Life After Falling

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “Maybe it was the sex.”

  “It was more than the sex.” He pushed my sweatshirt off my shoulders, revealing my cami.

  “But it was good sex.”

  “Incredible sex.” He brushed my hair back from my neck.

  I pulled my cami over my head, baring my breasts. “I want more of it.”

  His eyes widened as he took me in. “So do I.”

  He leaned over me, essentially pushing me back against the couch. He stayed above me.

  “You watch me a lot.”

  He nodded. “I do.”

  “Why?”

  “I can’t help but marvel at beautiful things.”

  Coming from some guys the line would have been corny, but it wasn’t at all coming from him. “Thank you.”

  “No, thank you.” He lowered his mouth to my breast, and I closed my eyes. I was going to enjoy every moment and every sensation. I couldn’t know how many times I would get to enjoy it, and I was going to have to be okay with that. Nothing in life was guaranteed, and I was going to seize the moment.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer while I ran my lips down his neck. He moaned against my breast.

  I slipped my hand inside his boxers and took him in my hand. He moaned again louder.

  “You need to come over every night.” He released my breast and looked into my eyes.

  “If this is the kind of welcome I’m going to get, then I definitely will.”

  “Think you’re up for my small bed again?”

  “What’s wrong with here?”

  “My thoughts exactly.” His lips crashed into mine.

  I responded, getting lost in his kiss as we haphazardly shed the rest of our clothes, neither of us caring where anything fell.

  His hand moved between my legs, but I pushed him away. I didn’t want foreplay. I wanted him.

  He nodded, understanding my need. I waited impatiently while he left to get a condom. When he returned I closed my eyes as he thrust into me and took me to the place that only he could.

  * * *

  “You have such a beautiful smile.” He ran his fingers up and down my arm.

  “Thanks. I used to be self-conscious about it. I tried to hide my teeth.”

  “What’s wrong with your teeth?”

  “Nothing really, I just thought my tooth filled smiled was a little bit too much.”

  “It’s perfect. Do it more.”

  “I do when I’m with you.” My cheeks were starting to hurt from doing it so much more than normal.

  “Maybe that should tell you something.”

  “It does.” I snuggled against his side. “I don’t want to move.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “You want to sleep here?”

  “Yes.” He left the couch, but before I could protest he returned with a blanket.

  I smiled once again as he returned to the same spot he’d been in.

  “You told me you don’t believe in all-encompassing happiness, so what kind of happiness do you believe in?”

  “The kind you make and consciously work to keep.” He brushed his lips against my forehead.

  “Happiness isn’t supposed to take work.”

  “Anything worth having is worth the work. I discovered that the hard way.”

  “Nikki…” I spoke softly, not sure what affect her name would have on the magic of the evening.

  “I was never home. I focused on my job. I didn’t know how much I had until she was gone.”

  “I’m sorry.” I had no other words.

  “I don’t want you to be sorry.” He cupped my face in his hands. “I want you to make your own happiness. I noticed two things about you when we first met.”

  “My weirdness?”

  He smiled. “Ok, three.”

  “What were the others?”

  “Your smile and the loneliness behind your eyes.”

  “You have that look too.” I ran my hand down his face.

  “I know.” He closed his eyes.

  “Naomi seems happy.”

  “She is most of the time, but it’s been a rough road.”

  “You’re a good dad whether you believe it or not.”

  “You can’t know that from watching us interact once.”

  “No, but I can tell from spending time with you.”

  “It’s what keeps me going. I have to pull my life together because she still has an entire life to live.”

  “You have a lot left of yours too.” I entwined my hand with his.

  He opened his eyes. “I’m hoping I do.”

  “Where would you live if you could live anywhere?”

  “In the middle of nowhere.”

  “As in off-the grid, middle of nowhere or the country?”

  “Country.”

  “I’m not a city girl. I learned that the hard way in Philly.” I liked the bustle, but in the end I preferred the quiet and easy parking.

  “Perfect. When do we buy our cabin in the woods?”

  I laughed. “Yeah, no thanks.”

  “We can have indoor plumbing and maybe a light or two.”

  “What about Naomi?” Even though he was joking, it didn’t feel right to picture a pretend world that didn’t include her.

  “She hasn’t discovered video games yet. We’re good.”

  I laughed again, and it felt so good. “I think we could wait on the cabin, but I wouldn’t mind another walk in the park.”

  “Do you like camping?”

  “I’ve never been.” That was something my brother and dad did together. My mom and I never went with them.

  He sat up. “You’ve never been camping?”

  I shook my head.

  “That settles it. We’re going.”

  “When?”

  “What’s your work schedule?”

  “It can’t be too many hours, and my guess is it’s flexible. I’m convinced Clay is giving me a pity job.”

  “Does that matter? If you can help him out and earn the money then both of you win.”

  “True.”

  “We’ll find a time.”

  “Your couch is comfortable.” I touched the leather cushion beneath us.

  “It is, but I think it’s more about the company than the furniture.”

  “I agree.”

  He pulled our hands to his chest. “I wish I knew more about you.”

  “Like what?”

  “How your brain works.”

  “Uh, way to narrow it down.”

  “Are your dreams realistic?” He ran his lips down my neck.

  “Very. I can never tell that they’re actually dreams until I wake up.”

  “Do you have nightmares a lot?”

  “When I’m stressed.” I’d had tons of them over the past year.

  “So all the time then?”

  I pushed his arm. “A lot.”

  “Are they in color?”

  “Yeah… just like real life.”

  “Do you get nightmares from scary movies?”

  “Yes, but I still watch them.” They were the safe way to experience fear.

  “So you have a vivid imagination.”

  “You wouldn’t be the first to say that.”

  “I have one too.”

  “I’m not surprised.” He was creative. He had that way about him.

  “Sometimes I see one thing, and I start to build a whole world of ideas around it.”

  “Maybe you were meant to be a writer.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I worry. I see something, and I think about everything that will happen before it reaches its end.”

  “And on that upbeat note…”

  “You wanted honesty. You’re getting honesty.”

  “Then I’ll lighten my questions.” He shifted. “What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”

  “Broke into the abandoned Kings Park Psych center at night.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You?”

  “It was durin
g my rebel stage in high school.”

  “Ok.” He leaned up on an elbow. “What did you do when you broke in?”

  “Nothing. I spent the whole time worried we’d get busted or attacked by some ghosts.”

  He rolled his eyes. “What a waste.”

  “What about you? What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”

  “Marriage.”

  “Be real.”

  “I am. I got married to a woman I’d only known six months.”

  “Wait, seriously?” I leaned up slightly.

  “Completely.”

  “What made you do it so quickly?”

  “I knew she was the right one. I didn’t see any reason to wait.”

  “And was she?”

  “Are you asking whether I had a happy marriage?”

  “Kind of.” It was a personal question, but we were lying together naked after sex. How much more personal could you get?

  “I loved her more the day she died than I did the day I married her. She was an incredible woman and an incredible mother. We fought sometimes, but then again everyone does.”

  “If this is too hard for you to talk about we don’t have to.”

  “I never talk about it, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t.”

  “But it might be weird now.” I glanced down at the blanket that was the only thing covering our naked bodies.

  “I’m glad you’re not saying anything about her being happy I’d moved on.”

  “I wouldn’t know whether she was or not.”

  “At some point she would be, but not at first. If she still had consciousness she’d want me to suffer for a while first.”

  “I thought she was an incredible woman.”

  “She was, but that doesn’t mean she was a saint.”

  “I’d probably be the same way. No one wants to feel like they’ve been replaced.” Then I realized how callous my words sounded. “Not that I’m replacing her, but—”

  “You said nothing wrong.”

  “What I meant is that no one wants to feel like they are replaceable—that life could move on without them.” A warm tear spilled down my face.

  “You’re crying.” He wiped away the tear.

  “Sorry. I’m not the one who should be.”

  “I’ve cried enough over it to last a lifetime. You feel emotion, that’s not something to be embarrassed of.”

  “Do you ever miss being young enough to do something crazy?”

  “You’re never too old to do something crazy.”

  “Want to climb on the roof?”

  He smiled. “Aren’t you the one who didn’t want to move?”

  “Yeah, but now I’m wide awake.”

  “Sure. Why not? That’s not crazy, but it’s risky, which counts for something.”

  I detangled myself from Leo’s arms. He watched as I got dressed. “Aren’t you getting dressed too?”

  “When I’m done watching you.”

  “You sound like a creeper.”

  “What happened to you being an equal-opportunity ogler?”

  “I did say that.” I zipped up my sweatshirt.

  He got off the couch and jumped into his underwear.

  “Aren’t you going to put on more clothes?”

  “You think I have to?” He teased.

  “Yes. I said crazy, not get arrested worthy.”

  He laughed. “All right.” He put on a pair of jeans and walked over to the largest window. “I think this is the easiest way out.” He opened it.

  “Looks good to me.” I went first. It had been my idea after all. I carefully walked up the pitched roof. It was higher than I expected.

  “You okay?” He called out.

  “Yup. Come join me.”

  He met me on top of the roof a moment later.

  I settled down. “It’s a nice night.”

  “It is.” He took my hand as he settled down beside me.

  “Maybe if we stay out here long enough we’ll see the sunrise.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’m glad I came over tonight.”

  “Me too. I was afraid I’d scared you away.”

  “No. I can’t stay away from you.” I looked out at the dark night.

  “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

  “Me either.” I leaned my head on his shoulder.

  He put an arm around me. “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

  “I’ll learn some patience.”

  He laughed. “Good.”

  We remained in the same position until the sun made its way up in the sky.

  “We’ve seen the sunset and the sunrise together.” I smiled.

  “We have. Now comes the hard part.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Spending more time in between them together.”

  “You’re weird.”

  “And you love that about me.” He kissed me lightly, and the morning got even better.

  Seventeen

  I pulled into my parking spot behind the shop as inconspicuously as possible. I knew Clay wouldn’t care that I’d slept somewhere else, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t tease me.

  I darted out of the car toward the back stairs that led to my apartment.

  “Good morning, Cassidy.”

  I reluctantly turned to find Clay and a guy I didn’t recognize standing there. “Morning.”

  “Have a nice night?”

  “Yes.” No reason to deny it.

  “You going to work today?”

  “Yes. It’s before nine.” It was actually eight fifteen. I had plenty of time. You can get a lot done when you’re up with the sunrise. The reason I was getting back so late was that I’d found other more enjoyable things to do over at Leo’s.

  “Who is he?”

  I glanced at the other guy. Did Clay actually expect me to talk about this stuff in front of someone I didn’t know?

  “Don’t worry, Kenny could care less about your sex life.”

  “So should you.” I turned and headed up the stairs.

  “Come on. I’m like another brother to you. I should know.”

  “Nile doesn’t know either!” I yelled back.

  “I’ll find out.”

  I closed the door, cutting off any chance for him to continue arguing. After a quick shower, I made my way back downstairs.

  Clay was still at the shop, which was my hope. I needed to figure out exactly what he wanted me to do.

  “Just because you’re properly dressed doesn’t mean I’m going to drop my questions.”

  “It doesn’t matter who it is.” I made my way into his office. It was still neat and orderly. Either he hadn’t been in it since I was, or he was being careful.

  “Yes it does.” He followed behind.

  “Why?” I crossed my arms.

  “Because it tells me whether this is a rebound or not.”

  “How would a name tell you that, and why would it matter?”

  “Just tell me.”

  I crossed my arms. “You don’t know him.”

  “How do you know?”

  “He’s not from here. He’s not part of your scene.”

  “How would you know? How did you meet him?”

  “He works nearby.”

  “Where?” He leaned a hand on the door frame.

  “Mr. Cheapos.”

  “Ok. I’ll ignore the fact that you’re hanging out in a used record store.”

  “You don’t know him.”

  He slipped past me into the office. “My office looks nice.”

  “Didn’t know you were hiring a maid, huh?”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m not the one who said you had to clean.”

  “I needed to organize. Next I need to go through your records. I can probably have things cleaned up in a few days.”

  “No rush.”

  “I appreciate this.”

  “I’d have given you the apartment for free, but I knew you’d have never agreed.�
� He grinned, and I knew he meant it. Clay had a soft spot for me. His teasing was more for show than anything.

  “Wait. I need passwords for your computer and stuff.”

  “Passwords?” His forehead burrowed.

  “You’re impossible.”

  “Have fun.” He winked and walked off.

  I spent the morning working my way through Clay’s attempt at records. They weren’t as bad as I’d originally feared, but in a few hours I found half a dozen unpaid invoices. I could help him initially, but he was going to have to hire a bookkeeper.

  The shop was quiet. Clay was out on a job, and everyone was with him. Despite the monotonous nature of the work, I enjoyed it.

  My phone rang. As soon as I saw Leo’s name cross the screen, I picked up. “Hey.”

  “I’m guessing you didn’t send the crazy guy to check on me?”

  “Uh, what?”

  “Clay stopped by the store this morning.”

  I groaned. “I am so sorry about that. I didn’t even tell him your name.”

  “No, you didn’t. He walked over and said, ‘ok, you look like Cassidy’s type. Are you the one she’s sleeping with?’”

  “He didn’t.”

  “Oh, he did.”

  “Was there anyone else around?”

  “Bob was in the back and cracked up.”

  “What did you say?” I pressed the phone tightly against my ear.

  “I told him I don’t kiss and tell. At first I thought it was your ex or something, but then he explained himself.”

  “I’m sorry about that…”

  “It made for an eventful morning.”

  “I bet.”

  “It also means you have company for tonight.”

  “What’s tonight?”

  He made a clicking sound with his tongue. “I thought you might say that.”

  “Uh oh.” What else had Clay done?

  “He claimed you were going to his party, and he wanted to personally invite me because you wouldn’t have done it yourself.”

  “I had no clue he was having a party.”

  “I assumed as much.”

  “But you said you’d go?”

  “Of course. I want to meet your friends. It should be interesting.”

  “He’s not my friend. He’s my brother’s friend, so I may not know anyone.”

  “Good thing I’ll be with you then.”

  “You really want to go?”

  “I gave my word.”

  “You and your word.” I didn’t actually mind going, but I couldn’t believe Clay had gone around me to make sure I showed up.