by Amanda Kay
“Well, well, well … look who it is.”
“Knock it off, Ben. I need a favor.”
“You need a favor after you didn’t even come say hi.”
I rolled my eyes. “I would have if I had had time, but I was literally only there for Caiden’s testimony.”
He sighed, “I know, man. What’s up?”
“Call Caiden later. Check in on him.”
“Of course, is everything all right?”
“Yeah, well, sort of. He was just in a weird place last night. I felt bad leaving him.”
“What kind of place?”
I sighed; I did not have time for this story.
“If I had time, I’d tell you. Ask Caiden.”
“Okay. I’m just finishing up a paper for a class I have later; as soon as I’m done, I’ll call him.”
“Thanks, Ben. I owe you.”
“Yeah, you do, but not for this. Caiden is family.”
“Will you remind him of that? He tends to forget.”
“I’ll talk to him.” I was relieved at my brother’s words. Caiden needed to know I wasn’t the only one there for him.
“Thanks, Ben, I got to go.”
“Yep.” He hung up and I raced toward the locker room.
“So, you made it back, Trevino.” I turned away from my locker to see the pitching coach.
“I wouldn’t let the team down.”
“Everything good at home?”
I nodded. “Fine, what’s first?”
“Bunt fielding.”
“Joy, my favorite,” I smirked.
He walked away, and I finished putting on my gear. After last night and this morning, I needed this torture. I adjusted my cup and winced. Damn, I would have to take care of that issue later.
CAIDEN
I did the breakfast dishes. Wandered into the office to find my desk just as I left it. I powered on my computer. I didn’t have a class today, which I was happy about. I did have a paper to write, and I hoped I would be able to concentrate enough, but my thoughts drifted back to yesterday. I rested my elbows on my desk and lowered my face into my hands.
My phone rang shortly after, and I looked at it, seeing it was Bennett. I sighed and sent him to voicemail. I wasn’t in the mood to talk. If only it was that simple because just as soon as I declined the call, my phone was ringing again.
I groaned and answered, “Did Bryson put you up to this?”
“Hello, Caiden. How are you today?”
“Sorry, Ben. Hello. I’m fine.”
“For the record, yes, Bryson asked me call. He’s worried about you.”
I shook my head and walked out to the living room. “He doesn’t need to worry about me.”
“Part of being in love.”
“Yeah, okay, being in love with a complete and total twit.” I dropped my head back against the couch.
“Wow, Bry was right! You are all over the place.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and the dam burst open. “Yeah, maybe a little.”
“Talk to me.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Nope, not working. If you feel, as you put it, like a total twit, it would be helpful to talk to someone.”
“I can talk with Bryson.”
“I’m thinking I’d be the easier Trevino to talk to.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Because I’m not the Trevino you’re in love with. You can’t inadvertently hurt me, and in case you’ve forgotten, I’m the big brother of the one you are in love with, and I can provide context into Bry’s head.”
I sighed; one thing I had learned over the last few years from being part of the Trevino clan through Bryson was, they did not give up and they were always able to make damn good arguments.
“So, if I agree that you are right, where do I start?”
He laughed, “Choice is yours. Bryson didn’t give me much information. Claimed he didn’t have time.”
“With everything that happened, I don’t doubt that.” I exhaled, “For starters, I’m broke. My mom asked for money to help with legal fees for her divorce, and I literally emptied my bank account to help her, only to find out, last night when I told Bry about my money situation, that Mom got divorced before we even graduated high school.”
“Wow, that’s pretty shitty, Caiden. Have you talked with her?”
“No, Bryson said we’d call her together once he was home.”
“That might be best. You might not be in a good place to handle it alone. If Bryson wants to support you, I say let him.”
“Yeah, but that’s my other issue. Bryson has been picking up pieces of mine since the moment I moved across the street. I owe him, and the one thing he’s ready for, I can’t bring myself to do.”
I heard Bennett let out a heavy breath and I laughed slightly at this conversation taking an uncomfortable turn for him. “So, ummm... Yeah, we’ve moved on to sex now?”
“We don’t have to discuss it, Ben.”
“No, it’s okay. I’m just giving you a hard time. So, what happened?”
“Well, we had a minor fight over the money thing. And then, when it was over, I showed him my tattoo. We started kissing, and I pushed us down on the bed, but he grabbed my ass, and I froze. Plus, on the plane, when we were kissing, and I tensed up. Both times, Bryson stopped. I felt it though, he was ready. It’s been a few years since Mark’s abuse. I should be able to give him this now.”
“Okay, first, breathe, man. How did Bry react?”
“Like the perfect gentleman. He said he’d be okay if we never got there, but he’s clearly there.”
“Okay, so he’s there, sounds like he’s fine with waiting, though.”
“He’s Bryson, so, of course, he knows exactly what to say to calm me down. But it’s not fair to him. I owe him. Damn it, Ben, I owe him!”
“Bry would tell you that you don’t owe him anything, but I can appreciate why you feel like that. I get it, with everything that has happened in your life, why you feel, at times, like you aren’t good enough.” I sighed. “But you have to listen to what he tells you. If he says it’s okay. Then it’s okay. You can’t doubt that. Want to know what will happen if you do?”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure if I did, but at the same time, I did. “It wouldn’t hurt, I suppose.”
“What’s going to happen is you are going to ignore your body and try to push toward something that you aren’t ready for and when it happens like that, you’ll be pissed at yourself and you’ll take it out on Bryson and push him away. Sounds to me like Bryson is pretty good at reading your body and knowing when it’s time to step away. Don’t underestimate the power in that. When it’s time, you’ll know, and I guarantee, Bryson will be right there ready for you. Until then, trust him, but more importantly, trust yourself.”
I sat quietly for a moment, and let Bennett’s words soak in. He was right. “Thanks, Ben, I feel better.” I smiled and began to relax.
“Anytime, man, you’re family. Good luck with your mom. It’ll work out.”
I nodded, “As long as I have Bryson, I know it will.”
“There we go, there’s the guy that had found some confidence from loving my brother.”
I laughed. “Pretty sure it’s because your brother loves me.”
“Tomato, tomato. Either way, glad you feel better.”
“Me too. Maybe now I can write that paper.”
“Ah, good luck. I have to get to class.”
“Later, Ben.” When our call ended, I smiled at the phone. “Thanks, Bry.” I got up and walked back to the office. I was going to crush this paper now.
BRYSON
I was regretting not taking care of my little problem sooner; the constant squatting and standing for plays was not helping my situation. I moaned when we broke for the day. I wanted to get home, but I also knew my current condition would only make Caiden feel worse. As I grabbed my phone from my locker, a text caught my eye.
CAIDEN: Thanks for making Ben call
. I feel better. Love you.
I smiled and jogged toward my car. Once inside, I put the phone on my dock and gave him a call.
“Hey.” As his voice came through the phone, he sounded better.
“Hey, yourself. I’m on my way home.”
“Do we have to call my mom right away?”
I thought about that question. Did we? No, we didn’t not if he wasn’t ready. “If you aren’t ready to call her, we won’t.”
“Great.” There was a lightness and playfulness in his voice that I hadn’t heard in a while, if ever.
“Shit,” I muttered out loud.
“You okay?”
I laughed. “Sure, yeah, fine.”
“Bry?” I didn’t want to hear the concern laced in his voice.
“Honestly, I’m fine.” I tried to think of an excuse. “Just sore. Catching is brutal.”
“Yeah, sure, you can tell me that again when you are home.”
“I’d like to see you try it,” I laughed. I wanted to break every speed limit. I wanted to get home to him. His playfulness was not going unnoticed by any part of me, and I silently prayed I was reading him correctly.
“Bry? Did you hear anything I just said?”
“Sorry, was focused on the road. Lock up and meet me outside.”
“Excuse me?”
“I want to get a tattoo.” I wanted other things as well, but as I sat at the red light that led home, I took a steady breath. I had to calm down. I had to play this just right, or he’d back out again. And I didn’t want that. I could get the job done with my hand and pretty much had been doing that since the morning after senior prom. If I was being honest, it was long before that. I didn’t want that anymore, but I’d live with it until he was ready. Please let his mood be a sign. The light turned green and I rounded the corner. I could see the condo complex. The closer it drew, the more excitement I felt.
CAIDEN
I watched as his car pulled into our spot in front of our place. I moved toward the car, unsure of what to make of his statement. Especially, since I wanted to try and go further with him. Bryson would protect me. He’d help chase the demons away. He wasn’t Mark.
He backed out of the spot before I could even question him. “Bryson, what are we doing?”
“I told you, I want to get a tattoo.”
“Why?”
“You’ll find out when the season starts.” He winked; he was being playful, but also dead serious.
“So, what did you have in mind?”
“A certain heart shaped knot with some pretty special initials.”
Just when I thought he couldn’t do anything more to show his love, he was telling me he wanted to get the same tattoo I had gotten. “Just when I think you couldn’t possibly love me any more than you already do.”
“Caiden, I love you. I want to show you how much when you’re ready.”
“I can’t make you promises but I want to try. Can we do that?” He nodded and smiled. I was going to take Bennett’s advice. I wasn’t going to force it, but I was going to listen to my body and trust Bryson to be Bryson.
BRYSON
When we got home, I led him into the bedroom, and I saw the weight of the world come back to him. I wouldn’t start anything if he was this nervous already because I was confident, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself like I had before. In high school, it was easy. The excuse was, we were too young.
After graduation, we both still lived at home, so I could use the excuse of, I didn’t want Mom or Ben to hear and if we were at his place, that I didn’t want his mom to hear. He always let me off the hook, because deep down, he wasn’t ready, and while there had been some joy that maybe he had reached that place, now that we were in our bedroom, completely alone. No possible interruptions, I could see he just truly wasn’t ready.
“I’m going to shower.” I kissed his cheek and started to walk away but he quickly reached out and grabbed my arm.
“I thought...I thought we were going to try.” I sighed and walked him over to the bed.
“You aren’t ready. That’s okay.”
“I want to try.”
“Caiden, I’m already wound up from last night. If we start something, I can’t promise I’ll be able to stop.”
“What if I don’t want you to stop?”
“Looking at you right now. You don’t want me to start,” I sighed. That was a terrible thing to say, but it was the truth, and he needed to hear it. I kissed his cheek and walked away. I was disappointed, yes, but I wouldn’t blame him.
I had gotten as far as taking off my shirt when he entered the bathroom. His hands wrapped around my waist and one began to move slowly down my body. He was trailing kisses along my back, and I closed my eyes.
“Caiden, what are you doing?”
“I want you, Bry.”
I sighed and lifted his hands from me so I could face him. “Caiden, don’t force it,” I begged. I would hate myself if we did this and then he regretted it.
“I’m not scared, Bryson. I know who I’m with.”
“Then, why the tension? I felt it the moment we walked in.”
“I’m nervous.”
“About?”
“Disappointing you.”
I let his words sink in. And I felt a smile touch my lips. “That makes two of us.”
Chapter 37
CAIDEN
How was it possible for him to be worried about disappointing me? He was Bryson. He had never disappointed me. I closed my eyes and saw a flash. A memory. A kiss. A kiss that wasn’t with me. And then, another flash from when he said he didn’t want a label. Still, after everything we had gone through the last couple of years, how could he possibly worry about disappointing me now?
“Why?” I whispered.
“Why, what?” he challenged.
“Why are you worried about disappointing me?”
“Likely, for the same reason you are worried about disappointing me.”
“But you’re you.” He chuckled at my comment.
“Yeah, last I checked, I’m not perfect. Far from it.”
“Not in my eyes,” I challenged.
“Well, I feel the same about you.”
His hand came to my cheek and I saw the moment his breathing picked up. I trusted Bryson with my life. And if I did what Bennett said and listened to my body, it was screaming for him. Nerves aside, I wanted this. I wanted him.
“Kiss me, Bry,” I whispered, and his lips were instantly on mine. He backed us out of the bathroom and back to the bedroom. This was it. My heart rate increased with every stroke of his tongue against mine.
My legs hit the bed, and he pulled away. I struggled to catch my breath from our kiss. “Do you want me to stop? Tell me now because I won’t be able to stop if we don’t stop now.”
I braced myself by grabbing his upper arms and tugged him toward me again. “Don’t stop,” I whispered, and his lips were on mine again.
We fell onto the bed. I didn’t know how this was going to go, but I also didn’t care, because as my heart hammered in my chest, I felt his match mine. This wasn’t nerves. This was passion. This was love. This was us.
BRYSON
We were lying next to each other, completely naked and spent. I was certain I had a goofy grin on my face. And I was a complete mess, but so was Caiden.
“Was it good?” he happily whispered, his eyes just barely open.
I leaned over and kissed his lips gently. “It was perfect.”
“Yeah,” he sighed in a dreamy tone.
“We need to change the sheets and get cleaned up,” I said, successfully ending the moment.
“I love you, Bry,” he whispered.
“I love you too, Caiden.” He leaned over and gave me one last kiss before rolling out of bed.
“You can shower first.” I shook my head.
“Go ahead, I’ll take these.”
He nodded and went to his dresser. I didn’t move off the bed; I just watched him. He seemed
lighter. Happier. He seemed at peace. Before he disappeared into the bathroom, he turned and blew me a kiss. I sighed. We had sex, and it was everything I’d hoped it would be. I shook my head, trying to clear the images from my mind for the moment.
I finally got up and found my discarded boxers. I stripped the bed and took it out to the washer. I went to our hall linen closet and found the other set of sheets. As I began making the bed, Caiden emerged from the bathroom in a pair of black jeans and gray polo shirt.
“Look at you, handsome.”
He blushed. “Go shower, I’ll finish this.”
I walked toward him and embraced him. “You were perfect,” I whispered in his ear before kissing his cheek and leaving him for my shower.
I didn’t want him to forget how he had made me feel. I had put clothes in the bathroom before I left for the stadium today. Once closed in the bathroom, I looked down at my bandaged wrist. The tattoo was perfect, like Caiden. I smiled for the millionth time and then climbed into the shower.
CAIDEN
I finished the bed and went out to the living room. Falling onto the couch, I took out my phone. I could do this. I had to do this.
“My boy.” I sighed at her joy.
“Mom, I need you to be honest with me.”
“Caiden, what is this about?”
I closed my eyes. “The money, Mom.”
“Caiden ... I ... I ... told you.” I shook my head as she fumbled with her words.
“Mom, I know about the divorce.”
“Yes, exactly. You helped, thank you, son,” she recovered. I felt his fingers lace with mine and I opened my eyes to find him sitting next to me, silently giving me strength.
“Mom, you got divorced before I was out of high school.”
I heard her gulp. “Caiden...”
“Mom, don’t. What did you need the money for?”
“I’m so sorry, Caiden.” She started to cry, and I knew. I knew because I had seen it with my own eyes, but I didn’t want to believe she had gone back there. I thought the pills were gone.
“Mom,” I sighed.
“I’m sorry, Caiden. I needed them,” she begged.
“You lied to me. You used me. I’m broke, I can’t help Bryson out with any of the bills now. How could you?”
“Caiden, please.” I sighed. I couldn’t do this anymore tonight. I was done for now.