Anger swells in my stomach as I replay his words in my mind. I find myself grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and slamming his body hard against the wall. Heat rises to my cheeks as I breathe heavily through my clenched teeth. I don’t remember thinking that I was going to do that, it just happened.
“We can’t just leave her here! She’s just going through a lot, she’ll come back to her senses soon. She just watched somebody die Alec! And it broke her, it broke all of us. Leaving her would kill her.”
Alec kicks me in the groin causing me to drop him and stumble backwards, before I can block him his fist connects with my jaw sending a shock of pain through my whole head. I stare at him in shock. He steps closer to me and I flinch, though he doesn’t move to harm me.
“We’re all going through a lot right now Shark. But only one of us is considering murdering innocent people. Only one of us has been acting erratically since the day she showed up. I can’t watch out for her anymore. She’s on her own.”
“So you’re fine with leaving her to die?” I raise my voice. “Doesn’t she matter to you?”
“I tried Shark! We both tried. We were there for her. We watched out for her. I backed up every single one of her insane ideas back at the house. I have extended grace upon grace when she’s given me nothing but disrespect and defiance. She’s too far gone man. Give up. We can’t save her anymore.”
“Give up.” I scoff, “Just give up. And lose her like we lost Kat? We can’t let her destroy herself Alec and it’s not fair of you to ask me to. I know that you’re pissed that she didn’t tell you about the bomb, but this is why. Look at how you’re reacting.” I pause for a breath, stepping towards him. “It’s Scarlet. I can’t watch her implode, not after everything we’ve been through together. We can’t give up on her, not yet.”
Alec’s eyes meet with mine but quickly shift to the floor.
“If it were Ally, you would drag her out of this yourself. If she were the one falling apart and losing her grip, you would give yourself to save her. Hasn’t Scarlet earned her place as our family? I’ve seen the way you watch out for her as if she were your own blood. So help me save her, please. We don’t have much time left.”
“In my family, we don’t keep secrets.” he spits. “I love her Shark, I do. But I can’t help her anymore. You’re on your own.”
I silently plead with him one more time before I turn to leave for breakfast.
* * *
After breakfast and the conversation I had with Scarlet about the bomb, I find myself walking swiftly towards Richard and Laura’s bunk, hoping that they’ll be there. I run my hands nervously through my hair as I wait for somebody to answer the door.
“Finn,” Laura scans me up and down before opening the door further to let me in. “What’s wrong?”
“Is Richard here?” I ask. She nods, gesturing to the small dining area. Laura and Richard’s room is bigger than most because they’re Nathan’s family. I follow her to the square table and sit down across from Richard. He looks at me and raises an eyebrow. Laura sits beside me, holding my hand while I catch my breath.
“I couldn’t get it.” I tell him. “I tried but I failed. I slipped up Richard.” I can’t tell if he’s judging me for my weakness, but if he was, I wouldn’t blame him. I was trained for this. I’ve been a soldier since I was fourteen. And then this girl comes in and wrecks everything and I can’t pull off a simple mission anymore. Who am I? “And now Alec knows and he wants to leave her here without any protection from Nathan. What do I do? How do I fix this?”
“Take a deep breath sweetheart, calm down.” Laura squeezes my hand and looks to Richard.
“I’m losing her Laura, and I don’t know how to help her. I could see that she knew I was lying to her this morning.”
“She’s going through a lot, and so are you.” She comforts me. Richard studies me from across the table. “We’ll help you figure this out.”
“How did you slip up?” Richard finally asks.
“I told her I know she has Evan’s bomb. I specifically said ‘Evan’s bomb’. The look she gave me.” I shake my head. “I’m so stupid.”
“So she knows that you know. Is she going to let you handle it?”
“No, she wants to handle it herself. I don’t think I can convince her to let me help her. She’s not going to trust me after today.”
Richard pinches his lips together in thought, “Is she going to use it?”
“I don’t think so.”
“You don’t think so?” He stands from his place at the table and begins to pace. “Is there any chance that she’ll use it?”
I think for a long time. I know how irrational she can be. I remember my argument with Alec and my discussion with her. Richard stops pacing and makes eye contact with me.
“Maybe we should let her.” he says after examining my face. I tilt my head in confusion.
“I’m sorry? You want her to detonate the bomb? That would kill all of these people. It would kill her!”
“Not if we evacuate everyone first. Listen, Nathan hasn’t pitched finishing phase two to the government yet. All of the research needed is in this bunker and nowhere else. If we can destroy it with the bomb, which is the final piece. We can slow this whole operation down. Long enough to put an end to this. The East won’t have to suffer the way we did.”
“And Scarlet?”
“If you can get the bomb from her I may be able to put a timer on the bomb, giving her time to escape.”
“Why does she have to be the one to do it?”
“She doesn’t.” He shrugs. “But from what you’ve said, I don’t think she would let anyone else make that sacrifice. In her head, this is her battle not ours.”
I bite my lower lip before saying, “How am I supposed to get my hands on it?”
“Ask her nicely.”
I look down at my hands. This is nuts. She’d never let me take it from her and knowing Scarlet she would insist on pulling this stunt alone.
“Maybe the two of us could talk to her.” I suggest.
“Set up a meeting and I’ll be there.” he agrees. I smile weakly at him and stand from my chair. I open my mouth to say one last thing, but no words form so I just nod and turn to leave.
Laura follows me to the door.
“Finn.” I don’t respond. “Finn.” she repeats, grabbing my arm gently. I stop and turn to her, not meeting her gaze. “Honey, I know this is hard and I’m so sorry you and your friends are stuck in the middle.”
“It’s okay Laura.”
She touches my cheek gently, “Are you okay?”
I shrug weakly.
“Don’t shut down Finn, I know that’s what you want. But you can’t afford to do that now. Please let yourself feel, for your sake and for Scarlet’s. If you want to save her,” She moves her thumb gently along my cheek bone, “and I know that you do. You have to be present.” I reach up and hold her hand to my cheek, closing my eyes and breathing deeply. A lump forms in my throat and my eyes fill with tears. I blink them away, shaking my head.
“You don’t have to be strong in front of me.” I raise my eyes to look at her. “You’re my son. You can cry.” I try my best to offer her a smile but I can’t. My body shakes as she embraces me. I try to fight it, I don’t want to be weak, but I don’t know how to be strong now. I cry softly for a moment or two and then pull away.
“I have to go.” I finally say.
She nods, “We’re going to get through this. I love you Finn.”
I force a weak smile and nod in return, turning to leave.
I walk through the hallway, my eyes on the floor.
* * *
The evening comes quickly. I have a meeting with Nathan tonight, though he’s given me no clues as to what this is about. As I near his office my heart begins to pound against my chest, the same way it does everytime I’m close to him. Every time I meet with him, I wonder if I will walk out alive or be carried out in a body bag with a bullet hole in my
forehead.
I don’t bother knocking this time, the door is left slightly open.
“Finn,” Nathan nods at me in a greeting, “How have you been doing?”
“I’m well Nathan.” I respond, forcing myself to sound more confident than I actually am.
“Good. How is your mission going? Have we uncovered anything new about your friends?”
I shake my head, “No sir, no new information. They had a meeting a couple of days ago to discuss whether they should move on or not, but nothing suspicious was brought up.”
“And are they going to move on?” He raises an eyebrow.
“No, they’ve decided to stay longer.”
“Ah.” He frowns, “And your girlfriend? Scarlet. Any updates on her.”
I swallow hard, why did he call her my girlfriend? My head spins as I momentarily forget to reply to him.
“No sir,” I squeak, shaking my head, “I haven’t seen much of her recently.”
“So you aren’t keeping close tabs on her? Is that what you’re saying?”
I shake my head again.
“Because if she isn’t with you, then who knows what she could be up to. Plotting maybe? You said in your reports that she was prone to that kind of behaviour. Am I wrong?”
“She’s not plotting anything Nathan. She’s just adjusting.”
Nathan’s eyes narrow as he studies me. Can he tell I’m lying? Probably. He’s the one who taught me how to lie, and I never did master the skill. I find myself instinctively dropping my eyes to the floor. He huffs triumphantly.
“There’s something that you are not telling me.” He rests his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together and resting his chin on them. His eyes shift back and forth, scanning me. “We’ve talked about this Finn. I don’t like being lied to.”
“I’m not lying.” I snap.
“Why so defensive?”
“Maybe because I don’t like being accused, Nathan.” I spit. “Scarlet is not plotting against you, but if she was I wouldn’t blame her. You’re a power hungry psychopath. Who gave you the right to—” I cut myself off. I watch Nathan’s hand, fearing that it would go straight for the pistol in the left drawer of his desk. One shot, right in between my eyebrows and that would be it. Scarlet would truly be on her own.
“I’m sorry?” Nathan stands slowly from his seat. “I don’t appreciate the name calling Finn, seems rather disrespectful, don’t you think?”
“You don’t deserve my respect.” I swallow my fear and stand up. I’d never noticed before that I’m taller than him by a couple of inches. Compared to Nathan I’ve always felt small. He’s not as powerful as he seems.
Nathan yawns, “I’ll find out what she’s planning one way or another. You know I will.”
“If you go anywhere near her, you’ll be seeing Carrie a lot sooner than you thought.” I growl.
His hand goes for the pistol. Before I can think, I find myself diving over the desk, tackling him to the ground. He laughs in disbelief, the gun gripped tight in his right hand. I grab his wrist, slamming his hand into the floor until he releases his grip. His eyes grow wild with fear as I press the gun into his forehead. Fear, an emotion I was unaware that he had. I feel a grin spreading across my face, I have the power.
“You won’t shoot me.” he laughs through heavy breaths.
“Wanna bet?” My hand is surprisingly steady as my finger finds the trigger.
“Finn!” Laura startles me, running into the room. “What are you doing?”
I look at her.
Nathan uses the distraction to his advantage, his knee connects with my stomach, hard enough to make me roll off of him and onto the floor. He takes the gun from me as I cough, holding my stomach. I expect to feel a bullet ripping through my skull, but to my surprise, Nathan sets the gun down on the table. His eyes still locked on me, but the anger has dissipated slightly.
“That’s what I thought.” he chuckles. “You’re just as weak as the day you started training. Your parents would be disappointed in the coward you’ve become.” He smirks slightly and then turns to Laura. “Get him out of my office. We’ll discuss this more later.”
Laura helps me off of the floor and drags me out of Nathan’s office, slamming the door behind us.
* * *
I glare at the floor as Laura marches us down the hallway. A small part of me can’t help but feel triumphant, I’ve been dreaming of standing up to Nathan since my parents first sent me here. We come to my room. I open the door and walk to the bed without looking at Laura.
“Are you hurt?” she asks, her hands feeling over my face and arms for cuts or bumps.
I shake my head, “No, I’m not.”
“What the hell was that?” she finally says after looking me over one more time. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
“I’m just so tired of being afraid of him Laura. He has my friend’s lives in his maniacal hands. He has all the power and I hate it.”
“But you have to play it smart Finn. You can’t just lose it like that. He could have killed you, and then who would be protecting Scarlet? It sounds like your friends are ready to leave her here, you’re her last hope. Are you willing to sacrifice her?”
“No.” I choke out. Leave it to Laura to put these things into perspective. I should have controlled myself better. “But I had him. I could have pulled that trigger and—”
“And then what?”
“And then I would be the one with the power.” I reply. “I wouldn’t be helpless anymore because I would be the one calling the shots.” I think for a moment.
“Finn…”
“No! Don’t you get it? If he dies, we’re the ones in control. We won’t have to use the bomb, nobody else would get hurt. She would be safe along with everybody else.”
“And when they send people to investigate why Nathan hasn’t reached out? What then?”
“Once he’s gone, we can leave.”
“What about all of the plans? They would find them.”
“We can collect them and burn them.”
“We would never find them all. They’d make their way into the wrong hands eventually.”
“Well there has to be a better option Laura. Something that puts an end to this and keeps Scarlet alive.”
Laura stares at me for a long while, searching for something. Maybe just trying to find the right thing to say.
“What?” I finally ask her.
“Has it occurred to you that Scarlet doesn’t want to be alive?”
“What does that mean?”
“It just seems like she doesn’t. You need to consider the fact that she would rather do it the way Richard suggested.”
“She isn’t suicidal. She’s just impulsive. She probably hasn’t thought of another option. She doesn’t want to die.”
“Okay.” she sighs., “I believe you.”
“Do you?” I narrow my eyes. I can tell she doesn’t
Laura pinches her lips together and nods slowly.
“So, can we meet with Richard about the plan?” I change the subject
“I’ll talk to him, but I can’t make you any promises. Honey, there just isn’t enough time. We need to pull this off quick and get out of here.”
“Why? What’s the rush?”
“Cyrus is supposed to be meeting with Nathan sometime in the next month.
“Cyrus is coming here? That must mean that they’re about to follow through with the rest of phase two.”
Cyrus is Nathan’s boss. He’s the one that we turn all of our research in to. But we had assumed he wouldn’t be back for a while since Evan destroyed our plans.
“Which means that Nathan finished the research.” Laura says.
“No.” I shake my head. “He doesn’t have it yet. But he knows where he can get it.”
“Scarlet.” she confirms. Our panicked eyes meet. It takes everything in me to not cause a scene and run to Scarlet. I want to take her as far away from this place as I poss
ibly can.
“You stay here.” Laura walks towards the door. “I’ll talk to Richard and see what he says.” I nod, signalling that I agree to stay in my room until she returns. “I’m serious Finn. Do not go after him, stay here until we can figure something out.”
“I won’t.” I reply.
I flop down on the bed once she’s gone. Taking deep breaths to calm myself. I close my eyes and shortly after, find myself drifting into a shallow sleep.
* * *
The past few days have been filled with me keeping my head down and trying to negotiate a new plan with Richard and Laura. Richard is convinced that his way is the only way, his pride is going to get us all killed. Nathan hasn’t asked for a meeting with me yet, I’ve been waiting for something…anything to happen. If I wasn’t close with Laura, I would have been executed by now. Even though I am important to her, I’m surprised I’m still alive after attacking him like that.
Richard and I have been sitting at his table since early this morning trying to come to an agreement.
“This is the best way to be sure everything is destroyed before Cyrus gets here.” Richard argues. “His last message suggests he’ll be here within the week.”
“You can’t just sacrifice Scarlet like this Richard. You and I both know there’s a better way to go about this. If you’d just let me get my hands on him.” I squeeze Nathan’s imaginary neck, “We can end this and be gone before Cyrus gets here.”
“It isn’t that simple and you know it.”
“It is that simple Richard. Nobody else has to die.”
“I keep telling you that if you could get your hands one the bomb, I can set a timer on it.”
“Why do we have to use the bomb at all?”
“It’s the only way to be sure all of the research is destroyed.” he replies. He pauses to take a deep breath before saying, “Look, I told you. I will do it, it doesn’t have to be Scarlet but you know better than I do that she won’t go for it.”
Alone Page 16