I notice Kevin sitting on the front steps of the house I pass him, but then I freeze. I consider whether I should walk away or try to talk to him.
“Hey.” I say shyly, I take a small step back in his direction.
“Hey.” he replies after a minute. I take that as an invitation to sit beside him.
“You doing alright?” I ask. I know he’s not, but I honestly don’t know how to start.
He shakes his head, his eyes tearing up again. I wrap my arms around him. I hope it comforts him.
“I’m really sorry.” I whisper. He hugs me back.
“Scarlet, it wasn’t your fault.” he admits. “I shouldn’t have made you feel responsible for her death.”
“It’s okay.” I reply.
“It’s not okay. I was just so upset.” He inhales sharply. “I was in love with her Scarlet. I loved her more than anything.” he tells me. I had no idea, I knew they were close. In love? Really?
“I’m really sorry Kevin.” I say. Comforting people really isn’t my thing. “But we’re doing this for her. Going to the bunker, it’s for Kat.” I tell him. Although I can’t tell him why.
“Let’s go. I’m done with this place.”
“Now?”
“I hate it here.” he mumbles as he stands up. His face suddenly hardened, emotionless. I stand up and follow closely behind him.
Alec is standing right inside the door as we walk in. I make eye contact with him as I sling my backpack over my shoulder. He eyes it for a moment, still not fully believing that it’s just supplies.
“We’re ready.” I tell him.
He nods, “I’ll get everyone else ready to roll.”
* * *
We’ve been walking out here for hours. The ground is rough on my feet. I’ve kind of cut myself off from the group. Paranoia of them asking me about what’s in my bag has me nervous to be near them. I feel like they can see it, see through the material of my backpack, see the dangerous device I’ve been sneaking around with for months.
They can’t find out, it would be earth shattering. Kat wouldn’t be avenged. They wouldn’t understand. They’d hate me.
I also didn’t really think through the whole, walking around rough terrain with an explosive on my back part. I didn’t think through any of this. I feel as though I haven’t been in control of it. It’s like I wasn’t controlling myself, the thoughts weren’t my own. I know I’m not being controlled by something else, but I don’t feel that way. I feel like I’ve been on autopilot for months.
I think through all of the scenarios as I walk. Wondering if it will work, if it will detonate when I need it to. Will I have time to run away? I play through a scene in my head where I’m standing there, in the bunker.
The bad guys are closing in, the bomb in my hand. I’m pleading with the others to run away before I set it off. They argue. Shark tries talking to me the way he does when he wants me to chill out. I feel myself begin to shake, I’m terrified.
“Shark please, just go away.” I beg “I have to do this. I don’t want to hurt you.”
He moves closer to me, our bodies close, his hand on mine.
“If you insist on doing this, you’re taking me with you.” he says, his voice low. I almost feel threatened. Our eyes meet. We stare at each other, waiting for the other one to break. It seems inappropriate to be so attracted to him in this moment, but it’s the only positive feeling I’m able to feel right now.
“We do this together or not at all.” he says, our eyes still locked.
I sigh. I don’t think I can keep living like this, even if it means he lives too. Tears begin to roll down my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry.” I sob. Without another thought I set it off. The last thing I hear is his scream before the world goes dark. I gasp, waking myself up from my daydream.
“Hey Scarlet, we’re thinking of stopping soon to eat. That okay?” Ally asks, coming up beside me. I shake my head clear.
“Oh yeah, that’s a good idea.” I chuckle awkwardly. My eyes scan the group looking for Shark, a wave of relief crashes over me. I smile at him. I know it seems desperate, falling for the dark and quiet guy after everything. He’s just so perfect. I run off towards him and wrap my arms around him.
“Are you okay?” he whispers, laughing a little as he catches my weight in his arms.
“I love you.” I whisper back. I hold onto him with all my strength.
“What?” He pushes me away for a second, long enough to see my face. I blink away tears before he sees them. I think. “You heard me.” I tell him, I don’t want to repeat myself, it was gushy enough the first time.
I collapse back into his embrace and breathe in his scent, which is mostly sweat now.
“I love you too Scarlet.” he replies. My heart leaps.
“I’m glad you came with us.” I tell him. “Glad you stayed with me.”
His face changes when I say that, but I don’t read much into it. I find myself wanting to apologize for blowing him up in my daydream, but we’re interrupted by Kevin coming up to us and making kissy noises.
We all laugh heartily. For a moment I thought we may be genuinely happy, Shark and I may be at least. But the weight of the secret I’ve been toting around steals the joy of the moment away when I realize that in the insanity, I handed Ally my bag to hold. I breathe in sharply.
“You okay?” Shark asks as I wiggle out of his embrace. I smile at him, hoping it’s convincing.
“Yeah, I’m just really hungry.” I tell him.
“Me too.” he replies, lightly grabbing my hand and leading me to the rest of the group. I sit down right next to my bag. I feel better now that I’m close enough to it to snatch it away if anyone tries to pick it up.
“Hey Scarlet, can I talk to you?” Reese asks from behind me. Shark and I exchange a look of confusion. I can’t remember the last time I talked to Reese. I pinch my lips together, nod and stand up, grabbing the bag and taking it with me.
“What’s up?” I ask.
She leads me away from the group, looking over her shoulder to check the distance between us.
“You alright?” I ask. I try to hide my discomfort.
“So…” She begins, rubbing her hands anxiously together. “It’s just, I actually stayed in the bunker before. Not for long. I was only there for like a week or something and they’re good people.” She looks at the ground.
“Okay?” I reply, confused.
She sighs, “I don’t know if going there is our safest choice. When I was there with Kat and Kevin, some stuff went down. I’m just worried they won’t be very welcoming.”
I pretend I don’t know about what happened with Kat. I know I may be putting them at risk, and I don’t really want to. I just have to get there and use the bomb. Somehow I have to pull this off, no matter what.
“So, are you saying we shouldn’t go?” I ask, but even after her saying that I have no desire to turn around. “Because we aren’t turning around.” My voice trembles slightly.
“I’m saying…I don’t think it’s safe.” she says. I bite my lower lip uncomfortably. My eyes find their way back to my group of friends, my family. I should be more concerned about putting them at risk than I am.
Should I tell them to turn back? To go back home. To let me go by myself. They wouldn’t, even if I asked. Alec wouldn’t let them.
“Yes, I think we should turn around.”
“Well then fine, turn around. Take them with you. I don’t care. But I’m still going to see that bunker. I have to.”
“You don’t have to, you want to because you want answers to what happened to Kat. But, even if you find it there, it’s not be worth it. You’re going to get us killed.”
“It’s not just about answers Reese.” Don’t tell her Scarlet.
“Well, what’s it about then?” She steps so close to me that I can feel her breath on my face, our eyes locked on each other.
“Nothing.” I drop my eyes.
“Look, if this is jus
t some personal issue you’re trying to work out, I get it. I do. But let us go home.” She gestures to the group who’s now staring at us. “They will follow you anywhere, no matter how stupid. They’d follow you straight into Hell if you lead them there, and that’s exactly what you’re doing. Give them permission to go home.”
“You guys can turn around whenever you want. I’m not stopping you.” I reply through gritted teeth. “But, if you guys are going to follow me, and good luck convincing Alec and Shark not to. Then we’re going to that bunker. I am not going back there.” My voice breaks slightly, I try to hide it.
“This is a mistake.” She sighs in frustration, stomping off. I look at the group and think. She’s right. I know she’s right. But how am I supposed to tell them to turn around without me?
After I return to the group, we grab our stuff and continue our journey. I catch Reese staring at me as everyone puts their packs on, waiting to see if I’ll give the order to turn around. I don’t. This is for Kat. Right?
“Do you really have to bring them with you though?” I ask myself. It’s a question I’m not sure how to answer. I feel like I can’t do this alone, but if she’s right. What if I’m leading them straight to Hell and they’re just following blindly.
I watch her as she leans in and whispers something to Ty. I feel like she’s staring at my bag. I feel like everyone is. I shift my position so she can’t see it.
We begin walking in what I hope is the direction of the bunker.
I walk closer to the group than before, but I feel further away. I hold Sharks hand as I walk, but I feel like I’m drifting off into a land of worry and doubt.
“Should I tell them to turn around?” I ask myself over and over. No. We are not turning around.
I look at Reese. This one’s for Kat, I’m not letting her down again.
“Is it for Kat though?” Yes. For Kat.
“You okay?” Shark asks me.
I nod, not looking towards him.
“Are you sure? You’re squeezing my hand pretty tight.” he says as he lifts our interlocked hands up so I can see them.
“Sorry.” I mumble, releasing his hand from my grip.
“No, it’s okay.” he replies, tapping his fingers nervously on the outside of his thigh. “You’ve just been weird since you talked to Reese. You’ve been weird all day.”
“I’m fine.” I force a smile.
“You’re not. You haven’t been in a while. I know that something’s going on with you. I just want to help you.”
“I’m just sad about Kat and worried about the bunker. I’m sure everyone’s dealing with that.”
“There’s more than that, you’ve been running off since before all that. Disappearing in the mornings and not coming back until night or even the next day.”
“I just needed space.”
“From what?” He’s beginning to grow impatient.
“No no no, he’s gonna think you were avoiding him.”
“Reality.”
“What are you hiding?” he asks. I want to tell him. I hate lying to him, hiding things from him. But he’ll tell Alec and Alec would freak out. They’re going to think I’m becoming like Evan. They probably already do.
“You’ve been holding on to that bag like it’s loaded with cash.” He’s gonna find out. First Alec, now him. How am I supposed to keep this hidden for so long. “I saw how you freaked out when Alec asked about it yesterday.”
“What are you trying to say?”
“I don’t know…”
“I’m not hiding anything. I just needed a break from everyone because I feel like I’m failing you guys.”
He feels guilty. I can tell.
“Okay, I’m sorry.” he apologizes. My chest grows tight as I think about how close he was to figuring me out. I can’t bring him with me. It’s not safe and I’ll get caught before I get to do what I need to do. The sound of Sharks scream plays through my mind again.
“Thank you.” I sigh, so quiet I’m not sure he heard me. He pulls me into his side. I feel a lump form in my throat. I know what I need to do now, but I don’t want to do it. It’ll kill him, but it will keep him safe. More importantly, It’ll keep them from figuring me out.
Night comes fast. We are worn. We stop out in the middle of nowhere once we can no longer see ahead of ourselves in the dark. Probably not smart, because we also can’t see enough to set up camp, but we manage.
I want to leave tonight. While they’re asleep.
I lay on the rocky ground right next to Shark, my mind wanders to him. I know deep down that he’ll survive without me. Or do I?
I thought Kat would be fine too. I thought we’d be alright, but look at us now. On one hand it seems like they’ll be much better off without me, but what if they aren’t?
I know that this is what needs to be done though. It has to be the answer. Kat deserves this, we all do.
I wait until the others fall asleep, my eyes have adjusted enough and the moon is full and high in the sky so I’m less worried about finding my way.
I grab the bag and quietly sneak away. My heart sinks.
I pray that Shark doesn’t hate me. I pray he doesn’t hate himself.
“Should I turn around?” I ask myself. I shake my head. It has to be done. Evan was right, these people deserve it. I have to.
* * *
After an exhausting night and another full day of wandering towards my destination, I finally found it, the bunker. I could see it long before I got close enough to it to see how big it truly was.
I think about the others. I wonder if they’re still headed in this general direction.
Did they turn around? They wouldn’t turn around, Shark wouldn’t allow it.
I’ll have to do this fast, they won’t be too far behind me. I trudge along, getting close enough to the bunker to see the entrance. Do I just walk in? Do I knock? I walk up to the large metal door, I wonder how they manage to open it. If they ever open it. I stare at it, puzzled, unsure of what to do now. Am I supposed to just walk in and detonate the bomb? My hand finds its way to the side of my backpack, I can feel the bomb bulging slightly. I raise my hand and ball it into a fist. I knock twice…there’s no way they heard it. The door is too thick. I walk around the bunker.
“I really thought this one through didn’t I?”
“Hello!” I shout. Hoping somebody will hear me, anyone at all. They don’t, as far as I know. If they did, they aren’t in a hurry to open the door.
“Can anyone hear me?!” I shout louder.
Nothing.
I sigh in frustration and sink to the dusty ground. It’s hot. The suns beaming down like it’s the middle of July. I cradle my head in my hands. It takes a couple more minutes before the door finally begins to open. The screeching of metal on metal makes my ears ring, but I don’t care, I’m finally able to finish this. The inside of the bunker is dark from this angle. I can see the silhouettes of two people; a man and a woman, but I can’t make out their features beyond that.
“What do you want?” The man demands, his voice is commanding. He sounds like somebody who would be in charge of this thing. I don’t know how to reply. I can’t tell them the real reason why I’m here.
“Richard, honey, don’t scare the poor girl. Can’t you see she’s exhausted.” The woman pushes the man, who I assume to be her husband, to the side. She comes closer to me, into the light where I can finally see her face.
She isn’t what I expected, her features are small, her eyes are gentle, her smile inviting. She reminds me slightly of my mom, gentle and kind. I instantly drop my guard. I was expecting military; army men in uniforms, carrying around rifles.
“Come on in hon, let’s get you some water.” The woman gently places her small hands on my shoulders and guides me inside the bunker. “I’m Laura and this is my husband Richard. Do you have a name?” She’s now walking slightly in front of me, her husband directly beside her.
“I’m Scarlet.” I reply shyly. Before t
his, when I was thinking over the plan I felt so bold, so prepared. But now that I’m here I don’t feel that way.
As we walk down a long, well-lit hallway, I see children playing on an indoor playground on the other side of a large window. I didn’t know there were children here, although I guess I should’ve assumed. Where else would they have gone?
“Well, Scarlet, welcome.” Laura replies, her voice is soothing. “Right this way to the cafeteria.” She gestures to a large glass door. The word “Cafeteria” Is written in big black letters across the center. Richard pulls the door open, holding it for the two of us to go through. I mumble a thank you as I scan the large room.
It looks much like a school cafeteria, but much bigger and much, much cleaner.
There are older couples in the back playing card games, a group of teenagers in the front corner playing a video game on some device I’ve never seen before.
“There are families here.” I whisper to myself, completely shocked. I wasn’t aware that so many people had survived the attacks. I grip the strap of my backpack tight as I follow Laura to the drink center set up just to the left of the door. She hands me a cold glass of water.
“So, Scarlet, how long were you out there?” Richard begins a conversation. His eyes scan the sunburn on my shoulders, I think I see him wince slightly at the thought of them. I sip my water for a moment before answering.
“I’m not entirely sure.” I tell him. “It’s been so long and I haven’t really been able to keep track of the time…sir.”
“Well, you’re welcome to stay here. We built plenty of extra rooms for things like this.” He smiles warmly.
“Built?” I question, realizing shortly after that I probably should have kept that question to myself for now.
“Why don’t you finish your water, and I’ll have Laura show you to your room? How’s that sound?” Richard dodges my question. I’m beginning to have mixed feelings about what I planned to do here. It doesn’t look like it’s full of evil people who would bomb their own country. There are families here, and older couples, children. Just normal people living the best they can. The way the others and I had for the last few months.
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