by Vi Keeland
For some reason, that question reminded me of Reese and the first night we met, how she’d gone along with my bullshit stories. Suddenly I couldn’t sit on this barstool any more.
“Nope.” I knocked twice on the bar. “Same time tomorrow?”
“I’ll be here.”
***
At home, I was out of Coke, so I reached for a glass, intent on pouring just straight Jack. Then it dawned on me—what the hell do I need the glass for if I’m not mixing shit? I took a healthy swig from the bottle and dropped down on my couch.
The ache in my chest that I could usually dull at the bar returned when my eyes landed on Peyton’s guitar. So I took another swig. And stared at the guitar some more.
That…led to another swig.
Maybe two.
Since my eyes were apparently unable to see anything else, I shut them, letting my head loll back on the top of the couch. An image of Reese filled the darkness. She looked so beautiful beneath me, smiling with her big blue irises. So I opened my eyes again and took another gulp from my bottle while staring at the guitar.
As I swallowed, my lids drifted closed again. Reese bending over my desk, looking back at me while she bit her lip nervously and waited for me to take her.
Another swig.
Eventually, I must have passed out. Because I woke to daylight streaming in the window and the sound of my doorbell being pressed over and over again.
The only thing that could have been worse than the two women I found standing on the other side of the door at six a.m. was if my mother had also been with them.
I hesitated, and my sister Anna yelled. “I saw you look through the top of the door, jackass! Open up.”
Groaning, I begrudgingly unlocked the door. I attempted to impede their entry after I opened it, but the two of them walked right past me.
“Come on in,” I grumbled sarcastically.
Sam’s hands were on her hips. Anna handed me a giant cup of coffee.
“Here. You’re going to need this.”
“Can we do this later in the day?”
“We didn’t want to chance you being drunk.” Anna leaned in, took a sniff of me, and scrunched up her nose. Waving her hand in front of her face, she said, “Are you still drunk from last night?”
I shook my head, walked back to the living room, and slouched into my couch. My head was pounding, and the last thing I needed to hear was whatever these two had come to say.
They followed me. It was a mistake to sit in the middle. At least if I’d sat near one armrest, I couldn’t be the middle of an estrogen sandwich.
Sam started in first. “This crap needs to stop.”
“You’re fired.”
“You’d have to be a boss to fire me. Right now you’re acting more like a little boy.”
“Screw you, Sam.”
“Screw you, too.”
Anna joined in. “We gave you two weeks. That’s all you’re getting.”
“How are you going to stop me from taking more time off if I want?”
Sam crossed her arms. “We’ve made a schedule.”
“For what?”
“To babysit you. Until you come back to work and rejoin the land of the living, one of us will be following you around.”
“I need Motrin.” I stood and walked into the kitchen. To my surprise, my shadows didn’t follow. Since the kitchen was empty and didn’t have two women in it, I drank a few glasses of water and quietly attempted to get my thoughts in order.
My peace didn’t last for long. They took seats at the table and stared at me.
Anna started the lecture. “We left things too long when Peyton died. You lost years that you can’t get back doing shit like this. We gave you two weeks to grieve your loss again, but that’s it. Time’s up.”
“I’m a grown man.”
“So act like one.”
“Don’t you have a child to take care of?”
“Apparently I have two.” Anna stood and walked over to me. My arms were folded across my chest, but she reached out and touched my shoulder. Her voice was quiet. “It’s a good thing. They caught the guy. I know you feel betrayed all over again, finding out it was a man she trusted and was trying to help, but it’s the closure you needed, Chase. It really is.”
If only that were the truth. If they’d caught the teens we’d all thought did it, maybe it would have been. Hell, even finding out it was Eddie—it would have been tough, but I think I could have eventually accepted it.
But discovering that what happened to Peyton was my fault? That I literally gave the killer the knife he used to kill my fiancée? I doubted I would ever get past that.
“I didn’t get closure, Anna. You don’t know what you’re talking about. If you did, you’d leave me alone.”
“So tell me, then. Tell me what it is that’s sending you off the deep end when I thought you were finally happy for the first time in years.”
I looked into my sister’s eyes. All I saw was raw determination. There was only one way to break it.
“You really want to know?”
“Of course I do. It’s why I’m here. I want to help.”
I turned around, opened the cabinet where I keep the liquor, and pulled out the first bottle my hand reached. Grabbing three glasses from another cabinet, I lifted my chin toward the kitchen table. “Sit.”
***
Eight hours later, I called a car service to take Anna and Sam home. Neither was functional enough for public transportation. We’d spent the day mourning Peyton all over again, and after they found out about the knife, I believed they finally understood why I needed more time.
“I love you, little bro.” My sister wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed tight.
“Love you, too, you pain in the ass.” I kissed the top of her head.
Sam waited on the front steps while Anna clung to me. The last time we’d really hugged like this was before the wake. I made sure the two of them got into the town car and watched it pull away.
Even though I’d been drinking all day, I wasn’t really feeling drunk. For a change, I went into the kitchen and started to straighten up after myself. When my bell rang again five minutes later, I was surprised to find Anna and Sam back at my door.
“What did you forget?”
Their arms were hooked, and they didn’t attempt to come in.
“Nothing,” Sam said. “We just wanted to remind you that we love you and tell you we’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow?”
“What you shared today was horrible. But it didn’t change anything. We’re not letting you disappear off the grid again and drink yourself into a coma.”
My jaw clenched. I knew they meant well, but I really just needed time. “Don’t do this to me.”
“We’re not,” Anna said. “We’re doing it for you. Because we love you.”
I stared at them until they said goodbye and started back down the steps.
Sam turned as she reached the bottom. “Oh, and Reese’s last day is Friday. She quit. So whatever you screwed up there, fix that shit, too.”
Chapter 33
Reese
I stared at my screen. It was the first time in more than two weeks that I’d seen or heard a word from Chase, and he’d picked my last day at work to reappear.
Can you come by my office around noon, please?
I read that one stupid line over and over. Each time, I became more and more irate. I’d started my ridiculous mourning over the loss of Chase as soon as he dumped me. Lucky for him, I was stuck at stage two: angry.
Today was my last day. I had nothing left to lose. So I typed back.
Screw you.
It made me feel a lot better. It also made me want to eat. Grabbing my bag from the desk drawer, I slammed it shut and headed to Travis’s office. “Still want to take me out to lunch for my last day?”
“Fuck, yeah.”
“We’re taking Lindsey, too. It’s not a date.”
&
nbsp; He stood. “It’s a pre-date. As soon as you see how charming I am outside of the office, you’ll give in.”
I pretended to want to invite Abbey, Chase’s secretary, just so I had an excuse to strut past the boss’s office, even though I already knew she wasn’t in today. The blinds were wide open as we passed. I was dying to look inside, but I wouldn’t give Chase the satisfaction. I wasn’t even sure he was in there until Travis and I were almost at Abbey’s empty desk, and the bossman’s deep voice stopped me in my tracks.
“Reese.”
I closed my eyes, dreading turning around. But there was no way I was making a scene. I wouldn’t stoop to that level. I’d made my mistake of getting involved with someone from my job again, but I’d at least go out with my head held high in front of my peers.
Mustering up all the professionalism I could, I turned. “Yes?”
What I found broke down the wall I’d built around my heart. Chase looked absolutely terrible. His normally tanned skin was sallow, and his face was sunken. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked…sad. I had to stop myself from walking back to him—my immediate reaction was to want to offer him comfort. Then I remembered. Where had he been to offer me comfort the last few weeks when I was hurting? Still, it went against my nature to kick someone when he was down.
“Can we speak a moment?” He tilted his head toward his office door.
I looked at Travis standing next to me and then back at Chase. “We have plans for lunch. Can it wait until I get back?”
He nodded, looking forlorn. “Sure.”
Our eyes locked for a few seconds, and I forced myself to look away. “Ready, Trav?”
Over lunch, the boss’s return was the topic of conversation.
Lindsey started with the gossip. “Did you see Chase is back? He looks like he got run over by a freight train.”
Travis responded. “He looks like he’s sick or something.”
I’d told Travis that Chase was just kidding around when he’d kissed me that day in the break room, and we were actually just old friends. He seemed to believe it.
Two weeks ago, an office memo had come out saying Chase would be traveling on unexpected business for an unknown amount of time. He could have just been exhausted from travel, but it looked like more than that to me. Maybe he was sick. Oh God. The thought made me feel ill.
Throughout the rest of lunch, Travis and Lindsey chatted away, but I couldn’t get the picture of Chase out of my head enough to enjoy myself. What if he was sick? Maybe he’d broken things off to spare my feelings. What was it exactly he’d said to me?
“I’m not the right man for you.”
It was so vague and detached. Thinking back, it was the ambiguous blow-off that really made our breakup hurt. While I’d fallen hard for him, he hadn’t even given me enough consideration to fully explain what had changed. Because we work together had seemed like a cop-out right from the start. He’d certainly never accepted it from me.
It had been more than two weeks, but the pain in my chest was back with a vengeance. I tried to shake it off on the way back to the office after lunch, but it was no use. Knowing how I was, how obsessive I could be, I decided I needed to see Chase one last time before I left today. Maybe he’d have the answers I’d been searching for.
The blinds were drawn on his office as I approached. Remembering what had happened the last time I was inside with the blinds concealing us, I considered turning around rather than facing him again. Unfortunately, Chase walked out and caught me in the hall before I could change my path.
Again, I froze.
He stared at me and seemed to know I was struggling. “Please. Just give me a few minutes.”
Giving in, I walked past him and into his office. He shut the door behind me and locked it.
“I don’t think it’s necessary to lock it. Anymore.”
Chase’s voice was quiet. “That’s not what I was doing. I just wanted some privacy so we could talk. Sam tends to barge in.”
I stood in the middle of his office awkwardly. The thought of settling in and making myself comfortable was terribly distressing. Chase walked to the seating area, rather than to his desk.
When he turned around and realized I was just standing in the middle of his large office, he called to me. “Reese.”
“Don’t say my name.” I have no idea why, but it bugged me. Probably because I liked the way it sounded coming from his mouth, and I didn’t want to like anything about him.
He stared at me. “Okay. Would you please come sit for a few minutes? I won’t say your name.”
Begrudgingly, I sat. It was childish, but I wouldn’t look at him. Even when he cleared his throat, I stared at my nails, pretending I was interested in them.
“I don’t want you to leave. You’re good at your job, and you were happy here.”
“Were being the key word in that statement. Notice the tense there. It makes all the difference.”
“I can’t take back what happened between us. I wish I could so I wouldn’t have hurt you.”
It felt like he’d slapped me. He wished we’d never happened?
“Screw you.”
“What did I say? I was just trying to apologize.”
“I don’t want your apology. Nor do I want to hear about your regret over me.”
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Whatever.” I waved my hand. “Are we done?”
“I meant I regret hurting you. Not that I regret us being together.”
“Are you done?”
He sighed. “Can you look at me? Just for a minute.”
I pulled together every ounce of my anger and stared daggers at him. But seeing him look the way he did, I broke within five seconds.
My eyes softened, along with my voice. “Are you sick?”
He shook his head and whispered, “No.”
“Then what is it?” I hated the desperation in my voice. Hated that all it took was one pitiful look from him, and I turned soft.
He stared into my eyes for the longest time. There was so much emotion swirling around in his, so much heartbreak and pain. Yet I could have sworn there was something more…the same something I felt for him deep down inside. The man still had my heart, even though it now lay in his hands, broken.
The more he stared, the more I saw inside of him, and the more it grew inside me again.
Hope.
I’d given it up. Yet somehow it found its way back.
Talk to me, Chase. Tell me what’s going on.
Hope. It’s an amazing thing. It grows inside of you like a vine and wraps around your heart, making it warm.
Until someone stomps on it. Then that vine tightens its hold until the blood can no longer pump through, and your heart quickly dies.
Chase looked away when he finally spoke. “I’m not the man for you.” Abruptly, he stood. His voice changed to cold and distant. “But you should stay. I know your job means a lot to you.”
Tears were starting to build, and I felt the burn of salt down my nasal passages as I swallowed them back down. I needed to get out of there.
“Go screw yourself.” His office door slammed back against the wall in my wake.
***
Packing up an office I’d settled in to less than two months ago wasn’t hard. All of my personal belongings fit in my purse. I made my rounds, saying goodbye to the people I’d become friends with. I’d told everyone another opportunity had come along that I couldn’t pass up. Josh had asked questions, and I’d told him I was going to start my own business with someone I used to work with. It was easier to explain than why I was leaving with no job lined up.
I’d almost made it to the lobby door when Sam caught me. “Reese? You have a minute?”
“Ummm…sure.”
She motioned for me to step into a conference room and shut the door behind us. “I have a lot of connections. If there’s anything I can do to help you find something new...”
I hadn’t to
ld her anything different than I’d told everyone else. Yet she seemed to know I wasn’t leaving to start my own business. I assumed Chase had said something to her.
“Thank you.”
She hesitated, then looked me in the eye. “He cares about you. I know he does.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.”
“I know. He’s just hurting right now.”
“Why?”
Sam looked sad. “It’s not my place to share. But I thought it was important to let you know. Being with you was the first time I’ve seen him happy in years. I had hope.”
So did I.
“You’re a good friend to him,” I said. “I know that. And I’m glad he has you if he’s hurting. But if he can’t even share why he’s hurting with me, I can’t stick around.”
Sam nodded, understanding. She pulled me in for a hug. “I mean it. If you need anything at all, you have my number.”
“Thanks, Sam.” I swallowed. “Take good care of Chase.”
Chapter 34
Reese
I finally had a hot date.
At least I thought my brother was handsome. After a week of self-pity for all of my stupid man mistakes, I decided to take the one man I trusted with my love up on his dinner invitation.
We ate in the Village and rode the subway back to my stop. Even though I told him it was completely unnecessary to see me home, he always insisted.
When we came up the stairs from the subway, my phone buzzed in my purse. There were five missed calls, all from an out-of-state number I didn’t recognize. Figuring it was a spammy sales solicitation, I ignored it. Until it rang again as we turned the corner onto my block.
My heart began to race as soon as the caller said he was from my security company, and my alarm had been tripped. It was then I noticed a police car parked outside of my building. The alarm company put me on hold and checked in with the police, who said they were upstairs, and it was safe to come up.
Two uniformed officers were talking to my neighbor in the hallway when I stepped out of the elevator.
They turned toward me. “Ms. Annesley?”