by KIKI MALONE
Wait, did I miss a part?
What happened to you may kiss your bride?
Doesn’t he want to kiss me?
He just gave me these beautiful rings and we’re skipping the kissing and solidifying our marriage part?
Carter clears his throat and looks between the minister and me. “Didn’t you miss a step?” he inquires, a puzzled look appearing on his handsome face.
The minister looks a little perplexed by the question, but just as quickly turns a bright shade of red. “I’m sorry, it appears I have. Mr. Montgomery, you may now kiss your bride.”
Carter doesn’t wait for the minister to complete the sentence before he lands both hands on each side of my face and pulls me into a kiss that sweeps me off my feet. A kiss that I knew I’d want every day for the rest of my life. He clearly did want this kiss as much as I did.
We keep on kissing, not remembering that the kids and other guests are here. Suddenly, we hear the girls making gagging noises and giggling at the same time.
When we finally separate, I’m a bit flushed, and a little embarrassed by my behavior.
Our friends and family clap as we quickly grab all three girls’ hands and walk out of the church.
We are having a small reception at Carter’s house where everyone would meet us to cut down on the cost, even though Carter told me I could have anything I wanted. I’d thought a huge blowout was overindulging and unnecessary, especially having three young girls to take care of.
When we get back to the house, there aren’t any people waiting for us. The catering vans are gone, and we are able to just relax for a moment. We have an hour before the guests arrive to give us some time to ourselves before the festivities begin.
I also have a surprise planned for Carter and the girls and need time before everyone arrives to pull it off.
I walk into the family room and have the girls follow me. They are all curious as to what is happening, but stop in their tracks when they walk in. I had the decorators put up some banners when we left for the wedding because I wanted the girls to be as much a part of this day as we were.
There, in the family room, a banner hung. On it, I’d had printed, “Felicia, Isabella, and Sofia, will you be my daughters?”
The girls look to the banner, then to their dad who is standing behind me with his mouth wide open, and finally, back to me. I knew they could read some, but now I was worried they didn’t understand or that I went too far too fast. They just stand there as if they don’t know what to do or say.
No one says anything, and I stand there feeling like a fool.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
ELIZABETH
BECOMING MOMMY
IT FELT like a lifetime has passed when Carter puts his hands around my waist and his head on my shoulder. I try not to get caught up in the way that makes me feel, but I silently hope there would be more times like this.
“Thank you,” he whispers in my ear for only me to hear. “This is incredible. You’ve literally made them speechless.”
I don’t quite feel like that is what they are feeling, but I let Carter think so.
But then, Sofia speaks, “I get to have a mommy?” she says softly and looks at me. There are tears in her eyes and I don’t want to see that sweet baby cry. I immediately drop to my knees and pull her into my arms.
“I want to become your mommy one day, if that’s okay with you,” I explain to her. “I want us all to be a big, happy family, but I need to know that’s what the three of you want as well,” I continue.
“I always wanted a mommy,” she whispers in her sweet little voice. It tears my heart apart that she’s been missing this in her life.
“I’ll be the mommy you want, if you let me,” I say. Tears are now rolling down my face at her confession. “Is that what you all want?” I ask Felicia and Isabella who still haven’t spoken.
“What about our other mommy?” Felicia asks a bit snidely. “She said she was our real mommy. What about her?” This breaks my heart.
“Honey,” Carter says, “Maggie will always be the woman who gave you to me, but she wasn’t able to be your mommy.” He is trying to be careful about how he expresses her not being around. I understand it has to be very hard on him not to tell the girls the whole truth about that woman.
“I would like to have a mommy,” Isabella finally says. “And if you want to be my mommy, too, I think I like that.”
My heart is tearing apart. I feel like I have acceptance from only half of the girls. Sofia embraces me once again and I feel like my heart was being torn all over the place. Then, without warning, both Felicia and Isabella come over and hug me too.
Carter gathers us all in his arms and whispers, “Welcome to the family,” for only me to hear.
IT’S BEEN three weeks since the wedding and I moved into Carter’s house. We are trying to keep up pretenses, so we actually do share a bedroom. Too bad Carter doesn’t seem to want to share the bed with me though. His room is big enough that we have a couch in there, and that’s where he sleeps at night. I’m missing the excitement that comes along with being newlyweds.
I know I shouldn’t be disappointed that we haven’t consummated our marriage, but this is what I signed on for. He needed a wife and more importantly, the girls need a mother, so here I am.
As I make my way down to the kitchen, I hear the girls giggling. Seems like Daddy Bear is up to his normal breakfast antics. He makes sure to get up nice and early with them every day now. He’s gone back to work in the office to try and give me more private time with the girls. Though the girls seemed disappointed when he started that, they’ve now become adjusted.
“Again, Daddy, again!”
There goes Isabella. With her yelling like that, it tells me that Carter is again pretending he can be a ballerina. It’s quite the scene when he dances around with Isabella as such.
Carter still takes Isabella to dance class every day. We wanted to maintain some of their normalcy, while making adjustments to having me around.
I walk into the kitchen and immediately start laughing. Carter is in there with a damn tutu on making believe he’s dancing. Only, the thing he’s doing makes me think he’s trying to be a contortionist instead. There’s no way that ballerinas move like that.
“What are you laughing at?” Carter asks as he attempts a plié.
“Carry on, I’ll just be over here making breakfast,” I say as I wave at him, continuing to laugh as I walk away.
“Are you working today?” Carter suddenly asks from right behind me.
As a wedding present, Carter surprised me with a new flatbed and invested some money into my shop. I was able to hire a few new employees and not have to go to work daily, which worked out with us trying to get the girls to bond with me. However, on the days I do go into the garage, Carter stays at home and works from his home office. After the incident with Maggie, which ultimately led to our marriage, he’s been leery about taking them to the daycare he told me he has in his office building. I don’t really blame him for that. I don’t want the girls to go through that trauma again either.
“Yes, just for a few hours,” I answer him. “I have to do payroll and pay the bills. Also, Tommy is sick, so I’m going to have to drive the new flatbed. No one else is qualified and I don’t want to add another expense by hiring someone new.”
“Okay, I’ll call the office and tell them I’m staying home today,” he says without question.
I’m not used to someone being so agreeable with me. Andrew would’ve had a fit if he had to change his plans for me. I smile at the man I’ve come to respect and care about.
“Mommy Elizabeth, will you make us breakfast today?” little Sofia asks. When she started calling me Mommy Elizabeth, my heart just about burst. I locked myself in the bathroom and sobbed like a baby. I love these little girls so much already, I can’t imagine someone having them in their lives and not wanting them.
“Of course, Sofia,” I reply. Trying to mask my voice so s
he doesn’t see how much it affects me still when she says calls me mommy. And yes, it has an affect on me every time.
I go to the refrigerator and pull out some eggs and turkey bacon, then go to the pantry to pull out some flour and the rest of the ingredients I’ll need to make some homemade pancakes. I used to use the boxed pancake mixes, but Carter taught me how to make them from scratch since he’s tried very hard to make everything natural and healthy for his girls.
That’s another trait of his that really has me wishing we could have a real marriage instead of an arrangement. My attraction to this man escalates daily. I just wish he felt the same.
There are times I lay in bed and watch him sleep. I have to talk myself out of going to him most nights and taking our relationship to another level. The only thing that holds me back is the embarrassment I’d feel if he turned me away. I bet being with Carter would be explosive. I imagine him holding me tight in his arms. I imagine the look in his eyes as he makes love to me, or hell, I’d even take him giving me a good, hard fuck. I can see the sinew of his muscles as he thrusts into me, the look on his face as he comes.
I see how loving he is with his children; I can’t even imagine how loving he’d be with his wife. Damn it, I am his wife. I wish I knew how to make our relationship become one of a forever kind and not just an arrangement to help him with his girls... I wish I could figure out how to steer this arrangement towards a relationship that would last forever. Everything we do together already feels more like a real family, than the original agreement we made.
Waking up in his arms would be such a beautiful thing. I have a feeling, that making love would be slow and tortuous, but in a good way.
I shake myself out of these thoughts. Now is not the time for them, and the girls are waiting for their breakfast, so I won’t have time for another cold shower.
When I get back to the counter, Felicia is there, ready and waiting. She’s become quite the helper when it’s time for me to cook. She’s definitely going to be our little chef of the family. She’s already retrieved the mixing bowls I’m going to need and is anxiously waiting to start.
“I’m ready, Elizabeth,” she says, cheerfully. Although I’m happy that she’s accepted me and this has become our thing, I’m sad that she’s not as excited about me being her new mom as Sofia is. As a matter of fact, neither she nor Isabella has completely accepted my new role in their lives. I can only hope that one day I’ll be everything they need and want as a mom.
Felicia and I quickly get breakfast ready while Carter carts Isabella and Sofia upstairs to get ready for the day. Even when the girls are home all day, the routine is to get ready early in the morning as if they were going to school, or us to work. Routine is key with such young ones and learning early in life will ensure they continue it when they are adults.
“We’re ready, Elizabeth,” Isabella states as she sits at the table. I look over to her and smile. She and Sofia tried so hard to set the table for breakfast and I want to laugh. Everything is haphazardly put together.
“Carter,” I call. “Please come help the girls set the table properly.”
“On it,” he replies, laughter lighting his voice.
When he walks into the kitchen, he too chuckles at the job the girls did. Then he proceeds to ‘help’ them fix the table as it should be.
This family thing is everything. I don’t ever want to lose it, though I know it’s not really real. My heart can’t distinguish the difference though and I know when this charade is over, my heart will truly be broken. I don’t know that I’ll ever heal after it comes time to let them all go. This will be worse than anything I’ve endured in the past.
I decide not to think about it all and just go with the flow. I don’t want to be depressed in front of the girls and Carter. I’ll leave that for later, when I’m in the shower and no one can hear me cry.
Felicia and I finish breakfast and bring everything carefully to the table. I made sure to make everyone’s plates and Felicia decorated them like she sees on the TV show she loves to watch. I hope one day when I am able to have children of my own, that I’ll be able to experience the same things with them.
MY WORKDAY WENT BY QUICKLY. I finished payroll before noon and then paid all outstanding bills for the shop. I even paid the bills that were due from my house. I haven’t sold it yet, as I know I will need a place to live once this charade is all over.
Carter and I never really discussed what would happen once the arrangement was no longer necessary. I’m hoping he won’t just boot me out on my ass. I’ve become so attached to him and the girls and it would kill me if I had to walk out of their lives. I have to believe he wouldn’t have let me become so entwined with them only to rip them away. He has to see that he’d be doing not only me, but also them, an injustice if he did so.
He loves those girls with everything he has. I can’t see him doing something so cruel. At least, I’m hoping he won’t. If he does, he’s not the man he’s portrayed himself to be all this time.
There haven’t been any calls for tows, so I decide to head home. Just in case, I drive the flatbed home. I know Carter doesn’t like when I come home with the rig because if I happen to get a call in the middle of the night, the sound of the truck might wake up the girls, but this is my business and I can’t screw it up. When he gets through this ordeal with his ex and he and I no longer need to play house, I will still have a business to run.
I walk into the house to complete silence. It’s unusual for this time of day. Usually the girls are running rampant around the house and one of us is getting dinner ready. Don’t get me wrong, the girls are very well behaved, but we do let them run around and blow off some steam. They are children after all.
I walk into the family room and what I see melts my heart.
Carter is asleep on the couch with all three girls sleeping in various positions on top of him. This is a picture-perfect moment, so I pull out my phone and snap one, or ten pictures, but who’s counting? They really must’ve run him ragged today.
Instead of making any noise and waking them, I head into the kitchen to get a start on dinner. I might as well make myself useful since I’m sure it will now be a long night. When the girls nap this late in the day, getting them to bed at a decent hour is nearly impossible.
Carter walks into the kitchen about twenty minutes later. His hair is a mess and he has sleep lines all over his face. It’s quite adorable.
“How long have you been home?” he asks, his voice a bit husky still from sleep.
“About a half hour,” I respond. “I didn’t want to wake you, you looked so peaceful with the girls. Are they still sleeping?”
“No, they went to the bathroom and to wash their faces,” he answers. “Dinner smells good, what are you making?”
“I decided on something simple. Just grilled chicken, mac ’n’ cheese and some broccoli.”
“Sounds good. I’ll set the table. I’m sorry we all fell asleep,” he says sheepishly. “I know when you work, I’m supposed to cook dinner, but these girls had more energy today than they’ve had in a long time. I don’t know what they were on, but make sure you don’t give it to them tomorrow.”
I chuckle at that statement. Those girls are getting older and becoming more and more active every day. He has no idea what we do during the day anymore. I have to force them to take naps around one o’clock every day just to make it through. But I’m not going to share my secret with him, he’ll figure it out… or not.
The girls walk in the room, still looking sleepy. Joy, it’s going to be a great night, said with no sarcasm whatsoever.
We all sit down and eat. As dinner goes on, the girls start to get their energy back and by the time they are done, they are literally bouncing in their seats. I excuse them from the table and they run straight to their playroom. At least that’ll give me a few minutes to clean up and think of ways to get them into bed.
“I’ll take cleanup since you cooked,” Carter says from close
behind me. I jump at his close proximity. The way he’s leaning in behind me makes it seem like an intimate moment and I can’t handle something like that with him. I’d want something permanent if we started anything. Hell, who am I fooling, I already do.
“Okay,” I reply and walk away from him. When I turn back around, I notice a mix of confusion and hurt on his face. I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t hurt me either.
“I noticed you brought home your rig, everything okay?” he asks as he starts to clear the table.
“Everything is fine. There weren’t any calls all day, but we know how things can be at night. Tommy is sick, so he won’t be able to answer if anything comes in. I want to make sure I’m prepared if I’m needed.”
“You should really hire another driver. I love that you love what you do, but you shouldn’t have to run out in the middle of the night. How about you just hire someone for the evenings? If money is an issue, I’ll just help you out some more.”
I know his question is innocent, but it just brings back memories of things Andrew used to say. I don’t need anyone telling me what to do. I have to rein in my anger, though. That is not what he’s trying to do. I do understand. So I just shrug and walk away. I need to breathe and know walking away is the best way to do it.
Suddenly, the doorbell rings. I’m not expecting anyone, so I look over to Carter who also looks bewildered.
We both walk to the door and Carter looks through the glass. His demeanor immediately changes, and he tells me to go be with the girls.
Not wanting to upset him but wanting to know what’s going on, I step in front of him and look through the glass. I know this is his house, but I’m not going to be shooed away when someone comes to the door. I am legally his wife and have rights here.
What, or shall I say who, I see standing there knocks the wind right out of me.