Wake up, girl!

by Niharika Jindal

  Thank God she didn’t know that ‘this boy’ and I were living together.

  ‘Do you know how different Punjabis are from us? You have been brought up in such a protected environment that you don’t know the real world! Their culture is nothing like ours!’

  I wanted to cry.

  ‘You better have broken up with this boy by the next time we talk. Or else, it’ll be your father on the line the next time.’ Mom hung up before waiting for me to say anything.

  I took a huge breath. My mind couldn’t think.

  I heard some movement behind me and turned.

  Ayaan was standing at the door.

  Ayaan. He’d come home early.

  Holy shit.

  ‘I thought I would come home early and give you a surprise. Little did I know that I would be the one getting surprised.’

  His face was expressionless and his voice had a hard edge to it.

  He had obviously heard the entire conversation. Mom had been shouting over the phone. I’d been so engrossed in the phone conversation that I hadn’t heard him come in.

  ‘Ayaan, let me explain…’

  ‘There is nothing to explain. Your mother isn’t wrong, Naina. She didn’t say anything she doesn’t believe in.’

  The fact he was speaking in such a calm and collected manner was scarier than the actual words coming out of his mouth.

  ‘We can choose to ignore her words by saying that we’re too young, and that it’s too soon to think about these things. It’s partly my fault that I never asked you much about your family and their thoughts on us. Besides, you’re a fucking liar! You’ve been lying to me all these years. You told me your parents knew we’re in a relationship. Were you that ashamed of me that I wasn’t even worth a mention? I would like to think that the last two and half years held some significance for you, but I guess I was mistaken. How long would you have continued to keep them in the dark, Naina? If not now, this would have happened sooner or later.’

  I remained silent. I didn’t know what to say.

  ‘Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that she found out right now. Otherwise, the both of us would have continued to play house in a fool’s paradise. In which there is no future, Naina. It’s easier to detach ourselves now before we get in too deep. I don’t know about you, but I’m afraid I’m already in too deep. Your mother is right.’

  Wait, what? Detach?

  ‘Ayaan, please don’t say that. Please don’t agree with her. I’ll explain it to them…’

  ‘Explain what? You’re the biggest pushover I know, Naina. You didn’t want to major in Economics, but you did so because your parents wanted you to. Moreover, you didn’t even want to come to the US to study, but again, you did so because you were told to. Pushover is the wrong word – you’re a coward. A spineless coward. You need someone else to call the shots for you. You can’t stand up for yourself.’

  I was speechless. His words hit me like a slap across the face.

  ‘Ayaan, please. I love you. Listen to me. It doesn’t have to end like this. I love you. I will change. I’ll fight for us. I’ll fight for you. I will stand up to them. Please give me a chance, Ayaan.’

  ‘ “I love you” isn’t good enough, Naina. You are powerless when it comes to them. Even if you explain your feelings, it’s true what she said. I cannot give you the life that you’re used to. At least not now, anyway. Besides, there is no guarantee that I’ll ever be so successful. And I doubt if you and your family will wait around to take that chance.’ Ayaan gave a short humourless laugh. ‘You know what’s worse than how insulting your mother’s words actually were? The fact that they were entirely true. But you know what they say. The truth is bitter. I am bitter. I don’t ever want to be associated with you or your family. Just because your family is rich doesn’t give them the right to degrade the rest of us, normal souls. My parents have given me much more than any wants or demands I had throughout my childhood, and your mother has no right to talk about what they do for a living in a derogatory manner. Your father’s a self-made entrepreneur, right? Ask him one day. Did he automatically have hundreds of crores lying around? Or did he have to work in order to establish himself to give you luxuries that are so important to you? Do you honestly think money is everything? Is there nothing else? We are from very different worlds, Naina. I think we were blinded by love until now to not see how different our worlds actually are. And hey, please don’t worry about me – I’m a guy, right? I’ll get over you fast enough. Worry about yourself and your future.’

  Tears were streaming down my face.

  I grabbed his arm and tried to stop him from leaving.

  I sobbed, ‘Ayaan, please, please, give me another chance. I love you. This can’t be the end, Ayaan…’

  Ayaan pulled his arm away from my grasp and said in a low tone, ‘Fuck you.’

  He shut the door behind him with a loud bang.

  I ran after him. This could not be happening. How did it reach this point?

  I caught up with Ayaan outside the apartment building where he was waiting for a taxi. His face still had the stonecold hard expression on it.

  All I could do was sob. I lay my head on his shoulder. He just stood there for a couple of seconds, not pushing me away.

  After what felt like an eternity, Ayaan said, ‘We’re both hurting, Naina. You may not see it now, but it’s a good thing this happened. I do not doubt your love for me – but love isn’t enough after a point. Both of us would have regretted this moment a lot more if it would have taken place a couple of more years from now. The last two years were the best years of my life.’

  He gently pushed me away as the taxi pulled up to the curb. ‘I wish you all the luck in the world, Naina. Goodbye.’

  He left.

  In fifteen minutes, my life had gone from being heavenly to hellish.

  Chapter 12

  Present day

  I woke up with a start.

  Avishi was fast asleep next to me, her breathing deep and slow. I checked my phone and saw it was 3 am.

  It had taken me a while to fall asleep, considering my thoughts before going to bed.

  My phone had missed calls from Mom, Yohaan, my cousin Neesa, and a text message from Sunaina. Sunaina had moved back home to Mumbai post-college. Her message said: Very tipsy. Missing u & college.

  Me: Me too. Come to Delhi

  Sunaina: Why you there?

  Me: Cousin’s wedding

  Sunaina: Find a cute guy

  Me: No thanks, Sunaina.

  I didn’t need more boy drama right now. It had taken me a while to come to terms with my break-up with Ayaan. While I knew what had happened was for the best, it was just unfortunate the way it had played out.

  A month after we broke up, Sunaina told me that Ayaan had transferred to the New York office of BCG. Apparently, he’d had an offer from them to work from there, but he hadn’t taken it because of me. The New York transfer had been a great opportunity for him, work-wise.

  We had spoken since the break-up, of course, but our conversations had been incredibly formal and cordial. I was just relieved that at least we were on speaking terms, if not friendly.

  I decided to go for a hot shower to clear my mind, and go back to sleep.

  I needed my rest before everyone arrived tomorrow and the chaos started.

  ….

  The first event of the wedding programme was the youngsters’ cocktail party. No one above age thirty was invited to this event.

  The entire day had gone by in a hurry. Meeting all my cousins, aunts, uncles and maternal grandparents had been heartwarming. I hadn’t realized how much I had missed them. That’s the drawback of having family spread all over, I guess. Having everyone in the same city would be so much fun.

  That would mean socializing with them all the time, Naina. Are we forgetting your true nature?

  True that, inner voice. I would balk on ninety per cent of these family gatherings.

  The girl’s side had arranged t
he cocktail at Keya, at one of the malls in Delhi. We were supposed to be at the venue by 9 pm, and it was already 8.30.

  Avishi, Neesa, and I still had to get dressed.

  Twenty-year-old Neesa is between Avishi and me. Throughout my childhood, if I had a person whom I could call my partner-in-crime, it would be Neesa, my Mama’s daughter. We go for months without speaking, but when we do, it’s as if no time has passed in the interim. Neesa and I have another thing in common – we pick on Avishi from time to time, just for fun, whenever our respective mothers comment on how pretty her figure is.

  Throughout our childhood, Neesa and I have been subjected to scrutiny over how much we weigh.

  Our yearly family reunions at my maternal grandparents, house in Mumbai gives my mom and Mami a chance to comment on our bodies.

  ‘Hmm. I thought you both were on a diet! Or have you forgotten that you’re on a diet? I’m a bit confused, seeing you two gobble those samosas!’ Mami will say.

  Neesa and I just look at one another and roll our eyes.

  On this trip, however, Neesa seemed a bit out of sorts. She was currently studying in Warwick University in the UK.

  ‘Neesa, are you okay?’ I inquired, as I stepped out of the shower. Neesa was hanging out in our room, waiting to leave with us.

  ‘Hmm? Yes, I’m fine, Naina didi. Just tired,’ Neesa replied. She seemed lost in her thoughts.

  I decided not to press her now, but to ask again later after she had had a few drinks. Alcohol had a funny way of loosening the tongue.

  ‘So, how formal do we have to be?’ I said, holding up a navy-blue dress.

  ‘That’s nice, but you may need to accessorize it a bit.’ Avishi said, and Neesa nodded in agreement.

  ‘Will this do?’ I held up the Chanel clutch that I’d received as a graduation present from my parents.

  ‘Yes, perfect,’ Neesa said distractedly. ‘Let’s go and get drunk already.’

  …

  Keya was a new hotspot that had recently opened in Delhi. The interiors were pretty amazing compared to the bars in Indore.

  There were over a hundred people floating around the nightclub by the time we arrived. I felt tired already thinking of the night ahead.

  We arrived at a good time, though, because we were able to witness a particularly sweet moment. Making our way through a huge crowd gathered in the centre of the club, we reached just in time to see the groom propose to his bride. She obviously accepted. A bit too late to say ‘no’ now.

  I looked around and saw a table where most of my cousins were seated. I motioned for Avishi and Neesa to follow me.

  ‘Guys, we’re about to start a game of “Never have I ever”. Everyone knows what that is?’ Dhruv, my cousin-maasi’s son, asked.

  I started to slip away silently. I did not want to play this dangerous game.

  ‘Hold on, Naina! You’re not allowed to leave,’ yelled out Dhruv.

  Shit. I really didn’t want to answer intrusive questions and expose my secrets to a bunch of alcohol-addled cousins.

  Avishi and Neesa sat down next to me.

  Dhruv started explaining the rules of the game. ‘It’s quite easy, guys. The first player will start a sentence with “Never ever have I” followed by something he or she hasn’t done. Of the remaining players, the one who has done that thing will take a Jager shot. Whoever hasn’t done the thing, doesn’t drink. For example, if I were starting the game, I would say: “Never ever have I worn a bra!” The girls sitting here, sorry sisters, will obviously have to take a Jager shot. Clear everyone? Okay, let’s begin. But, please, be honest. It’s no fun otherwise.’

  Everyone snickered and nodded in agreement. The game was a good way of uncovering everyone’s hidden skeletons.

  A distant cousin, whose name I can’t recollect, started. ‘Never have I ever invited someone over to the house purely to have sex!’

  Whoa. Bold one.

  Everyone looked around uncertainly at each other, and then a few brave souls took their Jager shot.

  We moved on to the next person.

  ‘Never have I ever rolled a joint!’ Done.

  ‘Never have I ever been in love!’ Done.

  ‘Never have I ever had my heart broken!’ Done.

  I was already buzzed. Sitting next to me, I saw Neesa take a shot at the last statement. I knew she was dating someone in Warwick. I forget his name. Had they broken up? Is that why she’s so upset and distant?

  ‘Never have I ever vomited at a party because I drank too much!’ Done.

  I was very tipsy.

  Finally it was my turn to say something. I thought about it for a second.

  ‘Never have I ever…liked playing drinking games.’

  There was a chorus of boos from around the room.

  You party-pooper, Naina!

  I thought it would be funny! Guess not.

  Suddenly, I heard Neesa sniffle. Oh no, she can’t break down in front of everyone. Every single person in the family would want to know why and pry into the matter.

  ‘Neesa, get up. C’mon, let’s go talk elsewhere. Avishi, you wait here. We’ll be back.’ I led Neesa away from the noise to the entrance of the club.

  Neesa burst into tears when we reached the entrance. I waited till she was ready to speak.

  ‘What’s wrong, Neesa?’ I asked. The Jager was making my head spin.

  ‘Naina didi, you know I’ve been dating Siddharth, right?’ She sniffled.

  ‘Hmmm, yes. Did he do something? I’ll kill him!’

  If some stupid boy had broken my sister’s heart, I would at least give him a slap.

  ‘No, he didn’t do anything. Recently, we’ve been fighting a lot. Ever since we got back to Mumbai for the summer, things have just been horrible. Like, for instance, the time we were going to a friend’s place together.’

  Neesa had stopped crying and continued narrating the incident animatedly. ‘So, I asked the chauffeur to pass me some Polo from the glove box. Ever since I’ve known him, Sid’s chauffeur has always kept either gum or Polo in the glove box.

  ‘Tell me, didi, did I do anything wrong? Apparently. Sid lost his shit. He yelled at me for asking the driver to pass me the mint when I could just take it myself! I was absolutely dumbfounded by his outburst. Before I knew it, we were in a massive fight, raking up petty issues we had disagreed on in the past and had, I thought, resolved then. Anyway, Sid opened the car window and threw all the Polo out!’

  I was silent for a second. Then I burst out laughing.

  ‘Neesa, that’s the most hilarious thing I’ve heard in a long time. Is it the reason why you’re upset?’

  ‘No, didi! This episode was just a symptom of something bigger, I guess. Both of us love each other,’ Neesa was crying again. ‘And I thought he had told his parents about us, but I found out that he hasn’t. His mother discovered that we’re dating, and she went all ballistic and told him to break up with me!

  ‘Am I not good enough, didi? Sid says he doesn’t care about what his mother says, but I know he always listens to his parents. I’m so scared he’ll break up with me! I don’t know what I’ll do if that happens. I love him so much!’

  I felt enraged on Neesa’s behalf. Why do parents have to ruin everything? Why can’t they consider their child’s happiness?

  I don’t know if it was the alcohol or just the overall situation, but I started to cry along with Neesa.

  Get a handle on yourself, Naina! You’re supposed to console her, not the other way around!

  I heard the door open and Dhruv entered. ‘What are you girls doing here? You’re spoiling the mood of the party! Come back!’

  As if on cue, Neesa and I both shouted, ‘Get lost, Dhruv!’

  He shook his head and went back in. I’d always found him extremely intrusive and annoying throughout my childhood.

  I quickly composed myself. I felt a wave of wisdom wash over me.

  ‘Neesa, love is an illusion. Sid does love you – don’t doubt that. But t
here are bigger elements in play in life. Even if he breaks up with you, life will go on. You’ll find someone else. You’re such an amazing and sweet person, anyone would want to be with you. It’s Sid’s loss if he lets you go. Even if he does, it’s okay. It just wasn’t meant to be. You know what I’ve realized? We’re just pawns in a much bigger game. Some things are just not in our control. Let go of them,’ I said.

  I think I was slurring slightly.

  Wow, Naina baba.

  I checked my phone. No messages or calls.

  I felt incredibly lonely.

  ‘Didi, when did you become so wise, huh?’ Neesa asked. She was looking at me in awe. ‘Yup, I’ll try to pull myself together. Talking to you has really helped. Please don’t get married and go away!’ Neesa hugged me.

  What?

  ‘Married? I’m not getting married, Neesa! Why would you say such a thing?’ I asked. My voice seemed on the verge of hysteria.

  ‘Oh, the adults keep discussing it. No other reason.’

  ‘Neesa, marriage is so permanent. It’s like a tattoo. Right? Can you see me with a tattoo?’

  Neesa shook her head to say no.

  ‘I can’t, either! Come, I think we need another Jager shot.’

  The rest of the night went by in a blur.

  I remember going up to people I didn’t even know and saying tearfully, ‘Love is an illusion! Save yourselves!’

  The last memory I have is of shouting at a random guy trying to talk to Avishi, and channeling my inner Bhagat Singh. ‘Get away from my sister, you snake!’ I screamed at the boy in a murderous rage.

  And then it was lights out for Naina.

  …

  Someone was shaking me awake. Go away, please. Please, whoever you are, let me sleep. I said mentally. My mouth tasted like sandpaper. I vowed to never to drink again.

  ‘Naina didi, wake up!’

  I turned my face the other way and pulled a pillow over my head.

  Whoever it was definitely didn’t have much empathy for my hungover state. They pulled the curtains aside to reveal a bright, sunny day.

  I groaned and peered through half-open eyes. It was Yohaan. He looked worried. For a fifteen-year-old, Yohaan has always been very mature for his age. Sometimes, I’ve even felt that his maturity level was higher than mine.