The Burden of Desire

by Natalie Charles

  “Don’t be,” Ethan growled, handing her a green cotton handkerchief.

  Sarah wiped her mouth and blew her nose.

  “Here,” he whispered, pressing an opened bottle of water into her other hand as she slowly straightened up.

  Sarah nodded and slugged some of the deliciously cold water into her mouth and spat it out twice. The third time she drank deeply. Sarah felt Ethan’s strong, steadying arm around her waist as she slowly straightened. Her knees felt wonky and she fought to get her balance. Wiping her watering eyes with her shaking fingers, she looked up into his worried, shadowed face.

  “Bad night,” Sarah managed. Ethan picked up her helmet bag and kneeboard and urged her to slowly start walking toward Ops. She handed him the handkerchief, kept the water and walked beside him. Right now Sarah didn’t care if her CO, Major Donaldson, saw Ethan holding her or not. Anyway, at this time of night, everyone who could sleep, was doing just that. Ops was completely deserted except for those forced to be there to stand watch.

  “Master Chief Hunter called me to let me know you had a mission,” he told her. Sarah looked pale and Ethan wanted to do more to help her, but didn’t know what she might need. He’d never seen her react like this after coming off a medevac flight.

  Sarah leaned wearily against his broad shoulder, soaking in Ethan’s quiet strength. “Master Chief Hunter has our back,” she said, her voice husky.

  “It sounded like all hell was breaking loose when you landed at that FOB.”

  Rolling her eyes, Sarah said, “We went from one wounded to three wounded. It was pretty bad, Ethan. One of my worse flights. Tait did good. We had Taliban skirting our position and he knelt at the door with his .45, firing at them. He took out two of them.”

  “I don’t care about Tait,” he growled, giving her a small squeeze. “I’m concerned about you.” She nodded and he saw her slightly pouty lower lip tremble. Ethan knew she was experiencing an adrenaline crash.

  “Just get me to a briefing room in Ops so I can get the damned report written up on this flight. I’m almost falling over, I’m so damned tired.”

  He heard the exhaustion in Sarah’s voice. Opening the door to Ops, which was empty except for an Air Force sergeant at the flight desk, he took Sarah over to one of the three rooms used by pilots to write up and file their reports. The fluorescent light made her look wan, her skin stretched tight across her high cheekbones. Compressing his lips, he said, “Want some more water?”

  “Yes. I didn’t get to drink as much water as I should have on the flight.” She wrinkled her nose and sat down. Ethan walked out of the small room, which had a long table and six chairs, into Ops to find her more cold, bottled water. There was a machine near the flight desk and he dropped in the coins and retrieved two of them.

  Sarah looked up when Ethan returned and placed the bottle of water in front of her. He was a SEAL; she never heard him coming unless he wanted her to become aware of his presence. “Thanks,” she murmured, watching as he sat down opposite her, his hard face mirroring concern for her. Ethan’s gray eyes were large and wide-spaced. He couldn’t hide anything from her and he didn’t even try. That was what amazed Sarah. Her experience with men up to meeting Ethan had been negative. She was glad he was open and vulnerable with her. To the outside world, he was a badass SEAL, a communications specialist and shooter in the platoon. To her, he had stepped into her life and changed it forever. In the best of ways.

  She put her pen aside and opened the bottle of water. The sides of the bottle were wet and beaded and felt good against her fingertips. As she drank, Sarah felt her stomach beginning to settle down and she placed the bottle on the table. “Did I tell you yet that I love you? And I’ve missed you terribly today?”

  His hunterlike eyes narrowed upon her, which made her heart quicken. His chiseled mouth, a mouth she would never tire of kissing, drew into a one-cornered grin. Ethan was six feet tall, lean and ripped. The cammies he wore hid his magnificent body from the world, but Sarah knew his body intimately. He lifted his hand and slid it across the table to squeeze her fingers.

  “This is a very special hell we live in,” he told her wryly, reluctantly releasing her. They could not be caught showing affection to one another. That was just how the military worked. “I’m sitting here wishing we could be at Emma and Khalid Shaheen’s villa near Kabul. Be in our suite for the night.” His voice turned gritty. “And if we were, I’d undress you, take you to the shower with me and make you forget all about that mission.”

  Just one look into those stormy gray eyes of his and her body reacted to him. She’d never met a man who could arouse such a need for sex like he could. There was a sensual, smoldering look in his eyes. Sarah smiled a little, picking up the pen.

  “Makes two of us, but idealism and dreams aren’t a priority when we’re in combat.”

  Grunting, Ethan sat back in his chair, simply watching Sarah’s gleaming black hair, the ends softly turning up around her shoulders. Her incredible blue eyes, the color of calved glaciers, never ceased to make his heart start to pound and his body tighten hotly with desire for her. “I’m an optimist. We’re going to have to find some way to get over to Bagram.”

  Their schedules always conflicted, adding another layer of frustration on Ethan. Sarah’s lips parted as she looked over at him. She had the most incredible mouth. The upper lip was full, but the lower lip was slightly pouty. He felt raw heat crawling through his lower body like some kind of wild animal howling to be released. There wasn’t any part of her that didn’t turn him on. Some of the color was coming back to her face, her blue eyes no longer so cloudy.

  “I’m all for it.” And then Sarah gave him a wicked look. “I’m really wanting you in my bed, Ethan. Getting to see you and the guys at the chow hall, or when I can make it over to SEAL HQ, just isn’t cutting it.”

  Her cheeks flushed, a glint coming to her eyes. They spoke in soft tones, knowing the rooms had thin walls. Neither wanted anyone to overhear. “Angel, this table is looking damned good.”

  Laughing quietly, Sarah returned to writing her report. “You wouldn’t.”

  “You don’t challenge a SEAL. Not only do they live for a challenge, they’re going to win at it.” Ethan gave her a dark, heated look.

  Sarah grinned. In the SEALs, it always paid to be a winner and every one of them was competitive by nature. “I know that, but tonight, it feels really good to tease you. It’s better than what was happening an hour ago.” The mission continued to recede in her memory. Ethan had the power to make the world of combat go away and she was more than grateful.

  “Then you can tease this animal. I want to see you smile. I want to see that look in your eyes.”

  The idea was provocative, Sarah had to admit. And she enjoyed challenging Ethan because he got feral and SEAL-like. To anyone but her, he looked hard and dangerous, the kind of man you would never think twice about tangling with. He had that look now, the alpha male wolf wanted his mate. Well, she wanted him, too.

  Ethan had coaxed her femininity to life. She was learning to appreciate her body, the pleasures involved with it and sharing it all with him. Right now Sarah felt her womb clench with that silent lust-filled look he gave her. She could feel her breasts tightening, her nipples hardening beneath the flight suit she wore.

  “Even talking about it is a turn on,” she griped unhappily. “I just wish there was some place to go on Bravo where we could...well...you know?”

  Ethan nodded
. “I know....”

  Even though she was twenty-nine years old, Sarah had had few partners until he’d crashed into her life. Her traumatic childhood, being sexually abused by one of her foster fathers, had fractured her soul. Somehow, and Ethan still couldn’t explain it, he’d been able to lift those walls she hidden behind, gain her trust and watch his fierce love for Sarah open her up like a beautiful flower who was in the process of blooming. An intense respect for Sarah’s courage, for her bravery to confront her horrific past, made Ethan love her even more. And to be able to sit here and tease her about sex was just another petal of herself opening. Sarah trusted him with herself, her heart and her incredibly loving body. Ethan knew she was a gift to him in every possible way.

  “Where did you go?” Sarah teased, looking up from her report.

  “What?”

  “You left, Ethan. Where’d you go? I can see it in your eyes.”

  Sheepishly grinning, he said, “Just thinking of how damned sweet it would be to undress you, lay that flight suit of yours on the table, pick you up, put you on top of it and...”

  She shook her head, writing some more. “Is that all you ever think about?”

  Ethan gave her a smug look. “Like you weren’t thinking about it, too?”

  “Well, not here!”

  He chuckled. “Angel, making love to you anywhere would be nirvana.”

  The gritty tone of his voice rifled through Sarah, made her forget the horrors of the mission. Ethan had that effect on her. No matter how bad her day or night went, he could pull her into his arms, and the sordid world went away. “I’m still exploring possibilities, Quinn. I’m not sure a table is...well...very appealing.”

  “Trust me, you don’t know what you’re missing by not using a table.”

  Sarah sighed. “I’m such a neophyte.”

  “You’re innocent,” Ethan drawled good-naturedly, “but I’m enjoying showing you all the ways we can love one another.”

  Sarah snorted and scowled. “I’m hardly innocent!”

  Ethan grinned. “Innocence is not age determined. And there’s nothing wrong with being that way, Sarah. I like exploring you, showing you about your own, beautiful body, sharing all of that with you.” And the few times they had been able to be together, to love one another, Ethan would lie awake after they made love and as Sarah slept, simply watch her in his arms, her innocence so much a part of her.

  Looking around the room, Sarah growled, “The way I feel right now, Ethan, even this table is starting to look good to me.” His eyes became stormy gray as if he were considering it. “The problem is...well...you know,” and she shook her head, backing off from her bold statement.

  “Like I said,” he admitted, “we live in a very special hell of ‘look but don’t touch.’” Except when Emma or Khalid invited them to stay overnight at their villa. As a military couple, they understood what it was like to be in love and have no privacy. Ethan was grateful for their consideration toward him and Sarah.

  Signing off on the report, Sarah muttered, “There. I’ll push this under Major Donaldson’s door and be done with it.” She took another drink of water and stood up.

  Sarah loved looking at Ethan. There was a feeling of coiled tension around him, along with the lust burning in his eyes, for her alone. Sarah was still getting used to it all. “I need a shower,” she griped. The women’s showers were in the center of the camp, a small brick building.

  “I’ll take you over and play guard dog,” Ethan said, standing. He walked over to the door and locked it. Turning around, he wrapped her in his arms.

  “The least we’re getting out of this is a kiss,” he whispered against her lips, hauling her tightly against him. Moving his mouth softly across Sarah’s lips, he heard a delicious moan rise in her slender throat. Her luscious body, filled with curves and softness, melted against his harder angles. She tasted of clean water, her lips opening eagerly, her hands sliding around his neck, straining to get as close as she could to him.

  Ethan’s nostrils flared as he inhaled her unique, womanly scent. It was sweet and drove him wild with hunger. The silk of her hair tickled his jaw as he brushed his mouth across her lips, welcoming Sarah home. Welcoming her back to him. He captured her face with his long, spare fingers and, as he eased from her mouth, saw her cheeks flush. Sarah’s drowsy blue eyes opened, and Ethan felt his soul melting into hers. Her breath was as shallow and uneven as his. He tunneled his fingers through her soft, silky black hair, watched her lashes fall closed beneath the massaging pleasure of his fingertips. The move exposed her slender neck and he leaned over, tasting her flesh, hearing those soft, pleasurable sounds vibrate in her throat, pressing her body more insistently against his. Sarah smelled good, tasted good.

  Releasing her hair, Ethan caressed her lips, opening them, moving his tongue inside, needing to feel her heat, that fire he knew that smoldered so hotly within her. A desperate mewl came from her as he touched her tongue. He was in such trouble, deep trouble, if he didn’t stop now. Ethan was so damned hard, he ached.

  He drew his mouth from hers, sliding his hand down her long, supple spine, caressing her hip, bringing her tight against him, to feel his erection. “Dammit,” he breathed roughly against her temple, kissing her, feeling her hair tickle his face, “I’d give my right arm to have somewhere to make love to you, Sarah.” Ethan knew she’d never consent to use that table. They were too exposed to someone walking in on them. He wasn’t ever going to put her into that position.

  Sarah felt his frustration. “Let’s look at our schedules again.”

  His large hand splayed out across her hips, his hardness pressing deep into her belly, making her contract. Her breathing was uneven as she felt his kisses from her temple to her cheek. This time Ethan’s mouth curved powerfully against hers, a man claiming his woman. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world to be loved. To finally belong to someone who cherished her as Ethan did.

  Tearing his mouth from hers, his eyes glinting with raw lust, Ethan muttered, “You think your flight schedule’s changed since the last time we looked at it?”

  Sarah managed a whispery laugh. “No, but maybe if we look at it long enough, it might magically change?”

  How Ethan wished. Her CO, Major Donaldson, was giving Sarah fewer days off than the male pilots in her squadron. Not only that, he was assigning her more standby time. That meant she was on duty, had a helicopter at her disposal for anyone who needed it and her services during that twenty-four-hour cycle.

  “Tell you what. I’m going to use a little SEAL magic and see if we can’t get a day off together.”

  Sarah sighed and drowned in his narrowed gray eyes. “Uh-oh,” she whispered, a grin tugging at her mouth as she stepped out of his arms. “Winners win and losers lose.” It was another SEAL saying, and judging by the feral look on Ethan’s face, he wasn’t going to lose this one.

  Copyright © 2014 by Lindsay McKenna

  ISBN-13: 9781460327715

  THE BURDEN OF DESIRE

  Copyright © 2014 by Natalie Charles

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