by Dana Mason
“Me too…gosh that was an awful time,” she said shaking her head. “I had no idea I would see you again.”
“Are you glad you did?”
“I think I’ve already proven how happy I am to have you here.” She stared at him unblinking and said, “Were you—did you…ah ha.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “Nevermind.”
“What?”
“I was going to ask if you dated…any other women since then—but I don’t want to know.”
Johnny gave her a teasing smile. “Did you see any other men?”
“You already know the answer to that.” She frowned. “I even tried not to see you.”
“That’s over, right? You’re not going to try that ‘I can’t be involved right now’ thing again are you?”
“Yes, that’s over. It’s beyond a choice now.”
“It’s always a choice…you just have to choose me.”
“I choose you,” she whispered. “You own every part of me.” Her cheeks brightened again and her eyes glowed with intensity. The honesty in her words and expression made his heart skip a beat.
Johnny cupped her neck and pulled her closer, gripping her face in both hands. “I promise I will never give you a reason to regret this.”
“That’s a big promise.”
“A promise is a promise.”
When she didn’t say anything he said, “I wasn’t looking for you either, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I didn’t come find you and at least try.”
Her eyes grew moist and he was happy to see an honest reaction out of her, especially a positive one.
“And I have no regrets.” He touched her lips with his gently, tenderly, like a warm breeze. Slowly he intensified the kiss and threaded his hands in her hair. “Alison, my sweet Alison.”
She closed her eyes and a tear fell from between her lids. “I love you, Johnny.” She opened her eyes and met his. “And I have no regrets either.”
An impatient cry blurted out from across the room and they both smiled. “I guess he isn’t getting enough attention,” Johnny said.
“He’s hungry.” Ali wiped the tears off her cheek and reached for the diaper bag. “I’ll feed him while you start dinner.”
Johnny began marinating the chicken breast while he watched Ali feed Micah baby cereal and apple sauce. “Solid food finally, bet you’re happy about that, Micah. The formula stuff is pretty yucky.” Johnny took out the lettuce and started making a salad. “I’m telling you, little man, you should really protest the non-breastfeeding thing.”
Ali laughed at him. “Stop that—”
Johnny’s cell chimed interrupting her. She picked it up and glanced at the caller ID before handing it to him.
“Thank you, sweet…” He looked at the display and hit ignore. “Oh, yeah, don’t have time for that conversation.”
“May I ask…” she said with raised eyebrows. “Who was that?”
He smiled. “That was Abigail…and she likes to talk.”
Ali waited for him to elaborate but he didn’t so she said, “Yeah, I saw that. Abigail Bennett.”
Chapter Thirty
“That’s right,” he said as he chopped cucumber for the salad. “Abigail Bennett.” His eyes drifted up. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Are you—or,” the words tumbled out before she figured out what she really wanted to ask, and her heart accelerated to an uncomfortable pace. “Were you married?”
“No, darlin’, relax.” He frowned at her. “Abby is my cousin Jerry’s wife, not mine.”
Ali’s face caught fire it was so hot. “You jerk—you did that on purpose,” she said trying not to laugh.
“Did not. I thought I told you her name. Why would you think I lied about being married before? I’ve never lied to you about anything.”
“That right there is a lie. You lied to me today.”
He dropped the knife and looked at her, surprise all over his face. “Did not.”
“‘I’ll stop by when I’m done at the store’,” she quoted. “What was that?”
“That was not a lie,” he said holding up one finger. “But an intervention.”
“Inter—ah, you jerk.”
“And,” he said. “I wanted to get the baby carrier and I…picked up dessert, but it’s a surprise. You don’t get to see it.”
“You purposely made two trips to the store—because you wanted me to sweat through the experience.”
“No, darlin’, that hurt me just as much as it hurt you. I told you though, you need to get out and get comfortable in public again—with Micah.” He picked the knife back up and started slicing mushrooms. “I plan to take you out tomorrow too. Where would you like to go?”
She shook her head adamantly. “Forget it.”
“You’re going, don’t argue.”
“Excuse me? Who made you the boss?”
“I already told you, when you don’t take care of yourself, I get to be the boss of you.”
She snatched a cucumber slice from the salad. “What are you talking about?”
“When we went to lunch in St Helena,” he said.
“God—that seems like a lifetime ago.” She thought about the drive and lunch. Making love with Johnny again for the first time since seeing him in Hawaii…had it really only been a few weeks? He was already starting work. They’d hardly had any time to be together with everything that had happened. “Do you have any idea who you’re going to be partnered with?”
“Nope. You know a lot of the guys, don’t you? Anyone I should try to avoid?”
She cleared her throat. “I know a few.”
“Really, well…when you say it like that I have to ask. How many of them have you dated?” He grinned at her, his blue eyes showing amusement.
She shook her head at the irony and wished like hell he hadn’t asked that question.
“I’m joking, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Then what’s wrong?” He asked. “What’s the problem?”
Ali looked at him then away again. “I wouldn’t normally date a cop…on purpose.”
“Well, darlin’, I am a cop so that’s not totally true, is it?”
She pursed her lips. “I know.”
“But…you married a cop.”
“Why do you think Mark isn’t a cop anymore?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I asked him to quit…just before he made detective.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “What the hell for?”
Ali shrugged her shoulders and looked away. “I didn’t like being married to a cop.”
“And he agreed—just like that, he quit simply because you asked him to.” Johnny went back to slicing tomatoes. “He wanted to start his own business anyway, right.”
When she didn’t answer he must have realized it wasn’t true. God Mark loved his job. She place Micah’s food on the table and sat back in her chair, now sick with the memory. She hated what she’d done. She had been just as manipulative as Carl.
“Why did he quit, Ali?”
“I gave him an ultimatum,” she muttered.
“Why would you ask him to quit something he loved?”
“I didn’t want to be married to a cop. I spent my nights home alone scared all the time. I hated it.”
“But, Ali, the chances of something happening—”
“Are high—I’m not stupid,” Ali said. “He might have been killed—almost was.”
“I can’t believe he quit because you told him to and now you’re not even married anymore.”
“I guess I did Sarah a favor.”
“It’s not funny, Ali.”
“I know it’s not funny. I have
to live with what I did to him every day of my life.” She stood and faced him. “The only thing that makes it easier is knowing I may have saved his life.”
“Ali…”
“Don’t look at me like that. He’s happy with his business. He makes damn good money and he loves what he does now.” And it was true. He loved what he was doing, and he was much better at protecting people than chasing down criminals.
Johnny stared at her unblinking and she knew he’d never believe Mark was happier now. “I had no choice.”
“No choice?” he said, his voice dripping with disappointment.
“One night there was a really bad standoff. Two cops had been shot already and they had the guy held in an upstairs apartment. I watched it on the news—when they entered the building another cop had been shot.” Ali sank back into her chair. “I’ll never forget it. I was sick all night. I called and couldn’t get any answers. I assumed they wouldn’t tell me anything because Mark had been one of the cops that had been killed. When he came in the door, I felt so relieved…and mad.” She looked at Johnny, but he didn’t seem convinced by her story. “Do you know what that’s like—as a wife?”
Johnny shook his head and turned away to look out the window into the back yard. “I need to go start the grill,” he said and walked out the back door, letting the screen slam shut behind him.
She waited for several minutes then picked up Micah and followed him out. He stood with his hands on his hips staring into the lit grill.
The backyard was huge, much bigger than Ali realized. Toward the back, a loveseat sat nestled behind a grouping of bushes, shaded by a large sycamore tree. On the other side there was a small seating area with wicker furniture set in a circle. The patio had a large built in brick barbeque surrounded by a bar with several barstools. In the center of the patio, three wooden park benches circled a huge, round stone fire pit.
Johnny tossed a couple of logs into the fire pit. He lit the fire and turned toward the house, stopping when he saw her standing there.
“Nice back yard,” she said.
“Yeah, Sarah did a real nice job with it.” He held up a finger and said, “I’ll be right back with the chicken.”
Ali nodded then went over and sat on a bench next to the fire pit, turning Micah so he could look around the backyard. The weather was perfect with a slight breeze blowing the leaves on the trees. It’d been a long time since Ali had spent any real time outside. She used to like walking the neighborhood pushing Micah in his stroller, but she couldn’t force herself out these days.
A few minutes later, Johnny came back out and gingerly placed the marinated chicken on the grill. He watched it for another minute before strolling over and sitting on the bench across from her.
“I’m not so heartless as you think. It was a hard time for us. Mark understood and he knows I’m sorry for what I did.”
“You know, Ali…” Johnny looked up from the flames to make eye contact. “That’s a dangerous game to play.” He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the sky. “What would you have done if Mark had walked out on you?”
“I’ve grown up a lot since then, Johnny. You can’t judge me for something I did almost ten years ago.”
“You’re right, I shouldn’t, but the reality of it is, I am a cop. Period—there’s no changing that. It’s a part of who I am.”
“I know—I understand. I accept you no matter what you are. I would never do something like that again.”
“Don’t ever play games with me, Ali, never and no kind.”
He got up to check the chicken and Ali’s heart felt like it might jump out of her chest.
He sat back down and said, “I don’t give in to ultimatums or threats. I don’t communicate like that. If you have a problem, be honest with me about it and we can talk it out and I’ll do the same for you—no bullshit.”
“I already know I can talk to you about anything,” she said.
“As long as it’s truthful, I don’t like lies.”
“I know, I don’t either,” she said.
“Any other skeletons you want to share.”
“No, I think you know everything else already. How about you?”
“I’ve never manipulated anyone in my life. I was a bad kid. I liked to get into trouble. Spent a couple of nights in juvenile hall when I was in high school. One day I woke up and decided I didn’t want to be a bad guy. I finished high school, joined the Marines, did a full tour…got out, went to school for criminal justice and the police academy. End of story. The rest you know. I told you about Lisa—that’s it. I met you and came here.”
“You never answered my question from before.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Which question?”
“Did you see any other women after Maui?”
“Not one.” He rubbed a hand on the back of his neck. “Haven’t even looked at another woman since the very first time I laid eyes on you—didn’t want to. I just wanted more of you. I couldn’t get you out of my head.”
“Sorry,” she said looking away.
“Don’t be.” He stood up and went to sit next to her. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He took her hand and smiled at Micah. “You too, Micah.”
“Do you still feel like that even after what I told you?”
“Nothing has changed. Just don’t leave me when you get scared I’ve been shot.”
“Don’t get shot.”
“I won’t, but there will still be those nights that you’ll worry. You have to trust me to come home.”
“I promise to trust you to come home.”
He nodded then got up to check on the chicken.
Chapter Thirty-One
Johnny stared at her, not sure he believed her. “Are you trying to make me believe you’ve never made S’mores?”
“Maybe? I think when I was a kid. I wish Jamie was here, he’d love this.”
“So, next time we’ll do it with him,” he said. “Hand me a stick and I’ll show you how it’s done.”
She handed him a metal skewer and watched him thread the marshmallow onto the end. “My dad took us camping a couple of times when we were kids but I barely remember.”
“Nothin’ to it—toast the marshmallow, stack one gram cracker, a square of chocolate, and add the cooked marshmallow to the top. Then another gram cracker and squish it together. I like my marshmallow a little burnt.”
Ali nodded and stuck a marshmallow in the end of her metal skewer. “Do I have to burn it?”
“Nope. Test out a few and see how you like ‘em first. When you get the marshmallow the way you like it, make your S’more.”
Johnny helped Ali build her S’more then she made one for him while he bounced around holding Micah. “Micah, when you get teeth, I’ll show you how to do this too. Maybe we’ll start an annual camping trip and get your Mama back in the habit. We don’t have the Smokies around here, but I’m sure we can find a cool place.”
“We have the Sierras,” Ali said licking the marshmallow off her fingers.
“That’ll work too,” he said and thought about how much they looked like a family now, barbequing and talking about future plans. It’d been so long since he’d been a part of a real family. He missed it and hoped Ali would get comfortable with the idea of them being a family too. Soon enough she’d realize how great they all were together. He smiled and looked down at Micah. “You ‘bout finished, sweetheart? He’s yawning big time—oh and gnawing on his little fingers.”
“Yep.” She dropped the chocolate and everything else back in the bag and stood up.
“Here take him while I put the fire out.”
“Won’t it burn itself out?”
“No. I don’t want to take any chances with fire.”
“Right. So
rry,” she said.
He grinned at her. “Nothing to be sorry about. Go ahead and take him in, I’ll be there in a second.”
Ali snuggled up on the couch with Micah and his bottle, and Johnny went to work setting up the portable crib in the living room. “You should do it in the bedroom then we won’t have to move it,” she said.
“I’m not going to move it.” Johnny lifted his head to look at her.
“I thought he was sleeping in the room with us?” Ali said, tension creeping into her shoulders.
“Look here, sweetheart,” he said. “I’ll put this up right here, it’s right outside the bedroom door. We can keep the door open and you’ll hear every little noise he makes.”
“Why don’t you want him in the room with us?”
“Because you need another baby step. He’ll be so close you won’t even need a baby monitor.”
“But…I won’t be able to see him.”
“Darlin’, I promise to keep you so busy you won’t mind it.” He lifted up and stared at her for a moment. “Look here.” He laid a hand on the wall and said, “The bedroom is two feet away. It’s only one wall and an open door between us and Micah.”
Her eyes drifted down to Micah, he was right but that didn’t make her feel any better about it.
“We are taking baby steps until you—we.” He pointed between the three of them. “—until we are back to normal. Believe me, this isn’t easy on me either, but I can’t have you walking around afraid of your own shadow all the time.”
Ali didn’t argue. She’d move Micah into the bed with them or move out to the sofa after Johnny was sleeping if she needed to.
When Johnny had the crib set up and Micah had fallen asleep, they both kissed him good night and laid him down under his blue blanket.
“See, he’ll never know the difference,” Johnny whispered.
“I know, it’s fine. I’m fine.” She hugged herself, staring down on Micah. She didn’t know what was more important, convincing herself, or him.