Unworthy Heart: The Donnellys, Book 1

by Dorothy F. Shaw

  No matter what, she always stayed in control. Her cheeks burned from embarrassment. Giving in like she had freaked her out. Whether she enjoyed it at the time didn’t matter either. Who the fuck did he think he was anyway? Some sort of dominant-pounding-his-chest-alpha-male type she’d read about in romance books? Like hell. Mr. Ryan Donnelly was nothing but a Porsche-driving pretty boy. Freaking typical snob!

  For damn sure nothing she wanted.

  Growing up like she did, in a decrepit old trailer on the outskirts of Vegas, had hardened Maiya. Her mother was always absent. Her father? What father. Maiya was self-made. She took orders from no one. Not bikers, not musicians, and sure as shit not some stiff shirt from work. The fact she’d graduated high school and earned a bachelor’s degree from community college had been a miracle.

  Now, at twenty-nine, she had a career, a nice home and badass car. A life—a hella good one at that—and no intention of throwing it down the drain for some too-high-and-mighty guy from work.

  Not. Happening.

  Pushing open the door to her hotel room, Maiya set her things down and ordered room service, then set up her laptop to finish the analysis on the project. She’d be up past midnight getting all this crap done. Not wanting to talk to anyone, she signed into the work instant messaging system in “invisible” status. She settled at the small oak desk in the hotel with her room service dinner and glass of wine, and worked.

  About thirty minutes and an emptied glass of wine later, she noticed Ryan online. She focused on his green status light and visions flashed before her eyes: him kissing her fingers, her lips. Her body on fire for him. She shivered, but then agitation rolled through her.

  Tossing down her napkin, Maiya got up and paced behind the desk chair. She should message him, but had no idea what to say. They hadn’t had sex, not real sex anyway. It was fake, clothes-on sex, resulting in one amazing orgasm for her. And now, she couldn’t even bring herself to talk to him in IM. How the hell would she face him in the office tomorrow? What a fucking mess.

  Resuming her seat, she changed her IM status to red. Now he’d know she was online, but busy. He’d be working on the project too. At least she hoped so. If he needed her, he could at least ping her.

  An hour and a half, and another glass of Chardonnay later, she’d located the info she needed to cover the miss on the project, and then prepared a report to email Ryan. The wine settled warmly in her veins, reducing her agitation, and she decided to IM him before sending the note. Pulling up the chat window, Maiya stared at it. Dammit. Her internal warning bell clanged as loud as Big Ben’s citywide tolling. She should stay away from him. Nothing good would come from pursuing this further.

  Guys like Ryan weren’t interested in women like her: a chick from the wrong side of the tracks. It was safer with the guys she was used to. Ryan would fuck her until he had his fill and then cast her aside. And who needed that? Typical. Yeah, she was the typical one, like he said.

  Maiya set her fingers on the keyboard to type out a message…and Ryan signed off—his green status light changing to gray. Relief blanketed her mind. Leaning back, she moved the computer onto her lap and went back to the email she’d started. It contained only the bare facts, and once the report was attached, she hit Send.

  Maiya wandered into the bathroom and peeled off her work clothes. She turned on the water for a bath and her cell phone dinged.

  Ryan.

  Spinning to bolt from the room, Maiya’s feet tangled in the bathmat on the marble floor. With her body in full motion, momentum propelled her forward and she almost faceplanted into the wall opposite the doorway. Feeling pretty damn stupid at her schoolgirl-with-a-crush reaction, she sucked in a strangled breath and walked, in an adult fashion, the rest of the way to her phone. “Fucking. Hell.”

  Frustration swarmed in Ryan’s mind when he read the email from Maiya. He retrieved his cell from the kitchen counter. Once back in the family room, Ryan planted his butt on the couch and typed out a text message thanking her. Staring at the unsent message, he didn’t know if he was pleased with her for taking the time to finish the research, or agitated because she obviously was able to focus…and he wasn’t. Damn her.

  It was a testament to her work ethic though. She hadn’t gotten so far up the corporate ladder without being able to get the job done. At the last minute he added to the message, inquiring if she was okay. He hit Send and waited. After a few tense minutes, his phone beeped.

  Maiya: You’re welcome. And… I’m not sure.

  Ryan: I’m sorry. You want to talk?

  Maiya: Again, not sure.

  Ryan: What would it take to convince you? *wags brows*

  Lying down, he stretched out on the couch. Unsure of what he was doing, yet knowing full well he, again, wouldn’t stop himself.

  Maiya: Knock it off. LOL

  Ryan: Ah, an “LOL.” Are you smiling now?

  Maiya: You’re a pain in my ass.

  Ryan: Speaking of ass, yours is damn fine.

  This was like a runaway train. Tragedy was the only destination on the schedule, but he was determined to stay on the ride anyway.

  Maiya: LOL. Um, thanks?

  Ryan: Haha, I’m serious. So, what are you wearing?

  Maiya: Nothing. You?

  He stared at her answer for a moment, his mouth dry. Then he typed the next message.

  Ryan: Woman, that’s hot. I’m still dressed. Send me a pic. I need to confirm if the rumors about your many tattoos are true.

  Maiya: No fucking way! LOL And we are NOT talking about my many tattoos. ;-P

  He chuckled. She wouldn’t send him a picture, but he wanted to see what she’d come back with. Her answer wasn’t a surprise—though he did want to know about her tattoos. She rarely talked about them. Some of the guys in the office had plenty of ideas about what they could be, or how many she actually had.

  Screw it, Ryan hit “call contact” on the screen and waited for her to answer.

  Maiya stared at the phone ringing in her hand and her heart leaped into her throat. She covered her forehead with her palm, sucked in a breath and answered. “Hey.”

  “I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”

  Pulling the blankets back on the bed, she climbed in. “Why wouldn’t I?”

  “I don’t know. Just wasn’t sure.”

  She listened to him breathing on the other end of the line for what felt like forever. Pulling up her big-girl panties, she broke the awkward silence between them. “I’m sorry about before.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Ryan—”

  “Listen, Maiya, forget about it okay? I mean…it’s all good. We still have to work together.”

  There was some rustling in the background. “What are you doing?”

  He cleared his throat. “Hmm? Oh, I’m getting naked.”

  Visions of what his hard, naked body might look like flashed before her eyes and she bolted upright in the bed. “Fuck. Really?”

  “Yes.”

  She coughed and pulled the mental e-brake, forcing the thoughts of his body to pass right by. “I think… I think I have to go.” Don’t think about what his chest might look like, or his ass. Or…shit.

  “Do you?”

  “Um.” She got to her feet. This is such a bad idea. “Yes, I do. I need to go.”

  “Well, if you’re sure.”

  “I don’t— I can’t do this, Ryan. We shouldn’t…” She paced next to the bed. “I can’t. My job.”

  “I know,” he whispered. “My job too, Maiya.”

  A chill zipped down her spine, and not because she was naked. She walked into the bathroom and turned off the running water. “I like you, Ryan. Under other circumstances, maybe.” She grabbed a towel, set it on the floor beside the tub and stepped into the hot water.

  “I like you too, Maiya. Wait…is that wate
r I just heard?”

  “No. Yes. Shit.” Hang up. Hang up the phone!

  “Are you in the bath?” Amazement dripped from his tone.

  She bit her bottom lip and didn’t answer.

  “You’re in the bathtub right now, aren’t you? Answer me.” He exhaled. Loud and sounding quite frustrated.

  “Yes. Did you just…growl?” Maiya let out a resigned sigh. Once again, she’d given in to his demands. Regardless of whether or not she wanted to. Why did she keep doing that? And why did it feel so good to know it flustered, and pleased him in ways she couldn’t even begin to fathom?

  “You are going to be the death of me. Is your hair up?”

  She touched the scrunchie holding her hair at the top of her head. “What? Why do you— Oh hell.” She needed to end this right now. “Good night, Ryan. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  “Mmm. Good night, Maiya.”

  The call disconnected, and she stared at the screen for a second before tossing it onto the towel next to the tub. There were two more days left of the trip. Friday. Just have to make it to Friday. Then she’d go home and everything would go back to normal.

  She’d have to avoid him though. Maiya slumped in the hot water, contemplating the impossibility of the idea. How to work with him and avoid him at the same time was not going to be easy. She should just sleep with him. A little bump between the sheets. Or in the car. Or in the shower. Or on the— Stop!

  Truth was she couldn’t just sleep with him, because…shit. Because she liked him. She liked him a little too much. Worse, their sexual chemistry was four-alarm-fire hot. She’d end up getting attached, and then hurt.

  Maiya rubbed her forehead, the effects of the two glasses of wine making their appearance. Her head throbbed, but she had a feeling the ache had more to do with Ryan than the wine.

  Casual sex had never been a problem for her, ever. However, sex with Ryan would never be casual. Maiya faced an emotional fork in the road. Sinking lower in the tub, she let the warmth swirl around her. Without a doubt, if she made the wrong choice it would take her life from simple and smooth to difficult and bumpy.

  Just make it to Friday. Maiya closed her eyes. Friday was an eternity away.

  Chapter Eight

  The next morning, Ryan stood at his kitchen window, coffee mug in hand, peering out at the wooden play gym he’d built for his son.

  Jacob would be home on Friday.

  Fatigue weighed heavy in his body, as if he’d been up all night on baby patrol. Suspended somewhere between semi-sleep and complete consciousness, he dreamed of Maiya. At one point, he rolled over in bed and swore her scent was on his sheets.

  Maiya would go home on Friday.

  Heaviness settled in his chest, and he rubbed the spot. One day wasn’t much time. A befuddled mess of confusion filled his mind. What did he think? He’d get her in bed for a one-night stand and then move on? There was way too much on the line to be playing around like that.

  He’d see her today, or maybe he wouldn’t. Of course, he could avoid her altogether and work from home. Coward. He coughed, and then downed the last of his coffee. He needed to be a man about the situation. No sex with Maiya—no nothing with Maiya. The heaviness in his chest increased and he cringed. Did he really want nothing with Maiya?

  He rolled the question around in his mind on his drive to work, tasted it with his tongue. It was bitter. If he was honest, he wanted something with her. But what with a woman like her though? The idea terrified him.

  So much to lose. So much to gain. But…what if?

  The office buzzed with loud voices and random phones ringing. Ryan walked to his cube, glancing into his neighbors’ cubicles along the way. Family pictures, plants or little cartoon jokes pinned to the gray cloth walls decorated nearly all of them.

  Ryan had no personal pictures displayed. No one at work even knew he had a child. Landing this job, and all the opportunity it offered, including the salary, had been exactly what he needed for a fresh start. Call him old fashioned, but he didn’t want his being a single parent to limit his chances of rising in the ranks. Companies were far more understanding where women were concerned in regards to single parenting. It was less of an oddity these days for men; still, he didn’t want to risk it.

  He stared at his bland cubicle walls while his PC started up. A few business certifications and awards were pinned up, and a calendar displaying various racing Porsches—the calendar being the one thing showing even a hint of his personality.

  Ryan Donnelly: all business, straight-laced, reliable and, most of all, in control.

  “Hey.”

  He swiveled in his chair and met Maiya’s gaze. “Good morning.”

  “Morning. We have a meeting in conference room six-sixty-four.” She leaned forward into his cube, both arms spread out and braced on the portable walls of the entrance.

  His skin went tight, tingling all over. Were her eyes this light yesterday? He stood and stepped up to her. “When?” He studied her irises. Today they looked pale hazel with flecks of green and gold surrounding the pupil. “God, your eyes are beautiful.”

  “Thanks.” Her lips quirked into a meek smile. “In ten minutes.” Raising her hand, she adjusted his tie.

  Snatching her hand, he cupped it between both of his and kissed her knuckles. “Have dinner with me tonight?”

  “Ryan, stop.” She looked down the hall stretching to the left and right behind her. “Someone’s gonna see.”

  She tried to pull her hand away but he held fast to it. “Say yes.” He kissed her fingers again. “Please?”

  “Ryan, come on.” Maiya pinned him with a stare and lowered her voice. “Nothing good can come from this.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.” He tilted his head to the side. “Come to dinner with me. We’ll talk.”

  “I’ll think about it.” She tugged her hand free. This time he let her. “I’ll see you at the meeting. Don’t be late.”

  Maiya hurried away from Ryan’s cube, praying no one had noticed them together. What the hell did he think he was doing? “Dinner? Pfft,” she mumbled and rushed to the office she used while in town. No way. Not going.

  Her fingers still tingled from where his soft lips had kissed them. Why in God’s name had she reached and adjusted his tie? Her heart thudded in her ears and she stepped into her temporary office, closing the door behind her.

  The man was relentless.

  The aroma of clean soap with a slight hint of cologne had funneled through her airway and deep into her lungs when he’d stepped close. Without giving her body permission, she breathed in, taking in his scent, and then held it tight in her lungs as she stared into his sparkling eyes. He looked at her with complete longing, like he wanted her. Really wanted her.

  Decisions, decisions. She glanced at the motivational print hanging on the opposite wall. A man stood, rock-climbing gear loaded on his body, staring at a huge mountain in the distance. The quote read, “Don’t let fear keep you from accomplishing your dreams.”

  She pressed her hand to her pounding chest. The universe was turning against her. “Jesus, I need a cigarette.” Work. It was time for work, not time to smoke. Grabbing her notepad and pencil, she exited her office and headed for the conference room. She had a whole hour to stare at him across the table and contemplate her next move.

  On her way down the corridor, Jodi fell in beside her. “Hey, girl.”

  “Hey, Jodi. Ready?”

  “Yes, ma’am, let— Whoa, are you okay?” Jodi put her hand on Maiya’s arm, halting their forward motion.

  Maiya blinked. “Fine. Why?”

  “Uh, uh. You are so not fine. Your cheeks are flushed and you look a little frazzled.”

  “Come on. We’re going to be late.” Maiya walked forward.

  Jodi kept pace while still holding Maiya’s arm. “Did something happen with Rya
n?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Something happened. I knew it.” Jodi let out a squeal. “When were you going to tell me?”

  “I do not want to talk about it.” Maiya clamped her mouth closed, gritting her teeth.

  “Oh my God. Did you have sex with him?”

  They approached the conference room door, and Maiya stopped short, shooting her friend a glare. “Jodi!”

  “What? Come on, Maiya. Promise me you’ll tell me after the meeting. We’ll go downstairs, get a coffee and smoke.” Jodi’s face beamed with excitement and she bounced into the conference room, pulling Maiya with her.

  “Maybe,” Maiya muttered and they took their seats.

  And there he was. Ryan sat opposite from her and met her gaze the second her butt landed in the chair. Maiya swallowed past the bowling-ball-sized lump in her throat and tried to focus. Nervous energy thrummed through her body.

  She spent the first thirty minutes doodling on her notepad. Every time she dared to glance his way, her heart raced and she couldn’t keep her feet still. The high-heel of her shoe started a tap, tap, tap on the carpet, ignoring her mind’s orders to quit. Shifting in her seat, crossing and uncrossing her legs, she was desperate to keep one foot planted on the ground.

  Jodi rested her hand on Maiya’s leg, stilling its bounce. Maiya knocked her hand away and Jodi smothered a giggle behind her palm.

  Ryan spoke, relaying the causes of how the campaign suffered a flaw in the designs, and what solutions were being put in place to execute a fix. His words were a muffled blur in her ears because his mouth was the only thing she focused on. She knew how his lips felt on her skin and breasts. Her nipples hardened and she shifted again in her seat, uncrossing and re-crossing her legs. The fire she’d prayed had died ignited again. Dammit. Who was she kidding? It was hopeless. She was hopeless, and may as well give in.

  “Care to add anything, Maiya?” Ryan asked.

  “Hmm? Oh! Um, yes.” For God’s sake, she was too distracted. “Thanks, Ryan.” She straightened in her seat and added a few comments to the mix. The meeting adjourned not long after, thank God.