Alone

by Abigail Wallace

  “I guess you and your crew were very well prepared.” I don’t know what I’m trying to accuse him of.

  “Miss Scarlet, these bunkers were built long before any threats or theories of threats had ever reached the US. I’m afraid whatever idea you have of what is going on here is not what’s going on.” Doctor Fowler steps towards me in a threatening manner.

  “Well, that’s some interesting stuff. Thank you for your time Doctor.” I chicken out of asking anything more.

  “Yes, well. If you would like to know anything more, there are a number of books about the bunkers in this library.” he replies. “I’ll just assume you don’t need my help finding those. Do you?” His tone is condescending now.

  “No sir, I think I’ll do just fine finding what I need.” Even I’m not sure if that was meant to be a threat or not.

  “Good.” he replies. “Well, I’ll leave you to peruse the literature. Richard and I have some work to get done this afternoon.” He brushes my shoulder as he walks past us.

  “Really?” Alec finally speaks after they’ve left the room.

  “I know.” I sigh. “I just couldn’t help it.”

  “You always did have a thing for testing authority.”

  “I do, but also that man just doesn’t like me.”

  “Well, maybe because you just implied that he had something to do with the attacks.”

  “I know, I know.” I frown, rubbing the back of my neck. “But you have to admit he was being oddly defensive.”

  “Not everyone who’s being defensive is guilty.”

  “I know.” I sigh. “This is your fault, you know.”

  “No. It’s not.”

  “Come on Scarlet let’s go say hi. It’s the polite thing to do. He’ll like us.” I do my best impression of Alec.

  “Are you mocking me right now?” He raises an eyebrow. I smirk slightly.

  “I’m just saying he might not hate me if I hadn’t been pushed to go say hello.”

  “It’s not my fault you have Shark’s social skills.” He rolls his eyes.

  “Other than the doctor hating me, what do you think? You think this could be home?” I change the subject.

  “Don’t know.” He shrugs. “I think it’s safe. We’re fed, clean and well rested. Ally’s met a boy, and the people seem nice.”

  “That a yes?” I raise my eyebrows. I almost hope he’ll say no.

  “Why don’t we gather the others for a meeting and get their opinions?” he suggests. I agree.

  The two of us split up in search of the other five.

  * * *

  It doesn’t take us very long to round the others up and soon we’re all sitting around my room.

  “Alright guys, we made it. We’re in the bunker.” I start.

  “Really? I hadn’t noticed.” Reese mumbles.

  I ignore her.

  “So, what do you guys think?” I ask.

  “It doesn’t seem too bad.” Ally replies.

  “Well of course you don’t think so.” Kevin teases, pushing her playfully.

  “Quit it.” She laughs, her cheeks turning pink.

  “I think it’s better than where we were before.” Alec says.

  “I agree.” I nod. “So, we can stay or we can go back. But we’ll make this decision together.”

  “I think we should go back.” Reese says. I watch Ty pinch his lips together. “I know this place is great. It has the luxuries that we had before the attacks. But Doctor Fowler is hiding things. Things that I don’t think we want to know.”

  “Like what Reese?” Ally asks, genuinely curious.

  Reese leans into Ty.

  “It’s okay Reese. I got it.” Ty says to her, grabbing her hand. “When we were here before, Reese and Kat overheard Nathan and Carrie. Carrie was Nathan’s wife. They were talking about the bombings. Nathan saw Kat and threatened her.” Kevin and Ty exchange a look.

  “Later, Kat confronted Carrie about it. She said she was just trying to get Carrie to tell her what the conversation was about. Kat couldn’t get it out of her. It must have been a pretty big deal though because Carrie pulled a gun on Kat.” Kevin says. Taking over for Ty. “Ty, Reese and I heard the gunshots from our rooms and came out into the hall to see Kat standing over Carrie. There was blood covering the floor.”

  “We all ran.” Reese says. “We just ran.”

  “Reese are you in danger if you’re here?” I ask her, now realizing why she didn’t want to come.

  “I don’t know.” She shrugs. “Nobody’s said anything. I’m not even sure they know we were a part of it at all. But Doctor Fowler doesn’t seem like the kind to forget.”

  “Well, that changes things.” Alec sighs.

  “Does it?” I ask. “It doesn’t have to. For once, we are fed, hydrated, clean, and safe like you said earlier. We don’t actually know what that conversation was about. We can play dumb, pretend we don’t know anything at all.” I suggest.

  “Play dumb?” Reese glares at me.

  “Reese, if you weren’t safe here, they would’ve done something when you first showed up. So we’ll just pretend you guys didn’t tell us all of that and we’ll live here as normally as we can, for as long as we can.”

  “It’s not safe here.” Reese argues. “Fowler is smart, and probably pretty pissed that Kat shot his wife. I’m sure that if he hasn’t figured out who we are yet, he will, and it won’t be safe for any of us.”

  “Let’s just stay.” I plead, ignoring her. “We deserve to be happy and safe and we can’t do that out there.”

  “Reese.” Ty says. “She’s right. If they thought we were part of it, they would’ve killed us. They don’t know who we are. We’re safe here.”

  “Fine.” She finally agrees. “We’ll stay, but if this goes wrong, it’s not on me.”

  “Is everyone cool with that?” Alec asks.

  They all agree with a hint of reluctance.

  “Then let’s go get some dinner.” I hold the door as the group files out of my room.

  “You sure this is right?” Alec asks me once the others far enough down the hall. “You’re the one who didn’t trust any of this up front. Now you have a reason”

  “No, but they deserve to be happy Alec. We all do.” I reply. “And I don’t know how else to do that for them.”

  “Why are you so convinced that this place is so good all of the sudden?” he asks me. I watch the others disappear around the corner. “Are you convinced?”

  “No, I’m not convinced, something still seems off. But I need to keep believing that these people are good.”

  “Because?”

  “Because that crazy chick you keep accusing me of being. She’s still here.” I point to my head. “And if I stop believing they’re good, what would happen next would just…” I stop, feeling my eyes begin to water. For the first time since I gave into Evan’s crazy plan, I feel ashamed. I feel embarrassed that I let myself get this far. I feel the urge to tell him, but I can’t.

  “Just what?”

  “You would hate me…” I admit, a sob escapes from my mouth. “If I told you what I wanted so badly to do. What I still feel like I need to do.”

  “Why.” He wraps me in a hug. “Why would I hate you?” And here it is.

  If I had words to speak, they were held back by sob after sob. Everything in me trembles as tears run down my face.

  “Scarlet, whatever’s going on. Whatever made you run away, whatever made you disappear for days back at the house. It won’t make me hate you. You can tell me.” It’s weird being comforted by Alec. Sure, I’ve seen his soft side. I knew it existed. But the two of us have always butted heads, we’ve been at each other’s throats since the day we met. Yet here he is, being perfectly human, comforting me.

  Finally, after a long cry and a long silence from Alec, I catch my breath, wipe my tears and look him in the eye.

  Should I tell him? If I tell him will it change how he sees me?

  “I’m worried I’m craz
y.” I tell him. Suddenly my body relaxes and I feel calm. But it doesn’t seem like a good calm. It’s not the calm that comes after something, not relief. More like waiting for something big, something dramatic to happen. “I’m paranoid, all the time.”

  “If this is about what I said when I got here, I didn’t mean—” He begins to apologize.

  “No, no. I mean, yes, but only because it was true Alec. It’s like ever since the bombs I’ve started losing piece after piece of myself and I thought I was doing a good thing.” I take a breath.

  “But I just.” I choke back another sob. No Scarlet, you’ve cried enough. “I wanted to believe that there was somebody out there, somebody I could get to who’s responsible. Somebody that I could punish, some way I could gain control of this craziness and get revenge.”

  “Revenge? On who?”

  My chest grows tight as I convince my mind and my mouth to allow me to be honest.

  “I guess Evan got in my head. All his talk about the bunkers, about how suspicious it was that they suddenly started popping up before the attacks. Like they knew what was coming. And I kept thinking. The only way they would know it was coming was if they did it. I don’t know how or why, but I just believed that. I needed to blame somebody.” I take another breath. “I keep losing people over this and I’m so mad. And even if they didn’t bomb the country, they still knew and they did nothing. Everyone died, Alec. Everyone. My parents, my friends, Kat…even Evan died. Maybe he deserved it, maybe not.” I look to see if he’s still listening to me ramble on.

  “He did deserve it.” he grumbles.

  “Maybe. But his theories; overpopulation, the government bombing the states. Maybe they put bunkers in place to harbor a set amount of people, maybe they bought their way in here. I don’t know, it just made sense. After talking to Doctor Fowler in the library it seemed to make even more sense.”

  “Scarlet, Evan was insane. He was angry. He wanted to take it out on someone. His theories weren’t true.” Alec begins to whisper, making me aware that we’re still in the hallway.

  We shuffle back into my room before continuing.

  “Evan was willing to murder all of these people on a theory.”

  I drop my gaze to the floor. I feel like I have to tell him. I bend down and grab my bag out from under my bed.

  “He had it all planned out before he died. Maps, blueprints, and this.” I unzip the bag. Alec looks at it, confused.

  “What is that?” he asks. His voice says he knows, but he’s hoping he’s wrong.

  “Evan’s bomb.”

  “Why do you have it?” I can’t tell if he’s mad or not.

  “He built it, but I’ve been planning this, fantasizing about it for weeks.” I admit. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me Alec. It got in my head and I’ve been obsessed with the idea of it. But I’m not going through with it. After I met Laura and Richard. After I met Christopher I changed my mind.” I try to redeem myself.

  “The idea of detonating a bomb on innocent people?” He begins to pace back and forth. “You’re right, that is insane. Evan made all of that stuff up Scarlet. He needed to blame somebody. Why would you even consider it? Bring a bomb here?”

  “I guess I needed somebody to blame too. I wanted somebody to pay and after Kat, I wanted it so much more.”

  “I knew you were hiding something.” he sighs. “A bomb Scarlet? If they find that, who knows what they’ll do.”

  “They won’t find it.” I reply. “I’ll find some way to get rid of it. I promise.”

  “I just…I can’t right now.”

  I watch as he walks out of the room, letting the door slam behind him.

  I sit on my bed, alone. The shame reveals itself to me again now that I’m sitting in silence. I don’t cry this time, though. I just stare. I stare emotionlessly at Evan’s bomb and I think. I wonder again how I became this, a person, so overrun with anger that she was willing to murder a bunch of people based on the theory of a madman.

  * * *

  I’ve been sitting in the same position throughout the whole night. I flip between feeling guilty and feeling empty. I feel almost like a robot now as I change into clean clothes. I pause and stare at myself in the mirror until I don’t like what I look like anymore.

  I open my door to see Christopher standing in front of it, his hand balled up like I caught him mid-knock.

  “Hey kid.” I force a smile. I wish I could genuinely feel happy to see him.

  “Mornin’.” he replies, chipper as always. “You missed dinner last night so I thought I’d come make sure you remembered when breakfast was.”

  “That’s very sweet Chris.” Even my voice sounds empty.

  “Thanks!” He beams. “C’mon, I’m starving.” He grabs my arm and pulls me down the hallway. I put a couple of pieces of fruit on my plate and join the others at their table.

  Sam is sitting next to Ally who doesn’t seem nervous around him anymore.

  Shark grabs my hand under the table.

  “That all you’re gonna eat?” Christopher asks, setting his plate on the table piled with waffles down across from me.

  I shrug, poking my fruit with a fork.

  “You alright Scarlet?” Ty asks.

  I look at him and he nods, like a look into my eyes was all he needed to know.

  Alec grunts quietly. I can feel his eyes on me. I refuse to meet his gaze.

  “I’m just not hungry is all.” I shrug again. Hoping that the others will return to eating in peace.

  Suddenly, Alec stands up, grabs his dish and leaves the table. My eyes follow him as he dumps his plate and storms out of the room. I shudder as the door slams shut.

  I begin to stand up, but Shark holds me back, shaking his head.

  “What’s with him?” Kevin asks. Rolling his eyes slightly.

  “Just Alec being Alec.” Ally replies. I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, hoping that when I open them, I won’t feel this guilt anymore. It doesn’t work.

  “Yup, Alec being Alec.” I mumble. Clearing my place and leaving the room.

  “Hey.” Shark follows me out of the cafeteria.

  I can’t look at him. I begin to walk down the hallway, ignoring that he’s following close behind.

  “Scarlet stop!” he calls after me. I’m not even sure where I’m going. I just know I don’t want to deal with this right now. “Scarlet, I know.”

  I freeze. Know what? What does he know? He catches up to me, grabbing my upper arm gently.

  “I know about the bomb.” he whispers. His warm breath lingers on my ear, the word “bomb” echoing in my head.

  “Alec.” I sigh. I wait for him to say something. Wait for him to tell me what Alec told him.

  “He told me what happened yesterday.” He confirms. “But I already knew.”

  “You did? How?” I ask.

  “I can’t explain that right now.” He looks at the floor.

  “I have—” I lower my voice, “I have a bomb lying under my bed right now.” Saying it out loud is different. I can’t catch my breath anymore. I grab my chest.

  “Okay, okay. Come on.” He grabs my hand, looking around to make sure nobody heard us. He leads me into his room, quietly closing the door behind us.

  “Shark, I have a bomb under my bed.” I continue to hyperventilate.

  “Calm down. We’ll fix this. It will be fine.” He holds me, trying to calm me down. “I’ll take care of the bomb.”

  “If you get caught sneaking a bomb out of my room, who knows what they’ll do.” I reply.

  “I won’t get caught.” he argues. “Let me handle it. Scarlet, you can’t say another word about any of this.”

  “I won’t.” I promise. “But this is my mess, let me handle it.”

  “Would you stop being so stubborn?” he shouts. “Let me handle it before you get yourself shot. These people aren’t gonna mess around if they find out you have one of Evan’s bombs.”

  “What do you mean one of Evan’s bombs?�
�� I look at him.

  “I misspoke.” He rolls his eyes. “Can you just let me handle this before you get caught and killed for this? Please.”

  I glare at him. Maybe he did misspeak, but I just can’t help but feel like maybe he’s hiding something too.

  Why would he specify that it’s Evan’s? Does that mean something?

  “I said no Shark. I meant no.” I tell him firmly. I walk out of his room.

  I walk away, down the hall. I can’t get my mind off of it. There’s something he isn’t telling me. I can feel it.

  15

  Shark

  “A bomb?” I raise my eyebrows, trying to act like I didn’t already know about the bomb Scarlet’s been carrying with her all this time. The two of us stand across from each other in my room discussing Alec’s conversation with Scarlet from yesterday, just after we had all had a meeting about whether or not we should stay. I guess that Scarlet told Alec everything and as expected, Alec didn’t take it very well.

  “Yes Shark, a bomb.” Alec repeats himself impatiently.

  “How did we not know?”

  Alec shrugs, “I don’t know. She said she wasn’t going to use it. I don’t know Shark, I don’t trust that she won’t.”

  “Give her some credit Alec, she won’t kill all of these innocent people.”

  “You don’t know that! Scarlet’s lost her mind. Can’t you see that?”

  “She isn’t insane.”

  “How is this not insane? She wants to blow up this bunker because of something that Evan told her.”

  “She’s just upset.”

  “Just upset?” Alec scoffs. “Wake up man! She’s having some sort of weird mental breakdown. Because of that, she’s going to get us and everyone in this place killed..”

  I take a deep breath, raising my hand to rub the back of my neck. I know he’s right. Why can’t I admit that to him? I know how Scarlet can be, that when she’s determined she loses control over herself. That’s why I need to get the bomb from her. Before she snaps.

  “Shark,” he says, placing his hand gently on my shoulder, “she’s gone. Sane Scarlet has left the building and I’m not sure she’s ever coming back. We can try to stop her but you and I both know she won’t listen. I say we pack up the crew and leave before she brings us down with her.”