Unworthy Heart: The Donnellys, Book 1

by Dorothy F. Shaw

  “Why’d you leave, Ryan?” Her voice sounded timid. As if she wasn’t sure she was ready to hear the reason.

  He paused, contemplating how best to explain. He got his answer when he heard the front door open. “The reason just got home. Excuse me a moment.” Not waiting for a response, he left the room and headed for the front door.

  Nothing like ripping the bandage off, right? He neared the entrance and Jacob jumped into his arms, squealing.

  “Hi, Daddy!”

  “Hey, little man. So glad you’re home.” He squeezed his son and then kissed his mother on the cheek. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Sorry we’re late, honey. Traffic was horrible.” She set Jacob’s bag inside the door. “I have to go, Dad’s waiting. Looks like the rain’s going to be here for the night.”

  Thank God, she wasn’t staying. He wouldn’t have to introduce her to Maiya too. One person at a time.

  “Run upstairs and get your jammies on.” He put Jacob down. “Thanks, Mom.”

  “Wait a minute there.” His mother tugged at Jacob’s T-shirt. “Give Nana a kiss and hug, tiger.”

  Jacob wrapped his little arms around her neck and kissed her cheek. “Thank you, Nana. Love you.”

  “Love you too!” She faced Ryan and Jacob ran up the stairs. “All right, honey. Enjoy your weekend.” She kissed Ryan on his cheek and turned to leave. “Call me.”

  “Sure thing.” He shut the front door and then hollered up the stairs. “Come down to the kitchen when you’re done, little man.”

  Maiya waited in silence at the table, listening to the voices in the other room. She swore she heard a child’s voice, and a woman too, but figured it must be one of Ryan’s nieces or nephews.

  “Hey,” she said when Ryan came back into the kitchen. “Did you need me to get out of your hair?”

  “No—well, I’ll leave that up to you to decide.” He opened the freezer and took out a carton of ice cream. “Do you like ice cream sodas?”

  “Yes. Wait. Back up. What do you mean let me decide?”

  “You’ll see.” He pulled three mugs from the cupboard.

  “Are you babysitting tonight or something?”

  “Not exactly.”

  A little boy with sandy, light-brown hair came walking in the room dressed in a set of Sponge Bob pajamas. The child glanced at her before focusing on Ryan. “Are we still having ice cream sodas, Daddy?”

  Daddy? Whoa… What. The. Fuck.

  Maiya stood.

  “Sure are, little man. C’mere, there’s a friend I’d like you to meet.”

  The little boy turned and faced her, his eyes wide as though he hadn’t noticed her a moment ago. He tilted his head to the side. Was he sizing her up? Then he smiled.

  “Jacob, this is Miss Maiya. She’s a friend from work. Go shake her hand.”

  She looked from Jacob’s sweet face to Ryan’s handsome one. Shock settled heavy in her mind like a brick. Holy fucking shit. Maiya blinked and shook her head, and then focused on Jacob’s face again.

  Ryan Donnelly had a son.

  The little boy blushed and tugged on Ryan’s shirtsleeve. Ryan knelt on one knee. “What is it, little man?”

  Jacob leaned toward Ryan’s ear and whispered something she couldn’t hear.

  Ryan squeezed the child’s shoulder. “Yup, you’re right.” He stood. “Don’t be rude. Go say hello.”

  Maiya stayed still while the scene played out. She didn’t want to move—afraid she might alter the moment in some way. It was all too damn surreal. Ryan had a son. Does anyone else know?

  “I’m not rude, Daddy.” The little boy frowned and moved forward and stretched out his small hand. “I’m Jacob.”

  Oh my God, how adorable was this kid? He had the brightest set of green eyes she’d ever seen. Bending forward, she took Jacob’s warm palm in hers. “Nice to meet you, Jacob. I’m Maiya.”

  He blushed. “Are you going to stay for ice cream? Daddy makes the bestest ice cream sodas.”

  She looked up at Ryan who was back at the counter loading each mug with ice cream. “Looks that way.” She smiled at Jacob. “It’s okay? I don’t want to intrude.”

  Jacob shrugged and shifted his little hips. “I guess.”

  She straightened and the little boy ran off into what must be a family room. A moment later the distant sound of the TV flowed into the room.

  Ryan grabbed a bottle of soda from the refrigerator. “Like I said, up to you if you want to stay or not.”

  “Does anyone at work know?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  He poured soda into each mug. “It’s complicated.”

  She stepped closer and leaned against the counter next to him. What the hell was complicated about telling people he had a child? “Are you divorced?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  “Jesus Christ, you’re married?”

  “God no…” His grimaced. “We were never married.”

  A wave of relief spread through her and she blew out a breath, and ran a hand over the top of her head. Thank God for that at least.

  “Do you still see her? Does Jacob see her?” She couldn’t stop the questions from tumbling out. “Do you love her?” She slapped a hand over her mouth. Jeez, Maiya, shut up!

  He clasped her hand and pulled it away from her mouth. Pressing her fingers to his lips, he shook his head. “No. No. And, no.”

  Maiya glanced at his lips, and then back to his eyes. God, she loved his lips. Remembering what they felt like against her own made her knees go weak. They stood there a moment, caught in each other’s gaze. A small space separated them, and if he took one single step forward, their bodies would meet. A desperate need to feel those lips again rose inside her. Maiya wanted him to move closer.

  The spell was broken however, when the TV sounds got louder. An effective reminder they weren’t alone. Ryan stepped away from her and then pulled some whipped cream and a jar of cherries from the fridge.

  “Were you going to tell me? I mean, is that why you ran out of my hotel room?”

  “I don’t know. I hadn’t gotten that far.” He started putting the ingredients away. “We can talk more later, if you want. Right now let’s have some ice cream sodas and watch a movie.” He handed her a mug. “If you don’t want to stay, I understand.” He grabbed the other two mugs and walked toward the sounds of the television.

  Ryan stepped into the family room and set one mug on the coffee table for his son. “You ready to start the movie, little man?”

  “Is that pretty lady staying?” Jacob knelt in front of the table.

  “Her name is Maiya, and yes, she’s pretty, and yes, I think she’s staying. Is it okay?”

  Maiya walked in the room.

  Had she heard what he said to Jacob? For whatever reason embarrassment tingled in his chest, which was crazy because he told her how beautiful she was every opportunity he had.

  “Yup, it’s okay.” Jacob turned to Maiya. “My daddy thinks you’re pretty.”

  Maiya looked from Ryan to his son and back again, a smile on her face. “Yeah? Well, thanks. I think your dad’s pretty too.”

  “Hey now. Ratting your dad out isn’t cool.” Ryan pulled a DVD from its case. “Besides, you said she was pretty first.” He stuck out his tongue at Jacob.

  Jacob fell to his side in a fit of giggles. “Boys aren’t pretty. That’s silly.”

  “Sure they are.” Maiya sat on the couch. “You’re pretty too.”

  Jacob sobered, righting himself. “I’m not pretty. I’m handsome. That’s what Nana says.”

  Ryan chuckled and turned on the movie. “Go easy on her, little man.”

  “Oh, my.” Maiya feigned a shocked look. “Yes, you’re right. Handsome is a much better word.” She winked at his little boy.

 
Jacob smiled and took a sip of his soda. “Mmm, yummy.”

  “Holy cow, did the great Maiya Rossini just admit to being wrong?” Ryan teased and sat beside her.

  “No, I said he was right.” She rolled her eyes and sipped her soda. “Mmm, this is yummy.” She licked her lips.

  Ryan tracked the movement of her tongue. What the hell? Hello, bad timing. His son was right there, on the floor in front of him, yet his brain filled with images of how hot that mouth truly was. Damn. Button it up, dude. Now was not the time.

  The movie started, one of those Disney ones with more adult comedy in it than any kid was aware of. They sat in relative silence, aside from the giggles bubbling up from Jacob. Ryan kept his hands to himself; not wanting to be inappropriate or give Jacob any idea this woman was more than a friend. She wasn’t really more than a friend, anyway.

  He sure as hell didn’t think Jacob was ready for him to have some fling hanging around the house. His son might get attached and then when she was gone, he’d be hurt. Jacob had been hurt enough. Ryan wasn’t about to add to it.

  About halfway through the movie, Jacob climbed up on the couch and laid his head on Ryan’s lap. He stroked his son’s hair and noticed Maiya looked over a few times. What did she think about his son? What did she think about him now? He glanced at her. She caught his gaze, but he couldn’t tell from the look in her eyes what she was thinking.

  As expected, Jacob fell asleep before the movie ended. Ryan stood and then picked up his son. “I’ll be right back,” he whispered and carried Jacob out of the room.

  After tucking Jacob into bed, Ryan sat on the edge, staring at him in the dim light. He was so grateful to have his son in his life. Hell, for the first three years he didn’t even know if Tammy terminated the pregnancy or if she had their baby. Once he knew, his only concern had been to find his little boy.

  The memory played through his thoughts and anxiety curled in his gut. He struggled not to scoop Jacob into his arms and hold him tight. Instead, Ryan leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his precious son’s forehead. “I love you.” Ryan tucked the blankets a little tighter around Jacob, and then left the room.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Maiya rinsed their mugs in the sink and then loaded them in the dishwasher. Ryan seemed to be taking a while so she wandered around the lower level of his home. Now, she noticed the things she hadn’t seen when she’d first gotten there. A pair of kid’s sneakers by the front door. A random toy or three lingered in each room, and crayon-colored pictures hung on the fridge door.

  There was only one baby picture in the formal living room—a young, red-haired woman holding a child. She was smiling. Was this Jacob’s mother? Maiya took it into her hands and stared at the image. It didn’t escape her notice that she resembled the woman in the picture. She’d give that more thought later.

  Maybe it wasn’t the mother, but Maiya could see from the picture she had the same green eyes Jacob had. It had to be her. Damn, she was pretty too. A pang of jealousy rose in Maiya’s gut. Before she could give the nasty emotion any thought, Ryan entered the living room behind her. She set the picture back in its place and turned to face him.

  He glanced at the picture. “Her name was Tammy.”

  “Was?”

  “She died about a year ago.”

  “Oh, wow.” She covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry, Ryan.”

  “Some days, I am too.” He shrugged. “Some days, I’m just glad Jacob is safe.”

  The comment caught her off guard. She was afraid to even ask what he meant—wasn’t sure she wanted to know.

  They faced each other in the dim room and silence settled around them, until finally he spoke. “I’m sorry I left last night.” He stepped forward, closing the distance between them.

  She placed one hand on his chest. “Why did you?”

  “Many reasons, but the biggest is asleep upstairs.” He looked away and took a breath. “I need to make sure his life is stable. You understand, right?” He rubbed her arms.

  “Of course I do.”

  “I don’t really date, and if I do, I don’t bring anyone home to meet him.”

  “I see. I didn’t know we were dating, Ryan.”

  “We’re not.” He leaned in and brushed his lips over hers. “We’re just…having fun I guess.”

  Her tummy quivered and a bolt of excitement shot through her at the light touch of his lips, but it was diffused when a pool of disappointed welled up too. Guys like Ryan didn’t date girls like her. She swallowed the hard lump in her throat and forced a smile. “Fun…sure. Exactly what I was thinking too.”

  Maiya wound her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his, hoping to hide the unexpected feelings that no doubt were plastered all over her face. He grabbed her waist, pulled her closer and deepened the kiss.

  She let him, knowing full well it couldn’t go beyond this, not with his son asleep upstairs. Regardless, heat spread through her, loosening her limbs. At the same time, the juncture between her legs tightened and she flexed her thighs in response. Breathless, she broke the kiss. “I should probably go.”

  “Probably.” He kissed her again. “But I don’t think I want you to go.”

  She looked toward the stairs. “Yeah, but…”

  “Hang out a little longer. Watch a movie or something.”

  For someone who was adamant about not dating, he sure did want to spend a lot of time with her. Part of her wanted to take him up on his offer and her body warmed further at the idea of cuddling with him on the couch. But the prospect of having this time alone with him made her want more than he was willing to give. She’d be wise not to think about it so much because she was already too invested in him. The little case of the feels she tripped and fell on last night still lingered. If she gave them light, she might not be able to keep her heart in check. “You think that’s a good idea?”

  “It’s a great idea. Besides, it’s still raining out, and a perfect night for a movie.” He grabbed her hand and tugged her toward the family room.

  She let him lead her into the other room, though his actions pricked at her independent side. “Okay then. I guess I’m staying a bit longer.”

  He hadn’t waited for an answer, just made the decision for her. Why did she give him this kind of control over her? It was as if she didn’t know how to say no to the man.

  “You want something else to drink?” He paused in the kitchen. “It’s amazing how chilly it gets when it rains.”

  “Coffee?” She rubbed her arms. “It is a little chilly.” She did feel a chill, but she was certain it was more from the loss of his body heat and how he elevated her internal temperature to a thousand degrees when he was close to her.

  “You got it.” He kissed her cheek and moved to the counter. “Why don’t you pick a movie from the pay channel?”

  “In the mood for anything specific?” She rubbed her cheek with her fingertips. “It may not be a good idea to trust me to the movie picking.”

  “I trust you.” He filled the coffee machine with grounds. “Besides, if it sucks, it’ll be your fault and not mine.” He chuckled.

  “Fabulous.” She rolled her eyes and left the room. Damn, what kind of movie would he want to watch? He probably figured she’d pick some chick flick. Boy wouldn’t he be surprised.

  Ryan started the coffee brewing and sorted through a couple of pieces of mail. Maiya was in his house. She’d met his son and didn’t freak out. She acted as if she liked him too. It’d shocked him. He didn’t figure her for a kid person. Many people were nice to kids, but that didn’t make them kid people. Jacob likes her too. He chuckled remembering how Jacob had whispered to him that Maiya was pretty. Yeah, she was pretty. Also funny and smart and…

  He shook his head. Maiya was many things.

  He fixed her coffee the way he’d seen her do it and walked into the fa
mily room, both mugs in his hands. He stopped short when he caught sight of her.

  Maiya sat on one end of the couch, legs curled under her with the afghan from the back of the couch over her lap. She’d taken her hair down from its ponytail and the sandals she’d worn were on the floor. The lights were off, yet the glare from the TV highlighted her.

  His chest tightened at the sight. She fit perfectly among his things.

  Maiya was a puzzle piece he never imagined fitting into his world. With her wild red hair, her tattoos and her bright-as-the-sun smile, she managed to fit anywhere she went. From a rough biker bar to a fine restaurant, she was comfortable in her own skin. It made him envious. Could he ever dare be like that?

  He liked it, liked her. Damn, he wasn’t supposed to like her this much.

  She looked over at him then, and tilted her head to the side.

  Their gazes locked and he walked the rest of the way into the room. “Any luck?”

  “Yep, all ready to go.” She took the offered coffee and sipped from it. “Perfect.” A satisfied look graced her face.

  “I’m good like that.” He sat on the couch and kicked off his shoes. “Feet cold?”

  Maiya set her mug on the table. “A little.”

  “Let me rub them.” He slid over and patted his lap.

  She crinkled her nose. “Really?”

  “Yes, really. I am a nice guy, you know.” He palmed one of her feet. “Jesus they’re like little ice cubes.”

  She scooped up the remote. “I know you’re a nice guy, Ryan. That’s part of the problem.”

  “Oh, yeah? What problem is that?”

  She eyed him and arched her brow, but didn’t answer.

  He tickled her toes.

  “Hey!” Maiya yanked her foot away. “None of that now.”

  He grabbed it again. “Tell me?”

  “No.” She laughed when he raised his hand, threatening another tickle. “Let’s watch the movie. And no more tickling or you might get kicked in the face.”

  He rolled his eyes and squeezed her foot. “Fine. What chick flick did you pick?”