The Black Dagger Brotherhood Novels 5-8

by J. R. Ward

  As the sentence flew out of his mouth, he couldn’t believe he was jealous of his injured brother. “What I mean is—”

  “Nah. Don’t worry. I gotchu.”

  As Butch started to crack his knuckles, V cursed in his head and thought about leaving. Those popping sounds tended to be the prelude to Meaningful Conversation. “What.”

  Butch flexed his arms, his Gucci button-down stretching tight over his shoulders. “Nada. Well, other than…I do want you to know that I approve.”

  “Of what?”

  “Her. You and her.” Butch glanced over, then looked away. “It’s a good combo.”

  In the silence that followed, V traced the profile of his best friend, from the dark hair that fell over a smart forehead to the busted nose to the jutting jaw. For the first time in quite a while he didn’t crave Butch. Which should have been classed as an improvement. Instead, he felt worse for a different reason.

  “There is no her and me, buddy.”

  “Bullshit. I saw it right after you healed me. And the connection’s getting stronger by the hour.”

  “Nothing’s doing. I’m popping the solid-gold truth to you.”

  “Okay, well…how’s that water feeling, then?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The Nile warm this time of year?”

  As V ignored the jab, he found himself focusing on Butch’s lips. In a very quiet voice, he said, “You know…I totally wanted to have sex with you.”

  “I know.” Butch’s head twisted around, and their eyes met. “Past tense now, huh.”

  “Think so. Yeah.”

  Butch nodded toward the PT suite’s open door. “Because of her.”

  “Maybe.” V looked across the equipment room and caught sight of Jane as she rifled through a cabinet. His body’s response as she bent at the waist was immediate, and he had to shift his hips to keep the head of his erection from being squeezed like an orange. As the pain ebbed, he thought about what he’d felt toward his roommate. “Have to say, I was surprised you were so cool with it. Thought it would creep you out or some shit.”

  “Can’t help how you feel.” Butch stared down at his hands, checking the nails. The clasp on his Piaget. The placement of his platinum cuff link. “Besides…”

  “What?”

  The cop shook his head. “Nothing.”

  “Say it.”

  “Nope.” Butch stood up and stretched, his big body arching. “I’m going to head back to the Pit—”

  “You wanted me. Maybe just a little.”

  Butch settled back on his spine, his arms falling to his sides, his head dropping into place. He frowned, his face crinkling up. “I’m not gay, though.”

  V dropped his jaw like a quarter and bobble-headed it. “No, really? That’s such a shocker. I was sure all that I’m-a-good-Irish-Catholic-boy-from-Southie shit was a front.”

  Butch flipped the bird. “Whatever. And I’m down with homosexuals. Far as I’m concerned people should fuck whoever they want in whatever way gets them off as long as everyone involved is over eighteen and no one gets hurt. I just happen to dig the females.”

  “Relax. I’m only jerking you.”

  “You’d better be. You know I’m not a ’phobe.”

  “Yeah, I know.”

  “So are you?

  “A ’phobe?”

  “Gay or bi.”

  As V exhaled, he wished it was because he had a cigarette between his lips, and on reflex he patted his pocket, comforted by the fact that he’d brought some handrolls with him.

  “Look, V, I know you do females, but the way you do them is only the leather-and-wax road. Is it different between you and guys?”

  V stroked his goatee with his gloved hand. He’d always felt like there was nothing he and Butch couldn’t say to each other. But this…this was hard. Mostly because he didn’t want anything to change between them and had always feared that if his sexual endeavors were discussed too openly it would get weird. Truth was, Butch was a hetero by nature, not just background. And if he’d felt a little something different here or there for V? It was an aberration that probably made him uncomfortable.

  V rolled the Aquafina bottle between his palms. “How long have you wanted to ask me the question? About the gay thing.”

  “For a while.”

  “Afraid of what I’d say?”

  “Nope, because it doesn’t matter to me one way or the other. I’m tight with you whether you like males or females or both.”

  V looked into his best friend’s eyes and realized…yeah, Butch wasn’t going to judge him. They were cool no matter what.

  With a curse, V rubbed the center of his chest and blinked. He never cried but he felt as if he could at this moment.

  Butch nodded as if he knew exactly what was doing. “Like I said, my man, it’s whatever. You and me? Same as always, no matter who you screw. Although…if you’re into sheep, that would be tough. Don’t know if I could handle that.”

  V had to smile. “I don’t do farm animals.”

  “Can’t stand hay in your leathers?”

  “Or wool in my teeth.”

  “Ah.” Butch looked back over. “So what’s the answer, V?”

  “What do you think it is?”

  “I think you’ve done males.”

  “Yeah. I have.”

  “But I’m guessing…” Butch wagged his finger. “I’m guessing you don’t like them any more than the females you Dom. Both sexes are irrelevant to you in the long run because you’ve never really cared about anyone. Except for me. And…your surgeon.”

  V dropped his eyes, hating that he was so transparent, but not really surprised by the thin-veil routine he was sporting. He and Butch were like that. No secrets. And in that vein…“I probably should tell you something, cop.”

  “What?”

  “I raped a male once.”

  Man, you could have heard crickets chirping for the silence.

  After a while Butch sank back down on the bench. “You did?”

  “Back in the warrior camp, if you beat someone while sparring, you fucked them in front of the rest of the soldiers. And I won the first fight I was in after my transition. The male…I guess he’d consented in a way. I mean, he submitted, but it wasn’t right. I…yeah, I didn’t want to do it to him, but I didn’t stop.” V took out a cigarette from his pocket and stared down at the thin white roll. “It was right before I left the camp. Right before…other things happened to me.”

  “Was that your first time?”

  V took out his lighter but didn’t strike up a flame. “Helluva way to start, huh.”

  “Jesus…”

  “Anyway, after I was out in the world for a while, I experimented with a lot of shit. I was really angry and…yeah, just totally pissed off.” He looked over at Butch. “There’s not much I haven’t done, cop. And most of it’s been hard-core, if you feel me. There’s always been consent, but it was—it still is—on the rails.” V laughed tightly. “As well as curiously forgettable.”

  Butch was quiet for a time. Then he said, “I think that’s why I like Jane.”

  “Huh?”

  “When you look at her? You actually see her, and when’s the last time that’s happened for you?”

  V geared himself up, then stared hard into Butch’s eyes. “I saw you. Even though it was wrong. I saw you.”

  Shit, he sounded sad. Sad and…lonley. Which made him want to change the subject.

  Butch clapped V on the thigh, then stood up, as if he knew exactly what V was thinking. “Listen, I don’t want you to feel bad. It’s my animal magnetism. I’m irresistible.”

  “Smart-ass.” V’s smile didn’t last long. “Don’t get your romantic side fired up about me and Jane, buddy. She’s human.”

  Butch’s jaw dropped and he pulled a bobble. “No, really? That’s such a shocker! And here I thought she was a sheep.”

  V shot Butch a fuck-ya stare. “She’s not into me like that. Not really.”

&n
bsp; “You sure about that?”

  “Yup.”

  “Huh. Well, if I were you I might test that theory before you let her go.” Butch shoved a hand through his hair. “Listen, I…shit.”

  “What?”

  “I’m glad you told me. About the sex stuff.”

  “None of it was a news flash.”

  “True. But I figure you came out with it because you trust my ass.”

  “I do. Now drag it back to the Pit. Marissa’s got to be coming home soon.”

  “She is.” Butch headed for the door but then paused and looked over his shoulder. “V?”

  Vishous raised his stare. “Yeah?”

  “I think you should know, after all this deep conversatin’…” Butch shook his head gravely. “We still ain’t dating.”

  The two of them busted out laughing, and the cop was still yukking it up as he disappeared into the gym.

  “What’s so funny?” Jane asked.

  V braced himself before looking at her, hoping like hell she didn’t know how hard it was for him to front like he was level. “My buddy’s just being an ass. It’s his life’s work.”

  “Everyone needs a purpose.”

  “True.”

  She sat down on the bench across the way, and his eyes ate her up like he’d been in the dark for ages and she was a candle.

  “Are you going to need to feed again?” she asked.

  “Doubt it. Why?”

  “Your coloring is off.”

  Well, having your chest this tight will do that to a guy. “I’m good.”

  There was a long silence. Then she said, “I was worried in there.”

  The exhaustion in her voice made him see past his attraction for her and pick up on the fact that her shoulders were slumped and there were dark circles under her eyes and her lids were low. She was clearly wiped.

  You need to let her go, he thought. Soon.

  “Why were you worried?” he asked.

  “Very tricky area to fix in a field situation. Which was what this was.” She rubbed her face. “You were great, by the way.”

  His brows popped. “Thanks.”

  With a groan, she tucked her feet up under her butt, just as she had back in the bedroom in that chair. “I’m concerned about his sight.”

  Man, he wished he could rub her back. “Yeah, he doesn’t need another liability.”

  “He has one already?”

  “Prosthetic leg—”

  “V? Mind if I talk to you for a sec?”

  V’s head shot around to the doorway in from the gym. Rhage was back, still dressed in his fighting leathers. “Hey, Hollywood. What’s up?”

  Jane uncurled herself. “I can go into the other—”

  “Stay,” V said. None of this was going to be permanent for her, so it didn’t matter what she heard. And besides…there was a part of him—a sappy part that made him want to clap himself on the head with a liquor bottle—that wanted to milk every second he had with her.

  As she settled back into place, V nodded at his brother. “Talk.”

  Rhage glanced back and forth between him and Jane, his teal eyes too shrewd for V’s taste. Then the guy shrugged. “I found an incapacitated lesser tonight.”

  “Incapacitated how?”

  “Gutted.”

  “By one of its own?”

  Rhage glanced at the PT room door. “Nope.”

  V looked in that direction and frowned. “Phury? Oh, come on, he would never pull any Clive Barker shit. Must have been one hell of a fight.”

  “We’re talking field-dressed, V. Surgical cuts. And it’s not like the thing had swallowed the brother’s car keys and he was looking to get ’em back. I think he did it for no good reason.”

  Well…shit. Among the Brotherhood, Phury was the gentleman, the noble fighter, the one who was Boy Scout–tight about things. He had all kinds of standards for himself, and honor in the combat arena was one of them, even though their enemies didn’t deserve the favor.

  “I can’t believe it,” V muttered. “I mean…shit.”

  Rhage took a Tootsie Pop out of his pocket, peeled off the wrapper, and pieholed the thing. “I don’t give a crap if he wants to shred those fuckers like tax returns. What I’m not into is what’s driving the behavior. If he’s knifing like that, there’s some high-level frustration going on. Plus if the reason he got cracked in the face tonight was because he was so busy playing Saw II, then it’s a safety issue.”

  “You tell Wrath?”

  “Not yet. I was going to talk to Z first. Assuming everything goes okay with Bella tonight at Havers’s.”

  “Ah…that’s Phury’s why, then, true? Anything happens to that female or the young inside her and we’re going to have to deal with both of them like you read about.” V cursed to himself, suddenly thinking of all the pregnancies in his future. Fuck. That Primale shit was going to kill him.

  Rhage bit down on the Tootsie Pop, the crunch muffled by his flawless cheek. “Phury’s got to cut that obsession with her.”

  V looked down at the floor. “No doubt he would if he could.”

  “Listen, I’m going to go find Z.” Rhage pulled the white stick out of his mouth and wrapped it in the purple wrapper. “You two need anything?”

  V glanced at Jane. Her eyes were on Rhage and she was sizing him up as a doctor would, taking note of the composition of his body, doing his internal math in her head. Or, at least, V hoped that was what was doing. Hollywood was a good-looking bastard.

  As V’s fangs throbbed in warning, he wondered if he was ever going to get his calm and cool back. It seemed like he was jealous of everything in pants with Jane around.

  “No, we’re good,” he said to his brother. “Thanks, man.”

  After Rhage left and closed the door, Jane shifted around on her bench, stretching her legs out. With a ridiculous surge of satisfaction, he realized they were sitting in exactly the same position.

  “What’s a lesser?” she asked.

  He called himself a loser as he stared at her. “An undead killer who’s trying to hunt my kind into extinction.”

  “Undead?” Her forehead bunched up, as if her brain were rejecting what she’d heard. Like it was a widget that hadn’t passed quality control. “Undead how?”

  “Long story.”

  “We have time.”

  “Not that much.” Not much at all.

  “Was that what shot you?”

  “Yup.”

  “And what attacked Phury?”

  “Yup.”

  There was a long silence. “I’m glad he cut one of them up, then.”

  V’s eyebrows danced with his hairline. “You are?”

  “The geneticist in me abhors extinction. Genocide is…utterly unforgivable.” She got up and went to the door to look in at Phury. “Do you kill them? The…lessers?”

  “That’s what we’re for. My brothers and I were bred to fight.”

  “Bred?” Her dark green eyes shifted to his. “What do you mean?”

  “The geneticist in you knows exactly what I mean.” As the word Primale pinged around his skull like a loose bullet, he cleared his throat. Shit, he was so not in a big hurry to talk about his future as the Chosen’s stud with the woman he actually wanted to be with. Who was leaving. At, like, sundown.

  “And this is a facility for training more of you?”

  “Well, soldiers to support us. My brothers and I are a little different.”

  “How so?”

  “Like I said, we were specifically bred for strength and endurance and healing.”

  “By whom?”

  “Another long story.”

  “Try me.” When he didn’t reply, she pressed, “Come on. We might as well talk, and I’m really interested in your kind.”

  Not him. His kind.

  V swallowed a curse. Man, if he were any more chicked-out about her, he’d be wearing nail polish.

  He really wanted to light the cigarette in his hand, but he wasn’t about
to around her. “Standard stuff. The strongest males were mated to the shrewdest females. Which resulted in guys like me, who are the best bet for the protection of the race.”

  “And the female births from these pairings?”

  “Were the basis of the spiritual life of the species.”

  “Were? So that kind of selective breeding doesn’t go on anymore?”

  “Actually…it’s starting up again.” Damn, he really needed a cigarette. “Will you excuse me?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “Out to the gym for a smoke.” He slipped the hand-rolled between his lips, stood up, and went just beyond the equipment room’s door. Leaning against the gym’s concrete wall, he set the Aquafina bottle down at his feet and put his lighter to good use. As he thought about his mother, he exhaled a smoky fuck.

  “The bullet was strange.”

  V snapped his head around. Jane was in the doorway, arms across her chest, her blond hair messed up like she’d been pushing a hand through it.

  “Excuse me?”

  “The bullet that hit you. Do they use different weapons?”

  He blew his next stream of smoke out in the opposite direction, away from her. “How was it strange?”

  “Normally bullets are conical in shape, the tops either coming to a sharp angle if it’s a rifle or being more blunt if it’s a pistol. The one in you is round.”

  V took another draw on his hand-rolled. “You saw this on the X-ray?”

  “Yeah, read like normal lead as far as I could see. The bullet was slightly uneven around the edges, but that was likely caused by it banging around your rib cage.”

  “Well…God only knows what kind of new technology the lessers are tripping with. They have toys just like we have toys.” He looked at the tip of the cigarette. “Speaking of which, I should say thank-you.”

  “For what?”

  “Saving me.”

  “You’re very welcome.” She laughed a little. “I was so surprised at your heart.”

  “You were?”

  “Never seen anything like it before.” She nodded to the PT room. “I want to stay here with you guys until your brother’s healed up, okay? I have a bad feeling about him. Can’t put my finger on it…. He looks all right, but my instincts are ringing, and when they go off like this I’m always sorry if I don’t follow them. Besides, I’m not due back to real life until Monday morning anyway.”