chapter 36
CAIDEN
I woke the next morning completely unsure of the time, but also completely alone. I grabbed my phone and saw it was only six. Had he left already? As I moved out of the bedroom, I could smell fresh coffee brewing and could also hear music coming from what had been an empty room when I left last time. I wandered toward it and peered in.
He was running on a treadmill. Still shirtless. The sweat dripping off his back. I stood there silently for a moment. I didn’t want to startle him or else he could get hurt. Suddenly, he stopped the treadmill and grabbed a nearby towel. He turned my way, but since he was wiping his face, he didn’t see me right away.
As the towel lowered, his eyes focused on me, “Was the music too loud?”
“No, I just woke up. I think I felt you gone.” He checked his watch.
“I still have an hour or so before I need to leave. Do you want to ride with me so you can have the car?”
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine.”
He walked toward me and stopped. “I’m a sweaty mess. Let me go shower really quick and then we can have breakfast.”
I nodded and watched him walk out of the room. After he left, I looked around me. When had he done this? I understood why he needed a home gym but seeing all of the equipment was a surprise.
I left the room and wandered into the kitchen. The coffee mugs were exactly where we had placed them together. Home, I reminded myself. I thought back through all the events of last night, and how all over the place I was. “I wanted him last night. He wanted me, clearly. Why am I being such a baby about this? Damn it, Caiden, you are such a moron.”
“I wouldn’t say that.” His voice caused me to jump. How quickly did he shower? How long had I been standing here?
His arms wrapped around me and his lips were on my cheek. “Good morning.”
“Good morning, Bryson,” I murmured.
He turned me to face him and I looked down. I was afra
id of what I would see in his eyes. Last night, I was a complete and total wreck. I ruined what should have been a happy moment for us. “Stop it, now,” he demanded, and I finally glanced up.
“I guess I’m just...,” I shook my head. “Last night should’ve been amazing for us, and I ruined it.”
He shook his head, “Last night was perfect.”
“Excuse me? We fought. Then we made up, but I then screwed that up.”
“Caiden, you didn’t screw anything up. Yes, we had a small fight. Newsflash, couples fight, and this wasn’t our first. As for everything else, I was just happy to have you next to me again. Do I want you? Hell, yes, I do, but when doesn’t matter. When we are ready, it’ll happen for us.”
I chuckled, “Don’t you mean when I’m ready?”
He shook his head, “No, I mean when we are ready. Takes two to tango, my friend, which means we both need to be in the same place.”
“Yeah, a place you clearly were in last night.” I shook my head, he could spin it any way he wanted, but he wouldn’t have stopped if I hadn’t tensed up.
“When the time is right, it’ll happen. I was content having you in my arms last night. I was happy to have you home. That, alone, made it perfect. I don’t care that you aren’t ready. As much as it would suck, I honestly wouldn’t care if you never reached that place.”
I shook my head. “Don’t kid yourself, Bry.”
He cupped my face, making sure I was holding his gaze. “I’m not kidding myself. There are some things that are more important than sex.”
“Like what?” I swallowed.
“You, for starters.”
I closed my eyes. He was always so confident in us. He had so much faith in me; I wish it would rub off sometimes. “I really wish the faith you have in me would rub off a little,” I confessed.
“It has, but things have also been rough the last few years. We just have to give it time.” I nodded and he pulled away and quickly started taking out food.
BRYSON
After I left, I felt bad. I had to work today or lose my place on the team. This was pro ball; if I messed around, it was all over. Pulling into the stadium, I called my brother.