When It Was Us

by Larissa Weatherall

  “Honey, no,” his dad said. He touched her shoulder, their gaze sharing a conversation with one look.

  She drew in a long breath, slowly letting it out. “Yes, Andy, he needs to know. Drew, when your dad and I separated, it was…it was my fault. There was a man…”

  Drew shot off the porch swing, eyes wide and confused. “You cheated on Dad?”

  “Not exactly, son, but I…I let an emotional relationship with someone who wasn’t your father get out of hand, and I came close. I told your father, and that was the night he left. It was my fault.”

  His dad turned so they were facing each other, both his hands cradling her face. “No, sweetheart, it wasn’t your fault. Those things only happened because I wasn’t…I…I somehow lost sight of what was most important in my life. I forgot to really see you, show you every day I could never live without you, to cherish and protect you like I promised before God I would. I never should have left. I should have kissed the hell out of you and told you I’d never stop fighting for you, for my family, until you knew how much I loved you, but my damn pride got the better of me.”

  She stroked his cheek, a watery smile on her face. “I love you.”

  “I’m a lucky man,” he said with a wink.

  They both turned to Drew then, having momentarily forgotten he was standing there next to them.

  So it wasn’t all on his dad? But he…

  “Dad, you let me yell at you, be pissed at you for years?”

  “Because he was protecting me,” his mom said. “But it’s time you understood that even those we view as perfect sometimes make mistakes and we fail. If, maybe, what’s happened between you and Anna is one of those things, I want you to think very hard before you make a snap decision you can’t take back. You won’t get another chance, son, and you have loved that girl your entire life.”

  His dad flashed a sympathetic smile. Too sympathetic. Luke confided in him about everything, and Drew had a feeling he knew more than he’d ever admit. “Son, I can tell you that pushing away the woman you love is something you will regret, but I think you already know that. You’ve waited long enough for her to come back to you. Pushing Anna away for a second time…you will never forgive yourself. Even if what happened might seem hard to let go.”

  Could Drew forgive or more importantly forget the slideshow of Anna and Luke together running on one hell of a loop in his mind?

  He closed his eyes as the warm salty tears started to sting. If he couldn’t bring himself to be okay with what happened, he’d lose the two most important people in his life.

  “I’m just not sure…what if we can’t get past it?”

  Saying it out loud made him want to hurl. A decade of missing her, wishing to God she was his and knowing she never would be.

  His mom stood, her tiny frame coming only to his collarbone. She hugged him around the waist. “You’re upset right now, and I’m sure you have a right to be, but don’t make this decision out of anger. Don’t do something you can’t take back. Cool off and give it some time.”

  Emotion choked him, so he simply nodded and stepped toward the porch steps.

  “We love you, son.” His dad waved from the swing, looping a protective arm around his mom when she rejoined him.

  The ache seeped back in as he drove away from his parents’ house, the ache from Anna’s words and the tears streaming down her face as she’d said them.

  His fist slammed the steering wheel, chest heaving, the rage burning stronger every second.

  A familiar old blue truck still sat in its usual spot when he pulled down his driveway. He walked through the door to find Luke on the couch exactly where he’d left him fifteen hours ago.

  “What the hell are you still doing here?” Drew asked with a sigh.

  “You wouldn’t hear me out this morning. I figured you had to come home eventually, so I decided to wait you out.”

  “Oh really, you think I should listen to anything you have to say at this point?”

  “No, but you’re going to.”

  Drew leaned against a barstool in the kitchen, arms crossed, keeping as much distance between them as possible. “You knew Mason was a prick. I could have stopped her from marrying that son of a bitch.”

  “She told me she loved him, Drew. And you didn’t…you hadn’t shown me a reason to tell her to make a different choice.”

  Luke leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. The space between his eyes had already turned purple from Drew’s punch. “You know what? That day…the day after we…I asked her. I asked her if she still had feelings for you, and she couldn’t tell me no, but she looked at me with so much hurt in her eyes the minute I mentioned you. She said you didn’t want her and maybe you never loved her at all. When I told her that wasn’t true, she reminded me how you left her and asked me what could lead her to think any differently. I didn’t have an answer for her, Drew. I couldn’t tell her you wouldn’t leave her again.”

  Luke stared him down, forcing the words to stab right though his chest.

  “But this time, it’s different. And when she asked me why, I told her to try and believe you never stopped loving her. Because you never did. She’s always been the one. Why would you let this ruin what you have now? You two are finally together, and things are finally good.”

  Drew choked out a laugh. “Things are good? I just found out she slept with my best friend and things are good?”

  “Brother, I know this sucks, and I’m sorry.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “We weren’t sneaking around behind your back or in love or any of those damn ideas you have in your head right now. It was one stupid mistake.” Luke stood, throwing his hands in the air. “If you weren’t so pissed right now, I’d smack some sense into you.”

  “Try it, man. I’m looking for another reason to put you on the floor.”

  Waking up with Anna by the river felt like they’d finally made it, pushed past all the hurt, doubts, and fears and were finally on their way to forever. Then everything went to hell with her confession.

  So now what? Walk away? There would be no more chances after that…ever.

  “It should never have happened; I never should have let it get that far. Two friends let things get way out of hand one night. One night. I…I made a huge mistake and lost one of my best friends that night. I couldn’t risk losing you too, and I promised her I wouldn’t tell you.” Luke sighed.

  Sex means people leave.

  Drew replayed Anna’s words from their night on the river, her fears about it breaking them if they took that next step. He squeezed his eyes shut. She hadn’t just been talking about Mason’s affair. She’d lost Luke, too.

  Throwing himself on the couch, Drew covered his face with his hands, but that just made the images of her and Luke so much more vivid.

  “I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but if you want to be with her, then let it go and forgive her,” Luke said. “If I remember correctly, you weren’t totally honest when you broke up with her all those years ago.”

  “Really? You’re going there now?”

  Luke sat on the coffee table in front of Drew, forcing him to meet his glare. “Damn straight I am. I’m not going to sit here and watch you piss away your happiness or hers. Just apologize. Should solve all your problems.”

  “I’m still pissed at you. Don’t push it, okay? Now get out of my house.”

  Luke pushed off the table, walking to the door. “Okay, but I seriously want you to hear me right now. Do you remember the day she married Mason? Because I do.”

  “What’s your point?” Drew growled. Luke promised never to speak of that day again. This totally broke bro code. Although bro code was pretty much out the window at this point.

  Luke leaned against the wall leading to the entryway, his expression sympathetic. “Brother, I love you, and I will spend another day watching you get blind-ass drunk because you lost her if that’s what it comes to. But you know damn well what an incredible woman she
is. It won’t take long for her to find someone else who sees that. You’re going to get a repeat of her being Mrs. Someone Else’s Wife if you don’t swallow your damn pride and forgive her. I get it, it sucks, but sometimes relationships suck. Life is messy, but you have to let it go and choose forgiveness because you love them, and we all make mistakes. If you really love her like you say you do, you’ll fix this before it’s too late.”

  Luke slammed the door behind him, leaving Drew with the memory of his Sunshine in a stunning white dress walking down the aisle to someone else.

  ***

  Five years earlier

  “Luke, I need another beer.” Drew stumbled over the couch, attempting and failing to stand. “No, let’s do shots.”

  He reached for some glasses, throwing them down on the island counter.

  “I’m happy to get drunk with you, really I am, but I’d rather not watch you puke your guts out today,” Luke said, his hand holding the liquor cabinet closed.

  “Who’s puking here?” Drew pushed him away, poured a double, and threw it back. Jack Daniels burned all the way down. If only it could burn away every memory he ever shared with her. But he knew damn well he’d never let them go even if he could. The brutal pain stabbed his chest, ripped him in two, but it meant he still had a part of her. A part he’d always hold on to.

  Drew drank the other shot, and Luke attempted to hide the glasses in the sink. “You are puking today, Drew. You definitely are.”

  “I saw her, yesterday,” Drew whispered.

  “You saw her?”

  Drew scrubbed his hands over his face before they landed clasped behind his neck. “She walked out of Miss Emma’s dress shop, and I just stood across the street staring at her holding that damn dress I knew she was going to wear to marry him. She must have felt me staring, because she turned toward me, and I couldn’t breathe. She gave me a tiny wave and smiled, even stopped walking, and I thought maybe she was about to come across the street. I had this whole scene in my mind where she throws the dress to the side and runs into my arms. When the hell did I become such a chick?”

  “I’m sorry.” Luke patted Drew on the back, but he grabbed the second shot glass and filled it.

  “She hesitated, and then her friend pulled her into Joan’s Bakery, and she was gone. I’m not even sure I pulled it together enough to wave back. I’ve been drinking ever since.”

  “Drew…”

  “Just…don’t. The only girl I’ve ever loved is marrying someone else today. No big deal.” His fist connected with the kitchen wall next to the refrigerator. Blood pooled and ran down his knuckles. It would hurt like a son of a bitch later when he could register any other pain than losing her.

  In thirty minutes, she’d be someone else’s wife. Hell, it was all so clear now. Every day they spent together. Every night she spent sleeping in his arms. Every time he made her cry. Every smile, every kiss, every touch.

  A tear ran down Drew’s face, and he quickly slapped it away. She was about to marry the guy, so she must love him. She was happy, right? But maybe…maybe she still loved Drew, too. Maybe he still had a chance.

  Drew stood, holding onto a barstool before he fell on his face. “I’m going to the wedding.”

  “Oh hell no, you’re not.” Luke grabbed his arm in a death grip.

  “Get out of my way. I need to see her. I need to tell her I love her. She has to know I never stopped.”

  “Why does she need to know? She chose him, she loves him, and she’s marrying him today. You have to let her go.” Luke whispered the last part, and the pity in his eyes made more tears spill over.

  “She’s not married yet. There’s still time. I’ve gotta see her.” Drew pulled his jacket from the hook, opening the doors leading to Luke’s backyard.

  Luke caught him as he stumbled again. “Damn it. Fine. But I’m coming with you. I’m not going to let you make a fool of yourself alone.”

  Since neither were in a state to drive, they walked down the river to the church. The spitting rain mixed with unseasonably cold temperatures made every step miserable.

  The church’s basement door was unlocked, and they snuck in and up the stairs. As soon as Drew made it to the main floor, he spotted Anna through the window of the church’s nursery. Fitting, he thought, since it was the first place they’d met just a few weeks after she was born.

  A lump formed in his throat, and everything around him fell away. He stared at her in a strapless, lace-covered white dress, her gorgeous chest peeking out from her neckline, leading down her curves with a long veil surrounding her. She was incredible, the most amazing, sexiest woman he’d ever seen.

  And she was about to marry another man.

  Damn, how he wanted to be the one down the hall about to walk out and marry her. He’d never wanted anything more than to promise her his life. To be the one she deserved to promise hers to.

  She stood next to Beth, smiling for a photo with their mother. The pain before was nothing compared to watching the joy on her face, the elation to marry someone who wasn’t him.

  The door started to open. Luke’s eyes went wide with panic before he dragged Drew into a restroom down the hall.

  “Let’s just go, Drew,” he whispered. “Why are you putting yourself though this?”

  “I need to watch.”

  Luke shook his shoulders. “Why the hell would you do that?”

  “I need to know she’s happy. I need to see it.”

  Drew peeked through a door in the back of the chapel where he wouldn’t be noticed, seconds before the song changed and the crowd rose for the bride. Drew sucked in an agonizing breath as Anna winked at her dad and they started down the aisle together.

  His glare found Mason, smiling from ear to ear as she started toward him. Drew hated the guy for taking her away. Even if he was the one who’d let her go.

  The ceremony began, and Drew grabbed the door handle. His grip tightened as he started to pull it open, to run down the aisle and ask her to leave with him. Tell her, right there in front of everyone, all the things running though his head. All the things he wished he’d said before it was too late. But the blissfully happy smile on his Sunshine’s face as she stared into another man’s eyes stopped him where he stood. She loved Mason. She was in love with him, and Drew had hurt her. He didn’t deserve her any more today than he did four years ago.

  Drew snuck back out of the chapel before the lucky bastard kissed his bride. He and Luke walked back home in the pouring rain, and it hit him. He’d lost her forever. He was alone, and she would spend the rest of her life as someone else’s wife.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Drew’s eyes flew open, his breathing ragged like he’d run a damn marathon.

  As he stared at the ceiling in early morning darkness, his stubborn side wanted to just stay angry. His temper got the best of him yesterday because the anger was so much easier to hold on to, to control.

  But one question had him ready to hurl his alarm clock against the wall. It was so simple and had nothing to do with what happened between Luke and Anna. Although he still hated it.

  Why hadn’t he been there that night? Of all nights in his life, why hadn’t he been the one who’d opened the door for her?

  He would have called her his Sunshine, held her face in his hands, and told her he missed her. He would have leaned into her slowly, the way that drove her crazy, and kissed her the way he’d been dreaming of for years. He’d have done his damnedest to convince her, and maybe they’d have gotten all that time back they missed.

  Drew pulled on a t-shirt from the drawer and the first pair of jeans he found. But when he got in his truck, he couldn’t start the engine.

  He could get over this.

  Right?

  Not seeing she and Luke in the same room for a few…years might definitely help.

  But, hell, they worked together every single damn day. There was nothing he could do about that. And for her to move back home, to start a life with Drew, they�
�d partner on the business and work side by side for the rest of their freaking lives.

  Could he ever trust them again?

  A more important question, the right question was…could he live without her?

  And the answer was yes. He could, he had. But no part of him ever wanted to. Even the parts of him that were pissed as hell wanted to pull her into his arms and never let go.

  Drew wanted to date her, marry her, and have babies with her, raise those babies in their home, and grow old with her. Whatever the future held, he wanted to face it with her by his side.

  After an hour of convincing himself to put the truck in reverse, he drove in the direction of Anna’s parents’ house. Her car wasn’t in the driveway, so he grabbed his phone and dialed her number. The ringtone played back immediately from somewhere under the seat. She must have left it when they came home from the barbeque.

  That night felt damn near perfect. Like everything was falling into place, that last puzzle piece fitting just right in the middle of his heart.

  Drew fished her phone from the spot where it was wedged in the seat and hit send on the only other place he thought she'd go.

  “Hello,” a confused voice answered.

  “Layla, it’s Drew. Is Anna there?”

  “If she was, there’s no chance I’d let you through this door to see her,” was her response as the phone disconnected.

  Well at least he knew where she was.

  It was a start.

  The long drive gave him too much time to watch her empty spot beside him. He’d find a way to make this right between them. There simply wasn’t another option.

  Ryan’s truck sat in the driveway as Drew turned the corner in their neighborhood. Two weeks ago, the four of them had barbequed in the back yard where Drew now parked on the street. He’d worried it would be awkward, the new guy in their group, but Layla and Ryan were nothing but welcoming and kind.

  He sucked in a deep breath and walked up the sidewalk to knock.