When It Was Us

by Larissa Weatherall

  “He’s the sweetest little surprise I’ve ever seen,” Anna said, kissing Kevin on the cheek and placing the baby in his arms.

  “He’s perfect,” Kevin whispered, sitting beside his wife.

  Anna and Beth’s parents, Paul and Diana, peeked around the open door then crowded their new grandchild. Drew and Anna were left face to face, a million words stuck lingering in the two feet between them.

  “Thanks, Drew. For taking care of them,” Kevin said, breaking Drew’s gaze away from Anna’s.

  Drew nodded, watching Anna move toward the door. He barely avoided reaching out to stop her.

  Her hand shook slightly on the door handle as she gave them all that same damn fake smile. “I’m gonna go relieve Ruby at the house with the kids. Just let me know if you need anything, and I’ll bring it later. I love you guys.” And with that, she slipped out the door, leaving Drew staring after her, wishing that I love you still extended to him.

  “Dude,” Kevin laughed, snapping Drew out of his trance.

  How long had he been staring at the stupid door?

  From the looks on the faces in front of him, a few minutes too long.

  “I…” He started to speak but had no idea where to start.

  “Talk to her, Drew.” Diana reached out to squeeze his hand. “I’ve never seen the two of you happier than when you were together. Just tell her how you feel.”

  He looked from their sympathetic faces to the door. “Yeah, okay, I’ll go…I’ll talk to her.”

  “Not to be your thundercloud of negativity or anything, buddy, but you hurt her pretty bad,” Kevin reminded him, deflating what little confidence he’d gathered.

  “Yeah. I know.” Drew crossed his arms over his chest, staring at his blue Nikes.

  “All I’m trying to say is you better come up with one hell of a speech,” Kevin warned. “You better bring your A-game, man, because trying to convince her you want her after doing a damn fine job convincing her you didn’t, then that son of a bitch cheating on her last year? Well, getting her to listen is going to be a challenge, to say the least.”

  Drew cringed at the mention of Mason’s cheating. He’d heard rumors but couldn’t believe anyone could do that to her. There wasn’t a woman out there more incredible than Anna. Drew had looked and knew for a fact she didn’t exist.

  “Look, Drew, if you love her, if you’re all in this time, and I do mean all in, then go get her,” Beth said. “Waiting to tell her how you really feel was how you lost her to him in the first place. And if you break her heart, I will let Max beat the hell out of you this time.”

  Her older brother, Max. Yeah, that’s one person he’d never win over.

  Drew said his goodbyes and finished his day at the clinic. He drove home at sunset but sat in his driveway, unable to force himself out of the truck. He watched the pinks and oranges turn to navy as the sun fell behind the river. With absolutely no idea what to say when he got to her, he turned the truck around.

  The memory of what it felt like to hold Anna in his arms, to have the gift of her love, was still crystal clear. Whatever it took, he would convince her that this time, he wanted forever.

  ***

  12 years earlier

  The sky outside Drew’s window faded from night to day with the sunrise. It faced the front of their house and the giant oak tree where his dad’s truck sat every morning…except this one.

  Last night was a blur of anger and confusion, ending with his mom crying and his dad walking out the door.

  Drew had watched from the hallway as his dad told his mom, “I can’t do this,” as she cried with her back to him in the kitchen.

  There were tears on his father’s cheeks as he opened the door and left.

  His eight-year-old sister, Ruby, peeked her blue eyes inside his room, launching at him. “Drew, come eat breakfast! Mommy made pancakes and eggs and bacon and biscuits and gravy!”

  Big breakfasts were a weekend family thing. He had cereal, maybe a frozen sausage biscuit during the week.

  Drew took a seat at the table with Ruby. “You want some eggs, Drew?” His mother scooped a giant spoonful of eggs on his plate without meeting his eyes.

  He didn’t even like eggs.

  “Mommy?” Ruby asked.

  “Yes, sweetheart?”

  “Is Daddy still asleep? Did he deliver a baby last night?”

  Her breath caught, tears welling in her eyes as she scrambled for a response.

  “Can I go tell him breakfast is ready?” Ruby asked.

  “Sweetheart, Daddy is…”

  “Daddy had to go to work early.” Drew blurted the lie. “How about I take you to school this morning?”

  “Really?” Ruby squealed with excitement.

  “Sure. Finish your breakfast and we’ll go.”

  His mother gave a sad smile of appreciation, kissed Ruby, and walked to her bedroom.

  Drew dressed, brushed his teeth, and put on his shoes in a daze. He walked across the house and stood at his parents’ bedroom door.

  Was it still their bedroom?

  His hands rested on top of the frame while he gathered the courage to go in.

  “Mom.” He knocked softly, pushing the door open.

  “Yes, honey?”

  “What’s going on? Where’s Dad?”

  “I’m sorry you had to see that last night, sweetheart. Your dad and I are going through some things. We’re working on it.”

  “You are? Because I watched him walk out, Mom. I watched him leave with a packed bag.”

  His mother’s eyes filled with tears once again as she ran her hand through his hair. “Please don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Everything will be okay.”

  Her words didn’t comfort him. She didn’t seem to believe them herself.

  “Drew, I’m going to be late!” Ruby yelled from the living room.

  He dropped her at the elementary school with a kiss on the cheek then sat at the end of the parking lot. He should turn left toward the high school. Missing class and practice was a bad idea, but today he couldn’t bring himself to give a damn.

  It was a cool day, and the river flowed quiet and slow. Throwing his fishing line in the water, Drew took a long pull of the beer he’d stolen from his dad’s garage refrigerator. He left…what the hell did he care?

  Were they separated? Getting a divorce? Did he cheat on her? Drew had no idea they were having problems. How long had it been going on?

  And if any or all of the above were true, what did that say about their marriage? What did that say about marriage in general if his parents, who he’d never even seen fight, gave up so easily after twenty-five years together?

  One question dug its way into his brain no matter how hard he tried to push it away. His parents were high school sweethearts. They’d gotten married before leaving for college and built a seemingly perfect life together. So if it was falling apart now…if two people who had loved each other most of their lives could just stop one day…what did that say about him and Anna?

  Drew refused to believe it could happen to them. He would never walk out on Anna, married or not. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized maybe his dad would have said the same at most points in his life.

  Anna’s Beatles ringtone drifted out the open windows of his truck. Two missed calls from Luke and three more from her.

  He didn’t know how you could love someone more than he loved Anna. The thought of leaving her, of her leaving him, scared the hell out of him.

  Minutes later, tires crunched over gravel, and he looked up to see a little blue car pulling next to his truck. Anna slammed the door, stomping toward him. She was clearly pissed from the scowl on her face. Even in his current state, the sight of her anger made him want to yank her into his arms and kiss her. He loved her feisty side just as much as her sweet one.

  She looked ready for a fight, and in his current mood, he’d give her one.

  “What are you doing here?” Drew reeled his line in and pl
aced it next to the camping chair.

  She threw one hand on her hip and the other toward him, rolling those sexy green eyes. “Looking for you.”

  He stood, and she stepped closer, gaze narrowing on him. “Have you been drinking? Did you skip school and ignore my phone calls all day to sit here and get drunk? Luke and I were worried about you. What if something happened to you and no one knew where you were?”

  He shrugged in response, and they stared, brown eyes to green, waiting for the other to back down. She lost her cool first, shoving past him toward her car. He wasn’t mad at her, just taking it out on the one person he needed most right now.

  Maybe he was more like his father than he wanted to admit.

  Drew ran to her as she yanked open her car door, softly grabbing her elbow from behind. “Wait.”

  She whirled around, pointing a finger in his face. “If you think I’m going to stand here and take it while you’re a complete jackass, you are sadly mistaken, Drew Edward.”

  “I’m sorry, Anna. Please don’t go.”

  She let out a long breath. “So tell me what you’re doing here.”

  “My dad left last night.”

  “What do you mean, your dad left?”

  “I heard yelling and went into the living room. Dad was standing at the door with a bag in his hand, and Mom was in the kitchen crying. Then he walked out.”

  Her hands flew to her mouth. “Drew…”

  “Yeah, so I got up this morning and I couldn’t…”

  She cupped his face, thumbs scraping over his jaw. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

  “You’re pretty hot when you’re mad. I should rile you up more often.”

  She punched him in the stomach, and the gasp he made wasn’t fake.

  Drew kissed the promise ring he’d put on her finger at Christmas, then her forehead, her nose, and both her cheeks before placing a soft kiss on her lips. “I love you, Anna. I love you so damn much.”

  All his emotions slammed into him at once, and hell if a tear didn’t fall down his cheek.

  Anna wiped it away. “I love you, too. But if you ever scare me like that again, I will beat the crap out of you.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” He smiled, promising himself he’d never do anything to risk losing the gift of her love.

  Chapter Six

  Anna

  Anna stared at the popcorn ceiling in her childhood bedroom, unchanged since the day she left for college. The baby pink room only brought back a thousand memories she desperately needed to push away. Eyes squeezed tight, she ignored the pieces of her heart that missed the boy who taught her how to love.

  The doorbell rang in the living room, but Anna rolled over and covered her face with a pillow. Footsteps, then voices, filling the hall outside snapped her up against the headboard. The briefest of knocks sounded at the door before it swung open.

  “Someone here to see you,” her mother said, a nervous smile on her face.

  Anna scrambled to the edge of the bed as Drew slowly peeked his head around the corner.

  “Thanks, Diana,” he whispered.

  “You’re welcome.” She closed the door behind her, but she wouldn’t go far.

  Drew laughed, leaning his back against the doorframe, a Cinderella poster hanging beside him. Anna had once been a sucker for fairy tales, but she knew better now. Prince Charming always walked away. He decided you weren’t good enough and crushed you when he moved on.

  “Hey,” Drew said, that confident crooked smile bringing out the dimple she could never resist. She hated how much he still affected her. Or maybe she loved it. With all the conflicting emotions, she couldn’t be sure.

  He stood there in her bedroom, completely blanketed with memories of him, including the box marked Drew and Anna hidden under the bed.

  Had she tried to burn it?

  Yes.

  Had she blown out the match before it could erase any of her precious memories?

  More than once.

  So what did he want? She could place a few emotions swimming in those expressive brown eyes. There were nerves, determination, and joy, but could there be more?

  “Can I sit?” he asked, pointing to her old desk chair.

  “Sure.” Anna bit the side of her lip, not convinced she wanted him to, but at the same time wanting it more than anything.

  Drew took his seat safely on the opposite side of the room. “So how’s your day?”

  Her day had been emotionally exhausting, and she had the tension headache to prove it. “Good.”

  They sat, both examining the light brown carpet with a blue nail polish stain next to his shoe. He’d changed from his med school hoodie into a charcoal gray Henley, sleeves pushed up, revealing strong forearms.

  A reckless urge to run into those arms and straddle him flashed in her mind. She’d done it before. She knew the chair could hold them.

  Drew pulled in a deep breath, blew it out slowly, then stood and closed the distance between them. Anna’s heart rate skyrocketed with each step he made toward her.

  Pull it the frick together!

  “I have no idea how to tell you…” he started. “There are so many things running through my head, and I want to make you understand them all. And Luke…”

  “Luke?”

  How much had Luke told him in the last eleven years?

  Drew sat next to Anna on the lavender comforter, their shoulders touching while his knee bounced into hers. He was always confident, rarely rattled, but the almost undetectable bounce in his knee still seemed to be his tell. It made the aforementioned urge to be in his arms almost unbearable.

  “Luke’s pushy as hell, but he’s usually right.” Drew wrung his hands in his lap. She didn’t dare look at him, but the heat of his gaze seared the side of her face.

  “What are you looking at?” she asked.

  He chuckled. “I’m looking at you.”

  “You don’t get to look at me anymore,” she whispered.

  “Why not? You’re beautiful.”

  “Because you left me!” Anna flew off the bed.

  “I miss you, Anna. I have missed you for so long.”

  She whirled to face him. “I stood on that riverbank and listened to you tear my heart apart. Begged you to change your mind like an idiot! I loved you so much, Drew. I waited for you to come back, and…you don’t get to pretend you spent all this time missing me!”

  Drew stared at the floor, then raised hesitant eyes to hers. “I understand why you don’t believe me, and my apology isn’t enough—it could never be enough—but I am so sorry for ever hurting you. If I could take it back…”

  “You can’t take it back. It’s still here, Drew.” Anna rubbed the center of her chest, biting her cheek to force away the tears. “I cried for months. Every day I wore your stupid football sweatshirt while I stared at our picture on my desk and begged you to come back to me. It took over a year for me to even agree to a date with anyone else.”

  Drew stalked within inches of her. She took a step back, hitting the wall. He reached to touch her face but stopped mid-air. “And I watched you build our life with another man. I was an idiot, and I was scared, and I made the worst mistake of my life. But hell, Anna, I never stopped loving you, not for one second, and then I had to face that mistake and not rip the prick in two every time I saw you together. It was my fault, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.”

  Anna squeezed her eyes shut, fighting for composure, fighting not to let herself be drawn back into his orbit because the pull had always been impossible to resist.

  “You say you loved me, but you never came back. What was I supposed to do, Drew?”

  “Not marry him.” Drew shrugged. “It’s ridiculous, I get that, but I couldn’t imagine my life ever being with anyone else, and you just…you could. You did.” He looked away and with a sniff wiped his hand across his face. “I didn’t come here to talk about him.”

  Anna’s stupid heart pled with her to comfort him, but sh
e couldn’t bring herself to touch him or she’d lose it. She didn’t owe Drew anything, but that didn’t stop the words from tumbling out. “He had to ask me twice.”

  “What?”

  “Mason. The first time he asked…I told him I wasn’t ready. He asked me on the riverbank. He’d seen the framed picture you gave me of our spot that still hung on my wall, and he knew the place was special to me. But when he asked me there…I couldn’t say yes.”

  Drew tentatively placed his thumb under Anna’s chin. He lifted her gaze to his, the rich brown as hypnotizing as ever.

  “Anna, I have loved you my entire life,” he said with a sad smile. “I know I hurt you, and I could never explain to you how sorry I am for that. I was a stupid kid, and I convinced myself I couldn’t be who you needed me to be. Everyone’s always told me I’m just like my dad. I was even planning to be a doctor just like him. Then I watched my parents’ marriage fall apart, and for months I let it eat at me that I would fail you, fail us. I was too scared to let you down, so I let you go and failed us anyway, but I couldn’t see it that way then. What does an eighteen year old know about anything, really?”

  “Absolutely nothing.” She gave him a weak smile of her own, the burn of anger fading though she needed it to protect her from the other emotions churning around inside her.

  “Anna—”

  “Stop,” she cut him off. His stare moved to her hand on his forearm. She pulled it away slowly, her fingers lingering on his skin. If she wasn’t mistaken, his breath hitched. “It was years ago. We were just kids then. We’re different people now, and we’ve led different lives, maybe even made a few stupid mistakes.”

  Mistakes you’d never forgive me for, so this could never work.

  “Well yeah, but that’s not really the point, is it?” He gave her a cocky smile and raised brow. “Why are you trying to change the subject?”

  “I’m not…”

  Drew gently picked up both her hands, rubbing the tops. She closed her eyes, his tenderness overwhelming. How could he still affect her like this after so many years apart?

  But she couldn’t fall for him again just to watch someone else leave her. She wouldn’t. The kind of emotional intimacy they had shared was stunning and wild with its fierceness. She wasn’t ready for that. She might never be. And the thought of being physically intimate with someone, giving them that power to break her, combined with Mason’s betrayal, had her breath quickening in a panic attack.