The Discovered

by Tracy Winegar

  “You shall have a dressing table all your own soon,” he replied. “I promise.” He took my hand and pressed it to his lips. “You shall have whatever you ask for, if it is in my power.”

  I put my bonnet on my head and tied the bow carefully, arranging it so it settled to the side of my face, away from my chin, at a flattering angle.

  “I am ready,” I said.

  “Let’s get you something to eat.”

  Mr. Garth in the hotel lobby nodded politely, suppressing a grin and enthusiastically bidding us have a good morning as we left. Sam took my hand and tucked it into the crook of his arm after he opened the door for me. On our way down the street we saw the Reverend who’d married us along the other side of the walk. He tipped his hat to us when he spotted us, showing us all of his teeth as he beamed broadly. We gave him a little wave as we went on.

  We got to the restaurant and allowed the woman, presumably Mrs. Norbert, to show us a place to sit. She was slightly overweight but still pleasant to look at, although she wore a grim expression. Her hands were cracked and dry, her eyes tired, her shoulders slightly stooped. I could see she had worked hard for many years, probably barely making ends meet.

  “We don’t get much business these days,” she told us. It was reminiscent of what the barber said yesterday. Apparently the town had seen better days. “It’s good to have you.”

  “Thank you,” we said.

  “Are you all from around here?”

  “I am on furlough,” Sam told her. “We only just got married.”

  “Felicitations,” she said, her face brightening with a smile.

  I sat at the table with a cloth spread over my lap, drinking strong, hot coffee and eating steak and eggs. I don’t know if it was because we were half-starved, or if it was because I felt the food restoring my energy, but we ate it greedily all down to the last crumb. When I finished, I dabbed the cloth to my lips, laid it upon the table, and leaned back in my chair.

  “It’s a good thing I’m not corseted,” I said. “Or I could not have eaten it all.” We sat staring at one another, smiling all the while. He reached across and entwined his fingers with mine. My, it felt good to be his wife. Sitting across from the man I loved made me feel proud, made me feel worth something. It occurred to me we must look very peculiar to everyone else, acting all moony-eyed and silly. Was it just my imagination that they were giving us strange glances?

  “I feel like I am being fattened for slaughter,” I confessed. “There is so much to eat, and I just keep eating it.”

  “Better than hardtack, ain’t it?” Sam observed.

  “I won’t argue with that.” I rubbed my tummy with a sigh. “Just look at the two of us, like a bunch of idiots grinning at each other. We must be the only ones to have a reason to smile so,” I told him. “Everyone probably thinks we are escaped from an asylum. Notice how oddly they are behaving? How they look at us?”

  He laughed. “I’m sure they understand it,” he said with a wink. “After all, we have reason.”

  I felt the color drain from my face. “What do you mean by that?” I asked.

  “Well, we’ve hardly made it a secret we are just newlywed,” he explained, and his words had implications I struggled to understand. When it dawned on me, what he meant, I grabbed my napkin back up and pressed it to the side of my face, ducking behind it so only Sam could see me.

  “You mean they know?” I hissed.

  He studied it out before he said reluctantly, “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  “But they know,” I squeaked, feeling mortified. “That’s why they’re all behaving so oddly around us?”

  “Serena, the woman who brought you your meal is wearing a wedding band. They know because they are all doing it too,” he reasoned.

  “No!” I said, completely scandalized.

  “Well, yes,” he replied. “It is part of the rights and privileges of entering into matrimony, isn’t it?” he rationalized. It took a moment for this all to sink in.

  “You’re right!” I whispered. “Everyone knows and they’re all doing it too.” I looked at him with wide eyes, a new understanding dawning on me. “This is so strange. As a matter of fact it’s downright scandalous.”

  “Why?”

  “I just had no idea. All of those people doing such a sinful thing.”

  “Why is it sinful?”

  “You don’t think it is?”

  “No. God made men and women to fit together to make a whole. If it was so bad why did he put Adam and Eve jointly in the garden? It’s how it was meant to be. There’s nothing wrong with it. We are married. We belong together, you and me.”

  “I guess it’s true.” Although what he said seemed to have merit, it was difficult for me to comprehend all at once. It would take some getting used to. “But this is all too new to me.”

  Sam helped me from my chair. “You’ve obviously never read the Bible,” he said with a hint of mischief.

  I was somewhat offended. “Yes, I have,” I said adamantly.

  “It says they two shall be one.”

  “That’s what it’s talking about?” I gasped.

  “What did you think it meant?”

  “I don’t know. Certainly not that.” I was feeling overwhelmed, as though my brain couldn’t comprehend it all. It was like trying to keep up with a bolting horse. Sam was enjoying my shocked expression. He was wearing the most mischievous grin on his lips.

  “That’s not all. Perhaps you should look over Song of Solomon again.” He laughed.

  “What’s in it?” I asked, racking my brain to try to recall what he might be talking about.

  “Oh, all sorts of wicked things arranged in the most beautiful poetry. And I’ve discovered all have their merits, now that I’ve had the privilege of having you.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. “But I know enough to know I should be embarrassed.”

  “You should never be embarrassed with me,” he chided. “Never with me.”

  I leaned my head against his shoulder with an ill-repressed smile, content to just be near him.

  “I think we should take it easy today,” he proposed. “Let you rest.”

  “I don’t want to waste our precious time doing nothing.” Really I was not feeling up to much, but we only had a short leave, and I imagined he didn’t want to fill it up with empty hours. It would be selfish of me to ask it of him.

  “It is not a waste of time if we spend it together,” he insisted.

  Sam took me back to the mercantile, and together we selected a book called Lady Audley’s Secret. We spent the rest of the day idle and resting in our room. We lay on the bed together beneath a pile of cozy, warm blankets, taking turns reading out loud from our novel. Now and again Sam would get up and stir the fire or put another log on to keep it going. We read until my eyes were blurry from it.

  “What a strange and thrilling plot,” I commented.

  “I certainly hope there is no George hiding in your past somewhere,” Sam joked, referring to the fact Mrs. Audley’s secret was that she already had a husband before marrying again to poor Mr. Audley.

  “No George,” I assured. “Only Sam. That is all there has ever been for me.”

  “I know it.” He took me in his arms and kissed me softly. I felt a familiar excitement rush through me. “And you are the only girl for me, too.”

  I laughed, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at him.

  “What are you laughing at? What?”

  “I was just thinking of the yellow haired girl from Albany.”

  “I think you remember her better than I do,” he complained.

  “How could you not remember her? She was exquisite. And she had her eyes on you. I was all ate up with jealousy.”

  “Yes, well, I thought it was strange you were being so outrageously rude.”

  “When she offered me a piece of pie, I thought I might take it up and throw it in her face,” I admitted.

  “I got
a sassy one, didn’t I?” he teased.

  “What were you saying to her?”

  “When?”

  “When? When the two of you were over in the corner whispering. Right before we left there. Seemed very intimate from where I was standing,” I complained.

  “Oh, yes…” he said, as if he suddenly remembered. “It was completely innocent.”

  “I’m sure,” I said sarcastically.

  “Really, it was. I was only asking her for the recipe for her pie.”

  I burst out laughing and bludgeoned him on the head with a pillow. He was laughing too and wrestled the pillow from my hands. Then he looked into my eyes and grew serious as he kissed me.

  “It was flour…” And he kissed me. “Lard…” Another sweet kiss.

  “Sugar?” I offered.

  “Yes, of course, sugar…” He never got around to finishing the recipe.

  Chapter 34

  THE FOLLOWING DAY WAS OUR LAST IN TOWN. We would spend the night at the inn, and the next morning we would leave for camp again. Sam and I decided to go to the Herring House Tavern for supper because we liked it so well on our wedding day. We were strolling down the street, his hand resting upon mine as I held to his arm. The touch of his skin against my own was giving me a pleasant tingle, when we chanced upon a storefront advertising tin types. I pulled Sam to a stop before it.

  “Should we have a daguerreotype done? It would be so nice to have a memento to carry.”

  He agreed and we went into the establishment, our arms linked. The man was pleasant to the point of annoyance. He chirped about what a handsome couple we were and how he had never seen a more charming pair. I knew he was outdoing himself when he said he’d never had the honor of taking the likeness of such a fair and pretty lady as me. I looked at Sam with what I was sure was subtle exasperation.

  The man seated me on a plump velvet chair with a thickly draped curtain, heavy with fringe along the edges, hanging behind. I thought it looked ever so elegant. Sam stood next to me, his hand resting on my shoulder. Then the man arranged my skirts just so, fussing over every detail. He took my chin in his hand and tilted my head. Then he straightened Sam’s coat before he stepped back to look at us.

  “Maybe you ought to show off that pistol of yours, son.” He took Sam’s other hand and rested it gently on the handle of his pistol. “Show off your girl and your weapon,” he joked.

  “Now keep as still as you can,” he directed us. “If you move it won’t come out right.” He was backing up to position himself behind his camera. “That’s it. Just relax your faces and try not to blink your eyes.”

  He slipped beneath a dark cloth covering the back of the camera, pausing to look at us. “You must stop smiling, ma’am. It will ruin the picture.”

  I tried to relax the muscles of my face, working to expunge the smile from my lips. That was proving difficult, because I felt such pride and joy in the moment. Here we were, husband and wife, getting our likeness taken so I might carry it as a reminder of our devoted love. When he finished, Sam asked to do another, wanting one for each of us. The man was more than accommodating. It was another penny in his pocket. So we posed for a second picture.

  “I will carry it always,” I told Sam, admiring it as we left.

  “And now to supper,” he said.

  We ate a fine meal and Sam pointedly ordered pie for dessert. The two of us got a good laugh over it. We cleaned our plates before heading back to the inn.

  When morning broke, I burrowed myself deeper into the covers and covered my face with the pillow. I felt a sense of dread overcome me at the thought of having to leave this place. I wished our time together in this town would go on indefinitely. Sam stirred and moved to get out of bed, but I latched on to him and wouldn’t let him.

  “Time to get moving,” he whispered sleepily. I groaned.

  “Must we?” I protested.

  “If we don’t go back, some other poor fellow won’t get his furlough,” Sam reasoned.

  “Let’s just stay here in this bed forever,” I replied.

  “I don’t think that is at all realistic, Serena. Beds are only good for so many things. The remainder requires a moving body.”

  After some coaxing and cajoling he managed to talk me out of bed. Once I dressed, he drifted over to me, caressed my cheek with the palm of his hand, and kissed me tenderly. I reveled in the intimacy of it.

  “We will still be together,” he said.

  “Yes,” I replied, suppressing my tears. “We’ve got each other. That’s all that matters, as long as I can be with you.”

  We packed what little we had and went down to breakfast. Mr. Garth’s daughter made biscuits and ham and eggs. I felt sorely troubled that this was our last breakfast before we returned to camp, and although it was good, I found it difficult to eat.

  “I wish it didn’t have to end,” I told Sam as we walked toward the depot.

  “Yes, I know. It has been a good few days for us,” he said. “But we have our little cabin waiting for us. We can play house together, you and me. It is a much better place than where we were last winter. Remember?”

  “That is true,” I agreed. “I shudder to think of the wretched cold and discomfort we endured then. Doesn’t it seem so long ago? I wonder where we will be in the coming year.”

  “God willing, together before our own hearth,” Sam said. “And the old Derringer place will be called the Barlow place.”

  We trudged down the walk nearly to the depot now, a light snow descending down upon us, marking our footprints as we walked. We climbed the steps to the train and sat near a window, looking out over the town as we pulled away. The place was so dear to me. I mourned the loss of it as we left it behind. I leaned my head on Sam’s shoulder and watched it go by in the blink of an eye.

  Chapter 35

  WHEN WE GOT BACK FROM THE DEPOT, I stopped in the same stand of trees to change back into my uniform, stuffing my skirt and blouse and jacket into my haversack. Winter was setting in, and the cold penetrated me all the way through. I found the vigorous walk back to camp kept my circulation going. Our cabin was just as we left it. Sam started a fire in the fireplace, and we waited for the room to warm up.

  Mr. Haney came around dinner time with a jug of cider, wishing to know how the trip went. We recounted to him our journey and how we had gotten married. As he left, we gave him Mrs. Audley’s Secret to read. He leafed through the pages, tucked it under his arm, and then headed out into the cold evening with the sounds of men talking and a banjo playing filtering through the door as he left.

  The next morning was business as usual, only now I carried two secrets which I kept close to my heart. I was a woman, and I was Sam’s wife. Winter camp was evolving into a grand diversion from the war. Everyone was safe and comfortable in the diminutive town we’d built up on the river bank. And they managed to come up with many exciting activities to keep themselves busy.

  In the evenings there were musical numbers, sometimes instrumental, sometimes vocal. Some of the companies formed their own choral groups and took turns putting on performances. On some nights there were dramatic presentations, and a number of men participated in putting on plays. Growing up in Richfield there was no playhouse, no productions, and no such entertainment that I could remember. We sang in church. We read in school. There was a dance or two throughout the year. The arts were sorely lacking.

  The poetry readings and play productions were particular favorites of mine. Sam and I attended, sitting apart and aloof from one another, our gazes carefully trained on the performances, barely acknowledging the other who was just a stone’s throw away. We watched with rapt attention, and then returned home to discuss them while we intimately lounged in one another’s arms, warm and comfortable by the fire.

  There were also grand dinners sponsored by General Sedgwick at the mansion, with elaborate menus and dripping in champagne. Sam was invited to one and said it was a rollicking good time. He snuck home some food so I could sample i
t. I’d never tasted such rich fare. It was better than anything I’d ever eaten. It was not as difficult to get things we liked or needed now that we were so close to the depot. There were numerous vendors who set up temporary shops, making a pretty penny with supply and demand from all of the troops. Sam and I kept our purse strings tied tight. We didn’t want to spend on things we didn’t need now that we were paying for a house.

  Sam and I were not the only ones with love and courtship on our minds. Wives and sweethearts felt safe enough to visit our winter camp, desperate to see the men who’d left them behind. Without a woman in sight for so very long, some of the men forgot themselves. They would hoot and holler as a lady walked by, or say outrageously forward things, making inappropriate and unwanted advances. They targeted respectable women who were already committed to other men, not the camp trollops who were used to and welcomed such attention. It was no way to treat a lady.

  Ugly or beautiful, short or tall, thin or round, married or single, they all received the same adoring glances and flirtatious attentions. The men’s pandering and wanton advances caused many problems.

  “That behavior is very rude and unsuitable. I’m glad you aren’t getting their interest,” Sam said. “Because I might have to knock a few heads off.”

  I laughed at him. “We agree. I don’t think I would feel safe as a woman in this camp.”

  Being a boy had its merits, but it was not such a good thing when I wanted something I could only have as a woman. I got wind there was to be a ball, and I could think of nothing else but going. I’d never been to a ball before. And it nearly ate me alive to think I would actually have an escort if only I could go with Sam. Everyone would be there. Everyone.

  “I want to go to the ball, Sam,” I told him one night when we were warm in bed beneath our blankets.

  “Well, of course we will go.”

  “No, I mean I want to go as me. I want to dance with you, Sam,” I explained.