The Lost Lullaby

by Jason Segel

  “Isabel will come with me through the portal in the mansion,” Charlie said. “Once we reach the other side, we will destroy the tower and the portal inside it.”

  Several loud gasps came from the crowd, and the Nightmares began to whisper among themselves. Dabney the clown giggled sadly.

  “But that means you and Jack will never be able to return in the flesh,” Medusa said. “Are you certain this is the best course of action? Have you discussed this with your brother?”

  “He has.” Jack stepped forward. “Charlie’s right. It’s got to be done.”

  “My family is willing to make the sacrifice. I spoke to Silas DeChant, the man who built the purple mansion, and even he agrees. As much as Jack and I will miss you, Madam President, we both think we will all be safer if the portal is closed for good,” Charlie told her.

  “Since you’ve brought up the subject of safety,” Medusa said, “how can we be sure that this child will not do more terrible things once she’s set free in the Waking World?”

  Charlie straightened his spine and stood as tall as he could. “I am the second part of the prophecy, and I will vouch for Isabel, ma’am. My friends and I will help her stay out of trouble.”

  Medusa nodded. “Very well, then. Isabel Kessog, otherwise known as ICK, your sentence is banishment from the Netherworld. You shall live out the rest of your days as an ordinary human.”

  Medusa struck her gavel against the desk, and the trial of Isabel Kessog was over.

  —

  The presidential limo drove Charlie, Jack, and Isabel to the Netherworld mansion. Along the way, they passed what was left of the old Laird family house with the cavern beneath it. Charlie was happy to see that the building was already collapsing bit by bit.

  When they reached the Netherworld mansion, Medusa and Dabney saw them all to the front door. There were hugs all around, and Dabney cried, but Charlie knew it wasn’t goodbye forever. The gorgon and the clown would always be there for him in his nightmares.

  When their friends had finally gone and the door of the mansion had closed behind them, Charlie solemnly led the way up the stairs. Inside the tower at the top of the building, he and Jack stood at one of the windows and gazed out one last time on the nightmare land below. Across the room, Isabel Kessog stood at the tower’s other window, and Charlie wondered if she too was saying goodbye.

  “Are you going to miss it?” Charlie asked his little brother.

  “Nope,” said Jack. He sounded surprised to hear himself saying it.

  “Me neither,” Charlie agreed. As exciting and rewarding as his journeys in the strange world had been, it felt good to be leaving it all behind.

  “That’s because you did what you were supposed to do,” Jack said. “You fulfilled the prophecy. You saved the Netherworld, the Dream Realm, and the Waking World. I think you deserve to go home.”

  Charlie looked over at his brother. “We fulfilled the prophecy, Jack. I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

  They were interrupted by the sound of feet thundering up the stairs. For a moment, Charlie wondered if ICK’s Nightmare army had come to get them. Instead, the ugliest baby in the Netherworld walked through the door. It was wearing a snug, beet-stained onesie that showcased its hairy arms and legs—and smoking the stub of a cigar. A giant bird with a woman’s head flapped in behind it.

  “Oh dear. What are you?” Isabel asked the smaller creature.

  “Just call me Prince Charming,” said the baby in a gruff voice. Then it winked at Isabel and laughed at its own joke. “I’m a changeling, toots. What are you?”

  “She’s the girl who burned down the lighthouse,” said the bird woman.

  “Hi, Ava. Hi, Bruce,” said Charlie. “Actually, this girl is that girl’s sister. Her name’s Isabel Kessog. We’re taking her home to the Waking World.”

  “And you two thought you could leave without saying goodbye to us?” Bruce demanded. “Come here, ya little monster,” he said, grabbing Jack by the shirt collar and pulling him down for a hug.

  Jack embraced the changeling with one arm and pinched his nose with his free hand. “No offense, Bruce, but after we’re done here, I think your diaper is ready for a change.”

  —

  Dawn had already broken by the time Charlie, Jack, and Isabel stepped through the portal and into the Waking World’s purple mansion. They found the room on the other side filled with people who’d been waiting for them to arrive. Charlotte, Rocco, Alfie, Ollie, and Paige were all there in their pajamas. And standing in front of them all was India Kessog.

  Isabel walked up to India. The two sisters stood face to face, each the mirror image of the other. This was the moment of truth. The girls had been on opposite sides of an epic battle, and there was no telling whether it had left lasting wounds.

  “You’re older than me now,” Isabel said.

  India grinned and Charlie began to relax. “By one whole month.”

  “How does it feel to be ordinary again?” Isabel asked.

  “You tell me,” India said. “You’re ordinary now too.”

  Isabel thought about it for a moment. “It’s terrifying,” she said. “But exciting.”

  “It’s scary for everyone,” Charlotte told her. “Even old ladies like me.”

  “Pshh,” said India with a dismissive flick of her wrist. “You think you’re old? We’re so old that when we were growing up, water was free.”

  “Water’s not free anymore?” asked Isabel.

  “Oh no,” said her sister, taking Isabel by the arm and leading her down from the tower. “They charge a dollar a bottle! Can you imagine? And they have computers the size of a ration booklet!”

  “You’re joking!”

  “Not at all. And they’ve improved the design of Soxhlet extractors. And added twenty-eight new elements to the periodic table.”

  “How did you learn all this so quickly?” Isabel asked.

  “Well, you see, there’s this teacher….”

  The road to Orville Falls had a million twists and turns. Every time the bus from Cypress Creek went around a curve, Charlie and Paige had no choice but to lean against each other. Charlotte would have driven the two of them, but Charlie had convinced his stepmom that she had better things to do. Someone needed to stay home and plan the demolition of the purple mansion’s tower, he’d said. Charlie didn’t tell her that after the excitement of the previous week, he and Paige needed some quiet time alone.

  And it was quiet. They didn’t talk very much during the ride. The sun was shining and the leaves were just beginning to turn red and yellow. It was a beautiful day, the Waking World was safe, and Paige’s hair smelled just like strawberries. The forty-five minutes they spent on the bus were the happiest Charlie had spent in quite a while.

  When they reached Orville Falls, the pair hopped off the bus and made their way through the town toward Paige’s aunt Josephine’s house. It took longer to reach their destination than Charlie had expected. Every block or so, someone would stop to thank them for saving Orville Falls from the Tranquility Tonic. They were all so nice that Charlie found it hard to imagine that these pleasant people could be the children and grandchildren of the townsfolk who had accused two little girls of crimes they hadn’t committed.

  It was midafternoon when they reached Josephine’s house. They walked the stone path through her neat little lawn, past the pretty red mums that were growing in the flower beds, and up to the front door. They knocked three times before Josephine opened the door in her robe.

  “Hey, guys,” she said with a yawn so wide Charlie could count her fillings. “Sorry I’m not dressed yet. I was up all night working and I ended up sleeping late. Come on in.”

  She led them into her homey living room, where a large framed advertisement was now hanging over the sofa. The product being hawked was a tonic that came in a sapphire-blue bottle. Written above the product was one line:

  Dreamless Oblivion Can Be Yours

  When You Try<
br />
  Tranquility Tonic!

  Over the summer, Josephine had been the first person in Orville Falls to be turned into a Walker by Tranquility Tonic. And while under its influence, Josephine had painted the ads that convinced many of her neighbors to try it.

  She blushed when she caught Charlie studying the advertisement on her wall. “Some of my friends think I’m a bit weird for having that sign in my living room, but believe it or not, it keeps me hopeful,” she said. “Every time I look at it, I think about the people who love me—and how far they went to save me from the tonic. Plus, it’s darn good work for a Walker, wouldn’t you say?”

  “It certainly was effective,” Paige said.

  Charlie nodded. He was sure he’d never shake the memory of seeing the entire town of Orville Falls waiting in line for a chance to purchase one of the blue bottles.

  “Yeah, too effective,” Josephine said. “That’s why I’m through with advertising. I’m focusing more on my writing now.”

  Paige dropped down on the sofa, put her feet up on the coffee table, and made herself at home. “Is that why you were up all night? Are you writing a big story?”

  “Yep,” said Josephine. “Did Charlie ever tell you about the two little girls who used to live in Kessog Castle?”

  Charlie shot Paige a look as he sat down in a chair across from her.

  “He did,” Paige said. “India and Isabel Kessog.”

  “That’s right,” said Josephine. She popped into the kitchen to pour herself a cup of coffee. When she returned to the living room, she was carrying a plate of banana bread, which she offered to the kids. “I’ve been searching for the twins since we found a chemistry set that once belonged to them. I figured if either of the Kessogs was still alive, I’d have a wonderful story for the paper.”

  “Did you find them?” Charlie asked, though he knew the answer. Then he shoved a chunk of banana bread into his mouth.

  “No,” said Josephine. “I’ve traced them as far as a lighthouse in Maine, but the building was destroyed a couple of months ago, and the trail goes cold from there. But I did discover something quite interesting.”

  “What?” Paige asked.

  “The girls were from England, and both of their parents died during World War Two. Their father, George Kessog, was a famous chemist who developed a formula that could treat people who’d been poisoned in certain ways. He also developed something he called Liquid Sunshine. It was a vitamin cream for people who didn’t get enough sun in the winter. He didn’t live long enough to see what happened to his invention, but it was a huge hit in Finland. The cream made the family a fortune.”

  “Wait—so the girls are rich?” Charlie felt a jolt of excitement.

  “Well, see, that’s the funny thing,” Josephine said. “The Kessog girls never claimed the money. It’s been sitting in a bank for the last eighty years. If they’re still alive, they probably don’t even know about it.”

  “They’re both alive, and I know where they are,” Charlie said. “They’re in Cypress Creek. That’s why Paige and I are here. We came to tell you.”

  Josephine sprayed the coffee she’d been sipping across the room. “You’re kidding!” She set the cup down and wiped her mouth on the sleeve of her robe. “Charlie, that’s amazing! How did you find the Kessogs? When can I meet them?”

  “You can’t meet them,” Charlie told her. When Josephine’s face fell, he rushed to explain. “They’re very private ladies, and they’re both extremely shy. But if you write down some questions, I’m sure they’d be happy to answer them for you.”

  Josephine looked relieved. “Do they have any idea that they’re heiresses?” she asked.

  “I doubt it,” Paige said. “I don’t think money has crossed their minds much in the last eighty years.”

  “Wow!” Josephine’s eyes sparkled. “This is going to be quite a story!”

  “There’s more,” said Charlie. “The Kessogs told me they’re ready to give you a full account of all the pranks they pulled in Orville Falls, but they’re very clear on one thing. They say they had absolutely nothing to do with the explosion in the center of town—the one that destroyed the fountain in front of the courthouse. The girls claim they were falsely accused.”

  “You know, I wondered about that,” Josephine said. She jumped up and grabbed a bunch of papers off the dining table. They looked like official reports, and Charlie could see a blueprint or two sticking out of the pile. “The more I read about the explosion downtown, the more it sounded like something must have happened to one of the natural-gas lines beneath the square. They’d been repaired a week earlier, and the mayor hired his dim-witted brother-in-law to do the job. There’s a chance that one of the pipes ruptured because of faulty repair work and the people responsible let two little girls take the blame. If that’s what happened, the Kessogs must have been furious. They probably still are.”

  “I’m sure they are,” Paige said. “But if you can manage to clear their names, I bet they’d both be incredibly grateful.”

  Josephine did seem very determined. “I’m definitely going to do my best,” she said. “If I write a list of questions for the Kessogs, do you think you could deliver it to them?”

  “Absolutely,” Charlie told her. “We were planning to visit them this afternoon. In fact, that’s the other reason we’re here. You have something that belongs to the Kessogs, and we were hoping to return it to them today.”

  “I do?” Josephine’s brow wrinkled with confusion. “Ah!” she exclaimed when inspiration struck. “I do! Let me get it.” She knew exactly what Charlie was talking about.

  —

  Charlotte met Charlie and Paige at the bus station and drove them through the woods to the old Livingston place. Charlie lugged the chemistry set up to the front door and knocked. Ms. Abbot answered, wearing a pair of safety goggles and long black rubber gloves. In her left hand was a bubbling test tube.

  “Charlie! Paige!” she said. “Welcome!”

  The living room was a laboratory once more. Charlie recognized a few pieces of equipment from the lab that had once been in Alfie’s room. The Kessog twins were inspecting a complicated apparatus while Alfie watched in admiration.

  Charlotte had come in behind the rest of them. “I can’t believe it. I just dropped the girls off here this morning, and you guys are already hard at work?” she said. “Doesn’t anyone but me need a rest?”

  “Rocco and Jack ate an entire pizza and passed out in the back room,” Alfie offered.

  “But the girls and I have no time to waste,” Ms. Abbot said. “India and Isabel’s father was working on a few new formulas when he went off to war. The one we’re trying to re-create right now was a treatment for the flu. If it works, who knows how many lives we’ll be able to save.”

  “Maybe this will help.” Charlie held up the chemistry set. “Recognize it?” he called out to the twins.

  Indy and Izzie looked up from their work.

  “Hey, is that what I think it is?” Alfie asked in astonishment.

  “Our chemistry set!” cried the girls in unison. They rushed over and opened the box.

  “Oh, this is a good one,” Alfie said, rubbing his hands together as if he were standing in front of a spectacular feast. “They don’t let kids play with cool, dangerous stuff like this anymore.”

  “They don’t?” Isabel asked. “Well, that’s silly. Don’t they know life is dangerous?”

  “People are very safety conscious these days,” India said. “They don’t let kids make their own fireworks anymore either.”

  Isabel looked scandalized. “Why not?”

  “Something about losing fingers.”

  “Oh heavens,” said Isabel with a roll of her eyes. “They’ve all gone a bit soft, haven’t they?”

  “Well, aside from the fact that kids aren’t allowed to play with cyanide anymore, how are you liking the twenty-first century?” Paige asked Isabel.

  “It’s wonderful,” Isabel said. “And y
ou’ve all been so kind to us. Alfie gave us laboratory equipment. And Rocco and Jack brought us pizza. Ms. Abbot has allowed us glimpses of the television. So many singing competitions! And Ollie is decorating our new bedroom.”

  “Your new bedroom?” Charlie asked. It hadn’t even occurred to him yet that Isabel and India would need a place in the Waking World to live.

  “I’ve invited the twins to stay here with me,” Ms. Abbot said. “We’ll see how far we can make my salary stretch!”

  “Oh, I don’t think you’ll need to worry about that,” said Paige. “You’ve just adopted two very rich little girls.”

  But her announcement was overshadowed by the appearance of Ollie Tobias. He had a pastry brush dripping green paint tucked behind one ear and several eye shadow brushes clenched in his fist like a bouquet. “Done!” he announced. “I think this may be my masterpiece.”

  That night, Charlie paid one last visit to the tower. He sat on the floor where Charlotte’s desk had once been and thought about everything that had happened to him in that room. The first time he’d entered the tower, he’d been an angry, frightened boy. Now he’d faced his fears and he felt like a different kid. The portal had saved him. And he, in turn, had saved the Netherworld. Which was weird, now that he thought about it. Crossing over to the land of Nightmares could have been the worst experience ever. But it had ended up being exactly what Charlie needed.

  It just went to show that you never really knew, Charlie thought. Most things could be good or bad, depending on how you looked at them. He would try to remember that in the morning when the construction workers arrived to pull down the tower.

  Charlie yawned and dragged himself up off the floor. It was time for bed. The portal was swirling, beckoning him to the other side, but he ignored it. He was through with the Netherworld. The Dream Realm was waiting. And as soon as Charlie was in bed with his eyes closed, he was there, standing in golden light on the porch of the purple mansion. His mother was there too. She’d been waiting on the steps for him.