When It Was Us
Page 12
“Sunshine?” He stopped so close that their legs brushed, and she looked his way. He started to ask if she was okay, but she beat him to it.
“Just needed some air. To catch my breath. It’s your turn. Tell me about Drew’s life.”
“You mean besides obsessing over what an idiot I was for leaving you?” He answered with a wink, hoping to get them back to the light mood of the hay bale.
She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Yes, besides that.”
“College was study, play ball, and study some more. There may have also been some fun going on in there, too.” She nudged his leg, and he continued. “Playing in college was all I’d ever hoped it would be. I started all four years, and we won the conference championship my senior year.”
She looked down at her hands on the saddle horn. “I know. I was there.”
What?
“What do you mean you were there?”
She shrugged timidly. “I convinced Layla to come with me. You were unhittable that night. A shutout with ten strikeouts and the game-winning RBI. I can’t say it’s the only one of your games I ever watched.”
“Why didn’t you ever say something? Why didn’t you find me after the game or tell me you were coming?” His stomach clenched; he couldn’t believe she’d been there watching him.
“Honestly? It would have hurt too much. I missed you, and I wanted to share those moments with you, even if you didn’t know I was sharing them, even if it was only as a friend.”
She’d been there for him, even then. Damn if that didn’t make him love her more when he didn’t think that was possible.
Drew reached for Anna’s hand, raising an eyebrow in question to see if she’d follow his lead. She stood in the stirrup and swung her leg over Flicka. He grabbed her by the hips, lifting her to straddle him in his saddle. His heart threatened to bust out of his ribcage just to be closer to her. “You are the one person I would have wanted there. The one person I would have wanted to see.”
She squeezed his hands. “Go on with your story. When did you commit to pre-med? When we left for college, you were having doubts.”
He’d doubted everything in his life then. “My sophomore year. Trying to study and keep up my grades to get into med school with games and practice was brutal. You know your brother crossed paths with me once during my internship?”
“Max?”
“Do you have another brother who is also a doctor?” he teased. “He was consulting on a patient during my emergency room rotation, but he didn’t see me. Probably best since he’s still not my biggest fan. Anyway, my dad started thinking about retiring five years ago. He asked if I wanted to come home and take over the practice my grandpa built. In college, I thought I’d want to work in the city, but the minute he offered, I knew it was where I was supposed to be. He signed the practice over to me a month ago. I still need to find a partner, but we’ve got some time before Dad’s ready to hang up the white coat for good.”
Anna nudged him in the side with her elbow. “Now who’s leaving things out?”
Drew scrunched his face in confusion.
“You were engaged?” she whispered.
“Damn small-town gossip.” A dry laugh escaped as his thumb nudged her face back to his. “I wasn’t.”
“But Beth said…”
“I met April at an open house for a building both she and Luke remodeled. We dated for about six months. Everyone I knew was married and having kids, but I hadn’t even been able to say ‘I love you’ to anyone but you. I thought maybe looking at rings would get me there, so I went into Traci’s jewelry store. But you were the only woman I’d ever pictured getting down on one knee in front of. Beth not so subtly mentioned your divorce a few days earlier, and I couldn’t get you out of my head.”
“I’m sorry?” she teased, her hand cupping his cheek.
She joked, but his face stayed completely serious. “I was so afraid to wish for a second chance with you, another chance to be the man you deserve. I cared about April, and I’m not proud of hurting her, but I want her to find this kind of love.”
Anna smiled, tears forming in her lids, and he held her gaze, hoping she truly felt the sincerity of his words. “I love you, Sunshine, and I will spend every single day proving to you just how much.”
Chapter Eleven
Anna
For the next five weeks, Anna either worked at Yoakum Ridge or spent time with Drew. They took things snail pace slow, and it was near impossible to go home at the end of each night when wrapped in the glorious warmth of his arms.
Tonight, she had a surprise for him.
The garage door opener he’d given her was perfect for sneaking a few things in the back of his truck before going inside.
“Hey, Sunshine.” Drew flashed her his full-on melt-you-where-you-stand smile as she walked through the door.
Anna walked to the couch and straddled him, blocking his view of the television while she tossed the PlayStation controller to the side.
Dear Lord in Heaven, he was the picture of any woman’s fantasy even in jeans and a hoodie. Anna reached up and spun his red and white STL baseball cap around. She scraped her hands across two days’ scruff on his jaw as he leaned up and met her lips. The single soft touch ignited her every nerve ending.
“What would you like to do this fine Friday evening?” he whispered against her lips.
She breathed in the bite of his cologne. “I have a surprise for you.”
“You do? What is it?” Those brown eyes were wide like a kid on Christmas. He always did love surprises.
She pulled a bandana from her back pocket, waving it in the air. “Can’t tell. It’s a surprise.”
“A blindfold?” Drew raised an eyebrow, challenging grin in place. “Really?”
She locked his gaze in a silent war until he sighed. Eyes closed, he laughed while she secured the fabric over his face. She helped him stand, but he stumbled into a wall on the way to the door. He steadied himself on the entry table, knocking it over in the process.
“Sorry.” Anna clutched her stomach in laughter, watching him feel for the door. “I forgot you can’t see.”
“You’d be in so much trouble if I could find you right now.” He grabbed the door, turning in two circles while he reached for her.
“I need your truck keys.” She stretched for his pockets, but he fished the keys out first, dangling them above her five-foot-three frame.
“Be careful,” he scolded. “You don’t have the best track record when it comes to driving my truck.”
“Really? Or is it you who isn’t very good at explaining how to back up your truck with a boat trailer attached to it?”
“Someone had to be in the water and get the boat off the trailer. I think my instructions were pretty good. What about when you backed it into the—”
“You didn’t tell me to stop! How am I supposed to know what your stupid hand signals mean?” Anna waved her hands around then yanked the keys out of his hand, jingling them in front of his blindfolded face. “If you want your surprise, then you’re gonna have to risk it.”
He huffed out a breath, shoulders slumped. “I want my surprise.”
Anna linked their fingers, kissing the corner of his crooked grin. They walked hand in hand to his truck, and she helped him in. The engine started with a roar, and she backed down the driveway with a little more pressure on the gas pedal than necessary.
He grabbed the handle above his door for support, his playful scowl obvious even through the blindfold. She smiled the entire seven miles to their destination.
Anna threw the truck in park and peeked at Drew in the passenger seat, all dark hair, scruffy chin, and jeans hugging those thighs to perfection.
“We’re here?” he asked, that smile bigger than she’d ever seen it.
“Yep. Hold tight. I just need a minute.”
After creating the perfect scene, she walked back to the truck, pulling in a deep breath to silence her screaming nerves and racing h
eart. She opened the door and took his hand so he wouldn’t fall on the uneven gravel.
Anna reached on tiptoes, kissing his lips softly while lifting the blindfold. He spun in a complete circle before his stunned eyes landed on hers, their chocolate brown depths glowing.
The sunset was behind them on their spot at the river. A picnic dinner by the water and a sleeping bag in the bed of his truck. They’d done this same thing hundreds of times before. So why did it feel so new? Why was her chest tight to the point her lungs failed to take in oxygen?
“I’m…I don’t even know what to say,” he whispered. “Are you sure you want to be here?”
The compassion in his eyes seared her with his love as he searched for any signs she was upset or hesitating.
“This has always been a special place for us. Lots of good memories, some bad ones too, but they’re all part of our story. I want to remember them and make new ones.”
Drew’s Adam’s apple bobbed slightly, and she watched as he cleared the emotion from his throat. His hands brushed her shoulders, then slid slowly down her arms to intertwine their fingers. “Best surprise ever.”
She held his gaze, trying and failing to keep her voice from breaking. “I love you, Drew. I am so in love with you. I wanted to tell you here, at our place. It looks exactly the same even though it’s weathered some storms. Just like us.”
It was the first time she’d said the words since they were in the very same spot over a decade ago. Keeping her emotions in check went out the window when tears glistened in his eyes.
“I love you too, Sunshine.” Drew’s forehead met Anna’s, a relieved sigh sounding from him. “Damn, I love you so much.”
He spun them so her back rested again the truck. His hand hesitated inches from her face, his thumb stroking slowly along her cheeks, her lips. He drove her crazy in the most delicious ways, and she was seconds away from begging when his lips smashed into hers. Their mouths parted immediately, tongues dancing in a rhythm so incredible she lost all cognitive function. He pulled back, but her eyes remained closed.
“Open your eyes, beautiful,” he whispered.
Her gaze met his, her fingers grazing his jaw as she memorized every angle of his face, the pure joy radiating from him.
Anna didn’t trust her voice, so she linked their fingers and led him to the patchwork blanket she’d put out by the water. Night took over as the sky faded from purple to navy, filling with stars. They talked and ate, skipping rocks across the river.
“I love remembering the times we spent here,” he said as she declined the last bit of his favorite cookie dough ice cream.
“Most of it was spent making out in the back of your truck.”
Drew grabbed her waist, pulling her across the quilt to straddle him. “And what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. You always looked so hot in your uniform after a game. I couldn’t wait to get you out here.”
“Oh really?” he sputtered. “Did you have a particular favorite uniform?”
“Football, baseball, basketball…they all did it for me. Think you could still fit into one?”
His lips skimmed up her neck, hot breath drawing goose bumps across her skin as he kissed a path back down. “Probably not but know I’d be willing to try.”
They packed the picnic away, turning on country radio in the truck and settling on the tailgate. Drew intertwined their fingers in his lap as they watched the water drift by in the full moonlight. She snuggled into his side, and her head fell on his shoulder as a protective arm pulled her closer.
She tilted to watch his profile, his striking features focused in some far-off thought, staring across their river. Her fingers brushed lightly along his jaw, and he came back to her with a heart-stopping smile. His lips grazed her temple.
“Thank you for tonight. It was…it was everything,” he sighed, eyes holding that intensity she’d only ever seen in them. “So have you thought any more about Luke’s offer?”
She and Drew had discussed it briefly, but she knew he wouldn’t push. Her plan had always been spending her career at Green & Russell, making VP and gaining all the challenges that would come with it. Part of her still wanted that life, but a larger part screamed how much she missed spending time with her family. Having Sunday lunch after church every week, not just a few times each year. Seeing her nieces and nephew with just a five-minute drive. Their soccer games, dance recitals, never missing a moment. Could it be that her dreams were shifting?
“When my work at Yoakum is finished, I want to talk seriously with Luke about it.”
“You know I would move for you. If you wanted to keep your job, I can find…”
She stopped him with a finger to his lips. “I know.”
Their mouths brushed softly, once, twice, then parted. Drew’s arm swept around her waist, lifting then placing her under him on the sleeping bag. Every warm, incredible inch of him pressed perfectly into her.
Her hands slid under his sweatshirt, traveling up the hard planes of his back and shoulders. She’d never wanted someone so badly in her life, not even this someone. But the ever-present fear tried to creep in with a stab to her chest.
She did her best to ignore it, grabbing the hem of his shirt and ripping it over his head. Her fingers traveled over that impossibly sexy tattoo highlighted in the moonlight glow all the way down to the light dusting of hair that led to the button of his jeans. The gold flecks in his eyes sparked fierce with the depth of his love as her gaze returned to his face. That incredible crooked smile appeared on his lips while the crickets serenaded them with their special song.
Don’t freak out. You want this. It won’t change his feelings for you.
She traced the outline of his tattoo, examining it for the first time.
“It’s a compass?” she asked.
He nodded, watching her reverently as she leaned in for a closer examination. She noted the east, west, and south, but north seemed to be missing.
“Where’s the N?” she asked.
“You…you were my path, Anna. My north. When I lost you, I lost my direction.”
She met his gaze, her heart pounding out a rhythm that had always been his.
“The squiggly lines inside?” she whispered.
“Rays of light…sunshine.”
Drew’s lips met hers again, his hands skimming under the hem of her sweater. Long, tender fingers moved up her sides as his thumbs explored her stomach. Those thumbs stopped just under the wire of her bra, traveling a path across.
He pulled back to meet her gaze, searching for permission. She nodded, and he lifted the shirt over her head. His smile morphed into a look of awe as he gazed from her face to their joined hips.
He loves you. You can trust him.
Most of Anna screamed to unbutton those jeans and see every glorious inch of him. But her hands started to shake as she traveled the path over each muscle of his stomach. The song from the truck speakers changed, and a louder, more frantic part of her started hyperventilating.
If you do this, everything will fall apart. Just like it always does. He left you once; he’ll do it again.
His touch was more incredible than she remembered, but the petrified girl in the back of her mind moved front and center. No matter how hard she tried to push it away, a full-blown panic attack was in the works if she didn’t do something.
Hands on Drew’s chest, she pressed with what tiny bit of willpower she had, and they broke apart, heaving for breath. He looked down at her, and she was sure he could see her desire but also her relentless doubt.
“Sweetheart, are you okay?” He stroked her cheek, and tears filled her eyes. She gripped his biceps, burying her face in his chest. She couldn’t stop the stupid tears.
Would the broken girl ever go away?
Drew’s thumb lifted her chin, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She bit her lip so hard it might bleed. “I can’t…” she whispered.
“You can’t?” His voice was kind but confused.
He cupped her cheeks, thumbs brushing her eyelids until they opened. He wasn’t angry; maybe anger would have been easier. The concern swimming in his eyes threatened to break her. “Take a breath, Sunshine. Talk to me.”
“Sex…it means people leave, Drew,” she whispered. “Or you lose them. I know it sounds stupid, but…”
He brushed a stray piece of hair behind her ear. “First, I’ll never think how you feel is stupid. Ever. But second, Anna, I’m not Mason.”
“I know you aren’t, but after he and I…we’d been dating a few years, had started talking about getting married. He told me nothing would ever change the way he felt about me, that we were forever, and then one night we slept together. Two months later, he told me he needed a break from us. Had to figure some things out.” Anna still remembered with vivid clarity the hot tears pouring down her face while she sobbed, curled in a ball on her bed that day in college. Knowing she’d given him that piece of her and he’d walked away with it a few months later.
“Then I married him, and he had sex on a business trip with a girl from his office. I don’t…I can’t lose you again, Drew.” She looked away, not wanting to see what emotions might be in his eyes from her confession.
“You aren’t going to lose me.” His voice was strong but soothing, holding her chin between his fingers so she couldn’t avoid his stare. “I’m not going anywhere, Anna. We don’t ever have to do anything you aren’t ready for, but nothing that happens between us could take me away from you.”
“You say that now, but…”
“You can trust me,” he whispered with conviction.
“I know, I just…I want you, all of you, so much I can’t even…” His cocky smile made her laugh even through her tears. “I can’t wake up the next morning and cry because I’m lost in the part of me that’s afraid it will ruin us, just waiting for it to end. I’m pieced back together, Drew, but there are parts of me that might always be frayed at the edges. Can you…can you understand that?”