As soon as I loaded Kaitlyn up and she pulled away from the curb, Tristan’s car cruised into the vacated spot. He rolled down the window and leaned over the seat. “Am I too late for cake?”
“I would give you some but they might take away your man card.” I shivered as snowflakes began to fall from the almost-iridescent, bloated clouds. I walked over and leaned inside his car to catch a bit of warmth. “Seriously, what are you doing back here?”
“I came to see if you needed help cleaning up.”
“No—really. Why are you here?”
He shifted into PARK and turned up the heat. “I’m dead serious. Just trying to be helpful.”
“You are? That’s so thoughtful.” My voice cracked as I considered his gesture. Of all the people I knew, Tristan was the one who deserved true love and a great life. What was wrong with all the women who’d come and gone and not clung to him with everything they had? I beckoned him to follow me. “Sydney is inside—she’s going to help me. But you can come in and keep us company.”
“As long as you have help, I’ll go on home.”
“More yardwork?” I teased. “Why do I get the feeling you didn’t really come by to help clean up?”
“Now who’s playing the shrink?” His playful eyes engaged me.
“Don’t avoid the question. Why are you really here?” I opened the car door and slid inside to get out of the snow.
Tristan rested his hand on the steering wheel and tapped lightly, as if weighing how much to tell me. “I wanted to see if you were okay after all this baby stuff.” He swung his gaze to me, conveying a depth of feeling that went beyond his words. His kindness picked at my wounds, but I could hardly be upset with him for checking.
“I’m doing surprisingly well.” I fiddled with the heater as our breath fogged the window. “I couldn’t have done this for anyone else, but Kaitlyn is different. She’s not just a coworker but a friend, almost like a little sister. Not that I would know what that’s like, but I can imagine.”
Tristan nodded. “I’m glad to hear it. You’ve come a long way, especially recently.”
“I hope that’s not a ploy to get me to keep working at New Heights.”
“You know me better than that.”
I almost wished he would beg me to stay. Apparently I hadn’t come as far as he thought, but I wasn’t about to tell him. Freezing, I angled the heater vent toward me. “I’m probably doing better because I know I’ll be moving on. That I won’t always have to feel bad about my life and what I don’t have.”
“Does that include Colin?” His words hung in the air, taking on a frost of their own.
With a deep breath, I considered his implication. Even though Colin eventually came home every night, I didn’t really have him. Was it only a matter of time until he made it official? My stomach curled at the thought, but only for a moment, because instead of feeling the old familiar ache, I focused on what was true here and now.
I had friends. I had my health. I had God.
“I’m going to be fine—better than fine.” I met his concern with confidence. “I don’t have control of him, and I don’t have control of the future. But right now I’m choosing to forgive, because I can.” Thankfulness welled in my heart, causing me to smile wholeheartedly. “No matter what, God’s got this.”
CHAPTER 46
Kaitlyn
Colin’s car was parked in front of Kaitlyn’s house, and she wasn’t quite sure whether it made her happy or upset. After their fight earlier in the week, she hadn’t heard from him again. Not that his silence was unusual in itself, but for them to part in anger made her worry that they wouldn’t have it resolved before Little Nugget made her appearance. They hadn’t even settled on a name—mostly because she didn’t want to bring it up after Sydney made her promise she’d give the baby her last name, not Colin’s.
He stood like a sentinel in front of his vehicle, arms folded and ankles crossed, as though impervious to the wind and snow.
Kaitlyn hoisted herself out of the driver’s seat and popped the trunk, weighed down with gifts. “As long as you’re here, can you bring the gifts inside?” He might as well make himself useful, and whether she wanted to admit it or not, she really did need the help.
“I was starting to worry.” He grabbed presents until his arms were full and then followed as she carefully made her way up the slick steps and unlocked the door.
“The baby shower was this afternoon.” She flicked on the lights and ushered him inside, ignoring the wet spots from his shoes she’d have to sop up later, if she had the energy.
“Looks like you made out pretty well,” Colin said before he ducked outside for the second load.
Kaitlyn left a crack in the door so he could easily push back inside, and then she eased herself onto the recliner. Little Nugget stretched and rolled before using Kaitlyn’s bladder as a trampoline. Then her stomach tightened, causing her to wince. “What is going on down there?”
“Talking to the baby?” Cold air swept into the room when Colin came back inside, arms full.
“I do that a lot. I read that it’s good for her, plus she keeps me company.” She hoped Colin didn’t take her comment as a condemnation of his infrequent visits. The last thing she needed was him coming around more often. Of course, she might change her mind once the baby came and she was up all night, knowing she had to be at The Bean before seven o’clock.
But she’d worry about that when it was time. There was no use adding to her troubles before they happened.
Colin issued a nervous smile before going back outside. The trunk of the car made a snow-muffled clunk before he came back with the last of the gifts. He closed the front door and kicked off his shoes, almost like he belonged here. “Do you want me to start unpacking?”
“Since we don’t have the changing table put together yet, probably not. I really don’t have anywhere to put it.” Kaitlyn rubbed her stomach as it tightened again. The weight of her stomach was getting to be too much, especially since the baby seemed content to slide lower and lower over the last few days. She shifted to try to get comfortable, though that was impossible. As for sleep—she’d forgotten what a good night’s sleep even was. “I can do it tomorrow.”
“At least let me put the changing table together.”
“Isn’t it great? My bosses gave that to me. I think it’ll look good by the window.” She tried to get some air into her cramped lungs.
“What’s happening?” Colin bent low to examine her.
She winced at the pressure against her bladder and hoped she didn’t have an accident. “They’re mini contractions.”
“Isn’t it a little soon for that? You still have four more weeks.”
“Three and a half, but who’s counting?” She forged a smile and wished Colin would go away. Having him watch her dealing with the discomfort made her uneasy. Her pain felt so private, and yet here he was invading her space. Too bad there wasn’t a way to ask him to leave without sounding ungrateful.
“You look a little wiped out. Let me get you a glass of water.” He headed for the kitchen. “Did you overdo it today?”
She was overdoing it every day, but telling him so would probably worry him.
They still needed to have the talk about finances and what to do about childcare when Little Nugget arrived. There were so many issues to deal with, but she was too uncomfortable to freak out about it now.
A deeper pain throbbed inside her then vanished. Kaitlyn sat straighter and tried to ease the discomfort.
Until suddenly warm liquid began to trickle.
Her eyes widened as she instinctively glanced down, though she couldn’t see around her stomach. Had she actually not made it to the bathroom in time? Mortification enveloped her as she glanced at Colin in the kitchen.
“What?” He stopped filling the glass.
“Nothing.” I think. I hope. How was she going to get him out of her house without him seeing her shame? What could she tell him to make him leave?
She needed rest—that was a good excuse.
“Here, drink this.” Colin crouched next to her and handed her the glass. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”
“You’re right. I probably overdid it at the shower, but I was having so much fun with the games and the food. It was a great time.” She sighed, grateful for the good friends God—or someone—had put in her life. She’d bonded with these women so quickly, and yet it all seemed so natural. There was nothing like having a baby under dire circumstances to link women together.
“I really worry about you overdoing it.”
“I probably need to rest.” And change my pants.
Colin sat in the love seat across from her, clearly not getting the hint. He crossed his ankle over his knee, and his foot bobbed to an unseen rhythm until finally he spoke. “You don’t look right.”
“That’s probably not what you really want to say to a pregnant woman. A little tact goes a long way.” She sipped slowly.
“That’s what M—” Colin looked away. “I’ve been told that. Sorry—I guess it’s a scientist thing, sticking to the facts.”
Kaitlyn cringed, knowing he was about to say “my wife.” She’d have to get used to it eventually, but right now seemed like a bad time. For everything.
Another pain racked her body, this one deeper and more urgent than the last. “Oh no. This can’t be happening.” She shuddered as she caught her breath.
“What?” Colin bolted from the seat.
“I’m not sure.” The thinness of her voice wasn’t inspiring any confidence. She needed him to leave so she could figure out what was going on.
Was it possible she was going into labor? Was it her water that had broken instead of her bladder leaking?
It was entirely too soon for that to be plausible, and yet the wetness on her thighs and the aches in her stomach—at regular intervals, no less—said otherwise.
Colin had to go so she could think it through, or look it up on her phone, or—anything but go through labor with him there. They hadn’t discussed it, but she’d decided against calling him during labor so she wouldn’t have to worry about what he was thinking. Her labor plan called for Sydney to be there to coach her through, not Colin. Never Colin.
“Tell me what’s happening.” Colin knelt directly in front of her and forced eye contact.
“I think …” She drew a breath to quell her panic. “I think I’m going into labor.”
Colin
Colin panicked.
He jumped up and felt his pockets for his phone that wasn’t there. “We need to call someone.” Car—it was in his car.
“No, wait.” Concern lined her forehead as she gazed up at him and tugged his sleeve. “It might be false labor. That happens sometimes.”
He scrutinized her face, a mixture of pain and worry. Whether or not she was going into labor, she wasn’t in good shape, though he shouldn’t have told her so earlier. That wasn’t the way to win her over. “I still think we need to get you checked out. Let’s go to the hospital and they’ll let you know if it’s a false alarm.”
“I can’t do that.” Her eyes saucered with fear.
“Why not? Then we don’t have to worry.” He’d feel a lot better with a professional telling them there was nothing wrong, rather than Kaitlyn trying to convince him.
“I’ll tell you why not—I can’t afford the co-pay for more than one trip to the hospital.” Her voice rose an octave. “I need to make sure it’s the real thing before I go anywhere.”
Despite the adrenaline rush, Colin shriveled inside. Why hadn’t he ever asked her about how she was paying for the delivery? What else didn’t he know? He reached for her hand, and she didn’t pull away. “Look at me.” He forced her to focus on his eyes. “Don’t worry about the money. I can take care of that.” He wasn’t sure how, but that wasn’t Kaitlyn’s problem.
She hesitated. “I don’t have my bag packed.”
“I’ll do it.” He bolted toward her bedroom at the back of the house. “What do you need to take?” Never mind. It didn’t matter. He rushed into her room and scanned for a suitcase or a carry-on, a duffel bag. Anything.
But there was nothing suitable.
She moaned in the living room, giving his heart a start. False labor, my foot.
Colin remembered the gifts he’d brought inside and darted into the baby’s room. He grabbed a black and pink baby bag and hustled back to Kaitlyn’s room. Quickly, he rummaged through her drawers. Underwear, pajamas, sweatpants, and a T-shirt. That would have to do.
“I’m ready,” he called as he hurried down the hall.
As Kaitlyn pushed herself out of the recliner, he caught a glimpse of her wet backside. Definitely labor. Kaitlyn paused and squeezed her eyes shut as she clutched her stomach.
He hurried to her side and gripped her arm to offer support. “Another contraction?”
She nodded without speaking. After a moment, she took a deep breath. “I think this is it.”
“Where’s your coat?” He glanced around.
Kaitlyn pointed to the hook on the back of the door, right where it should be. Colin laughed at himself. All of a sudden he’d become the stereotypical worried father, panicking at the first signs of labor. He wheeled in a deep breath to compose himself. Now was not the time to fall apart. It was time to be strong and reliable. A real father.
“Do we need to call the doctor?” he asked as he slipped her coat over one arm then the other.
“I can do that while you drive.”
Colin slung the bag over his shoulder then placed his arm around Kaitlyn to guide her down the front steps and over the slippery driveway to his car. Once she was safely buckled, he scampered around to the driver’s side and started the engine. He didn’t wait for it to warm up before he jerked away from the curb and headed for the hospital.
“This is Kaitlyn Farrows. Can you page Dr. Martin and tell him I’m on my way to the hospital?” She hung up and smiled. “I guess this is it.”
“It seems too early.” Colin’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. Snow fell harder against the windshield, making it look like they were going at light speed.
“It is, but I guess that happens sometimes.” She held up her phone. “I’d better call Sydney.”
He switched off the radio while Kaitlyn called and left a message.
“She’s not answering.” Worry tinged her voice. “Maybe she has her ringer off. I’ll text her.”
“What happens if you can’t get ahold of her?”
“She’s probably helping her mom or her grandma, but she usually calls back within a few minutes.” Kaitlyn set the phone on her lap. “We haven’t even talked about a name yet.”
“I figured you weren’t ready to talk about it.” There were too many things they hadn’t gotten around to yet, thinking they had more time. Colin’s breath hitched as the car slid on the icy road. He pumped the brakes and brought the car back into line. Probably a good idea to slow down.
“I wasn’t, but it looks like we don’t have a choice.” There was a hard edge to her voice.
“What’s bothering you?” He risked a sideways glance, embarrassed by his dumb question.
She sighed loudly—or maybe she was breathing through a contraction. “It’s just that … the baby needs to have my last name.”
Colin tensed. The thought had crossed his mind more than once. He’d tried to make peace with the idea of his daughter having a different last name before ever bringing up the subject, but he hadn’t quite gotten there. A last name held people together; it was part of a legacy—something he’d tried to explain to Marissa when she’d insisted on keeping her own. And now for Kaitlyn to not want their child to have his last name implied she didn’t think he’d stick around.
He remained silent for a few minutes, focusing on the road and avoiding the nut jobs who came out on a night like this when they didn’t have to. A few more miles and Kaitlyn would be in good hands. Trying to keep his tone neutral, he spoke. “Ma
ybe we should pick a first name. What do you like?”
“You’re upset.”
Colin wasn’t sure whether to be flattered or dismayed that she knew him so well. Slowly, he reached across the seat and squeezed her hand. “I understand where you’re coming from, but I do want to talk about it, later. Right now we have a baby to deliver.”
She pulled her hand away in favor of her phone. “Sydney texted. She just got home from the shower and her grandmother fell again, so they’re getting her settled in bed. She said she’ll be here as soon as she can.”
“Tell her to be careful. The roads are terrible.” The car slid again, as if to prove his point.
“She lives thirty minutes away, and with all the snow it could take her a lot longer.” Kaitlyn’s eyes filled with worry. “What if she doesn’t make it in time?”
“Don’t first babies usually come pretty slowly?” Good thing he’d read up on labor and delivery.
“Supposedly, but now that the baby is coming early … I just don’t know.” Her voice went from concerned to worried.
“We’re almost there. Everything’s going to be fine.” He kept his hand on the steering wheel instead of trying to give her a comforting squeeze.
With the hospital in sight, Colin slowed down, relieved.
Until he remembered Marissa. She was probably expecting him to come home soon, but there was no way he was dumping Kaitlyn off and leaving. His wife would understand, wouldn’t she? Of course, they hadn’t been on the same page at all lately. After he’d quit going to counseling with her, they’d almost completely stopped talking.
Yet she seemed more at peace, and that bugged him.
“Don’t go to the emergency room entrance. We have to go in at Labor and Delivery, on the other side.”
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