Wizard’s Cookbook

by Aurelia Beaupommier

  ½ baguette

  3 1/2 oz thick-cut bacon, cut into lardons

  Sunflower oil

  4 eggs

  Pepper

  PREPARATION TIME • 5 mins COOKING TIME • 10 mins

  When the sun rises over the land of Aslan, cut half a baguette into 4 pieces, 2 inches long, and pull out some of the crumb to make a nest; set aside.

  Sauté the bacon for a few minutes in a nonstick frying pan until golden brown, drain off the excess fat, and set aside.

  Pour the oil into the frying pan. When it is hot, place the bread nests in the pan, hole-side up.

  Break the eggs carefully. Gently slide each egg into a hole, lightly pressing the baguette so the egg white doesn’t run underneath the bread. Season with pepper.

  Cook for 2 minutes, then turn the nest over with a spatula and cook for another 2 minutes.

  When the bread is as golden as the coat of the Great Lion, place it on a plate and scatter over the bacon pieces.

  RAMANDU’S ISLAND SALAD

  When the crew of the Dawn Treader arrives on Ramandu’s Island, a strange scene greets them: three Narnian lords, heads on their plates, sleeping an enchanted sleep in the middle of a vast banquet. Every evening, great, elegant birds, white as snow, replace the dishes, to the great amazement of Caspian and his friends. Fortunately, Ramandu and his daughter Evening Star explain the reasons for this spell. The huge feast, prepared at the behest of Aslan, honors the warm and pleasant island that marks the beginning of the World’s End, so it is natural that the dishes give pride of place to seafood and the foods of the tropics.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 4

  5 lemons

  1 lb 2 oz whiting fillets (bream or cod)

  ½ cucumber

  Salt

  1 shallot

  2 carrots

  2 tomatoes

  1 bunch chives

  3 1/2 oz coconut milk

  PREPARATION TIME • 15 mins MARINATING TIME • 5 hrs

  DISGORGING TIME • 15 mins

  Place the lemons on the banqueting table and, pressing down on them firmly beneath the palm of your hand, roll each lemon back and forth a few times. Then cut them in half over a bowl and squeeze them to extract all their juice.

  Rinse the fish, check that there are no bones left. Using the broad Stone Knife lying on the table, cut the fish into pieces. Place the pieces in a dish, cover with lemon juice, cover the dish with plastic wrap, and marinate in the refrigerator for 5 hours.

  When the Evening Star fades, drain the fish.

  Peel the cucumber and cut it into cubes. Dust the cubes lightly with salt before placing them in a strainer to disgorge for 15 minutes. Peel the shallot and carrots, then thinly slice the shallot and cut the carrots into sticks. Rinse the tomatoes and chives. Dice the tomatoes and chop the chives.

  Gently combine the pieces of fish, cucumber, shallot, carrots, and tomatoes in a mixing bowl. Pour the coconut milk over top, stir again, and sprinkle with chopped chives. Serve immediately.

  SOUFFLÉ OMELET SARUMAN

  Saruman is a wizard with great power, much of which lies in his mesmerizing voice that enchants many a creature. His ambition led him to succumb to the mirages of Sauron. After the fall of Isengard, Merry and Pippin regain their composure thanks to this omelet made from ingredients they found in the guard room of the White Tower.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 4

  8 eggs

  4 1/2 oz pouring cream

  Salt and pepper

  1/2 oz butter

  PREPARATION TIME • 15 mins COOKING TIME • 6 to 8 mins

  Break your eggs over a bowl, separating the yolks from the whites.

  Start a tornado in a bowl (or use a mixer) and beat the whites until firm peaks form.

  Pour the cream into a bowl that has been chilled in the freezer, unleash the winds of Caradhras, and beat the cream until it thickens.

  In another bowl, break up the yolks with a whisk, add the whipped cream, then the beaten egg whites, and season with salt and pepper.

  Heat the butter in a frying pan as hot as a palantír, pour in the mixture, and cook for 3 to 4 minutes until the omelet is set.

  Fold the edges toward the center and cook for another 3 or 4 minutes. Serve immediately.

  RADAGAST’S SALAD

  Radagast the Brown is a wizard living on the edge of Mirkwood. Also called Aiwendil meaning “friend to birds,” he prefers the company of animals and plants to that of men. In the film The Hobbit, it is Radagast who warns Gandalf about the return of an evil presence in the stronghold of Dol Guldur.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 4

  2 raw beets

  1 bunch of watercress

  9 oz mushrooms

  1 handful walnuts

  2 T walnut oil

  1 T apple cider vinegar

  Salt and pepper

  PREPARATION TIME • 10 mins COOKING TIME • 45 mins

  Preheat the oven to 350°F.

  Rinse the beets and wrap them in parchment paper or a sheet of aluminum foil. Place them in the oven or under the ashes of a good fire, and cook them until a knife pierces them easily (about 45 minutes).

  Rinse the watercress leaves well in the clear water of a stream, then spin them dry.

  Making sure that all of your mushrooms are indeed safe to eat, brush them and clean with a damp cloth. Slice them very thinly and fry for a few minutes in a frying pan over high heat until they start to brown.

  Crack the walnuts and collect the kernels.

  Make a vinaigrette by mixing together the oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper.

  Peel the beets and cut them into pieces. In a large bowl, combine the pieces of beet, the cooled mushrooms, the watercress, and the walnuts, and add the dressing just before serving.

  BEORN’S GOAT CHEESE TOAST

  In The Hobbit, when Bilbo and his companions find refuge at Beorn’s home after fleeing the orcs, the man-bear treats them to toast with cheese from his goats and honey from Mirkwood.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 4

  4 small or 2 large goat cheese logs

  Salt and pepper

  1 pinch freshly grated nutmeg

  4 slices bread

  1 handful fresh herbs (basil, marjoram, thyme)

  4 T honey

  1 seasonal lettuce (batavia, mâche)

  PREPARATION TIME • 10 mins COOKING TIME • 5 mins

  Using a very sharp blade, cut each small cheese in half lengthwise, or each large cheese into slices 1/2-inch thick.

  Season with salt and pepper, sprinkle lightly with nutmeg, and lay the pieces of cheese on the bread slices.

  Pick some herbs growing south of the gate. Rinse, drain, and chop them finely. Sprinkle the slices with fresh herbs and then drizzle with honey.

  Place them under a broiler for about 5 minutes, until the cheese melts, the honey caramelizes, and the bread becomes crusty. Serve with seasonal salad.

  KEBAB OF 3,000 YEARS AGO

  Ah, the splendor of the walls of Ur, of Babylon the magnificent…. Only we forget to mention that it was the djinn—well, mostly Bartimaeus—who built these cities that became legendary for their beauty. The only drawback was that he was constantly preparing this dish for Faquarl and Jabor, who would demand a snack each time they finished a section of wall.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 6

  The flatbreads

  14 oz flour + extra for work surface

  1 t baking powder

  1 t superfine sugar

  1 t salt

  1 1/2 oz butter, melted

  8 fl oz (1 cup) milk

  The filling

  Sesame seeds

  Olive oil

  1 handful cilantro leaves

  1 onion

  9 oz leftover meat

  1 t cumin

  Salt and pepper

  3 1/2 oz sheep’s milk cheese, crumbled

  PREPARATION TIME • 15 mins COOKING TIME • 25 mins

  RESTING TIME • 45 mins

  Mix the flatbr
ead ingredients together, then knead the dough. When it is smooth and not sticky, let it stand for 45 minutes.

  In your incarnation as a fire spirit, toast the sesame seeds with a glance (alternatively, toast in a frying pan over medium heat)—they should be golden but not too brown. In a mortar of the purest marble (or a blender), crush the seeds with an equal amount of oil and mash until the mixture is smooth and even.

  Finely chop the cilantro. With an elegant gesture, peel the onion and slice it into strips. Soften the strips in a frying pan over medium heat until translucent, then add the meat and cumin and cook for 5 minutes. Add the cilantro, mix, season, with salt and pepper, and let cool.

  Divide the dough into 6 equal pieces, and roll them out very thinly on a floured work surface. Lay them in a very hot frying pan and let them cook for 5 to 7 minutes on each side: they should brown lightly and puff up like an exasperated magician.

  Open up each flatbread, fill with some of the meat mixture and crumbled cheese, add a generous spoonful of the sesame sauce, and eat hot, admiring the rising waters of the River Jordan.

  CUCUMBER SANDWICHES

  As the youngest Minister for Information of all time, Nathaniel—who elects to become John Mandrake—is a regular guest at government receptions. Which is just as well, because otherwise how would he prevent an ambitious, powerful, and really very cunning wizard, accompanied by a legion of djinn, from taking advantage of a cocktail party to try to seize power? That said, even at the highest levels, and right in the middle of a battle where golems mingle with magical spells and amulets, the cream of British magicians cannot pass up these famous cucumber sandwiches.

  INGREDIENTS • makes 8 sandwiches or 32 mini-sandwiches

  1 cucumber

  8 slices whole wheat sandwich bread

  8 slices white sandwich bread

  3 1/2 oz unsalted butter

  2 t freshly chopped mint

  Salt and pepper

  PREPARATION TIME • 20 mins

  Peel the cucumber and slice it as thinly as possible; ideally you will have conjured up a djinni with a mandoline or razor-sharp claws. Salt the cucumber slices, place them in a strainer in the sink, and let them drain for 15 minutes, the time it takes to discipline the unruly djinni who is making rude remarks about the addiction of British magicians to cucumber sandwiches.

  Find your place again in your recipe and blot the cucumber slices with paper towels.

  Toast the slices of bread, then spread them with butter. Arrange the cucumber slices in an attractive pattern on a slice of whole wheat bread, disregarding the disparaging comments of the djinni who says this is pointless because the cucumber will be on the inside of the sandwich. Ignore him, he does not know what he is talking about. If he insists, threaten to enclose him in a bottle for the rest of his summoning—that’ll teach him.

  Sprinkle the rounds of cucumber with finely chopped mint, cover with a slice of white bread, and press down lightly. Do the same with the other slices of bread. Cut the sandwich into quarters on the diagonal and enjoy while keeping an eye on the megalomaniac wizard who would like to destroy your career.

  BABYLONIAN POTTAGE

  When the divine Queen of Sheba asks the djinni Bartimaeus to take her magician Asmira across the vast desert to spy on the great King Solomon—hallowed be his slippers—she doesn’t think about how her companion will eat. It is always the same with the great and the good, they don’t think about logistics and detail! And who saves the day by cooking up a good restoring and comforting soup? Bartimaeus!

  INGREDIENTS • serves 6

  • for 6 Babylonian djinn

  Several pieces of poultry

  1 handful beggarweed

  2 Samidu

  1 Sahumu

  1 Suhutinuu

  1 handful Sahlu or Engengeru

  Kisiburu leaves

  1 nib Kamu

  1 jug of Kisimmu

  • for 6 modern djinn

  1 handful red lentils

  6 chicken pieces on the bone (thighs, wings …)

  1 bunch cilantro

  1 handful watercress or arugula

  2 onions

  1 leek

  1 garlic clove

  1 t cumin

  2 pt (4 cups) milk

  PREPARATION TIME • 10 mins COOKING TIME • 45 mins

  Make the most of the scorching midday sun to toast your lentils in a pan over medium heat. A few minutes is enough; you don’t want to burn them.

  Rinse the pieces of chicken by summoning up a spurt of water. While you’re at it, rinse the cilantro and the watercress or arugula as well. Peel the onions (and if you start to cry and blow your nose on the flying carpet, do it discreetly, wizards are rather sensitive about this, I don’t know why) and cut each of them into four. Wash and cut the leeks.

  Place a large pot on high heat and add the toasted lentils, pieces of chicken, cilantro, watercress or arugula, onion, leek, crushed garlic, and cumin. Add the milk and enough water to cover the mixture. When bubbles appear, reduce the heat and simmer for 45 minutes until the chicken meat comes away from the bone.

  Enjoy hot.

  If you can cook this soup on a flying carpet while avoiding marauding desert bandits, there is no reason why it shouldn’t work! Okay, maybe there is. Because you aren’t an amazing djinni able to view seven planes!

  SARDINE SANDWICHES

  When he can’t stop laughing, Mary Poppins’ Uncle Albert floats up to the ceiling, where he rolls about in fits of giggles! Although this behavior is somewhat inappropriate—how are you supposed to drink your tea without spilling it when you’re bobbing around high above the floor?—these sandwiches are perfect for teatime with a bird’s-eye view!

  INGREDIENTS • serves 4

  9 oz canned sardines in water

  1 oz unsalted butter

  Juice of 1 lime

  Salt and pepper

  8 cherry tomatoes

  8 slices white sandwich bread

  PREPARATION TIME • 5 mins

  Note: Do your best to keep your composure so you don’t float away before finishing the sandwiches.

  Drain the sardines, cut them in half lengthwise and remove the backbone. Mash them in a bowl with the butter and lime juice, and season with salt and pepper.

  Rinse the cherry tomatoes, cut them in half, and let them drain for a few moments. Don’t make any jokes or tell any funny stories or hilarious anecdotes; keep a straight face … or you will take off and not come back down!

  Spread half of the bread slices with the fishy mixture, place a tomato half in the center of each, and top with the second slice of bread.

  Tssttssstss, I hear you tittering…. Come on, be serious just a little longer! Ignore Uncle Albert, who is bouncing off the walls in time with his uncontrollable laughter, and cut the sandwiches using the cookie cutter of your choice (star, umbrella, parrot). Now that you’ve reached this point you’re nearly there, take a deep breath, arrange the remaining tomato halves on top … and now you can at last let out all the laughter. Enjoy on the ceiling!

  PEELINGS SOUP

  One fine morning, when Cedric Brown’s seven children were pretending to be sick and refusing to get up, Nanny McPhee glued them to their beds for the whole day. Later, as the sun was setting, she served them this soup. It may be made from humble vegetable peelings but to the hungry children it was the best dish they had ever tasted.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 6

  2 lb 4 oz vegetable trimmings, as diverse as they are varied (potatoes, carrots, parsnips, radish tops, beets …)

  1 small handful fresh herbs (thyme, bay leaf, rosemary)

  1 chicken bouillon cube

  Salt and pepper

  1 packet (9 oz) noodles

  PREPARATION TIME • 15 mins COOKING TIME • 45 mins

  Rinse the peelings and sort them, discarding any that are bruised or moldy. Set aside a few for garnish. Wash the herbs as well.

  Place the peelings in a large pot, crumble in the bouillon cube, ad
d the herbs, season with salt and pepper, and cover with fresh water.

  Bring to a boil. When the first bubble bursts, lower the heat and simmer for 45 minutes. Use this time to check that the supposedly sick children are actually lying in their beds rather than using them as trampolines.

  Heat a saucepan of water, cook the noodles according to the time indicated on the packet, drain, and set aside.

  Preheat the oven to 450°F.

  Spread the reserved peelings on a baking sheet and bake for 5 to 10 minutes, depending on their thickness, until they are nice and crispy.

  Strain the broth and serve it very hot with the noodles and crisped peelings, after having lifted the spell gluing the children to their beds, of course!

  MAGICAL GRATIN

  We modern-day witches and wizards lead a hectic life, especially when we live with humans who are unaware of our existence. That’s why sometimes we need to take it easy—or wave our wands—and, like Samantha, Darrin, and Tabitha, enjoy a good, satisfying meal at home as a family. In such cases, you simply can’t beat macaroni and cheese.

  INGREDIENTS • serves 6

  1 onion

  2 1/4 lb tomatoes

  1 lb 2 oz ground beef

  1 packet (1 lb 2 oz) macaroni

  Salt and pepper

  9 oz grated Cheddar cheese (try it

  as well with Parmesan, Mimolette, or Gruyère)

  1 3/4 oz butter

  PREPARATION TIME • 15 mins COOKING TIME • 30 mins

  Oh Daughters of Selene and Residents of Limbo, hear me!

  May the oven reach 350°F,

  May the onion be peeled without tears and finely chopped,

  May the tomatoes be washed and cut into pieces,

  May the beef be sautéed for 10 minutes on high heat,

  May the macaroni be cooked in five times their volume of boiling water, then drained,

  May the meat and tomatoes, onions and pasta, and salt and pepper be mixed together in a large dish,

  May the butter and two-thirds of the cheese be added before all is again mixed,

  May the mixture be divided into as many ramekins as guests,

  May the remaining cheese cover all,