Honest Love

by Lauren K. McKellar

  “Is this really necessary?” I groaned, but there was a smile on my face. “I get it. Carbs taste good. I’m not saying they don’t. I’m just saying that they’re not worth the trouble.”

  “If that’s what you truly think, then you don’t know the first thing about real trouble, Cam.” Everly’s voice was as sugar-sweet as the treats on the bench. “But you’re about to find out. Open your mouth.”

  “Wha—”

  I didn’t get to finish the question. Something crumbly and I hated to admit it, but kind of delicious was shoved in. I coughed, then covered my mouth to stop the sweet, chocolatey chunks from falling out.

  “Not bad, huh?” Everly asked.

  “Huh.” I pressed my fist against my chest as I swallowed the biscuit down. “I think I’m setting myself up for some kind of heart attack.”

  “I can just imagine,” Everly mused, and I heard the quiet falling of her feet as they padded around the kitchen. “Try this.”

  This time, something soft and moist was put in my mouth. “Banana cake,” I said, nodding. At least it had fruit in it.

  “Banana bread, actually,” Everly corrected, and I snorted.

  “Banana bread is a myth. It’s a word people use to justify eating cake for breakfast.”

  “You are such a meanie.” Everly sighed. “What did banana bread ever do to you?”

  “Masqueraded as something it wasn’t,” I replied, and as I did, guilt tugged at the corner of my mind once more. Just like you did with that false Facebook profile.

  “Try this.” She pushed something else into my mouth.

  Only, this time, her fingers went farther.

  Cold assaulted the top of my mouth, cold and sweet and melting, while the touch of the tip of her fingers was hot. Smooth.

  On instinct, I clamped my lips down, trapping her there, my tongue darting out to taste. Sweet. As sweet as the damn treats she’s been putting into my mouth.

  Her breath was warm against my lips, and as she slowly slid her hand out, I reached for her side. I couldn’t help it. Couldn’t fight this tension any longer.

  Her body jolted against mine. Our chests connected, and my body turned to fire and ice, cool still in my mouth, heat raging through my groin.

  “Cameron,” she breathed, and my name on her lips was like a song, soft and sweet.

  And then?

  Impact.

  Our lips melted together, soft and luscious. She wrapped one hand around the back of my head, pulling me closer, letting me know she wanted this just as much as I did, and when her mouth parted, I tasted her sweetness again and again, my tongue meeting hers in a passion that was the ocean in a storm, the surge of the swell and the crashing of the waves as they met the hard, sandy shore.

  I ran my hands down her back and slid them over the curve of her waist, revelling in the roundness of her arse as I found purchase there and tugged her toward me. Her pussy collided with my cock, and I pressed her close, closer still, loving the way her body seemed to mould to mine. She was my complete opposite, and perhaps that was why she tasted so damn good—like a treat I shouldn’t have. She was soft where I was hard, sweet where I was bitter, loud where I was quiet. She was the perfect storm, and I was ready for the rain.

  “Cameron,” she murmured again against my lips as her hand roamed under my shirt and ran up my back, tracing over the muscles there, and damn, it felt nice to be touched like that—softly, reverentially, and yet with a greedy kind of desire. It was as if I were the treat and this woman was eating me up. She was taking control.

  Not like Bella.

  Bella was never like that.

  Fuck.

  And there it was.

  My lips slowed. My hands slid back to my sides. What was I doing? I belonged to Bella. Always had, ever since we met. Since she moved to the apartment next to mine. Since a bag of her groceries broke, tins of tomatoes toppling down the stairs, and I’d gone scrambling to save them.

  Since forever.

  Until forever.

  After the accident, I’d buried myself in my misery. I drank until it didn’t hurt anymore, until Mack snapped me out of it, and then I buried myself in work and the gym instead.

  But this was different.

  This wasn’t a place to bury my head.

  This meant something.

  This meant something else entirely.

  I tilted my forehead down, resting it against Everly’s. I pursed my lips, air coming out long and slow. Damn it.

  Damn it all to hell.

  I wrenched the eye mask off, the silk slipping through my fingers. Everly’s eyes were wide, her lips swollen. God, I did that.

  I did that.

  I was the worst guy in the world.

  “Cameron …” This time, her voice had a very different tone to it. “What just happened?”

  “Nothing.” The lie tasted bitter in my mouth. I ground my teeth together, the clench of my jaw sending an ache through my skull. “I just … I can’t do this. Not now.”

  She shook her head slowly, stepping back. “Not now. Another time. When Piper’s—”

  “Not with you.”

  It was like I’d slapped her.

  I could see the imprint where my words connected with her face. Her cheeks . . . so red. I did that too.

  I pushed the chair out and stood, scrubbing my hand over my jaw as I stared at the garden we built together. I didn’t want to hurt her. Not when she had so much going on in her life already. “I … I’m sorry. I’m not completely over my ex.”

  “I know.” Her voice was small.

  I don’t know what to say.

  My phone rang, breaking the heavy silence between us. I pulled it from my pocket, the name on the screen sending a panic pulsing through my body.

  “Yes?”

  “Hi, it’s Eleanor here from Magenta Recovery Centre.”

  “What’s happened? Is everything all right?” I gripped the phone tighter.

  “It’s Donald,” she said. Oh, shit. My heart stopped beating. “I’m so sorry, but we’d like you to come in.”

  Chapter 12

  “I’m coming with you.”

  The first time she said it was at her house. I’d ignored her then, shaking my head as I went to collect Piper from the front room. “Thanks for the snacks.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “You’re not.” I’d pushed the pram from her verandah to the gravel path, headed back to the road.

  “I’m coming with you,” she’d insisted, and I’d thought that was the last I’d hear of it.

  Then the door had clicked shut.

  She followed me all the way to the beach shack, waited as I prepared a travel bag for Piper and changed her nappy, then spoke as I walked back out to the driveway.

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “You’re not.” I buckled Piper into her seat, the damn straps taking forever to click into place. The pram was next, folded down and in the back of the car.

  The boot slammed shut, and I turned to face her. Even though my arms were folded across my chest, even though I towered above her, she somehow seemed just as large as me. “Everly, listen. You are not coming with me. My dad, he’s got some problems. He doesn’t remember things—”

  “So he won’t remember me next time you go,” she protested. “Besides, won’t you need someone to look after Piper?”

  I frowned. I hadn’t really thought about what I’d do once I was there.

  “I’m sure she’ll be right for a few minutes, but what if they need you to stay a while? What then?” She opened the passenger car door. “You need me, Cam. And this is the way I can repay you for all you’ve done in the garden.”

  “I … fine.” I gritted my teeth. “Thank you.”

  “Don’t look so happy about it.” She slid into the seat, grinning up at me in that damn cheeky way of hers. “Let’s go.”

  I sighed, then headed around to the driver’s side and started the engine. It clunked into life, and I ra
n a hand over the dash, clearing some of the dust from the surface.

  As I reversed out of the driveway, I caught Piper’s eyes in the rear-view.

  She wasn’t crying.

  And damn it, it felt like something had changed. For the better.

  I started on the windy road out of town. Every now and then, I looked in the rear-view. Piper. The ocean behind us.

  It was beautiful.

  I couldn’t get enough.

  Things were getting easier with her, I had to admit. It was kinda enjoyable having a little … friend, I guessed, with me all the time. I’d even found myself looking forward to her waking when she’d been asleep too long.

  Except for when I was with Everly.

  I glanced at her in the passenger seat across from me.

  When we were together, time seemed … different.

  I tightened my grip on the wheel, focused straight ahead.

  “You look like you’re petrified I’m going to kiss you again.”

  “Huh,” I scoffed. “I’m not afraid of you.”

  I’m fucking petrified.

  “Okay, Mr Runs Away After One Kiss. But just so you know, I get that you’re going through something. Something happened in your past. And now, the very idea of trusting someone else with your heart scares you,” Everly said, kicking her feet up on the dash. From the corner of my eye, I saw her denim shorts ride higher up her legs, exposing milky-white thighs. Lord.

  My blood pressure ratcheted up. I couldn’t think of her that way.

  Bella. And Dad. Dad needed me right now, and he needed me focused. Besides, it wasn’t fair to hit on Everly when she was probably quite vulnerable after her ex’s betrayal, and—

  “You have an adorable baby girl back there, and I’d love to help you out with her whenever you need a hand.”

  Piper interrupted her speech with an almighty wail.

  “Hey, Pipes,” I sang, hoping to make it stop.

  Her wail turned into a full-blown cry. It tore at the fleshy muscle of my heart.

  “Hey, hey,” I rushed out, trying to be soothing. “You need a bottle, don’t you? A toy?”

  Why hadn’t I thought of that before I left? When would preparing to leave the house with a small child get easier?

  I jerked the car to the side of the road. The Hyundai swayed side to side like a drunk as it crunched over the stones. Everly gripped the door handle, her knuckles white. “Want me to—”

  “I’ve got it,” I growled. Why was I mad at her? She hadn’t done anything wrong. Neither had Piper.

  Myself.

  I was mad at myself.

  “Sorry. I’m just … I’m sorry.” I shook my head, leaving my door open as I jogged to the other side of the car to check on Piper. A quick sniff of her pants and I decided it must have been food.

  “I’m an idiot. I shoulda given her this back home.” I put the bottle together, shaking the formula into the hot water I’d at least had the common sense to bring with me.

  “You were in a rush. You didn’t want to lose any time,” Everly said. “Why don’t I hop in the back? Feed her as we go?”

  I paused. It wasn’t the worst idea. “You sure?”

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you.” I pressed my lips together. Emotion wreaked havoc in my chest. “Thank you.”

  “No problem.” Everly hopped in the back beside Piper, and I settled back into my seat before pulling onto the road again.

  “There you go,” Everly sang softly. “So hungry, sweetheart. You’re such a thirsty girl.”

  Piper didn’t cry anymore.

  When we finally reached the centre, I paused in the parking lot. Was I going to let Everly in to see Dad? And what about Piper? I couldn’t predict what she’d do, how she’d act in a place like this. And Dad—adding a child to the mix would only confuse him further. When I’d first found out about Piper, I’d told him I wouldn’t be back for a few months just so I wouldn’t have to take her in to see him.

  As soon as I opened the car door, the scream reached me.

  Dad.

  I flew from the vehicle, my feet hammering over the hard pavement. I darted inside, my heart hammering. Da-dad, Da-dad, Da-dad.

  “Mr Lewis, you need to sign—”

  Words passed me by as I raced down the hall past reception, headed for my father’s room. The scream still sounded, morphing into one long continuous cry of horror. One long continuous cry of pain that I heard whenever I closed my eyes, whenever a car backfired, whenever fireworks sounded overhead.

  I finally reached Dad’s room. I grabbed onto the doorframe, swinging myself inside and—

  There was my father.

  Scratching at those red marks on his arms.

  Screaming.

  Screaming like his heart was breaking.

  Screaming like he was being burnt alive.

  Nurses stood by his side, trying to stop his self-mutilation. Two black straps held his body down, and an IV bag shook with every jerk, every fight my father put up, swinging and banging, clang, clang, clang against the metal head of the bed. One of the nurses said something, but I didn’t know what. I couldn’t hear a goddamn thing over the past roaring in my ears.

  “And the theme will be white and gold. Really classic wedding,” Bella finished up, clasping her hands together.

  “Sounds like a Christmas decoration,” I teased. “I don’t know why we need to do this. Wasn’t the Vegas wedding enough?”

  “You might be wearing a ring, but it wasn’t legally binding.” Bella sighed, turning to Dad. “Honestly, Donald, we have had this argument a thousand times.”

  “Lay off my daughter-in-law, son,” Dad said.

  “You know I’m only teasing.” I placed my arm around her, pulling her to my side and pressing a kiss to her head. “I’ll give you anything you want.”

  She smiled, gesturing to the ‘reserved’ sign on the table. “Even stealing other people’s tables when they’re late for lunch?”

  I laughed. Bella had mentioned how she’d been here before and loved it, so when I saw the empty table, I’d begged the waitress to let us sit here just until the other party arrived. “Even stealing”—I glanced at the sign—“poor Anderson’s table. I’ll do anything for you.”

  “Even hear me talk about the gold wedding theme for the twentieth time?” she asked, her eyes hopeful.

  “Bring on the twentieth, the twenty-first, the twenty-thousandth. I have ears to listen to them all.”

  “I love you.” She trailed her hand down the side of my face. “But you’re excused. We can talk about something else.”

  “No. I want the details. Gimme all of them.” Dad rubbed his hands together, as if weddings were his new favourite thing.

  “Actually, Dad, we’ve got something else to tell you.” I glanced at Bella. I couldn’t help it. My eyes went to her stomach. Dad followed my gaze. “Something big.”

  His mouth dropped open. “You’re … you’re not …”

  “We are.” Bella reached over and clasped his hand. “You’re going to be a grandfather.”

  “I … I …”

  I’d never seen my dad speechless.

  Not until then, that blissful moment as his eyes turned glassy.

  “This is beautiful,” he gasped, sniffling. “How far along?”

  “Fourteen weeks. It’s been a hard pregnancy so far—I think I’ve been to see the midwife five times already, due to some bleeding and other potential health issues, but now we’re in the clear. Apparently, it all looks like it’s going okay and we can start telling people.” Bella beamed, and I did, too. A baby. We were going to have a child.

  “Cameron … son, I’m so—”

  “Don’t say it, Dad.” I held up my hand, cutting him off. “I know. I’m the luckiest man on the planet.”

  “You are.” Dad nodded. “When your mother and I found out we were having you …”

  A familiar sting zipped through me. “I’m going to go to the bar. You guys wan
t anything?”

  “Cam …” Bella frowned.

  “Ah, let him go. He’s never liked talking about her, and he never will.” Dad looked up at me. “A beer thanks, son. And the best mocktail you can order for this beautiful lady here.”

  I smiled. “Coming right up.”

  I headed inside, grateful I’d dodged that bullet.

  As I waited to order, a man with a backpack walked in, the logo of a chain of fitness clubs on the side. Strange. He didn’t look like a tourist, or as if he’d come from the gym.

  In the present, as I blinked my eyes into focus, willing my mind to please, please stay in the now, I could have laughed. He didn’t look like he’d come from the gym. A thought that stuck in my brain even now. It was so funny how out of place the man had appeared. How I’d questioned the guy’s lack of muscles, the shirt that seemed too restricting to be worn during a workout.

  No. He didn’t look like he’d come from the gym.

  Because he hadn’t.

  Chapter 13

  “Do we have permission to offer a sedative, Cameron?” Eleanor asked. From the tone of her voice, it was clear it wasn’t the first time she’d posed the question.

  I paused. God, I wanted my father’s pain to stop, but with every sedative, every mind-altering substance he took, he seemed to slip further and further from the grips of reality.

  “Help me! God, help me!” Dad screamed, and I nodded, my head jerking up and down at speed.

  I moved to my father’s side, grabbing one hand and taking over from one of the nurses. “Hey, Dad. Hey, I’m here for you. It’s me, Cam—”

  “No!” Dad cried, his face contorted in horror. His nails dug into my skin, his eyes wild. “She’s pregnant! Keep her safe! Keep her safe!”

  The nurses moved about as I squeezed his hand, ignoring the pain. “It’s gonna be okay, Dad. You’ve got this. I know you’re strong, and you’ll fight it. You’ll …”

  It was like watching water slinking out of the bath. A slow but steady stream of peace washed over Dad’s body, relaxing it into the bed. His breathing slowed into a gentle, easy rhythm, and his lips let loose a feeble “help” that sounded more like giving up than trying to fight. More like letting go than holding on.