When It Was Us

by Larissa Weatherall

  Still no eye contact. Anna pressed further. “What aren’t you saying?”

  “It’s just…you’ve been hurt so much, and you’re finally in a good place. I don’t want…I just want you to be happy.”

  Anna plastered on an over-exaggerated smile. “So I’m happy.”

  They laughed, and Layla grabbed her hand. “Okay, so here’s my only thought. And maybe I don’t even know what I’m talking about, but I keep remembering when you came back to school, broken to pieces after he left you over Thanksgiving. I walked into our dorm room and found you curled into a ball on the floor sobbing, and it didn’t stop for weeks, months after that. Even when you tried to hide it, I heard you crying yourself to sleep. I literally had to force you to get out of bed and go to class, Anna. I’m just worried about you. After what Mason did…you deserve happiness more than anyone I know.”

  Anna moved around her desk and pulled Layla into a tight hug, tears threatening. What would she have done the last year without her?

  “Say something,” Layla said. “You’re killing me here.”

  “Of course, that thought has crossed my mind,” Anna whispered. “And why does he want me now? What’s different after all this time? I’m incredibly happy and incredibly terrified all at the same time.”

  Layla squeezed Anna’s hand with the encouraging smile that always pulled her back from panic and doubt. “I didn’t mean to make you doubt his sincerity.”

  “After what happened with Mason, all I have are doubts…about everything. And Carole practically gave me the promotion in that meeting. My life is here. His life is there. How is that supposed to ever work?”

  Layla walked to the door and turned. “Life’s not perfect, Sugs. It’s messy. You know that, but it doesn’t mean this won’t work out, that you can’t find a way to make it work. He sounds genuine in his feelings. I’m sorry I brought it up.”

  “Layla, he’s been nothing but genuine and sweet and sincere, but he doesn’t know everything. You know there are things he would…”

  “It’s in the past, Anna. Leave it there and start fresh.”

  “I’m not sure how to deal with it all. I hate how much I already feel for him. How afraid I am to tell him. How much I doubt he really loves me. But most of all, I hate feeling like at any moment, it might end.”

  ***

  Drew

  Dinner ready, table set. A pan of garlic bread warming in the oven. All Drew needed was his date. He’d obsessed over the perfect dinner all day, begged Ruby to come help him make Anna’s favorite lasagna, then threatened to kick his sister out when she wouldn’t leave.

  The doorbell rang, and the way Drew threw down his oven mitts and rushed toward it was nowhere near manly, but hell if he was anywhere close to giving a damn.

  He yanked the door open, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her inside. They spun in the entryway, his boot kicking the door shut behind them.

  “Well, hello there.” She giggled.

  “I missed you today.” Drew’s lips brushed her neck to her ear. He kissed his way back to her mouth, walking them backward until they hit the wall. He pinned her there, and the fierce way she returned his kiss turned him inside out, consumed him just as she always had. When the oven started to beep, he groaned and forced himself to pull away from her.

  “I missed you too.” Anna’s legs wobbled, and he chuckled, steadying her hips with his hands.

  “So I made lasagna for dinner. I hope it’s still your favorite.” He walked into the kitchen, and she followed, leaning against the island. “How was your day? Besides the exceptional kiss this morning.”

  Anna smiled, and damn, did he love the way her entire face lit up when she really smiled at him.

  “It was fine. I was five minutes late for my meeting this morning, thanks to someone.”

  His hands caged her on either side as he leaned her into the counter top. “Was it worth it?”

  Her fingers brushed up his t-shirt, gripping his arms. “I’d like to come up with some clever response here, but it’s difficult to think when you’re this close.”

  “Oh yeah? I didn’t know I had that effect on you.”

  “Of course you did.” She smirked, turning to grab the lasagna from the oven top. Drew noted a little extra sway in her hips as she made her way to the dinner table.

  When they finished eating, Drew smacked her hand away as she tried to help clean up. Plates in the sink, he walked to the living room, where Anna stood by the fire. Her fingers stroked Roxy’s fur, but her gaze fixed on the mantle and each photo that lined its edge. His niece and nephews, his baby sister, a family photo from his parents’ anniversary party last year, and one of Luke and him at a fishing tournament they won.

  Anna’s body stood stiff, her face showing signs of tension. She hadn’t even heard him join her. He wrapped his arms around her waist, her back to his chest. With small steps, he walked them backward, pulling her into his lap on the couch. Roxy snuggled into her bed by the fire.

  She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, but the tension didn’t leave her.

  “You seem a little distracted, Sunshine. Everything okay?”

  “I’m fine.” She slid next to Drew on the couch but didn’t look up at him.

  “Something’s bothering you. Is it work?”

  Silence.

  Her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap as she sucked in a breath. Should he push her? Ten years ago, he would’ve pressed until she told him exactly what troubled her, but they were still getting to a place where she could trust him. He didn’t want to spook her no matter how much his protective instinct told him to take away her pain.

  He stilled her hands, then nudged her chin in his direction. “Please tell me what you’re thinking about?”

  “I need to understand why now?” The question was so quiet he almost didn’t hear it.

  “Why now?” he asked.

  “Why now? Why me?” The hurt in those green eyes that had dimmed in their last week together returned full force.

  Did she really not get it? Had he hurt her so much that she couldn’t see it?

  “Do you believe me when I tell you how much I regret ever losing you? If I could change one thing in my life, I’d never walk away from you that day.”

  “Yes?” The question in her voice, the doubt, sliced through him. “The last memory I have of us is you telling me that you couldn’t see yourself marrying me.”

  “I didn’t…that’s not what I said.” Standing, Drew paced in front of her. Every word he’d spoken that day was burned in his brain, but he never said he couldn’t see himself marrying her. He cried the entire way back to his parents’ house that day. Deep down, he knew it was mistake, but he was so afraid of it all. He ran away and lost the best thing in his life to another man.

  “Anna, I hadn’t been able to get you out of my mind for weeks, to be honest, years, before I saw you at my sister’s wedding last month. When I looked in those gorgeous green eyes and saw you might still have feelings for me…it changed everything.”

  She was right to question his sincerity. He’d have questioned it too if the roles were reversed. But how could he make her understand?

  Drew watched her for several minutes as she examined her peach nail polish. He sat in front of her on the coffee table, her knees between his. “Do you remember Beth’s wedding?”

  “Sure, I do. I was the maid of honor.”

  “You were.” He pulled in a deep breath. This wasn’t something he wanted to relive, but maybe it would convince her. “And do you remember seeing me at the wedding?”

  “Yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?”

  “I was so excited when Beth invited me, and for days before, all I could think about was what to say to you. It had been a little over a year since we’d broken up, and we’d barely spoken since then, but I missed you so much. I wanted to tell you.”

  Drew’s hands covered her knees, and she finally met his gaze, tears shimmering behin
d those long lashes. “But you didn’t,” she whispered.

  “I sat there before the ceremony, trying to work up the courage to say something, anything to you, and then I saw you walking down the aisle. You were the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen, and I couldn't get over what an idiot I was for ever letting you go. Then during the ceremony, you looked at me and smiled with that adorable dimple on your cheek, and I felt like it was all going to work out. You would walk up to me after the ceremony, and we’d talk and…”

  “No…” She gasped, covering her mouth with both hands.

  “You walked into the reception, and I knew it must be toward me, but it was into the arms of your date, Mason, and he hugged you, lifted you off the ground, and you kissed him, and I wanted to crawl into a hole and disappear.” In all honesty, he’d wanted to beat the piss out of a guy he’d never even met.

  Her eyes were wide with shock. “I had no idea.”

  “I waited too long, and you’d moved on. I was still determined to talk to you. I requested our song from the DJ and asked you to dance with me.”

  “We did dance that night.” Her soft voice was thoughtful, as if she remembered the night as clearly as he had all these years.

  “We did. I held you close, and I wanted so badly to tell you I missed you, but you looked so happy with him, and I chickened out.”

  She laughed softly. “Mason was pretty pissed that I danced with you.”

  “Yeah, it was the only good part about the entire night.” Drew winked, and she laughed again. “So why’d you do it? Why’d you dance with me?”

  Her eyes filled with tears, holding his stare. “I missed you too.”

  “I went on a few random dates after that, and you dated Mason, and at some point, I could tell things were getting serious between the two of you.” A lump formed in his throat. “Then you called me one day, out of the blue, well drunk dialed really, but hearing your voice…I had to try and win you back, even though you were with someone else. So I called you back, and I told you I missed you and…”

  The tears in her eyes broke free, falling freely down her cheeks. “And I never called you back.”

  “Yeah, you never called, so I decided you were over me and maybe I’d stepped over the line. The next time we talked, you were married.”

  “I was.” She nodded, but the tears didn’t stop. If anything, they grew stronger, her expression full of torment.

  Drew’s hands cupped her face, thumbs brushing away the falling tears. “You know I wanted to stop you.”

  “Stop me?”

  He looked away, embarrassment heating his face. “I tried to convince Luke you weren’t happy with Mason and I should stop you. I came to your wedding.”

  “You did?”

  “I did. I was so damn stupid. I stood in the back and watched. It was probably the worst moment of my life.” The stabbing pain returned to his chest as he remembered every second of watching her stand on that altar, telling another man she’d love him forever. “But you were the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen.”

  Anna moved onto his lap, straddling him as she grabbed his face and kissed him hard.

  He let out a surprised chuckle as she pulled away. “What was that for?”

  “For being you, for loving me.” She leaned her forehead against his as more tears fell. “I’m so sorry.”

  “Why are you apologizing? You have nothing to apologize for.”

  Her brows knit together, eyes closed, and she held both his hands. “Drew, there are things you should know.”

  He squeezed her in his arms. “We don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to tonight. I don’t even care about any of it as long as I have you.” He placed his hand on her cheek, forcing her to meet his eyes. “You asked why now.”

  “I did.”

  “Because it’s always been. It never ended, not for me, so it’s not restarting. Like you know those old movies? Before they had the fancy editing machines, they’d just cut and re-tape. I want to cut out all the middle stuff and re-tape to right now.”

  She nodded in response, and he hugged her even closer, brushing her ear with his lips. “I know how much you’ve been hurt, that I’ve hurt you, but can you try? Can you please try and believe that I have wanted this for a very long time? I…I love you, Anna. I know you aren’t ready to say it back, and that’s okay, but I have loved you my entire life.”

  “Yes,” she whispered, and he devoured her lips, pulling her flush against him as his hands threaded through her hair. The walls that had taken over his heart after losing her fell one by one as he held his Sunshine. She was the piece of his puzzle that finally fell into place where it always should have been.

  “I need you to be honest with me, to tell me when something’s bothering you. I want to fix it because I want this to work for us. I don’t care what date we’re on or how long we’ve technically even been together. This is it for me. You are it for me.”

  Drew leaned in slowly, teasing her bottom lip between his, hoping one day soon she really would believe the words I love you.

  Chapter Ten

  Anna

  Anna repeatedly told herself that time apart was healthy, but that didn’t stop two straight days of obsessing over the three words Drew had said that both thrilled and sent her into a panic. After everything he’d confessed, the gentle way he’d reassured her, she physically needed to see him and make sure it hadn’t all been a dream.

  He’d worked at the hospital the past three nights and would be exhausted by the time he finally made it home. So Anna decided to surprise him with dinner.

  Driving through the city limits of Sage Hill, every place she looked held a memory of their time together. The drive-in where he bought her a milk shake and asked her on their first official date, the one-stop parking lot where they sat on Saturday nights with friends, the baseball field where she watched him in that pinstripe uniform. A few make-out sessions where she straddled him on the bench in the dugout. The rolling hills told a story of their life together, and after so many years of pushing it away, she slowly let it all sink back in.

  But she still couldn’t wrap her head around Drew’s confessions.

  He’d missed her all those years?

  He was jealous?

  He was at her wedding?

  She had no idea he felt that way. No idea he had any real feelings for her beyond a distant friendship, a happy birthday text message every year. When they broke up, she held on for so long, daydreaming of him showing up at her dorm, red roses in hand and begging her to take him back.

  But he never did.

  Then one scorching hot August day while carrying a box of books up two flights of stairs, she literally slammed into a man so beautiful she couldn’t find words to speak her apologies. A vintage AC/DC t-shirt hugged his chest and biceps to perfection, jeans sat low on his hips, and he had a you know you can’t resist me smirk on his face. Her heart took flight at the sight of him, something only Drew had ever made her feel. He was incredible. A raw hotness she’d never encountered before and his eyes focused on her like he’d found something he’d been desperately searching for.

  He grabbed her hips, saving her from a broken neck, and their gazes locked together. The box made its way from her hands to his, and he introduced himself as Mason, their new neighbor. The rest of the afternoon, he and his roommate, Ryan, moved every single box to the girls’ apartment in the 100-degree heat. They celebrated with beers after the last load was finished and talked into the early hours of the morning. Anna actually felt light and happy for the first time in longer than she could remember.

  A week later, she found her seat in the first day of an eight o’clock public speaking class trying to keep her eyes open when someone nudged her shoulder. The goose bumps told her exactly who it was before she even met his crystal blue eyes.

  She liked Mason, a lot, but the shiver he caused with just the brush of his arm made her pause. That instant connection screamed how much it would hurt
if things didn’t work out, so she dodged every one of his relentless date requests.

  Four months later, she met some friends for dinner at the college bar where Mason worked. She waved a hello as he mixed a drink, but he sat the bottle on the wood with a thud and pulled her behind the bar. He held her face in his hands, begging permission with his eyes before consuming her in a long, intoxicating kiss. She completely forgot they were in a room full of people until the cheers and whistles rang out. Completely forgot why she needed to guard her heart.

  Now, will you please go out with me? He’d whispered the words softly into her ear. She couldn’t fight him anymore, and more than that, she didn’t want to.

  Anna blinked away the moisture in her eyes and shut down her trip through memory lane.

  The Sage Hill grocery store lot had only a few open spots, and she gathered her dinner supplies from the shelves while more than one well-meaning neighbor asked her about Drew.

  Were they back together?

  Was she moving home?

  When was the wedding?

  She smiled politely and dodged every one of their relentless questions.

  Driving down the gravel road toward Drew’s home, it occurred to her she had no plan for getting in without a key. Fortunately, a familiar truck sat beside the garage. Luke leaned over it, trying to fix the old piece of junk he’d had since they were kids.

  “Well, look who it is,” he said, meeting her as she opened the car door and pulling her into a bear hug. Care-free, light-hearted Luke never failed to bring a smile to her face.

  “I just saw you an hour ago at work,” she squeaked through his breath-stealing hold.

  Luke Worley had been one of Anna’s best friends since they were babies. But Drew, Anna, and Luke’s trio had once had a fourth member. Their friend Allison was beautiful and kind and had been taken from them far too young in a car accident the summer after graduation. Allison was Luke’s other half, and Anna knew he’d never completely recovered from losing her. He had the confidence, the charm, the sense of humor, and he was hot as sin, but he’d also never been seen with the same girl twice. Most brushed it off as him being the town playboy, but Anna knew better. Though she’d tried talking with him about it more times than she could count, he refused to completely open up. The walls he’d constructed around his heart after losing Allison, then his father less than a month later, were thick as iron because he couldn’t let anyone else in and risk losing them.