‘Look, I want you to know that it was all my doing.’
‘Really, Sophie, I don’t want to hear this.’ I pushed my chair back, desperate to get away.
‘But you have to. You have to know that I did all the running.’ I sat back down again. ‘I chased after Ed for months and then something weird happened.’ Her gaze drifted out of the window. ‘It became like an obsession. Almost like an illness. It was as if my mind got caught up on this idea of being with Ed and I just couldn’t let it go.’
‘You don’t honestly expect me to feel sorry for you, do you?’
‘No, of course I don’t. But Ed would never have come after me if I hadn’t made such a blatant play for him.’
‘Oh no! I know what you’re trying to do. You’ve decided between you that you’re going to take all the blame but that’s not right. Ed could easily have said no. He was my fiancé. Our wedding, our future, was all planned out.’
She sighed and screwed up her mouth as if she was in physical pain.
‘I know and he did say no, at first. It started one time when he came round to see you, but you were still at work. We were just sitting sharing a coffee and, um, I kissed him. It completely freaked him out. I’d been thinking about him a lot. I know it sounds stupid, but I imagined that we had some kind of connection.’ She sighed wistfully. ‘I suppose I saw what you had with Ed and I wanted some of it too. I was jealous, I can see that now. Ed was just being his usual friendly self and I read too much into it. He pushed me away and said he didn’t want it. He kept saying it wasn’t what he wanted. That he loved you.’
‘He obviously didn’t say it loudly enough, did he?’ I stuck a teaspoon in my cappuccino and stirred it furiously even though I didn’t take sugar. ‘What I can’t understand, Sophie, is how you could do something like that to me. You were my friend, my best friend. You were going to be my bridesmaid, for Christ’s sake. How could you do that? You knew how excited I was. How much it meant to me. I know if it had been the other way around and it was you that was getting married, I could never ever have done something like that to you.’
‘I know. I know.’ She dropped her head into her hands. ‘You can’t make me feel any worse than I do already. I know it was a really shitty thing to do and I’m just so cross and amazed at myself that I actually did it. Now, I look back and think, What was that all about? Jeez. It was almost like I was going through some sort of mental illness.’
I raised my eyebrows doubtfully. That was convenient. Putting it down to an illness.
She leant across the table, her hands clasped together in front of her.
‘You hate me, I understand that. Ed hates me too. I’ve lost two of my best friends and I know I’ve only got myself to blame. Ben’s doing his usual and not saying anything very much.’ She shook her head, her gaze meeting mine with a show of humility. ‘I know “sorry” doesn’t really cover it, but I just hope that you might be able to see it for what it was. A moment of madness. We all make mistakes. This was mine and Ed’s.’
She held out her hand to take mine, but with a childish sense of triumph I snatched it away.
‘Huh! Forgive me if I don’t really buy the “it was just a mistake” line. You’re both responsible adults. What about all those other things like friendship, love and loyalty? Don’t they count for anything? It wasn’t a mistake. A mistake sounds as though you couldn’t have stopped yourselves from doing it. And it wasn’t like that. It was a calculated decision to give in to whatever it was you were feeling at the time. You made the decision. You live by the consequences.’
She narrowed her eyes with a grimace. It did sound a bit as though I was sentencing her to death by the guillotine, which would have been my second choice of punishment. She’d broken the number-one rule in the best friends’ handbook and had to be drummed out of the BF club forever. She would certainly never be at the top of my Christmas card list again. Ever.
There was no way I was going to sit there and have her dismissing her and Ed’s affair as a silly little mistake. She might see it that way, but I didn’t. It had ripped my life apart and no amount of flowers or sweets or talking around it was going to put things back to how they were before.
‘Fair enough,’ she said with a quiet resignation. ‘But please, please don’t leave Ed. Give him the benefit of the doubt. He loves you too much, I know he does. I was just a distraction. What I said was true. I went after him. He didn’t do any of the chasing, I promise. I thought if I loved him enough he might love me too, but that was never going to happen. He was never going to leave you. I can see that now. He’d been trying to give me the brush-off for months, but I didn’t want to hear it. If you need to be angry or upset with anyone, it’s me, not Ed.’
‘Right, okay. Well, thanks for the advice. But if that’s everything I really need to go now.’
‘You have to marry Ed. You really do. Don’t throw away everything over this. Honestly, Anna, you’ll regret it if you do.’
‘I don’t have to do anything. And don’t presume to tell me how I might feel. You have no idea. You really have no idea. And if the wedding doesn’t go ahead then you’ll know the part you played in that and I really hope you can live with yourself, Sophie. I really do.’
‘Fine!’ She stood up, her hands clutching the table as if she might otherwise fall over. ‘It’s your life, but instead of being so quick to blame everyone else you might want to take a look at yourself, Anna. You’re far too repressed and controlling. Everything has to be perfect and your expectations of other people are far too high, but life isn’t like that. People aren’t like that. I was perfectly prepared to forgive you, to give you the benefit of the doubt and to move on from this, but if your pride won’t allow you to do that, then that’s up to you.’
It was like someone had swooshed down and sucked up all the air.
‘Excuse me? Am I missing something here? You were prepared to forgive me?’
‘Yes.’ She sat down again, fixing me with a steely glare. ‘Oh, I know you think you’re the hard-done-by one here and you’ve adopted the moral high ground, but what about you, Anna? Have you got no part to play in all this? Your behaviour hasn’t exactly been exemplary.’
Ah, this was more like the Sophie I knew. Having exhausted her reserves of humility, she was now trying a change of tack. Going on the offensive, deflecting the blame. To be honest, I was much more comfortable with this version of Sophie. The one I’d known and got used to.
‘Please don’t tell me you think I deserved this somehow. What can I have possibly done to warrant this treatment from you and Ed? I can’t believe you’re actually saying that.’
‘I’m not saying you deserved it.’ She paused, a heavy silence hanging between us. ‘But you did read my diary, Anna. You went into my bedroom, invaded my own private space and then picked up my diary and read it. You intruded on my innermost thoughts and feelings. There are things in that diary that are deeply personal to me; things that I wouldn’t even share with my best friend.’
Clearly not, I thought, but electing to keep my thoughts to myself for the moment as she blabbered on.
‘You showed a complete disregard and lack of respect for me and, quite frankly, I think that’s pretty despicable in itself. You say you can’t imagine doing what I did, but, hand on heart, I can honestly say I would never ever read someone else’s diary. That’s totally off bounds. And I’m surprised at you, Anna, for doing it. To me, it’s the lowest thing anyone could ever do.’
I squirmed in my seat. To be honest, I’d completely forgotten about that turn of events. Well, not the reading of the diary, I hadn’t forgotten about that, it would be etched into my mind forever, but the fact that I shouldn’t have been reading the diary in the first place.
‘I was looking for my earrings.’
‘Well, you should have asked instead of going snooping around through my things. And that still doesn’t give you the right to read my diary.’
I felt my skin prickle uncomfortably
as her gaze scanned my face. Humiliation ran through my body. I could hardly believe myself that I’d done it. A couple of minutes ago I was the wronged party and now Sophie had flipped it over and cast me in the role as the baddie. Was it true what she said? Was I just as bad as she was?
‘Well, I’m not going to apologise for reading your diary because if I hadn’t your sordid affair would still be going on and I would have gone right ahead and married Ed. You two would never have told me about it, would you? What was your intention? That you’d just carry on with your affair when we were married?’
‘I don’t know.’ Her words came out in a whisper. ‘It was all so confusing. I wasn’t thinking straight.’
Honestly, I wasn’t sure I cared any more.
‘No, you weren’t, Sophie. But we can’t change that now, can we? My life’s ruined and I hope that makes you feel satisfied. When I get home I’ll ask Ben to pop round to collect my belongings.’
‘Please, Anna, don’t be like that.’ But I wasn’t listening. I left her with the bill and marched out of the café. All the talking in the world wasn’t going to change anything. It had happened and I had to deal with the facts as they were and not with the what-might-have-beens.
Outside I heard her footsteps behind me, but I didn’t look back. I didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say.
Ten minutes later we were back at the hotel and through the revolving doors into the plush foyer. The sooner I got away from them all the better.
‘Percy!’ My racing heart stopped at the sound of the familiar voice. It could only be one person. I turned to see Dave leap up from the red leather chesterfield sofa and my heart did a weird loop-the-loop thing.
‘Oh, hi.’
‘Hey, have you been crying?’ His hand reached up to my cheek and I started crying again. I couldn’t stop myself.
‘No, no, I’m fine,’ I said, sniffing noisily, tears running down my face.
He fished out a handkerchief from his pocket and mopped up my tears.
‘That’s good, that’s good,’ he said, smiling doubtfully. ‘I just wanted to catch you before I went home.’
I’d honestly thought that I would never see him again and the realisation that he was standing opposite me with a big grin on his face made me inappropriately happy.
‘Yes,’ I said, wondering if he could really be that good-looking and quickly deciding that he could. We made an awkward little triangle in the reception area and I wasn’t sure what to say before I remembered Sophie standing beside me. ‘This is my … my …’ the word friend refused to leave my lips so I added instead, ‘… flatmate. Sophie.’
‘Hi, Sophie, pleased to meet you.’
‘This is Dave,’ I said, for Sophie’s benefit.
‘Hello, um, Dave or um, Alexander, should I say? Ha, ha, ha!’ She held out her hand to his and from the way she was bobbing up and down on the spot, I half expected her to curtsey or wee her knickers at least.
And why had she just called him Alexander?
‘It’s lovely to meet you too,’ she said, blushing like a teenager. I swear she was actually swaying on the spot as she looked up at Dave with adoring eyes. Now I remembered why I had good reason to hate her. ‘Er, so what’s with the pet names you two, that’s kind of cute?’ she asked, doing that irritating giggling thing she was so good at. No doubt she’d used it to good effect on Ed.
Thankfully Dave didn’t seem remotely swayed by Sophie’s flirtatious giggling.
‘Listen, Sophie, sorry to sound rude, but do you mind if I have a quiet word with Percy? Shouldn’t take long.’
‘Oh no, of course,’ she said, her effervescent glow dimming just a little. ‘I was just about to go anyway. I’ll catch up with you later then … Percy,’ she said pointedly, raising an eyebrow. She waltzed away, leaving me with Dave. Or Alexander. I had no idea who.
Chapter Fourteen
Dave whisked me down into the hotel’s basement champagne bar, which I hadn’t even known existed until that moment. Not that I could have imagined frequenting the place even if I had known about it as it seemed to have a limited menu of champagne and spirits and a price range from the ‘bloody expensive’ to the ‘you’re having a laugh, aren’t you?’.
Still, I loved everything about it. Even in the early-evening lull, there was a wonderful atmosphere. The subdued lighting, the deep red hues of the wall gave an intimate and sophisticated ambience. I was woefully under-dressed for the place, but it didn’t seem to matter. As soon as I took the glass flute to my lips and felt the bubbles on my tongue and tingling in my nose, it felt as though I was destined to be here in this moment. My tears had finally dried up. Why would I want to go home when I could be here, sipping champagne with Dave? Or whatever his name was.
‘So?’ he said, raising his glass in my direction. ‘Shall we start all over again? Shall we pretend we’re meeting for the very first time?’
‘Okay?’ I said, feeling a frisson of excitement. It sounded to me like the kind of game married couples played on date nights where they pretended to meet as strangers in a bar before going back to their hotel room for wildly passionate sex.
I shifted on the bar stool, squirming with embarrassment.
‘So what’s your real name?’ he asked.
‘Anna,’ I told him.
‘Anna.’ He repeated it slowly, as if he hadn’t actually heard the name before. He tilted his head to one side and screwed up his mouth. ‘No, you don’t strike me as an Anna at all. Do you mind if I call you Percy? It suits you much better.’
I laughed. Dave had that ability to take me right out of myself, to make me actually believe I could be someone else if I wanted to be, even someone called Persephone, but honestly it felt good to be able to tell him my real name at last.
‘And Dave isn’t your real name either?’
‘Nope. ’Fraid not. I’m Alexander. Alexander Fischer.’ He leant over and deposited the lightest of kisses on my cheek, the scent of his musky masculine aftershave sending a shiver through my body. His name may have changed, but the effect his masculine proximity had on my entire being hadn’t altered in the slightest. ‘Pleased to meet you.’
Anna and Alexander. I tried out the names silently in my head. Or maybe Perce and Alexander. I liked it. They sounded so much more promising than Dave and Persephone.
‘And what about the import/export thing, then? Is that not true either?’
‘No, that’s pretty much what I do. I own Fischer Enterprises, the telecommunications company.’
I gulped and almost fell of my stool. I felt certain my mouth was hanging open unattractively.
Alex Fischer! Of course I’d heard of him. Of course I knew who he was. Everybody knew who Alex Fischer was. He was a technological entrepreneurial whizz-kid. His name was always in the papers. Although I would probably have been hard pushed to pick him out in an identity parade. Which is why he’d managed to convince me his name was Dave. What an idiot! I had a Fischer phone, for goodness’ sake, along with the rest of the population. Oh my God. I’d actually snogged Alex Fischer. I felt a little star struck.
‘Right, um, I see, um, that, um, explains everything.’
Of course, it explained nothing at all, but I was doing my best to look as though I knew exactly what was going on in my life. I took another glug of champagne and from out of the shadows a waiter appeared and refilled my glass.
‘That guy the other night, the one taking the photos, what was that all about?’
‘Some hack wanting to earn a few bucks. My picture in the paper seems to be of interest to some people. I can’t think why. Sorry if I was a bit brusque. I was trying to ensure you didn’t end up in the paper.’
‘Oh, I see.’ It was all too unbelievable to take in. ‘And I’m sorry about embarrassing you like that. I didn’t realise it was a photographer. I thought I might be involved in a gangland feud, or something.’
‘Right, yes. I can see how that might be a perfectly natural assumption to make.’
He shook his head at me, that deliciously decadent smile on his lips.
So why did you tell me your name was Dave?’
He shrugged and gave a wry smile.
‘The same reason you told me your name was Persephone maybe?’ His deep warm laugh resonated around the bar and his eyes were full of delighted mischief. ‘It was a spur-of-the-moment thing. When you said your name was Persephone, which it clearly wasn’t, I thought I’d be Dave for the night. I honestly didn’t expect to see you again after that first night in the pub so I really didn’t think it would matter.’
‘No, me neither. But was it really that obvious my name wasn’t Persephone?’
He nodded, his fingers playing with the stem of his champagne flute, which was most disconcerting. I couldn’t drag my eyes away, imagining his hands caressing me in the same way.
‘I did Classics at school. I can’t remember much about it now, but one thing I do know is that Persephone wasn’t an exotic flower. She was queen of the underworld, I think.’
‘Great.’ I sighed. ‘I feel such an idiot. I suppose I need to swot up on my Greek mythology if I’m going to give out false names.’
‘Hey, don’t worry about it. I thought your story was particularly charming. It certainly made me smile. Were you really conceived on a Greek island?’
‘No, Hounslow, I’m afraid.’
Our eyes met in laughter.
‘Ah, well, you’ll always be Percy to me, you know that. And the jewellery designing thing?’
I cringed, lifting my shoulders in an attempt to disappear into the depths of my hoodie.
‘I’m an accounts clerk,’ I said, suddenly feeling a tiny bit inadequate. I’d gone from exotic jewellery designer Persephone to little old Anna in the accounts department in a moment, but Dave (if he was going to carry on calling me Percy, I was going to carry on calling him Dave) didn’t bat an eyelid.
‘Ah, I wondered. I did have a little Google and couldn’t find anything about you. I was interested because that’s what I’m doing down here. I’m filming for a new TV series, The Maverick Mentor. I’m taking some young kids who haven’t had the best start in life and helping them set up in their own businesses: artists, bakers, car mechanics, that kind of thing.’
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