Stake You (Stake You #1)

by Claire Farrell

  Chapter Eighteen

  I didn’t return to school despite my injuries healing well enough for me to go back to my life. For an entire month, my mother acted like a mother. She had been hurt more than me, but it was she who took care of me. It was she who was there for me when the nightmares started. It was she who called Mark and told him I needed time away from the bar. It was she who took calls from people who wanted to speak to me. It was she who got me through the interviews with the police who were still searching for Sully, still trying to desperately figure out where all of the strange blood had come from, to figure out what Sully had done to it to make it unidentifiable. It was Mam who explained I hadn’t realised what I was seeing when I uploaded that video.

  She made it all go away, and eventually, the rest of the world forgot about me.

  The way I behaved was a completely different story. I gave up. Gave up trying to be the strong one, trying to be the one who took control of everything. I became what I had always been deep down, a waste of time and space. I spent hours doing nothing, all in a bid to stop my mind from running over what had happened, to stop myself from thinking, really thinking, about what I had gained and lost.

  “It’s time,” Mam said one Sunday while I watched mind-numbing soaps on the television.

  “For what?” I mumbled in answer.

  “For you to wake back up,” she said. “It’s time for you to go take a shower and actually brush your hair. For you to wear something other than your pyjamas. For you to go back to school, back to work if you want to.”

  “But I can’t—”

  “I know how you feel,” she said, taking a seat next to me. “Trust me, I know. But I also know what feeling sorry for yourself does. Every day it’s going to get a little bit harder to find that person you used to be. I miss her, Dev. I want her back.”

  “I don’t know who to be anymore. I never liked the way I was before, and now I’m worse than that. I don’t know where to go from here. I just…” I shook my head, and she held my hand, squeezing it gently.

  “You have to start dealing. Talking about how you’re feeling.”

  “Nobody wants to talk about the truth.” I gazed at her, pleading with her to just talk about what really happened, but she shook her head.

  “The truth has no place in this world,” she said. “We can’t let people think you’re crazy. We have to protect you from that. But you need to find a way to purge the memories for your system. I need you to get back on your feet before you become exactly like me. I need you to break the cycle, Dev. Besides, I can’t stay home with you anymore.”

  I frowned. “Richard.”

  She shook her head, her eyes glistening with excitement. “No. A job. I got a job, Dev. It’s just a cleaning job, but it’s a start.”

  “Where? How?”

  She blushed. “Tom and Mark. I hope you don’t mind, but the job is cleaning the pub. They sacked the other cleaner while you were away, something about her taking advantage, and well, it was offered to me. I said yes, but I spoke to Mark about it, and he said you never have to work a shift with me if it makes you feel uncomfortable.”

  I stared at her. “Working in a pub? Is that really the best idea for you?”

  Her face paled again. She ran her tongue along her upper lip, and I worried that I had offended her.

  “I know it’s an odd place for me, but the job came up, and if we’re going to change, then I need to throw myself into it. Yes, it’s going to be hard, and I’m going to have bad days whether I work or stay at home, but I’m feeling so strong lately. I feel as if… as if I could face anything after what we went through, and I know it sounds strange, but I can’t imagine anything worse coming along. I think we reached bottom, and the only way left is up.”

  “I just… I’m finding it hard to believe the dramatic turn around, Mam. I can’t help it.”

  She nodded. “I have to earn your trust. I know that. I deserve your scepticism. I really do. But I know myself. This is the fresh start we’ve always needed. I just wish it hadn’t come at such a high price. This is it for me, Devlin. I want to make myself happy without having to rely on anyone else to do it. I hope you can support me because you’re my role model. I want to be more like you, the way you’ve always been.”

  She looked so earnest that I couldn’t help but be buoyed up by her words. “When do you start?”

  “Tomorrow,” she said softly, the skin around her eyes wrinkling with worry. “Brian and Aoife will be around, so I thought that would help. But if you need me…”

  “It’s okay,” I said. “I’m… I’m really proud of you, Mam.”

  She held me close. “That means a lot coming from you.”

  And it meant a lot to me that she was making such a huge effort. It made me embarrassed to be acting the way I had always despised. I wasn’t as strong as I liked to think. But I could be. I could find my way back.

  So the next morning, I returned to school, making sure I kept my scarred neck covered. It was awkward at first, lots of questions and hysteria, but eventually, people got the message and began to leave me alone. I walked into the lunchroom, saw Base and Aoife surrounded by rabid fans, and walked straight back out. I couldn’t handle it. I sat outside on the grass, grateful for a chance to breathe.

  I had desperately avoided giving myself a chance to deal with what happened, as well as the major part I played. I had avoided thinking about it all. Not just Sully, but the way I had begun to feel for Base again, and the way my mother didn’t need me anymore. But Base had Aoife, my mother refused to acknowledge the fact vampires existed, and I thought Tom might have been inclined to do the same. It was easier that way, but it left me feeling lost.

  And every night, I heard knocking at my window. Every night I heard Sully’s creepy voice calling my name.

  Devlin O’Mara. Devlin O’Mara. I was seriously considering changing my name.

  “Dev!”

  I groaned inwardly as Deco came running over to me. He fidgeted as he slowed down, looking unsure of himself.

  “Are you okay?” he asked.

  No.

  “Of course,” I said.

  “Well, cool. I’m sorry about before. I really didn’t get how freaky that dude was. I mean, the things I’ve been hearing…” He scratched his head. “So how are you getting on?”

  I made a scornful noise. “Over it already.”

  His expression brightened. “Cool. Here’s the thing. You said we were over, so I figured, move on, you know? I wanted to make sure you were okay with that. I know this probably isn’t great timing, but you’re back now, so—”

  “It’s fine,” I said, feeling only relief. One less thing to worry about. “I’m happy for you. In fact, I’m delighted you’re happy, Deco.”

  He eyed me carefully. “Really?”

  “Of course. Seriously. I mean, it’s better this way, right? We were just kids when we got together. What did we know?” I faked a laugh, and he smiled with relief.

  “Well, that’s good. I’ve been thinking you were right all along about us. But I still feel bad about what’s happened to you. Is there anything I can do for you?”

  I shook my head. “I’d just like… to be alone, really.”

  He took the hint for once in his life, and as he walked away, I was struck by the notion that my going out with him had been one of the cruellest things I had ever done. Trying to protect myself had turned me into a nasty person. And something about me had attracted a psychotic vampire and led to four people I actually cared about being hurt.

  Realising I really did care about them had been a revelation. I had still been pretty close to stone cold right up until Sully died. The power of my emotions had hit hard after that. He had known me better than I had known myself. That’s why he had involved them all. To hurt me all the more. I hadn’t kept people at enough of a distance. And now I didn’t want to.

  Now it was too late.

  Later, Aoife ambushed me. “The hospital days are a
little fuzzy,” she said, “so I don’t even know if I thanked you for what you did back there.”

  “I didn’t do anything,” I said dully, but I was amazed by how well she looked, how quickly she had gotten herself back together. And I called her the pushover? “I got everyone into that mess. Brian got us out of it.”

  She chuckled. “Brian? That so doesn’t sound right. Well, I know you’re just being modest.”

  I gripped her arms until she flinched, her eyes widening with a mix of fear and concern. “Aoife, listen to me. If it wasn’t for me, none of that would have happened. I caused the problem. I didn’t do a thing to stop it.”

  “That’s a lie,” Base said behind me, and I dropped Aoife’s arms.

  “No, it isn’t,” I said firmly, still holding Aoife’s gaze. “But everyone’s gotten what they wanted, so I’d really like to be left alone.”

  I walked away from them, unable to let myself look at him. I didn’t want to see what I had lost. What I never actually had to begin with, I tried to remind myself.

  Maisy had kept a friendly distance all day, but she insisted on walking me home. “I didn’t want to crowd you earlier,” she explained. “Everyone’s gotten into a bit of a frenzy about the whole thing.” She took a deep breath. “But if there’s ever anything you want to talk about, I’m here.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “I don’t want to, though. At least, not yet.”

  “I understand,” she said. “I suppose you have Base anyway.”

  “I haven’t seen him since then.”

  She frowned. “Really? I thought you were—”

  “No, we were both trying to deal with Sully is all. At least I didn’t have to do that on my own.” I tried to smile, but she looked unconvinced.

  “I just… It gives me chills to think of it.”

  “Me too.” It gave me more than chills. It gave me nightmares.

  I expected Mam to be home from work when I got back, so when the house was empty, I started shaking. I couldn’t stop until I checked my phone and saw she was replacing someone behind the bar for a couple of hours.

  I wondered if it was a trick, if they had somehow come up with the idea so I would have to be alone and face up to my fears. It wouldn’t have surprised me really. I had been acting pretty pathetic. I had refused to speak to anyone except Mam, and even then, I mostly gave her monosyllabic answers to her questions.

  My cowardice annoyed me so much that I forced myself to pick up the phone and call Mark to demand some hours at work.

  “Although, you could have run it by me before you employed my mother,” I snapped. “Is she there? Tell her I’m annoyed at her, too.”

  His laughter rang through the phone, the familiar sound making me smile. “Nice to hear you’re back to yourself.”

  That gave me pause. “That’s not me,” I said in a quiet voice. “I don’t mean to—”

  “Dev, I’m joking. Are you okay? I can send her home now if you need her. And you don’t have to come back until you’re ready. I’ll keep the job waiting for you, don’t worry.”

  “Stop being nice to me,” I demanded. “I didn’t do anything to deserve it.”

  “Don’t be an idiot, Dev. Actually, you know what? Get your arse back into work this week. Or else.”

  I giggled, and it felt good. “Go away, Mark. I have important calls to make.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You and Tom are the same. Both slackers. See you soon, Dev. We miss you.”

  When I hung up, I felt much better than before. Less helpless. I would go back to my job. I would feel like myself. I would do the things I knew how to do, and everything would go back to normal.

  Except normal meant no Base. He was never mine, I reminded myself, but now he wasn’t around, I kind of missed him. Kind of missed him a whole lot. I danced around my phone for an hour, picking it up, putting it back down, picking it up, dialling a number, cancelling the call.

  “For God’s sake, stop being so pitiful,” I scolded myself, and I rang him.

  He didn’t answer.

  “It’s not the end of the world,” I reminded myself. And maybe it was for the best. Except it didn’t feel right that we got rid of Sully and never hung out again. If not anything else, it had felt as though we were friends. As though I could depend on him. But I didn’t need him, a little voice said. Not to be me.

  I brushed my hair. I opened the curtains in my bedroom for the first time in too long. I unlocked the windows and doors, and I took a tentative step outside my front door, feeling the wind running through my hair without wondering if someone was out there.

  Sully was gone, and it was about time I started acting that way.

  I stood outside until the fear was blown away, until I felt sure nothing would come and hurt me. I stood there, knowing that Sully could never touch me, could never touch the people I loved. Not ever again.

  “It’s weird, isn’t it?” a familiar voice said. “Feeling safe.”

  I blinked a couple of times, turning to look at Base standing by my front gate.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You called me, so I came.”

  “You could have just answered the phone.”

  “Yeah. I realised that halfway here.”

  I smiled. It hurt in more ways than one.

  He ran his hand through his hair, staring at me in a way that made me ache. “Can I come in?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  I shook my head. “I don’t want to hide in there anymore.” For a split second, I looked at Base, but I saw him stabbing Sully. I blinked away the memory, thought of other things. Nicer memories of Base. But the nicer memories brought a different kind of pain. I cleared my throat. “You can stand next to me. If you want.”

  He looked at me as if I were crazy, but he came over anyway.

  “Aoife thinks I’m an idiot.”

  My mouth dropped open. “So you came here?”

  He frowned. “Aoife’s right. I am an idiot. I meant, she thinks I’m an idiot for not coming to see you sooner.”

  “Oh. Well. You have stuff to do. And being here can be… He came here a lot. To scare us, I mean.”

  He glanced at the upstairs windows and nodded. “That he did. But I should have come anyway.”

  “So why didn’t you?” I gazed at him, ready for an answer.

  He shrugged. “I’m a coward.”

  “You kinda killed a vampire. I’m pretty sure that lessens the chances of you being a coward.”

  “A coward where it counts.” He fidgeted at his sleeve. “Always afraid to say the right…”

  “It’s okay. I’m not so brave myself.” I screwed up my nose in an attempt to stop that annoying prickling that forewarned the advance of tears. “I was wrong about Aoife. She hasn’t been weak. She’s been much stronger than me, without… without having to be a terrible person with it.”

  “You’re not a terrible person. And there’s different kinds of strength, Dev.”

  “I don’t think I’m okay.”

  “I can handle it.”

  I glanced at him in confusion, and he took a deep breath.

  “So, here’s the thing. Years ago, this girl showed up at school. She was really cool, I liked her a lot, and for a while, it seemed as if she might like me, too, so I figured maybe I should chance my arm and see if we could make a go of something. But her friend asked me out first, and I turned her down. ‘Cept I made the mistake of telling her why.”

  I froze to the spot, and he closed the space between us. He studied my face for a couple of seconds before clearing his throat and continuing.

  “So when I finally asked this girl out, she blew me off severely, embarrassing me for the next few eons in the process, but worse, she looked at me like she hated me, and any time I saw her after that, she gave me a hard time.”

  I swallowed hard. Really hard.

  “So, anyway, this friend, let’s call her The Evil Bitch Queen of the Universe, boasted to me that she had ruined
any chance I had with that chick, and I was so mad that she thought the worst of me, without even asking me, that I told myself I hated her, too. And I was too proud to explain what happened, too stubborn to even try to find out why she didn’t trust me. After all, why would she believe me if I told her the truth?”

  “Base, I—”

  He held up his hand to stop me. “So anyway, all this crazy stuff happened, and I had this new excuse to spend time with her. Like, actual real time with her for a change. And I realised I had never truly hated her, and that the way she acted wasn’t real, that she was still the same cool girl underneath the rock hard exterior. In fact, I liked her more than before, but I was too scared and stubborn to tell her that I cared about her, too stuck in the past to even take a chance.”

  He let out a deep breath and finally looked my way, moving closer still until there was no space between us. “So, Dev, like I wanted to tell you before you hit me with a broken locker, except I didn’t get the chance, what with the vampire killing and all, but I’ve always been crazy about you, and I really think we had fun together, despite the whole nearly dying bit, so—”

  I flung my hands up to my mouth. “Oh! I had forgotten about that! I’m so sorry I hit you with the locker door. That wasn’t… that wasn’t nice.” I kept my hands there to cover my smile.

  “That’s all? That’s all you get from the big speech I just made? Seriously, Dev…”

  I flung myself at him, just to touch him again. “I’m really, really sorry.”

  “Oh. Well, that’s okay.” He pulled away. “I mean, we can still be friends.”

  I slapped his chest. “No! I meant, I’m sorry about… everything really. I’ve been—”

  “Tough? Yeah, it’s part of the appeal.” He gave a lopsided grin, and my heart pretty much melted away. “I was thinking we could start over. Do something normal. Non-stalkery. No almost dying this time. Maybe, well, maybe we should avoid vampires this time. Start out as friends again. You never know, it might be fun. A bit duller than before, probably, but—”

  “Sounds good to me. But maybe we could skip a few stages.”

  “Like what?”

  I pulled him closer by his collar. “We’ll figure it out as we go.” I kissed him, feeling an enormous sense of relief as his scent swarmed around me, comforting me with its familiarity. He pulled me closer, exploring my mouth, and I might as well have turned into a puddle right then for all the sense I had. I wrapped around him even tighter until the sound of someone clearing their throat separated us.

  “Brian,” my mother said sharply, but the corners of her lips tugged up slightly. “You two going to stand there all day?”

  “Not all day,” Base said with a grin of his own. He grabbed my hand, entwining my fingers with his, and we walked into my house together, the first step of my brand new life.

  ###

  Watch out for the sequel – Make You – coming early 2014. Subscribe to the newsletter, check out the blog for information on new releases, or like the Facebook page for more regular updates.

  More books by Claire Farrell:

  Ava Delaney series:

  Thirst - Free

  Taunt

  Tempt

  Taken

  Taste

  Traitor

  Cursed series:

  Verity - Free

  Clarity

  Adversity - Free

  Purity

  Y/A:

  Death is a Gift

  Other:

  Zombie Moon Rising

  Coming soon:

  Soul

  Tested

  Make You