Rain Falls on Everyone

by Rain Falls on Everyone (retail) (epub)

  Shema went straight to his father, who put a hand on his shoulder and drew him away to the side of the house. They whispered together. Theo wondered why his father had to secretly talk to Shema. Surely, he should tell all of them if there were particular rules to this game? As he waited for the men to join them again, he could hear shouts from across the river where more smoke was spilling into the sky. The shouts were deep and angry and underneath he thought he could hear screaming. He put his hand in his mother’s. She looked down at him and smiled but it was as if she was thinking of something else. The smile was only for him, not for her.

  “Let’s go.” His father was walking towards them. “And remember, Theo, we are trying to be as quiet as possible. We are going to pretend to be… duikers, moving slowly, secretly through the bush so that the leopards never know, okay? Can you do that? Can you outsmart the leopard?”

  Theo nodded and his father rubbed his head. But Theo could tell his hand was doing something automatic – just like his mother’s face had been when she smiled at him. His father’s heart wasn’t in his hand, and was he actually shaking?

  They walked for hours, crouching low through the tea plantations, rushing silently through the forests, avoiding the roads. Nine hours of fear and silence and knowing the worst was coming because even a seven-year-old knows when a game is not a game.

  So, he understood the weight of every second that Neville had endured since he called him. It was something he knew in his bones, acutely and terribly. That night in Rwanda, he remembered his father’s voice coming to him in a disembodied whisper from the front of their single file of fear, saying they had to move faster as it was already midnight and they needed to be hidden by dawn.

  When he got home, Precious was sitting on the sofa. She was still in his t-shirt and she’d been crying.

  “Jesus, girl. What happened?”

  He went to sit by her, to take her in his arms, but then he saw it. The shoebox where he kept his stash of coke was beside her. He stopped mid-step; his hands, already outstretched to hold her, fell uselessly to his sides. She raised her eyes slowly to him and he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t meet her gaze. Like a schoolboy, he hung his head. The next thing he knew she was out of her seat, slamming her fists into his chest.

  “You fool! What have you done, Theo? Do you even know what you have done?”

  What was there to say? He tried to grab her hands, to hold her but she backed away.

  “I don’t understand. Why are you involved in this? What do you have to gain?”

  The same bloody question. And again, he had no answer. Why did everyone assume there had been some kind of rational decision-making process before he got involved with Gerrity? He’d tried to describe to Deirdre the nothing that led him here. He couldn’t do it. He was becoming less coherent each time he tried to put it into words. Sometimes too many words could leach the meaning out of a thing.

  Precious was staring at him but he’d nothing to give. She shook her head angrily.

  “Okay then. At least tell me how long? How long have you been dealing?”

  “A fair while.”

  Simple questions were easier. He could do the whats and wheres and hows. Just not the why.

  “So, you were doing this when we met?”

  He nodded.

  “So everything is a lie? Our whole life together is one big lie?”

  “No, Precious, that’s not true and you know it. This is no big deal. No please, listen to me for the love of God.”

  “No big deal? You fool. What happens if we get raided? What happens if you get caught? You think they won’t suspect me? I am Nigerian, Theo. I have a student visa, and I can’t lose it. I… my whole life… if I have to leave, I will never get back. I will not be given another chance. You must know that… do you not know that? Do you not understand?”

  When he didn’t answer, she turned to leave the room. He grabbed her arm. She shook him off, her eyes brimming with tears.

  “This doesn’t have to change anything, Precious. I only do a little, and… and I’m thinking of getting out of it. I am, I swear to God. I’ll chuck the whole thing in if that’s what you want.”

  Even he wouldn’t believe himself but, as he said it, Theo knew he actually meant it. It was the only answer. After today, however today ended, he’d have to stop. How? Now that was another question. One thing at a time.

  “I can change,” he said. “I just need… I just need to get through today, to find Neville, to clear up this shit, and then, I swear to you, Precious, I will stop. We can get out, move somewhere nice. It’ll be fine. I’ll get another job, and we can be together, and then…”

  But there was nowhere to go after the ‘then’. He knew it and she knew it and for a moment they stood there together, both realising the emptiness of that four-letter word.

  He bowed his head and then he felt her fingers around his neck, pulling his head lower so that it met hers. In that moment, the world seemed to stop turning. There was no sound but their breathing, halting and tear-filled. It was like those first seconds after sex, when they’d both come and lay in each other’s arms and the world was still and new, and just them, all them.

  “Goodbye, Theo.”

  She shut the door of the bedroom behind her but he heard the creak of the bed as she sat down, and then a low sobbing, slow and inevitable as rain on a Sunday.

  He moved slowly to the sofa, put the bags of coke back in the shoebox and then stood there, with the box in his hands. She was right, of course, and he was such a selfish git he’d never even thought about it that way. If drugs were found here, whatever happened to him, she’d be kicked out of the country. It was one thing to be stupid enough to get himself involved but what he’d done to her was beyond thick. He was stupider than Tommy, he was as callous as Gerrity, he was dumber than Ronan. He’d wanted all his life to fit in. Well fuck it, he fit in now, right at the bottom of the pond with all the other scum.

  His phone bleeped. He stuffed the box under the couch, and pulled his mobile out of his pocket.

  Deirdre’d got the number. He moved towards the bedroom door but what good would that do? Precious was still crying. There was nothing he could say and his own tears would have to wait until later. He couldn’t do this now. He’d to call Gerrity and he’d no clue what he was going to say.

  CHAPTER NINE

  Theo shut the front door loudly behind him and then stood waiting like a fool outside. Maybe when she heard the door close, she’d come after him? He’d give her a minute. He pulled out his fags and lit up. But Precious didn’t come out.

  So that was it, then? They’d broken up? He didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. Surely, the past months had meant more than this? But then he of all people should know that goodbyes were a luxury most people couldn’t afford. In the real world, goodbyes happened when you weren’t paying attention.

  For a moment, he didn’t know where to go. He turned away from the door and then back, looked at his keys, lifted them to the lock, shook his head and put them back in his pocket. He felt like he was becoming unstuck, floating just a few inches off the ground. He could feel the old panic rising so he ran down the steps, fast, and out onto the path. He turned right and realised he was heading for the little park where he had talked with Cara. Jesus, was that just last night? He’d call Gerrity from there. It was as good a place as any.

  He sat on the same bench, the willow whispering above him. But daylight had obliterated the magic. He could see the crumpled crisp packets and cans at the base of the tree, the cigarette butts in the grass at his feet.

  He dialled the number and held his breath. He half-wanted it to go to voicemail but this was probably the only chance Neville had, never mind that it was a piss-poor chance at that. He could see Neville’s smiling face telling him not to be an old mother hen.

  “You were wrong, Nev. So wrong,” Theo whispered.

  “Yes?”

  “Mr Gerrity? It’s Theo. We met once, a while ago? I d
o… I do some work for you.”

  There was a long silence. Theo tried to imagine what that fake-friendly face was doing. He could hear the big man breathing, slow and regular. There was no other sound: no cars, no birds, no waves, nothing.

  “What do you want, Theo?”

  “I think there’s been some kind of mix-up, Mr Gerrity. I think… I mean, I know you’ve got the wrong man.”

  “And which man would that be, Theo?”

  “Neville. He’s a friend of mine, and he… well, I’ve not heard from him since last night and I thought your lads might know where he is, so I talked to Michael and he said… he said you were having a chat with Neville, and I just wanted to make sure you knew that no way in hell is that lad a grass. There’s just no way. I swear it.”

  “You swear it, do you now?”

  Gerrity’s tone was flat, almost uninterested.

  Theo swallowed, managed to mutter, “Yes.”

  “I don’t like taking people at their word, Theo. It’s dangerous in my line of work. You get that, right? I remember you as a smart lad. You’re still smart, aren’t you? I’m guessing you are. You got my number anyway, so that’s a point to you.”

  Theo didn’t dare say anything.

  “So this is what we’ll do, right? Come and see me. Now. We’ll have a little chat. You’ll tell me what you think, I’ll tell you what I know and we’ll see if we can’t figure this one out. I like you, Theo, and I like your work. So let’s sort this. Come to Quinn’s garage. It’s on Finglas Road, near Power City. I’ll be there in an hour.”

  He hung up even as Theo started to stammer his thanks.

  He stared at the phone in his hands and slowly came back. There was a robin singing somewhere in the willow’s branches, trilling a waterfall of melody down to the ground. There were cars on the road behind him, children shouting in a playground somewhere. A plane rumbled overhead. The world was still here.

  He willed himself to get up, to head to the bus stop, but he was suddenly overcome by lethargy. It was as though Gerrity had snuffed out the panicked energy that had got him this far. Theo knew he only had this one chance. He had to get up. He had to go to the garage. Move, you eejit, he whispered. Move. But it was like in his nightmares – he couldn’t move his legs. He couldn’t make his body do what it needed to do. This had happened before, over there, in a field full of butterflies. Then, Theo had known he had to run and keep running. He knew time was short. But he’d been paralysed with fear, just like he was now. And this time he had to run towards his fear.

  “Theo?”

  He spun round. Cara was watching him from the path, her head tilted. Dressed in jeans and a pale pink jumper and with her hair in a schoolgirl’s ponytail, she looked younger than the terrified woman he’d seen huddled on the street just hours ago.

  “Cara, howya?”

  He started to get up but she was already coming over. She sat down beside him on the bench so that he felt like they’d always been here, together, under this willow.

  He really should go.

  “How’s the head this morning then?” he asked.

  “Not too good,” she smiled sheepishly. “That’s why I’ve come out. Mam was ranting about me not texting her last night – not that it stopped her from falling asleep. Not a chance. I could’ve been dead and she would’ve slept through it, until she was good and rested and could moan about how selfish I’d been to go and die on her.”

  Theo laughed and despite it all, or maybe because of it all, he let himself feel a moment of pure, inappropriate joy. Cara. It meant ‘friend’ in Irish. There was something about her that nudged the door to tomorrow a little wider. He didn’t know what it was, other than a sense that this girl was made to shine and that he was one of the only ones to see it. It made him feel warm inside. He was special because he saw that she was special. That’s what it was. That’s why she made him smile: she was not what she seemed and she had let him in on her secret. It was a wisp of a thought, but it was enough right now.

  “I’m sorry, Cara but I’ve gotta go. I’m heading over to Finglas, and I… I really need to make a move.”

  “Right so. I’ll walk with ye to the bus if ye like. I was just getting some air, like I said, and the air that way is gonna be as good as any other.”

  They rose from the bench, sending the robin spiralling into the hedge, its song cut short.

  “Actually, that’s not really true. I was coming round to your house.”

  Cara was resolutely looking ahead of her.

  “I got your address from Ronan. I was worried bout ye because… well, I heard Ronan on the phone. I wasn’t trying to listen, like, but I was in the downstairs loo and I think he thought I was in me room and he was talking. Bout you. And yer friend Neville. He’s the one Deirdre’s Grace is going with, isn’t he? That’s what I’ve heard anyway.”

  She swivelled her eyes sideways but Theo couldn’t meet them. He just nodded. Today, all the scorpions were coming out from under the rocks. He was knackered by it all.

  “Anyway, I didn’t hear everything but it sounded like Neville was in trouble and you were wanting to do something about it? I don’t know who Ronan was talkin’ to but I thought I’d just check in on you. Ronan looked a bit scared, like, after the call. He was sorta shakin’, like, his hands were trembling. Is everything alright, Theo?”

  “Not really. Not alright at all.”

  “Anything I can do? I don’t mix with Ronan’s crowd and I don’t ask too many questions but I’m not a baby, Theo. I know what he’s up to and he’s let slip a few times since ye started at The Deep that you’re involved too.”

  There was a silence.

  “To be honest, I’m a bit surprised you’re into the drugs, Theo. I didn’t think you were like that. Like them.”

  “I’m not,” Theo said.

  He stopped dead and grabbed her hands, turning her to face him. He knew he looked like an eejit but he didn’t care. He just needed her to really hear him.

  “I’ve gotta run now but this should all be sorted in a few hours. I’m gonna get out of this and the last thing I want to do is get anyone else involved. So forget what you heard, Cara. Put it straight out of your head, right? Don’t talk to Ronan bout this, don’t talk to anyone. There’s some bad people… yeah, including me… and there’s a situation and we have to put it right. But when that’s done, I’m getting out. The drugs, all of it, it’s screwed my life up enough already. Precious just dumped me now because she found my stash.”

  Cara’s eyebrows shot up but she didn’t say anything. She just stood there, all eyes and flushed cheeks, and he couldn’t tear himself away. He couldn’t explain why he wanted to make her understand but, suddenly, it was dead important.

  “I’ve messed everything up, Cara. I should never have got in this deep and I should never never have let Neville get involved. But this is where we are. I need to get Neville and then, I’m out.”

  He nearly said, ‘I promise’ but why would he say that to Cara?

  Credit to her, she didn’t pull away like he’d lost the plot.

  “Will you let me know, later? Please?” she said. “I’ll only worry otherwise.”

  She gave him her number, squeezed his hand and headed off down the road again, her ponytail swinging.

  Theo looked after her for a minute, his brow creased. Then a bus creaked to a halt at the stop and he got on.

  The garage was right on the road – a one-storey, flat-topped 70s relic with pumps in the forecourt and a sign advertising sales and services. Indeed, thought Theo. What would you call the service he was looking for today? Mercy? Redemption? He wasn’t sure where to go so he stood on the forecourt for a few minutes, hoping someone would come and get him. The place looked deserted. Was this one of Gerrity’s? It must be, he supposed. Rumour was the big man had a string of garages and warehouses across the city – all part of the supply chain.

  A bell above the door rang as he pushed it open. Behind the counter, in front of a
wall display of cloths and sprays and Christmas tree air fresheners, there was a young woman with a pierced nose and a streak of purple in her hair. She raised her eyebrows at him but didn’t say a thing.

  “Howya, I’m looking for Gerrity?”

  She gave him a look, slow and appraising. It made him wince.

  “Wait here. I’ll see if he’s around. Who’s askin’?”

  “I’m Theo…”

  He hesitated but he didn’t think Gerrity even knew his second name and he definitely wouldn’t care.

  “Just Theo.”

  She nodded and sauntered out through a door beside the display. It clanged shut behind her.

  What was he gonna say? How would he start? Should he have brought Tommy’s knife? Like taking a fork to fight a grizzly.

  Then Gerrity was at the door, the girl behind him.

  “Come on in here.”

  Theo’s feet moved forward despite the red lights flashing in his head. The girl pushed past and carefully closed the door behind him.

  Gerrity was wearing a slate-grey suit and a pale blue tie. He looked every inch the slick businessman but he’s in a two-bit garage, thought Theo, and because of that, he looks like what he is. You can fake the look but you can’t fake where you are. Where you are is what you are.

  Gerrity took Theo down a short corridor into a dingy office. It had a desk, a swivel chair, a desktop computer, and one window. Through the dirty glass, Theo saw a puddle-stained yard with a car-wash machine, a few broken-down wagons and a big shed, its black hangar door pulled down like a blind. The black Merc parked off to the side must be Gerrity’s. Big man, big car. Gerrity clearly didn’t deal in subtle.