Rescuing Christmas

by Vicki Lewis Thompson

  His head snapped back, then his hand lifted, reaching for her. “Shelby—”

  If he touched her, she would melt right into his arms just as she always did. “Alex, no. Please don’t. Haven’t we wounded each other enough already?”

  Beyond their rocky Christmas last year, she had many more regrets. Such as the times she’d been so baby obsessed that she’d barely said hello to him before she’d rushed him into the bedroom. Not that he’d ever complained. But she’d realized in her heart she’d shortchanged them both by focusing so completely on a baby that wasn’t meant to be.

  A tic tugged at the corner of one of his eyes, but he put his hand back on the steering wheel, accelerating as the light turned green. “You’re the one who insisted I not spend the holiday alone in the BEQ. So, now I’m saying I won’t let you spend Christmas alone, either.”

  Her heart squeezed tight with a hope she should have been long past feeling and a long way from wanting. But damn it, his words touched her all the same. “I am going on this trip, and I’m hoping you’ll come with me.”

  “Okay then. That’s where I’ll be. With you.”

  Her heart sped and she eased away from the door, her arms aching to just hold him and say to hell with pride and worrying about being hurt again. She swallowed down the lump in her throat and started to lay her heart out there as he wove through holiday shopper traffic.

  “Shelby, I’m glad you’re being reasonable about this. It’s not safe for you to be driving on icy roads, not to mention delivering three dogs to total strangers.”

  Icy roads.

  Meeting strangers.

  He was simply protecting her the way he would anyone else. Nothing personal. No lingering romantic feelings.

  The warmth inside her faded. “The Haven takes the safety of the animals very seriously. The adoptive families have to submit extensive applications. These abandoned and abused creatures have been through enough without submitting them to another bad situation.”

  Shaking his head, he drove through rush-hour traffic, the holiday lights blinking in shop windows. “I don’t care how good someone seems on paper or how many neighbors have vouched for them—”

  “Reputable vet references as well—”

  “Fine. Vets, too. But...” He changed lanes, passing a sedan with a fir tree strapped to the roof. “Do you honestly imagine I’ll ever stop worrying about you?”

  Damn it, why was he twisting her inside out saying things like that? Why hadn’t he cared this much all those weeks she’d been alone and he’d chosen deployments over being with her? “If you care so much, why did you agree to a divorce in the first place?”

  “Are you saying you’ve changed your mind?”

  “Don’t toy with me this way, Alex, it’s not fair.” She refused to let him break her heart again. She’d cried herself dehydrated over this man more times than she could count. She’d vowed the tears would stop, and yet today still more had trickled down her face. “I mean it. No games. We need open, honest communication.”

  “I thought you said you wanted me to go along on the road trip. So why are you arguing with me now?”

  “Because that’s what we do, Alex. We argue. And you’re right, I do want you to come with me,” she said, digging into the conversation, grabbing hold of the opportunity to talk to him openly. “I would feel guilty if I left you alone on Christmas, so you’re doing me a big fat favor by coming along on this trip where we can be marginally less miserable than if we sit in the house. Last Christmas was particularly tough, and I’m sorry for how I unloaded on you over the phone, making it even tougher. Long-distance arguments are the worst. But we can do this. Sure, it’s not a traditional holiday, but by saving these three lives, we’ll be making a beautiful memory for our last Christmas together.”

  He didn’t bail out the window when she’d blurted out that little bit, and that gave her hope for this trip.

  “Carting dogs around the country for Christmas, that’s definitely a break from traditional.” He half grinned again, easing some of the tension in the air.

  “Not around the country.” She shot right back, letting herself smile, even if there was a touch of irony to it. “Just around the state, and then a quick stop by my parents’ at the end.”

  His face went guarded in a flash. “A quick stop? Don’t you think that’ll be awkward with your folks, no matter how short the visit? I could catch a plane once you get there and cut out on that part.”

  “We won’t be there long. Just on Christmas Day, rather than for a whole week as they originally suggested. A day shouldn’t be that difficult to get through. And, uh, I haven’t told them about our breakup yet.” She knew she would have to explain to them about the divorce eventually. She’d just expected to have more time.

  “What?” He glanced over quickly before looking back to the busy road. “When did you plan on telling them about the divorce?”

  “Once it’s final.” Was she hoping for a last-minute reconciliation in spite of everything she said? That their conversations might lead to finally resolving their differences?

  “Won’t they be upset you didn’t say anything before?”

  Like he was the king of openness? “My family. My problem. All I’m asking is that you leave the timing to me.”

  “Fair enough.” He nodded tightly. “What about our dogs? Five dogs in one car is a lot.”

  “The Bennetts have offered to watch them. Samson and Delilah play with their dogs and children at the dog park, so it’ll be familiar and fun for the dogs.”

  “The Bennetts.” Alex’s face shut down even more. Yet another sticky subject between them.

  Lieutenant Colonel Tanner Bennett was Alex’s squadron commander and an old family friend of her father’s. Kathleen Bennett was also a lieutenant colonel—and a flight surgeon. No matter how often Shelby told Alex she was proud of him, that it didn’t matter to her whether he was an officer or enlisted, apparently it mattered to him.

  But he didn’t argue. He just drove on in silence down the darkening street toward their three-bedroom house. Samson and Delilah rested their noses on the backs of the seats, eyes going from Alex to Shelby.

  His hand went up to rub each dog along the neck as he drove. He had so much love to give, yet he’d shut himself off more and more from her as the years passed, the conversations shorter and shorter, those smiles fewer and fewer until she didn’t know how to reach him anymore.

  She looked away sharply, preferring to gaze out the window rather than at her husband pouring affection on their dogs. That hint of emotion in him tore at her. Her panties might be well in place.

  But her emotions were far from safe tonight.

  * * *

  GOD, IT WAS GOING TO be a long night.

  Alex wrapped a towel around his waist after his shower and tucked it securely at his hip. Scooping his flight suit off the floor, he pulled the patches off, stacking them to the side. He tossed his sweaty uniform into the laundry.

  In years past, Shelby would have been in the shower with him. They would have celebrated his homecoming against the tile wall and then again in bed. Sex had always been the one arena where they communicated exceedingly well.

  But when the sweat cooled on their skin, reality set in. He couldn’t ignore their problems, her anger over his deployments, his fear that he wasn’t good enough for her. She’d accused him of dodging conflict by disappearing. And he had, to a degree.

  But in spite of what she said, they had needed the extra money. The fertility treatments had put them thousands of dollars in debt, and when the treatments hadn’t worked, he figured if he couldn’t give her a baby, he could give her other things—the house, maybe even vet school. She was an awesome high school teacher, but he knew that wasn’t her dream. She’d given up a lot to allow him to follow his dream. To an extent, she�
�d even given up her family, since things remained strained between him and her father.

  Now all he could give her was a divorce.

  By habit, he wiped the bathroom mirror clear of steam the way Shelby preferred. He stopped as he heard the phone ring. The chimes ended and the muffled sound of Shelby’s voice filtered through the door. When she didn’t shout for him, he finished cleaning up the bathroom. The call only served as a reminder that she’d built a life of her own here, and he wasn’t part of it.

  What would her life be like after the divorce? He didn’t have a clue. And although he wanted her to be happy, the idea of her with someone else sent his blood pressure spiking.

  He scrubbed a hand over his freshly shaved jaw and padded out of the guest bathroom, all too aware that he’d been relegated to the guest bedroom, as well. Soon, he wouldn’t even be welcome there. He wouldn’t have any right to be inside their three-bedroom ranch-style house.

  Would she remember how they’d enjoyed painting the walls together? Something he’d lost sight of when it had come to decorating—he’d become increasingly frustrated as she’d dragged him to yard sales and thrift stores to create a Pottery Barn–look he couldn’t afford to give her.

  Maybe if they’d been able to afford for her to go to veterinary school...

  And there his brain went again, churning over might-have-beens when he should be focused on the present. On getting through Christmas.

  In spite of Shelby’s road trip plans, the house was decorated with colored lights outside and a tree inside. The fireplace was decked out with garlands and a crèche. He thought of how he’d grouched about all the gear they’d hauled out each Christmas in the past, even though he knew how important it was to her.

  But each red bow, every gumdrop on a gingerbread house, reminded him of when he’d decorated alone as a kid, his dad hiding at work and his mom too depressed to leave her room, preferring her cats to people.

  After a couple of years, Shelby had quit asking him to help and now he felt guilty as hell envisioning her decorating alone.

  A gust of wind rippled down the hall a second before he heard the back door close. Shelby’s voice echoed softly as she talked to their dogs.

  “Hold still just a second so I can dry you off. Good boy. Good girl.”

  Her nonsensical cooing continued and he found himself leaning against the wall to listen to her. While her voice filled his ears, he took in the scattered framed photos of them—their wedding by the water in Charleston, South Carolina, mountain climbing with their dogs on vacation, military reunion photos. A lot of “welcome home” pictures.

  “Alex?”

  Her husky voice pulled his eyes from the pictures to her.

  Damn. Just damn.

  She stole the air from the hall simply by standing there. Her wet auburn hair trailed over her shoulders, and she wore a terry cloth robe.

  Except she never wore robes.

  So she’d obviously put it on as a barrier against his gaze, while he wore only a towel. She swallowed hard and pinched her collar closed.

  Memories tormented him of her grinning as she’d tugged him into Victoria’s Secret one day to help her choose lingerie, then to help choose a new scent for her body spray and lotion and wash.

  He could smell it now, and he swallowed hard.

  “Shelby, even if you layered a sweater on top of that robe, I would still remember what you look like wearing nothing at all. My only question would be, is your belly button ring a diamond or a sapphire?”

  Her eyes flickered over his chest like the edges of a flame. “Sex was never a problem for us.”

  “You’ve got that right.” And in a few more seconds that would be all too apparent.

  “But it was just a Band-Aid that held our relationship together for too long.” She folded her arms over her chest. “We should both just turn in.”

  Drawn by the memory of that day in the store, as she’d closed her eyes and inhaled the different body wash scents, he walked quietly toward her. “I guess that means a holiday quickie is out of the question.”

  “Afraid so.” Sighing, she cupped his cheek. “You still have the power to break my heart again if I let you. I can’t let you.”

  Damn it. Life was supposed to have gotten better since they’d made the decision to move on. Right now, he didn’t want to move on with jack. He wanted to live in the moment, making love to his wife.

  He slid a hand around her waist, palming her spine. The scent of her body wash—raspberry, he could still envision the bottle they’d chosen together—teased and tempted his nose. His body went hard in reaction, and he accepted it had nothing to do with his abstinence for the past four months and everything to do with his wife standing less than an inch away. Each breath she took grew heavier until her breasts brushed his chest.

  A kittenish moan rolled up her throat. He recognized the sound well and couldn’t resist. He angled his head and she tipped her face up, just enough that their mouths met in a familiar fit that he’d never expected to experience again. Then he wasn’t thinking at all, just feeling. The give of Shelby’s breasts against him. The glide of her soft hands along his shoulders. The sweet sweep of her tongue along his.

  Fire surged through him, pulsing, demanding that he say to hell with walking away. This was his wife, his woman, and he wanted her in his arms and in his bed.

  His towel slid down and off. Her hands tapered down until she gripped his ass, urging him closer in unmistakable encouragement. Passion stoked higher, hotter, and then his feet were moving, hers, too, as they stumbled toward their bedroom. He hadn’t expected they would end up here, but he wasn’t arguing with the direction.

  Then her mouth eased from his as she angled backward toward their sleigh bed, and he damn near shouted ooh-rah until he realized...

  Samson had tripped Shelby, pushing between the two of them. Delilah sailed past, landing in the middle of the thick comforter. Shelby squealed, sagging onto the mattress beside the dogs. Already, he could see doubts filling her eyes as she pulled her robe closed.

  Biting off a curse, Alex yanked open a drawer to get a pair of sweat pants. “I should apologize.”

  “You have nothing to be sorry for. It’s every bit as much my fault.” She pushed back her tangled damp hair. Delilah pressed to her side while Samson curled up beside the bed.

  He looked around the room—their room. Suitcases and two empty boxes were stacked beside her reading chair, reminders of how he would be clearing out after New Year’s. That day would come soon enough. For now, he had a mission. Make this last Christmas together as peaceful and non-confrontational as possible.

  He scratched his shoulder. “After I finished showering, I heard the phone ring. Was that your folks?”

  She sat upright, her eyes going wide. “I almost forgot. It was Tansy from the shelter. She was calling to let me know that she’d finalized the details with the adoptive families, but there’s been a slight change in plans. Good news, actually.”

  “No dog transport?” Which meant what? Pretending in front of her parents for a week?

  Hell.

  “Oh, the dog transport is still on. But Tansy has an in with the station now because of her friendship with cameraman Ben Rhodes—well, they’re more than friends, really, but that’s beside the point.” She waved a nervous hand. “Ben was able to convince the station manager to send a freelance cameraman along with us on our road trip. He’ll be shooting footage for a special on the shelter, something to keep interest up after Christmas. They’re really stoked about the angle—us spending our Christmas together, driving the dogs.”

  Her words sunk in, deep and heavy, settling in his gut like stale fruitcake. “So let me get this straight. We were making this road trip so we didn’t have to pretend here at home or in front of your family. And now you’re saying we hav
e to pretend for the whole damn world?”

  Wincing, she shrugged. “Merry Christmas?”

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHRISTMAS LIGHTS OUTLINED the yellow-and-white Victorian house The Haven used as its administration building. The twinkling brightness reached through the late afternoon haze. Shelby slid from the front seat of the SUV, slamming the door behind her. The crisp air carried the scent of fir trees and the symphony of barking dogs.

  She searched for the comfort she usually found here. But her mind was still a jumble over the shocker that a reporter would be going with them. It would be good for the shelter, but it complicated her plans for this trip. Her jaw clenched in frustration. Another person would make it all the tougher to talk to Alex.

  But she wasn’t giving up.

  With determined steps around a small snow drift, she charged toward the shelter door. When she wasn’t teaching biology at a local private school, she spent almost all of her free time volunteering here or with fosters at home. She understood she was lucky to have a job in her field, utilizing her college major. She reminded herself of that every morning as she dressed for work, but she still found herself living for the hours she spent here. The part of her that had once yearned to be a veterinarian still ached inside her.

  Would she stay in the area after her divorce? She wasn’t sure, and right now, she couldn’t bring herself to plan beyond Christmas and making one last positive memory with her husband.

  But after their impulsive kiss in the hall last night, she wasn’t confident she could keep her panties in place around Alex. Maybe it was a good thing that the freelance cameraman would be coming along after all.

  Picking her way along the shoveled and salted walk, she was ever aware of Alex’s quiet presence behind her. Only the steady sound of his footsteps assured her he was following. Neither of them had spoken much since she’d dropped the bombshell about their extra passenger. They’d gone to their separate, cold and lonely beds for the night, where she’d tossed and turned until nearly sunrise, then ended up sleeping late.