The Social Media Murder Corp

by Stephen Signorelli

  Yuki smiled.

  “You are both so good to me, thank you for caring for your old Auntie Yuki.”

  Destruction smiled at her and bowed slightly. She walked out of the room as Yuki continued to sip her tea. In a moment, Yuki forgot that the conversation ever took place.

  “How is she today?” Danger asked.

  “Quite chipper actually, I think she will have a good day.”

  The twins gathered up their school backpacks and walked out of the house and down the long driveway to the bus stop.

  “Will we be able to take her home this summer?” Danger asked.

  “I hope so, she should be ok. Her physical health is alright, except for her brain, but that isn’t something that will kill her, it just makes her….I dunno, she isn’t what she was,” Destruction answered.

  “A bullet in your head will do that to you,” Danger replied.

  “Yeah, poor Auntie Yuki.”

  The twins waited for the bus, deep in thought.

  “We need to plan something,” Destruction said quietly.

  “Yeah, we need to make another statement,” Danger agreed.

  “I will think of something to do.”

  “I want to do something unexpected, something off the wall.”

  “Like what?”

  “Kill someone famous, or blow up something famous.”

  “How about kill someone famous INSIDE something famous?”

  “YES! That is ace! We should totally do that!”

  “Hmm but what though, this is the quandary.”

  “What the hell is a quandary?”

  “A difficult situation.”

  “Why can’t you just say difficult situation?”

  “Because I said quandary!”

  “But why say one over the other?”

  “I dunno! I just felt like demonstrating my uber knowledge!”

  Both girls laughed at themselves.

  “You’re a doo doo head!”

  “No, you are a doo doo head!”

  The school bus pulled up and the twins boarded. They walked to their favorite seat, which was always left vacant (the other children knew better) and sat down.

  “This museum trip is going to be awesome.”

  “I wanna see fossils.”

  “I wanna BE a fossil someday and be in a museum so kids will have to come look at me and write an essay!”

  “That would totally rock.”

  “Rock like a fossil!”

  The museum

  “What is a trilobite?”

  “I dunno, it looks like a bug.”

  “Yeah it looks like some sort of bug on steroids.”

  “This thing here says it’s over a half a billion years old.”

  “Oh that’s a long time. Poor thing, he was just swimming along doing trilobite stuff and then WHAM, he is a fossil.”

  “I don’t think fossils form just by something going WHAM.”

  Danger and Destruction peered into the glass case at the fossils. Despite everything they did, they were still 14 and were immensely curious about things they did not understand. They spent the school trip peering at fossils, reading about fossils, forming opinions about fossils, and finally buying some fossils.

  “Cool! This trilobite fossil is mine! I’m going to name him Pancake cause he is flat like one!” Danger proudly exclaimed.

  “Check THIS out,” Destruction said proudly as she held up a large shark tooth, “a fossilized Megalodon tooth!”

  “What’s a Megalodon?”

  “It was a huge ass shark that lived like fifty zillion years ago! It was like 90 feet long and ate everything it saw!” Destruction exaggerated.

  “Oh my God that is pretty badass,” Danger added.

  The girls joined their class in the food court of the museum.

  “Hey look they got tater tots!” Danger cried happily.

  “Sweet, this museum is first class,” Destruction nodded.

  As the twins got their food and sat down to eat, they didn’t notice the maintenance worker checking them out. The twins were a bit oblivious to guys staring at them, only noticing when it became very obvious. They did not dress or act provocatively, but society, being what it is, sometimes did not care.

  The worker watched as the twins finished their meal and threw their trash out. His eyes followed them as they bounced from table to table showing off their fossils. The other children laughed and showed off their fossils, and many arguments started about who had the best fossil.

  “Hey sis, ladies room,” Danger said.

  “Ok let’s go,” Destruction stated.

  As the twins made their way to the ladies room, the maintenance worker followed them. He watched the girls enter the ladies room and, making sure no one was watching, he hung a small ‘OUT Of ORDER’ sign on the doorknob and silently slipped into the bathroom.

  He barely made it two steps into the area when Danger grabbed him by the throat and savagely flung him across the floor, smashing him back first into the sink area. Destruction slammed her knee into his crotch as she simultaneously shoved a rolled up wad of paper into his mouth to muffle his screams. She head-butted him, breaking his nose, and slammed him to the floor.

  “Well, what have we here? Some sort of pervert!” Destruction said with a smile.

  “Oh my God he is a TOTAL pervert!” Danger said as she pulled out a pocket knife from her bag and manipulated the door knob of the toilet.

  “You seizing that handle up sis? I don’t want us to be disturbed,” Destruction said softly.

  “Yeah it’s done, no one will bother us for a bit. Figure about 10 minutes before someone in charge gets confused by the sign.”

  “Well then Mr. Perverted maintenance worker, that gives us ten minutes to play with you,” Destruction whispered in the man’s face.

  “In case you don’t know, and since you are going to die anyway, allow me to let you in on a little secret. The Social Media Murder Corp? That’s us,” Danger whispered in his ear.

  The man’s eyes went wide with fear as the blood flowed from his broken nose.

  “Yeah, you really tried to perv on the wrong girls.”

  “Totally. Then again, you shouldn’t be perving on ANYONE let alone girls our age you sicko.”

  “Did you really think we would want to fuck some greasy piece of shit like you?”

  “Oh my God we don’t want to fuck ANYONE let alone a pervert!”

  “How many little girls have you already tried shit with?”

  “This guy sucks, he is like this museum’s version of Roman Polanski.”

  “Yeah, except this piece of shit doesn’t have his Hollywood friends to bail his ass out.”

  “Dude you are so going to die right now.”

  “Dammit I wish we could film this, this would make an awesome murder-death-kill upload.”

  “Yeah totally. Now, Mr. Pervert, any last words?’

  “Uh sis, he is gagged he can’t talk.”

  “Oh yeah, well sorry dude, guess its straight to hell with nothing but the screams in your mind.”

  Danger ran her fingers along the man’s cheek and smiled.

  “This is going to hurt a lot,” she whispered.

  Danger poked her fingers into the man’s left eyeball and with a tug, yanked his eye out of its socket. The man convulsed with pain, flailing his arms, as Danger removed his eye and held in between her fingers.

  “This is icky!” she cried as she squished it in her hand.

  Destruction grabbed the man’s right hand and began to bend his fingers backwards, breaking them one by one. Finishing his right hand, she moved to his left.

  “Yuck Danger, wash the eye ball goo off your hands,” she sighed.

  “Yeah gross,” Danger replied as she washed her hands.

  “Now where was I, oh yeah, breaking bones,” Destruction said flatly as she continued to break the man’s fingers.

  Danger finished washing her hands and punched the man in the back of his head. Lo
oking at him, she frowned.

  “Damn he passed out or died or something,” she said.

  Destruction put her head to the man’s chest and listened.

  “He is alive, his heart is beating, I think he just passed out,” she replied.

  “Crap now we can’t hear him suffer. Oh well, let’s just kill him and go home, I wanna show Pancake to Mr. Fluffywoogums, they can be friends!" Danger said happily.

  “I don’t know if a cat can be friends with a fossil,” Destruction said as she snapped the man’s neck.

  “Sure they can! Pancake is friendly.”

  “Pancake is a fossil,” Destruction smiled as she stood up and reached in her bag for a cell phone.

  “So? Fossils can have friends!” Danger argued.

  Destruction pulled out a non-traceable cell phone from a Ziploc bag and dialed the local police. She held a small device to her throat as she waited for the call to connect.

  “9-11 please state your emergency”

  Destruction smiled as she spoke.

  “THIS IS THE HOLY WARRIORS OF ALLAH, IN THE NAME OF THE PROPHET WE HAVE PLACED 7 BOMBS IN THE PARKSIDE CITY MUSEUM! FOSSILS ARE AGAINST THE TEACHINGS OF THE PROPHET AND ARE BLASPHEMOUS TO ALLAH! YOU HAVE 30 MINUTES BEFORE THEY EXPLODE!!! DEATH TO THE INFIDELS!”

  Destruction hung up and laughed. She placed the cell phone back in the Ziploc bag and placed it in her purse.

  “Holy Warriors of Allah?” Danger asked.

  “Yeah people freak if they think there is an Islamic terror group around, idiots,” she replied.

  “Why would they blow up a museum? Are fossils really against Allah?” Danger asked.

  “No they aren’t, but the people around here are too bigoted and close minded to figure that out,” Destruction answered.

  “Let’s move Mr. Pervert into the bathroom stall,” Danger said.

  The twins dragged the now dead maintenance man into the bathroom stall.

  “Ug he was icky,” Danger frowned.

  “Any minute now,” Destruction said as she looked at her watch.

  Suddenly alarms began to sound as the museum was alerted to the fake bomb threat.

  “That’s our cue, let’s rejoin the others,” Destruction said as she kicked the bathroom door open.

  “Yay we get to go home and introduce Pancake to Mr. Fluffywoogums!” Danger cheered.

  The twins rejoined their classmates and pretended to be scared of the alarms.

  “Oh lordy Jesus there are alarms it’s the Apocalypse!” Danger screamed.

  “Oh no run for your lives!” Destruction cried out.

  The museum began to evacuate and the twins and their classmates met in front of the school bus. The teachers loaded the children on the bus and, confirming everyone was on board, they drove away. On the bus the children were a mixture of bored, scared, amused, and curious.

  “What happened?”

  “Why did we have to leave?”

  “This museum sucks!”

  “I don’t wanna go back to school!”

  The twins relaxed in their seat and looked out the bus window.

  “Well that was an eventful day,” Destruction said.

  “Yeah, I did learn a lot about fossils though,” Danger stated happily.

  “I bet we have to write an essay on fossils.”

  “Good, I can write about Pancake!”

  “Pancake the fossil, you really are too cute.”

  Destruction rested her head on Danger’s shoulder and sighed.

  “Let’s relax tonight after dinner. I told Auntie Yuki we would make her salad.”

  “Ok, salad sounds good. I doubt she even remembers, but at least it will be a nice surprise for her.”

  Destruction closed her eyes as she snuggled closer to her sister.

  “Do you ever think about home?”

  “Yes, all the time.”

  “I miss Cambodia.”

  “Me too. The warm air, the smell of the lilac garden.”

  “The sounds of the city, the marketplace, the pier.”

  “The jungle, the stars at night.”

  “Sitting on the deck in the backyard star gazing.”

  “The training hall.”

  Both girls sighed.

  “Do you ever stop and think maybe we should just go home and stay?” Danger asked.

  “Sometimes, I do sometimes. I try and picture us just relaxing, spending time together, not having to carry the burden we do,” Destruction answered.

  “Sometimes I wish the universe didn’t talk to us, and we could just live our lives together without any worry or stress.”

  “Me too, but we don’t have a choice when it comes to the universe, it speaks to whom it wants, and we can’t ignore it.”

  “I know, just on some days I wish it had spoken to someone else.”

  Destruction took her sister’s hand and held it tight. Danger smiled and squeezed her hand.

  “Hey sis,” Danger said, “did you ever hear of the story of the last flying penguin?”

  “The last flying penguin? No, tell me.”

  “Well it’s not so much a story as a fact. Once penguins could fly, many millions of years ago, and they filled the sky. They soared over oceans, mountains, lakes, all over the Earth. But over time, they changed. They started to spend more and more time in the water, and they became better suited to swimming than to flying. Evolution took its course and one day there was only one flying penguin left. And one day, for the last time ever, he took to the air. The penguin stretched out his wings and soared, higher than any penguin had ever soared before. He soared so high he could see the curvature of the Earth. He flew over all the oceans, all the continents, he surveyed all life underneath his wings as he soared, riding the air currents like a ballerina. Then finally, when there was no more left to see, the last flying penguin landed, took his last breath, and died. And penguins flew no more, ever.”

  Destruction squeezed Danger’s hand tight.

  “I don’t ever want to land,” Danger sighed.

  5 years earlier

  The twins stood in the middle of the carnage. Both sisters were covered in blood and bits of flesh. Around the, scattered throughout the grounds of the compound, 27 dead bodies laid in various states of dismemberment. Kneeled before them was The Bell of Saint Mark, his clothes torn, his face covered in sweat, his eyes wide with terror.

  “We said we would kill you old man.”

  “The universe demands it.”

  “You aren’t human, neither one of you. I do not know what exactly you are, but I warn you: Your father has not told you the nature of the organization of which he is a member. They will not accept you as his heirs, nor as members independently. You may kill me here now, but they will come for you, and even with all your skill, you cannot fight them all at one.”

  “You are a fool.”

  “We are forces of nature.”

  “We cannot die.”

  “Anyone who comes will be killed.”

  “Balance must be maintained.”

  “I spit on your balance, and I spit on your arrogance. I welcome my death, because I am not foolish enough to believe I am immortal.”

  “You are not going to die fast old man.”

  “It’s going to take a while.”

  The Bell looked at the ground and sighed. He knew the twins would keep him alive for as long as possible, torturing him repeatedly for their own sick amusement. He did not fear death, and he was ready, but he wanted one last chance to deny the twins something they wanted.

  “You won’t get the chance. Mark my words: One day you will run up against someone who will kill you both.”

  The Bell smiled and, using the last of his strength, spun his head to the right as hard and as fast as he could, breaking his own neck and killing himself. He collapsed to the ground with a thud, a look of disgust on his face.

  “Dammit!”

  “This was unexpected.”

  “I wanted to torture him!”


  “So did I. We were cheated.”

  “So unfair.”

  “Now what?”

  “We need to burn all the bodies, we don’t want the regular military snooping around, even if papa has them bribed to leave us alone.”

  “Where is papa anyway? I thought I saw him and Auntie Yuki in the yard.”

  The twins wandered back into the backyard of the compound. They stopped in their tracks, frozen to the ground.

  Before them Stepan was slumped over against a tree, a blood stain on his shirt. The girls stared at him for a moment then ran to him.

  “PAPA!”

  “PAPA WAKE UP!”

  “FUCK he has been shot put some pressure on it!”

  “No no no no PAPA!”

  Stepan coughed, spitting up blood. His eyes opened and he looked at the twins and smiled.

  “Good girls, my girls, did you get them all?”

  “Yes papa, we got them all,” Danger said, tears flowing from her eyes.

  “The old man is dead, he broke his own neck,” Destruction added.

  “Heh, serves him right, the old bastard,” Stepan croaked as he coughed up more blood.

  “Papa we need to get a doctor for you!”

  “Yes, we will get the doctor from the clinic in the village, he will fix you.”

  “Don’t waste your time, I know how bad I am injured. You cannot patch this up.”

  “Papa don’t say that.”

  “Danger, he is right.”

  “I know he is right sis, I just don’t want to believe it!”

  “English please, dears.”

  “Sorry papa.”

  “What do we do?”

  “Girls, where is Yuki?”

  “We don’t know, we haven’t found her.”

  “Papa where is mommy?”

  “She is safe, I locked her in the panic room.”

  “Destruction, what do we do? We can’t stop papa from dying!”

  “Girls, listen to me, I have to tell you some things. Pay attention to papa now ok?”

  The twins sat on either side of Stepan, Danger still trying to compress his gunshot wound.

  “I, and by rights you both now, are part of a large global organization that has no official name. We have a code of ethics, we never target each other directly. We take care of our own, even our enemies, and we never kill family. Someone has violated that code tonight, and they will come back to finish this.”