The Cowboy's Christmas Baby

by Jennifer Hoopes

  Dan flung his hat into the chair and gripped his hair. “What do you think the past weeks have been about? First, I try to leave and get stopped by a cruel joke in the form of a pregnant angel. Then, I open up to her, spilling everything, and what does she do? She throws it back in my face and basically says I’m no better than her emotionally controlling ex-husband.”

  “You wanted to leave?” Peyton’s voice broke. The woman very rarely showed emotion, and Dan suddenly didn’t have enough air. He crossed to her window and flung it open. Crisp, biting Wyoming winter air nipped at his face, and he focused on the pinpricks of pain.

  “I need to be wanted, Peyton. To know that the things I do are appreciated. I wanted to find a place where I could be an integral part of something.”

  Peyton’s chair squeaked, and she slid beside him a moment later. “Dan, you are an integral part of Sky Lake. It cannot function without you.”

  “Peyton, you could run this place by yourself, blindfolded.”

  “Of course I could, but it wouldn’t flourish. Have you talked to Shelby about any of this?”

  “Umm, would you willingly expose any of this to Shelby?”

  “No. You’re right. That woman’s deadly enough without ammo.”

  They stood side by side in silence, letting the air chill the room. He had to go. It was the only way. Maybe he would be back one day, but for now it was best to leave Fly Creek behind.

  “Wait. Did you say Sofie was divorced? And that he controlled her?”

  “Yeah.” Dan sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

  “How? I mean, how did he control her?”

  “Through money. Basically took all her freedom away. He got her to quit her job, handled all the money, making her have to ask for anything. Clothing choices. He’s a politician, and he apparently dictated everything.”

  “Oh, Dan.”

  “What?” Something in Peyton’s tone grated across his skin. Told him he’d f’ed up in the biggest manner.

  “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?”

  “It wasn’t my story to tell, and unlike the Fly Creek grapevine, I know when to keep my lips sealed.”

  “But don’t you see, if I had known even a bit of this, I would have never, ever let you do the nursery.”

  “Why? I wanted to give her something. Show her support. Ease some of her burden. Show my commitment to her and Tyler.”

  “By supplying her with stuff and making a bunch of choices for her.”

  “It was baby stuff. Stuff she needed.”

  “Maybe.” Peyton shrugged. “But in her eyes, they were all decisions she planned on making, and you made them for her. She probably couldn’t see past the similarities to the differences.”

  Dan slammed a fist against the window frame and collapsed into a chair. “She told me I hadn’t been listening. But I had been. I was. I was hearing her stress and pain and fear, and I wanted to help in any way.”

  Peyton put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “I know you’re nothing like her ex and never could be, but I imagine things are so raw for Sofie even now. Give her time.”

  Dan let his hands hang between his knees. He’d probably done one of the worst shows of support he could have, even if his heart had been in the right place.

  “This can be fixed with time, Dan.”

  He shook his head. If only that were true. But there was more to the Sofie and Dan equation.

  “No. It can’t. The problems go beyond this screw-up and her past, Peyton. Sofie will never need me. Her past will always drive her to be in control, to flinch at someone extending a hand, and I get that, even more so now. She will never not compare me, or probably any other man, to him.”

  “Dan, that’s—”

  “Selfish, unfair, stupid? I know. I know I sound insensitive, and I’m not trying to be, but my feelings matter, too, right? Relationships are a two-way street. A give and take. They should complement not divide. Sofie and I will always divide.”

  “So you’re leaving?”

  Dan looked up to catch Peyton wiping a tear away.

  “I’m leaving.”

  …

  Sofie clicked the swing and the side-to-side motion came alive. Tyler’s mouth opened and closed several times, and eyelids too heavy to hold open slid shut. Satisfied she had at least an hour before he would need her again, she mentally reviewed all the things she needed to do and whimpered. Dropping to the couch, she determined the priority was phone calls to find a place to live.

  Part of her was ashamed she’d taken Dan up on the offer to stay here while she found somewhere to go. She didn’t want to be relying on him, but the other, practical side said she would be stupid to look the gift horse in the mouth. So she stayed and much too often wondered where Dan was and what he was doing. She hadn’t seen him since the nursery debacle. His note had said to let Emily or Peyton know what stuff she wanted gone, and they would take care of it. She sent it all back, and one day she returned to find the nursery scrubbed clean. Well, except for the name plate which still hung on the door. She hadn’t been able to part with it.

  A bitter laugh escaped her lips. For someone who thought they knew everything and where they were headed, why did the scene with Dan replay over and over? With each viewing, her heart broke a little more. Was it because, with time, she could see his intentions? That he hadn’t asked for a single thing from her. Not at any point in their time together.

  Except for her to accept and want him. Something she couldn’t see how to give him.

  A knock at the door broke through her circular reasoning.

  She double-checked Tyler then crossed over to open it, only to find Shelby Marks, one gloved hand through the handle of a basket, the other clutching a file.

  “May I come in?”

  “Of course,” Sofie said.

  Shelby set the basket on the island in the kitchen. “Eggnog tarts and cranberry muffins fresh from the oven.”

  Sofie smiled. “I will never lose this pregnancy weight at this rate. Everyone in Fly Creek is a sweet enabler.”

  Shelby laughed. “It’s in our DNA. We can’t help it.”

  Sofie unwrapped the green-and-red-checked cloth, and the aromas swirled up and caressed her face. “Which should I try first?”

  “Oh no you don’t. I have no favorites when it comes to anything Laney Bowler makes.”

  Sofie had been warned about the shrewd tact of Shelby Marks. She plucked out an eggnog tart. “Do you want one? Or can I get you something to drink?”

  “No, thank you. I won’t interrupt you long.” She glanced over her shoulder at Tyler. “Sleeping boys are one of the most precious things on this earth.” She met Sofie’s gaze. “Next to sleeping girls.”

  Sofie had no arguments. She bit into the tart and couldn’t keep in a groan. Cinnamon and butter bounced across her taste buds with the egg and cream hot on their heels. “Lord, I don’t care how much weight I gain if it’s because of these.”

  Shelby nodded. “Laney has a touch, that’s for sure. Now, my other reason for coming was to give you these papers.”

  Sofie sharpened her gaze. Something had caught in Shelby’s voice. A crack, a change in the normally unflappable woman’s demeanor. Premonition flew in and licked Sofie’s skin.

  “Dan had them drawn up.”

  Sofie held out her hand. “Please. I don’t want anything from Dan. I have never asked him for anything.”

  “Well, I’m not sure he’s giving you anything.”

  The sharpness of her tone had Sofie swallowing her words, but not before anger filled her veins. Shelby stared at her differently. Gone was the sweet woman who had brought her baked goods and looked longingly at her son. In her place was someone wounded. And Sofie had no doubt Shelby thought she’d done the wounding. “It wasn’t my fault.”

  “Wasn’t it?�
�

  That was it. She felt bad enough about her decision, was second-guessing everything that she’d said and done, but this was not entirely on her doorstep.

  “The night he came across me, he was leaving.”

  Shelby nodded.

  So she’d known that somehow. “Well, if you knew that, then maybe you should have stopped and thought that if you and the rest of this damn town had ceased depending on Dan and taking him and his help for granted, and instead thought about what he needed, maybe this situation wouldn’t be this way.”

  “Did you think about what he needed?”

  The words slapped her, leaving her heart stinging. They were wounded women lashing out, and it served no purpose.

  The papers in Shelby’s fingers rattled, and Sofie held out her hand to take them. Opening the manila flap, she found a renter’s agreement. Dan was renting her his cabin, and he was charging her a fair market price. He hadn’t sugarcoated it or given her any easy out—well, other than no security deposit, and the first month’s rent due space was blank.

  Shelby cleared her throat and spoke, neutrality ringing in her voice, although Sofie suspected not in her heart. “He asked me to tell you that if you can’t pay for a few months, that’s fine, he will spread those months out across the rest, or you can make it up at the end if you like. Or you can totally leave, too. The choice is yours.”

  Sofie’s hand trembled until the folder slid to the floor. Tears poured down her face, and before she knew it, she was sobbing into Shelby’s shoulder.

  “Honey, there… If it’s too much money, I’m sure he’ll adjust it, or we can find you someplace else.”

  Sofie kept trying to explain, but every time her mouth opened, her heart reminded her how much she’d screwed up, how wrong she’d been. It hurt too much to give the words voice, to give them even more power over her life than her actions already had.

  Shelby steered her to the couch, and a moment later, placed a glass of milk in her hand and a blurry muffin in front of her on the coffee table.

  “Drink. Then eat. Then we’ll talk.”

  Sofie had learned enough about Shelby Marks in the past few weeks to know that if she didn’t follow her orders, Shelby would help her to do so. Fifteen minutes later, her heart and breathing had slowed enough that she was confident she could manage the impending conversation with few tears. After all, she was not the wonder woman she thought she was, as evidenced by her breakdown over a rental agreement.

  “Feel better?”

  Sofie met the kind woman’s gaze. “No. Not really, but that’s not your fault.”

  “Hmm, I imagine part of it is, but let’s see what we can do about that.”

  She doubted there was anything that could be done, but if anyone knew something, maybe it would be this mother hen in front of her.

  “Can I ask a question?” Sofie said, and Shelby nodded. “Where’s Dan?”

  Shelby stiffened and rolled her neck, but Sofie didn’t miss the slight glisten in her blue eyes. “He’s in Cheyenne, last I heard.”

  Somewhere deep down, she’d known he’d left. She would have run into him or heard something about him if he’d still been in Fly Creek, but once again the power of the voiced word rocked her. Her gut clenched. Had she sent him away? She shook her head. No. He’d planned on leaving. Right?

  “Oh. Okay.”

  “You don’t sound pleased with that.”

  She wasn’t. And she didn’t know what to do with that. If she wasn’t pleased he was gone, then she had wanted him to stay, and that meant she made a mistake, in a rather convoluted display of logic.

  “I’m not,” she whispered, unable to keep the confession to herself.

  “I’m not, either,” Shelby replied, and the tears slid down her cheek. “He was my second son in so many ways.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?” Shelby asked. “You’re right. You didn’t send him away, not any more than I did, or anyone else.”

  “Maybe not,” Sofie agreed. “But I could have made him stay.”

  Shelby stared. She traced Sofie’s tear-stained face over and over. “Yes, I suppose you could have. But I’m sure you had valid reasons for not asking him to.”

  “I don’t think they are anymore. I think I let too much of what had happened to me overshadow what was happening to me.”

  Shelby pulled out a linen hanky and dabbed her face. “The past is a fickle witch, and it seems Fly Creek has a way of forcing people to face their pasts, both good and bad. I assume you know Dan’s past?”

  Sofie nodded and used her sleeve to wipe her cheeks.

  “Well, I don’t know yours, but I’m guessing some man wasn’t really a man to you.”

  “No. He wasn’t. And it took me too long to find out.”

  They both stewed in silence for a bit, but Shelby shocked Sofie by standing and smoothing her hands down her jeans. “I’ll leave you with your thoughts. Thank you for sharing a bit with me. I’m nosey like that, but I only use my intel for good, I promise.”

  Sofie felt cheated. She knew how Shelby had helped others in her position. Why wasn’t she getting the lecture or a plan or something to help with the chaos she faced?

  Shelby stopped by the swing and ran a finger alongside Tyler’s face. Sofie’s son smiled in his sleep and relaxed again.

  Shelby opened the door, a blast of air rushing in the opening. “Just one thing before I leave.”

  Sofie tilted her head.

  “When you ask yourself all the questions, as I know you will, make sure you ask yourself this one. What did Dan do to make you think he was no better than your ex?”

  Shelby smiled and blew a kiss and shut the door, sealing out the bitter cold, but not the cold surrounding Sofie’s heart. She’d known the answer before Shelby had even asked.

  Nothing. Dan had done nothing. He’d asked for nothing from her. Only to be needed, and she’d thought she couldn’t. That she didn’t have it in her anymore. That accepting his help would make her weak and mean she couldn’t support her son. But she did need Dan. Not to make her choices or control her life, but to love and support her. To be there when things were overwhelming. To dry her tears. To let her nap. To love her son as if he were his. She knew he could and would do all of those, and yet she’d sent him away. Thrown his worst fear in his face to make him leave. And he’d left.

  She had no right, no reason to ask him to come back.

  Except that she loved him.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Dan threw his hat on the desk. The hotel room that had become his home four days ago seemed even smaller today, the walls closing in until they would eventually squeeze him and his decisions to death. Cheyenne was just a stopping point through the holidays and New Year as he figured out where he would head out to finish finding whatever it was he sought.

  That part irked him, left his skin itchy and his jaw sore from clenching it so much.

  When he left Sky Lake and Fly Creek, he thought he knew the reasons driving him. The reasons that seemed silly to others but made sense to him. Now one week into his journey, the reasons had faded to fuzz and felt false, like a cover-up of the real reason. A trapdoor to a nonexistent journey. God, he even wasn’t good enough to figure out his life.

  He flipped on the TV and flopped onto the bed. No. This pity party was done. He’d never, never pitied any aspect of himself before. So why now? Things in his life had been good. He’d had a home, a job, friends and family he loved and cared about. Why had things become so dissatisfying? Why had he left all that comforted and embraced him? When had being Dependable Dan become a curse to him rather than something to be proud of?

  When it wasn’t enough for the woman you love?

  Did he love Sofie? He’d never told her that, and she’d never told him. But then again, why would she? Her love was for her son, and that
was all she thought she had, even if he thought she was selling herself short on the opportunities in her life. But did he love her?

  He ignored the truth and flicked through channels. One day before Christmas meant a barrage of tinsel and white-lighted, red-suited toys and cars with every click. He planned on stopping by Sky Lake tomorrow to see Shelby and the others. He couldn’t imagine not seeing them on his favorite holiday, even if he knew the brief reunion would be full of more questions and concern than celebration.

  Clicking off the TV, he glanced over at the pile of gifts sitting wrapped on the sofa, each one carefully picked for a person he knew and cared about. If leaving was the right choice, why had he been looking forward all week to returning, even for a day?

  A glance at the other bed showed a litter of papers and notes. Ideas, job listings, apartments. He hadn’t wasted this time away. He really had been trying. Only, every time he got a line on something, his gut punched his brain and told him he was looking in the wrong place. None of them would give him what he was searching for.

  Only, his gut refused to confess what that was.

  His phone whistled, and he swiped to see a message from Ryder.

  Tyler’s sick. Thought you might like to know.

  His hat was on his head and keys shoved in his pocket before he took a breath. With a hand on the hotel room door, he paused, and his brain nudged his heart and said, “Finally.”

  The forty-five-minute drive was torture. When one had a revelation about their life, facing two-lane roads with land stretched out barren on both sides was a special brand of torture. The plans he couldn’t form for the past week were shaping and molding into a future. Only, he needed her to be a part of it. Them, to be a part of it, Sofie and Tyler.

  She’d been right. The world wouldn’t end if he stopped trying to fix everything for everyone. For so long, he’d done it as a way to belong, out of pride instead of from a place of love. He’d lost sight of what it truly meant to help those he loved. He didn’t care if Sofie needed him. He needed her.

  First, he would make sure Tyler was okay. Ryder hadn’t answered any return texts. But he didn’t want to show up at the hospital. That would reveal too much. Peyton and Emily wouldn’t be any help, either, in this case. No, he needed Shelby. She would know the answers and keep his secret. Even better, she would probably help to orchestrate his plan. Especially if it meant he was coming back to Fly Creek to stay.